


When We Meet Again

by Lexkru



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Allie - Freeform, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Clexa babies, Death, Domestic Clexa, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, F/M, Family, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, G!p Lexa, Heda Lexa (The 100), Intersex Lexa (The 100), Kids, Lexa Has a Penis (The 100), POV Clarke Griffin, POV Lexa (The 100), Reign kom Trikru en Skaikru, Rewrite, Smut, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa, The Conclave, Time Jump, Wars, Wedding, clexa baby, flame, mentions of Costia - Freeform, the100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 146,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexkru/pseuds/Lexkru
Summary: Clarke is leaving Polis after the blockade has been enforced but will she tell Lexa how she feels before she does?orClexa trying to survive their duties and be a little selfish and have a really adorable baby!
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Raven Reyes/Other(s)
Comments: 100
Kudos: 361





	1. Kill Order

**Author's Note:**

> HIIII! SO THIS IS A STORY I HAVE ON FANFICTION.NET. IVE CHOSEN TO REWRITE IT AN EDIT IT.THINGS WILL BE CHANGED AND THE STORY WILL BE BETTER! PLEASE REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. MORE CHAPTERS COMING SOON

_**LEXA** _

'She's going to leave. I was fooling myself to think she would stay here with me forever. How can I find the strength to say goodbye when i've just got her back. My love for her has given me a whole new meaning of what living is truly about. This kill order was to protect her people, but I also must think about my people too. I want to protect her, but I can only do that if she chooses to stay with me. How can I expect her to just leave her people, she's not that selfish. She will leave with Octavia because it's the right thing to do but before she leaves, I must tell her how I feel. I must tell her right now.' Lexa thought as she quickly unbraided her hair throwing over one shoulder. 

Lexa leaves her washroom quickly when she finds Clarke at the door waiting for her, by the look on her face she can tell she’s not staying.

“When do you leave? “Lexa said in a heartbroken voice. 

“Now” Clarke responds looking lexa in the eyes and moving closer.

“I'm sorry- “ lexa interrupts before she could finish.

“Don't be you have to go back they’re your people... that's why I”- lexa hesitates, “It’s why I loved having you here. “

“Maybe there’s a world where it might be possible for me to come back.” Clarke smiled slightly.

“I hope so.” Lexa smiled before grabbing the blonde’s hand. She held on longer than she should’ve, but she couldn’t let go not if she was meant to be leaving for good.

“I care about you Lexa, more than I probably should.” Blue searched green as she tried to find the strength to let go her hand. "And i really wish things could be different."

Without another thought Clarke pulled Lexa into a long and passionate kiss that takes them both into an emotional break down. As they continue to kiss tears stream down both of their faces. Clarke sits lexa on the bed and they remove each other’s clothes embracing each their naked bodies, Clarke was surprised to see Lexa’s extra body part getting hard under her. She had heard rumors from the locals in Polis about Lexa having a penis but until now she hadn’t known it to be true. As they made love every problem, everything that's ever stopped them from being together just faded away and the world seemed perfect. 

“Please stay here with me” Lexa pleads as her and Clarke lay in bed trying to wrap their heads around what just happened. 

“What about my people Lexa, and Octavia, I don't want them to think I'm just abandoning them."

“What if you can do more for them by staying here with me. I'm sure there is something that needs to be done here, I need you Clarke I can't lose you again, and I don't know what will happen to you once you leave.”

"I’m sorry Lexa,” Clarke says with tears in her eyes. “I have to go but I swear to you that I will be back I don't care what it takes once my people are safe and Pike is dead I will come back to you.”

“How will I know that you'll be safe? I can't just wonder if your still alive. That will kill me. I'll send my most trusted men with you and they will report back to me what's going on and most importantly they will keep you safe.”

“Lexa I can't ask you to choose me over your people— “lexa interrupts her with a soft kiss. 

“You are my people, I told you Clarke I would treat your problems as my own. That’s exactly what I plan to do.” Lexa sighed. “If you’re going to make it before dawn you need to meet Octavia now, I’ll see you soon and, I promise you things will be simpler." With that they pull each other into a long passionate kiss that felt like it lasted forever.

“Xander, Alec you will go with Clarke and protect her, every two nights one of you will send a message back to polis on what's going on with the blockade and the progress of removing Pike. If anyone tries to hurt her, they will pay with their lives. You have your orders now find Octavia of the Skai people and take her and Clarke where they are safe around the blockade.” Xander and Alec nod as they turn their backs to leave. Clarke turns to lexa and kisses her one last time. 

“May we meet again” Clarke says as she hugs lexa. 

"We will Skai girl, I’ll make sure of it”.” she says with a smile and Clarke leaves.

* * *

  
_ **CLARKE** _

  
“Octavia,” Clarke called as she saw her waiting by the woods. Octavia turns with a small smile on her face

“I knew you would do the right thing.” she says as she embraces Clarke in a hug. “Who are they?” Octavia says referring to Xander and Alec. 

“Lexa sent them with us, they are going to protect us and report to her the progress of the blockade.”

“You love her, don't you?” Clarke looks at Octavia then looks down and smiles.

“Yeah I really do, and I hope we can make it from this so I can tell her, and I know you hate her for Mount Weather and TonDC but – “

“Your right I do hate her for those things,” Octavia interrupted “but I also know what it’s like to love Clarke and I'm not judging you. But I just need to know that when we get to arkadia that your feelings wont cloud your judgement because I need you. We all need you.”

“Okay, so what's the plan when we get there, I mean how are we supposed to take out Pike, it seems like everyone's on his side besides My mom, Kane and Lincoln. We need to speak to Kane and come up with some sort of plan, we can’t just kill pike in Arkadia without any retaliation.”

“We don’t have a plan, this whole thing as been very act as you go.” 

“Ok, I think I have a plan, but Octavia I'm not even sure if it’s even going to be an option.”

“Clarke just tell me the plan; I'm fighting this war with you ill fight my own brother if I have to, but we need to work together.”

“Okay when we get to the entrance that Kane let you out, we get to pikes room. Most likely all his followers and Bellamy will be by his side. We take them out – “ 

“What about Bellemy,” Octavia asked interrupting Clarke. “You can’t expect me to seriously hurt my brother...”

After a long pause Clarke finally responds “of course I don't Octavia but if he doesn't decide to join us then you better be ready to fight like you promised cause we both know Bellamy if he fights we just have to fight back harder.”

“Okay so we get to the chancellor’s room then what?” 

“Back when my mom was chancellor me and Bellamy initiated a plan to get Finn out of the camp away from the grounders, so we had Raven find a way make some sort of exit through the floor. The only problem was the exit is right below the guard shack so if we use that way we can travel undetected but our exit will be a fight.

“So, we travel under the floor. Story of my life.” Octavia smiled slightly.

“We have to find some way to distract the guards so we can get him out. Once we do that, we get him to Polis and our job is done. Kane will take his rightful place as chancellor and we become the 13th clan and everyone will be safe.”

“And what about farm station, you think there just going to go along with all of this?” Octavia asks Clarke.

“They can join or leave there is no third option. We have to start being hostile. We’re going to war with our own people, they need to see that they are the bad guys. We can finally have peace but it’s all riding on this plan. Contact Kane and let him know we will be at arkadia soon, tell him the plan. Make sure he meets us at the door in 3 hours, we can’t mess this up O, this has to work.”


	2. I thought you should know

_Dear lexa,_   
_I miss you so much. So, when Xander leaves to report back to you I’m sending him with this because there’s something I have to say just in case this plan takes a left turn. I tried so hard to fight my feelings for you but I’m now realizing that it is more than impossible to do. You are extraordinary and I really do I hope I get to see a day where neither of us owe anything to our people because we deserve it. I love you so much and I really hope this plan works so I can tell you that to your face. So, until we meet again, just know I’m always thinking of you. And if something happens to me, I’m sorry I didn’t make it back to you. - Clarke_

As Clarke finished her letter, she kissed the faded paper that she took from one of the books in Polis and handed it to Xander to take with him. She knew she shouldn’t write like she wouldn’t see Lexa again but then again; she wasn’t a hundred percent sure this plan would go well. 

“You ready to go, Kane’s waiting.” She heard Octavia say as she wiped the tears from her face. 

“Yeah, ready.” she forces herself to say as she tries to rush past Octavia. 

“Clarke.” Octavia says grabbing her hand. “This is going to work even if it doesn’t go as planned it’s still happening Pike dies today, and this war will end.”

Clarke just nods her head and they both start walking towards arkadia as they see Kane waiting for them near the hole in the gate. 

“Are you ready for this?” Kane says confidently. “I have Miller and Harper causing a distraction in the mess hall. Thanks to Jasper and Raven they found a way to cause some sort of mild explosion in opposite direction of the Chancellors headquarters. Pike and Bellemy are in there right now and the rest of farm station is on guard also we cut the walkie-talkies thanks to Monty, so they won’t even know what happening.”

“Sounds good.” Clarke and Octavia agreed. 

“Let’s get started."

* * *

  
** _LEXA_ **

“Heda you need to reconsider this blockade, Skai kru will never abide by your laws.” Titus said to Lexa as she sat on her throne with her mask that she knew she had to wear when she was being the commander.

“Are you questioning your commander Titus cause I’m more than capable of deciding what’s best for them.” Lexa said as she stood over Titus, she was not in the mood for this.

“No Heda I would never doubt your capability as our leader, but the decision you are making will make people doubt you.”

“Titus don’t speak to me as If I don’t know that this is truly about Clarke. I am not doing this just for her I’m doing this for peace, all of our people deserve that. So, either you except my choices or you pay with your life and that goes for everyone.” With that a knock on the door stopped Titus from responding. 

“Enter.” lexa yelled, Xander entered the room and bowed before lexa.

“Titus leave us, this is not of your concern.” Titus left and Lexa’s attention quickly went to her guard. “What’s happening in arkadia, I wasn’t expecting you so soon, is Clarke alright?”

“She’s fine.” Xander replied. “She’s asked to give this.” he says handing Lexa the letter Clarke wrote for her. Lexa let off a small smile but quickly fixed it. 

“Thank you Xander, are they closer to taking out Pike?”

“Yes.” Xander replies. “They should be at arkadia now going taking out their leaders. Clarke came up with the plan herself she’s something else.” Lexa smiles slightly as she hears those words because she knew Clarke has always been special. 

“You should return and wait for them when they return with pike and make sure he gets here alive.” Xander leaves and lexa opens the letter. 

As she reads the words her body tenses when she sees that this isn’t a check in letter it’s a goodbye letter just in case she dies. She knew Clarke was strong and could handle herself but if she’s not confident in her own plan then there’s a high possibility it could go awfully bad. Lexa knew she couldn’t leave Polis with all the ambassadors here, but she also couldn’t leave Clarke without help. This is the choice she was afraid she would have to make, choosing her people over Clarke or vice versa, she couldn’t do that she just had to have faith in this plan. Faith that it would work and that she would see Clarke soon to tell her she loves her too.

* * *

_**CLARKE** _

After climbing through the walls to get into arkadia they finally made it inside. 

“Okay so when we get to the room Kane will shock lash Pike knocking him out and bell to, when guards come looking for him, we’ll be long gone into the tunnels. The explosion should give us some time to get out without a fight. When that happens we get out of there get through the wall and into the forest where Alec will be waiting for us. Any questions?” Clarkes says. Kane and Octavia just shake their heads no and start walking towards the door when they hear this loud boom sound. About a dozen guards start rushing towards the noise and Kane enters the chancellor’s room with Clarke and Octavia behind him. 

When they enter Bellamy and Pike turn to them with confused faces.

“O what are you doing? And Clarke?” Bellemy says confused as ever. 

“Bellemy listen to me you need to choose your side right now because I am getting pike to polis with or without your help.” Clarke says pointing a gun towards Pike.

“Polis?” he asked. 

“Well there’s thousands of angry grounders waiting to see to Pike die and i think we all want to get this over with as soon as possible.” Octavia says plainly. Before anyone could say anything Pike rushes towards Octavia grabbing her quickly putting the gun to her head. 

“Everyone put the guns down or I kill her.” Pike yells to them.

"What the hell are you doing?” Bellemy says to Pike going to raise his gun. 

“Bellemy your sisters made her choice now you make yours join me or die with them.”

“Bellemy? Clarke says questioning him, not knowing what choice he’ll make. 

Without saying a word Bellemy puts his gun down and stands beside Pike letting everyone know his choice. 

“Bel?” Octavia cried. “Please make the better choice.”

“I am.” he says in response and quickly grabs the shock lash out of his pocket and hitting Pike with it enough to knock him out and he falls to the floor. 

“Thank god” Kane says as they all sigh in relief. Octavia rushes to hug Bellemy and Clarke just gives him a small smile before interrupting them. 

“We really need to get him out of here, the guards will probably be here soon when they notice he’s not at the explosion.” They all nod and Bellemy and Kane grab pike and walk out the door and towards the exit when they here hard boots pounding on the metal floors. They open the exit and all climb through as they got to shut it a guard blocks the door and pulls Clarke out. 

He starts hitting Clarke and aims his gun at her but before he could shoot a bullet pierced his chest and he feel to the floor. When Clarke turned around, she saw Bellemy holding the gun and he pulls her in. When they get to the woods, they see Alec there waiting with a wagon to put pike in. 

As they tie his legs and arms down Pike starts to wake up and Octavia just lashes him again and no one questions it. It takes a couple of hours to get to polis, but no one wanted to take a break and rest they just wanted to get there so it would all be over. 

* * *

After about 4 hours of on and off walking they finally made it and were greeted by Indra and Titus. 

“Welcome back to Polis Wanheda and Skaikru.” They followed Titus into polis and to the meeting room where the ambassadors and the commander was waiting.

When Clarke enters the room all she noticed was Lexa and she just wants to run into her arms and kiss her but she knows she can’t do that in front of anyone so she just smiles a little and bows to her. 

“Heda we are here to bring you Chancellor Pike, the one who murdered 300 warriors who were meant to be protecting us. Skaikru will see that tri krew have justice with is death.”

“Thank you Wanheda.” Lexa says with her mask on hiding the fact that she just wants to take Clarke to her bedroom and make love to her. “Ambassadors we welcome Skai krew back as the 13th clan they had no control over this leader’s decision but today he will die for his crimes.” With hesitation lexa finally starts chanting “Jus Drein Jus Daun” and sees the excitement in her people face and the confusion in Clarkes.

“Execution day is set for tonight. Blood will have blood.” Lexa says then sits at her throne, listening to the crowd cheer Heda. She loved this feeling, but she also loved knowing that she could finally give the girl she loved what she’s wanted since she landed on earth, Peace.


	3. Peace

While the crowd was cheering, and the ambassadors were distracted Lexa pulled Clarke out of the side door and into a small quiet room with lots of old books and candles everywhere. No words needed to be said they both knew what they wanted so lexa grabbed Clarkes face and pulled her into a soft kiss, much like their first one. “I love you too.” Lexa finally said breaking their kiss. “But that letter-“Clarke interrupted her before she could finish.

“I’m sorry that it worried you but I didn’t tell you that I loved you before I left and I needed you to know just in case I didn’t make it back.”

“Now that this war is over, we don’t have to say goodbye anymore.” Lexa was going in for a kiss when Clarke pulled back. “What is it Clarke?” lexa asked with a worried voice.

“Jus Drein Jus Daun Lexa? I thought you were pasted this.” Clarke said as she was walking to sit in one of the empty chairs.

“My people needed some reassurance, they needed to know that Pike will die for his crimes.” lexa walked to Clarke and grabbed her hand. “I said it because I know that after this we won’t have to say it anymore because there will be peace, everyone deserves it.” Clarke just nodded cause she understands why Lexa does the things she does. 

“Now Clarke of the Skai people after the execution there is to be a festival, I want all of Skaikru there and most importantly you.” lexa blushed as she said the words. 

“If this your way of asking me out on a date then you’re going to have to do better.” Clarke said smirking

“Forgive me, i don’t usually do this thing, Clarke will you let me take you to the festival and properly show you around Polis?” Lexa said confidently

“Of course, commander.” Clarke said as she kissed Lexa’s soft lips. She had never seen this side of Lexa before and she loved it.

When they re-entered the room no had noticed that they were gone except Bellemy. When Clarke seen his face, she walked towards his direction.

“I’m really glad you chose our side Bel.” Clarke said as he was looking at Lexa walking to her throne. 

“What’s that about?” He asks pointing to Lexa.

“What do you mean?” Clarke says not knowing if she should say anything about her and Lexa. 

“You know what I mean Clarke, all of sudden you have secret meetings with her. How can you not hate her she left all of us to die?” Bellemy said in a hatful voice. 

“Listen I don’t expect you to understand but things have changed and I lo-.” she stopped herself before she could finish. “We just understand each bel, I hope you will get that one day. It’s time to move on with our lives. All of us.” Before Bellemy could reply Clarke walked off to talk to Kane and Octavia. 

“The commander has invited us to a feast tonight someone should return to Arkadia and see what’s going on, I’m sure farm station is really happy right now.” Clarke said.

“I’ll go.” Kane volunteered. “I’ll bring Abby and the others back with me.” With that Kane left the room. 

“Do you really just think it’s going to be all peaceful now?” Octavia asks. 

“Let’s hope, we both know grounders aren’t a big fan of nonviolence, but hopefully Pike’s death will be the end to all of this.”

“Everyone Quiet Heda is speaking.” Titus yells over the crowd. 

“Thank you, Titus.” Lexa said nodding her head at him. “Tri Krew and Skai Krew will all come together for a Feast celebrating our newfound peace tonight after the execution. Blood will have Blood then we will have peace, we all deserve it.” Lexa says looking at Clarke. “Everyone is dismissed.” Everyone was exiting the room, but Clarke stayed behind until it was just her and Lexa left. 

“So, after this should I return to Arkadia?” Clarke asked nervously.

“Do you wish to stay here?” Lexa said back. 

“Only if you tell me you want me to stay.” Clarke says getting closer and closer to the commander. Clarke knew showing emotion was hard for lexa, but she needed her to show it. After a long pause Lexa finally responds. 

“Will you please stay here with me?” Her voice shook but she knew that the Skai girl just wanted her to show it, show some sort of emotion.

“Of course, I will commander.” Clarke smiles. 


	4. Jus Drien Jus Daun

By night fall Everything was set up for the execution and the feast. There was a long post in the middle of town that was meant for Pike. When Clarke and the rest of Skai Krew arrived, Lexa greeted them. 

“Hello Commander.” Clarke said with a small smile. 

“Hello Clarke of the Skai people and the rest of Skaikru.” She replied once again with her mask on. “Welcome to Polis, I hope that after this execution the new chancellor and I can discuss the coalition.”

“I’m sure it can be arranged.” Kane said walking from behind Clarke. 

“Very well the execution will begin soon Clarke maybe you would like to enjoy the other ambassadors, I’ll take you to them.” 

“Sure.” Clarke replies and walks with Lexa. 

“So, Clarke there’s a part of this tradition that you might not have been aware of.”

“What is it Lexa?”

“When Pike is put on the tree he is to be cut 39 times-.”

“I know that Lexa.” Clarke said interrupting her.

“Yes, Clarke but the ambassadors each have to do three cuts then I finish it with my sword.”

"It’s not a problem lexa.” Clarke said which surprised Lexa.

“He deserves to die for what for what he’s done to your people.”

“Our people Lexa corrected.” 

“I just want peace lexa.” Clarke said desperately. 

“And I am prepared to give that to you Clarke of the Skai people.” Lexa said giving her a small smile. “The ambassadors are over there; we will meet later at the feast.   
The execution started a few minute later, this hadn’t been the first time Clarke had seen this set up. Immediately it reminded her of Finn. She tried to get the image out of her head, but she couldn’t it was like dejavu and she thought she would never think of the day again because that’s not how she wanted to remember Finn. When she heard Lexa voice it brought her back from her thoughts.

“Today we cleanse the pain of the past and welcome Skai Kru into the coalition. With this man’s death we start new, we learn, and we grow together. Blood will have Blood then we will have peace. Will the first ambassador start.” Lexa said sitting down at her throne. 

Each Clan leader placed three deep cuts on Pikes body while he screamed in pain, it didn’t take long for it to be Clarke’s turn. As she was walking up to Pikes bleeding body, she couldn’t help but once again think of Finn, about how she saved him from this but was now inflicting it on someone else. She picked up the knife and looked pike in his eyes waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t he stayed silent like he had already accepted his fate. Clarke took the knife and scrapped it across his chest watching the blood run down his body and the scream escape his mouth. She hadn’t killed another person since Mount Weather and even though she wasn’t killing Pike she did have a part in his death. After adding two more cuts she dropped he knife and joined the other Leaders while Lexa took her place in front of Pike.

“Pike kum Skaikru your crimes have caused too much disruption and are therefore are punishable by death, any last words?” Lexa asked.

“Not for you.” Pike spat, blood escaping his mouth while he watched the commander pull out her sword. Without hesitation she ran it through his chest watching the life leave his eyes.

“Let the feast begin.” She yelled over the Crowd. 


	5. Terms and Conditions

Clarke was walking around when she felt eyes on her, she knew it was Lexa, but she didn’t want to speak to her right now. She knew it was dumb to be feeling bad for Pike but after all she’s done, she still didn’t know how to handle it. Too many people had died at her hands since she’s landed on earth, she wanted to talk to Lexa about it because she knew she could understand but she didn’t want to talk right now. 

_**LEXA’S**_  
When the celebrations started her eyes wondered for Clarke until she finally spotted her. She didn’t say anything, but she was sure she had seen Lexa as she was walking by. Why is she avoiding me? she thought in her head. She knew she couldn’t be affectionate with Clarke in front of her people but that didn’t mean she couldn’t talk to her. She started to walk towards Clarke when Titus’s voice stopped her. 

“Heda.” he said loudly as if she was far away. 

“Yes, Titus what is it?” she said very annoyed. 

“I’ve talked to Kane the Skai people’s leader, and we’ve arranged a meeting for tomorrow to discuss the terms of the new Coalition and all the ambassadors.

“Very well Titus is that all?” she replied. 

“One last thing Heda.” Titus said nervously. 

“Speak Titus.” 

“Heda please be careful I’m afraid that this alliance with Skai Kru will cost you your life.” When Lexa heard these words, she thought of the same ones Gustus had told her.

“Titus do not question my decisions, I am Heda I know what is right for my people and for me.” Not even giving him a chance to reply Lexa walks away to find Clarke. As she was walking around, she was pleased how everyone was getting along. She’s always loved celebrations like this ever since she was a child her favorite part was the dancing. She noted how differently the Skai people danced and found it amusing. When she finally found Clarke, she was sitting by herself deep in thought just as she was about to walk over to her a hand stopped her when she turned to see that it was Bellemy. 

“Bellemy what can I do for you?” Lexa asked trying to get this conversation over with. 

"The only thing I want from you is to I want you to leave Clarke alone, I don’t know what happened between you two while she was here but she doesn’t need you in her life hurting her anymore.” Lexa realized what this was truly about. She had once had suspicions about Bellemy and Clarke having feelings for each other but now she sees that it was just one sided.

“I think Clarke can make her own decisions of who and shouldn’t be in her life.” Lexa wasn’t about to give him even the slightest opportunity to respond so she just walked away. A part of her knew Bellemy was right. She didn’t want to talk to Clarke, it was obvious she didn’t want to be spoken to, so she walked in the opposite direction away from everyone. 

* * *

  
_**CLARKE**_  
She found a quiet spot under the trees where she could watch the dancing and her friends have a good time. She saw Lexa watching the dancing and smiling and that made her smile. She loved seeing that side of Lexa, the side that’s not being the commander. She felt Lexa looking at her and knew she was going to walk over. Then she saw Bellemy stopped Lexa and he looked upset, she didn’t want to interrupt but she also didn’t want them to argue, but she just watched. She couldn’t hear anything they were saying but she saw Lexa say something to him and walk away angry. She thought Lexa would come over, but she walked in the opposite direction. She got up to go find her to figure out what Bellemy said to make her so mad. 

She searched the woods and even Lexa’s tent and she couldn’t find her anywhere, so she gave up and walked to the river where she saw women’s shadow sitting on the rocks looking at the moon above her. She knew it was Lexa, so she just walked up and sat beside her. When she sat down Lexa didn’t look, she just kept staring at the sky. 

“On the ark I had a better view you know.” Clarke finally said breaking the silence. 

“Do you miss it?” Lexa asked in a small voice. 

“Life was simpler on the Ark but our rules were harsh and every crime was punishable by death except if you were under 18. The only thing I deeply miss is the view and my father.” Clarke hesitated to bring him up. 

“What happened to him?” lexa asked finally looking at Clarke. 

“Well he was an engineer on the ark and he found out that we didn’t have much air left to survive so he tried to tell the citizens but the council wouldn’t let him so he was floated.”

“I thought your mom was on the council?” Lexa asked confusingly.

“She was she told Jaha that he was going to tell everyone, so he floated him.” Clarke had never told someone about this, but it felt easy talking to lexa.

“I’m sorry.” lexa said sincerely. “I know that if he was anything like you then he was a great father.” 

“Yeah he was.” Clarke replied.” There was a long pause until Clarke finally broke it. “What did Bellemy say to you I saw you two talking. “

There was a long pause before Lexa said anything.

“He told me to leave you alone.”

“What? Why?” At this point Clarke was confused.

“We both know why Clarke, he has feelings for you and maybe he is the better option, at least with him you can be open.” lexa said as she got up and walked away. 

“Wait.” Clarke said grabbing her hand. “A better option? Seriously Lexa you don’t get to walk away from me. I don’t care about Bellemy’s feelings for me. I love you, I thought I made that clear.” 

“Listen to me Clarke I’m only going to get you hurt just like Costia and I can’t let that happen so after the feast you should return to Arkadia.” 

“Lexa please don’t do this.” tears started streaming down Clarke eyes. 

“I’m sorry Clarke but this is what’s best.” before anything else could be said Lexa walked away leaving Clarke there crying. When Lexa left Clarke there it felt like when she left her at Mount Weather, she knew that Lexa thought this was the right thing to do but Clarke wasn’t just going to let her go. She knew only one person was to blame for this and it was Bellemy. 

She wiped her tears, left the river and walked back to the feast she was hell bent on finding Bellemy. She looked everywhere until she saw him standing with Octavia and Raven. 

“I hope you're happy.” she said interrupting their conversation. 

“Clarke what are you talking about.” Octavia asked trying to calm her down.

“Your brother told Lexa to stay away from me, that she was going to get me hurt and she actually believed that that was true thanks to him.” 

“Clarke its what’s better for you.” Bellemy said looking her right in the eyes.

“You don’t get to choose what’s best for me Bellemy I can do that fine by myself.”

“What’s the deal between you to anyways?” Clarke could hear the jealousy in his voice.

“Nothing now thanks to you.” Clarke said walking away she didn’t even want to be near him anymore. The celebrations would be over soon so she gathered her stuff and found her mom and Kane so they leave for Arkadia. 

* * *

  
_**LEXA** _

She felt horrible for what she said to Clarke but Bellemy got to her. She knew that what happened to Costia would scar her for life, but she didn’t care. She didn’t think she would ever love again, but now she has. Once again, she has something to lose. As she walked to the Polis building, she fought tears while her people watched her, she knew she had to be strong, but it was hard. She kept seeing the look on Clarkes face and her tears when she had walked away from her once again. She was going to fix this, but she didn’t know if Clarke would be willing to forgive her again. The feast was over, and as everyone started to leave her eyes searched for Clarke, but she didn’t find her, she knew she would see her tomorrow at the meeting though. Lexa knew she had to fix this because she couldn’t live a life without Clarke in it. 


	6. I'm Sorry

The next day Clarke woke up at Arkadia and for a second, she forgot about her fight with Lexa. She was the ambassador for Arkadia so unfortunately, she had to attend this meeting happening at noon. If her and Kane wanted to make it in time they had to leave now. She put on her tight leather pants and blue jacket, she never wears her hair up but today she grabbed a hair tie and tied it in a low bun. When she walked towards the gates, she saw Bellemy standing with Kane and Octavia she knew he wasn’t coming but she wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. Before he could say anything, Clarke walked straight by him and out of the gate. 

“Kane Octavia if we want to make it in time we need to leave now.” Clarke said waiting for them to follow.

“We’re taking the Rover Clarke its waiting right over there.” Kane said pointing in the other direction. 

“Fine but can we now.” Clarke asked impatiently.

“This cuts our trip about 2 hours shorter.” Kane said with a smile. 

“I’m not in a rush to get there just to leave here.” Clarke said while looking out the rover’s window. After about 10 minutes of silence Octavia spoke up. 

“Bellemy just thought he was protecting you Clarke.” 

“Maybe Bellemy should realize I can take care of myself.” Talking about it was only making Clarke angrier. 

After about another in the rover they finally made it to Polis. They left the rover in the woods and walked the rest of the way to the building where the meeting was. As they were walking, they all were surprised at how calm the grounders were. There were people cooking and selling things, they had never seen anything like it. Clarke had remembered how Lexa was supposed to show around Polis and teach about the grounders, but she wasn’t sure if either of those things were going to happen anymore.   
When they reached the meeting room Lexa and Titus were there to greet them. Clarke couldn’t even look Lexa in the eyes, so she stood behind Octavia and Kane while they spoke. 

“Welcome back, this meeting is about nothing more our people living together and the rules of the coalition, so hopefully we can come to terms.” The sound of Lexa’s voice made Clarke shiver. 

“Let’s start the meeting Clarke you can sit with ambassadors and Kane over here near me.” Lexa didn’t even look at Clarke she was glad her commander mask could shield everyone from seeing how she truly felt. When Clarke walked to the seat, she noticed everything about her. How her tight pants showed off but butt and curves and how when her hair is up, she looks more mature and her eyes bluer. Lexa was hurting as well as Clarke but neither of them could show it at this meeting. 

Lexa had explained the laws of the Coalition and the new laws with Kane and they came to an agreement. Clarke wasn’t sure what they were talking about or that everyone had gotten up from the table that’s how zoned out she was. When she finally snapped back into reality, she got up to leave when Lexa’s voice stopped her.

“Clarke can you stay behind.” Clarke just nodded and sat back down not knowing what else to do. 

“I’m sorry about last night, I let Bellemy’s word get to me and honestly I was jealous.” lexa said softly. 

Clarke grabbed lexa’s hands. “Lexa, I love you not Bellemy not anyone else no matter what their feelings for me are its always going to be you. And last night you hurt me and then left… again.” Lexa could see how much she hurt Clarke she didn’t know what to say so she just grabbed her. 

“I will never hurt you again, I swear it.” Lexa said as she watched tears fall down Clarkes face Clarke didn’t have to say anything, she nodded her head.

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa pressed her forehead against Clarke’s, wiping the tears from her face.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Octavia said standing awkwardly by the door. “Kane’s waiting for us downstairs to head back to Arkadia.”

“I’ll be down in a second.” Octavia left leaving just Clarke and Lexa once again. “Stay.” Lexa pleaded. 

“I can’t tonight I’m helping my mom in medical, but how about I come back tomorrow, and you show me Polis like you promised.”

“Sounds like what you sky people would call a date.” Lexa said with a smirk. 

“Something like that, I’ll be back early tomorrow.” 

“And I’ll be waiting.” Lexa replied watching her leave the room, she knew she was incredibly lucky to have someone like Clarke, but she also knew it wouldn’t be easy.

When Clarke found Kane and Octavia they walked to the rover. Clarke felt like she was floating on clouds that’s how amazing Lexa made her feel. She still wasn’t ready to talk Bellemy, she wasn’t even sure if she was mad about it anymore, she just didn’t want to think that Bellemy has feelings for. Since they started working together on earth, she had thought of him as a brother. Eventually she had to talk to him but not today. 

“Didn’t take long to make up.” Octavia said bringing her out of her thoughts. 

“Yeah” Clarke replied. 

“So why didn’t you stay?”

“Because I promised I would help my mom in medic, but I’m coming back tomorrow.” Clarke couldn’t stop smiling.

“Can me and Lincoln leave with you, were meeting Indra. I’m going to continue my training.” 

“Yeah sure but let’s take horses I don’t like the rover.”

“I completely agree.” Octavia said which made Kane laugh. 

When they got to Arkadia Clarke went straight to Medical. As soon as she walked in she saw a bunch of grounders standing around Abby. 

“What’s going on?” Clarke said confused. 

“Clarke these are healers from nearby villages we’re are going to teach them a few new things and they’re going to show us some medicinal plants and remedies.” Clarke was surprised that the grounders and Arkers were getting along so well. 

“Okay so what do you want me to do mom?” 

“Take these three healers and show them how to stitch a wound to start then just introduce them to the different medicines. Me and Jackson will take the rest.”

“Okay so I’m guess my mom doesn’t realize you can stitch so how I about I just show you some medicine.” The grounder women smiled as Clarke showed the different medicines. 

After about two hours of training Clarke left for her room, she was exhausted, and she just wanted to lay down. As she turned the corner, she ran into Bellemy. She tried to keep walking when he stopped her. 

“Clarke, can I please talk to you.”

“Bellemy I’m really tired I don’t want to do this right now.” Eventually she knew she would have to have this conversation, but she didn’t want today to be the day.

“Fine ill make it quick, I just wanted to apologize I’m sorry.”

"Why did you even get involved Bellemy?”

“You know why Clarke I thought there was something between us and then you chose to stay with Lexa.” 

“I was doing that for our people Bellemy.” 

“So there nothing between you and her?” Bellemy said with a smile small. Clarke hated to hurt him, but she couldn’t give him false hope. 

“I love her Bellemy, I didn’t plan this it just happened, and she loves me.” she said softly. 

There was a long pause then Bellemy finally looked up and Clarke. “I just want you to be happy Clarke, you deserve it after everything.”

“We all deserve it bel, and you’ll find someone that is just as great as you.”

“Thanks Clarke, and are we good?” 

“Yeah, were good.” Clarke walked off towards her room she was so tired she just wanted to rest and that’s exactly what she did. 


	7. First Date

“Clarke wake the hell up, were meant to be in Polis at noon we have to leave in 20 if we’re going to make it.” 

Clarke had been so tired she barley heard Octavia, but she forced herself to get up. She took a quick bath and wore the grounder clothes she had while she was in Polis. She had Octavia braid her hair in a Grounder style cause she wanted to surprise Lexa. She packed her bag and headed for the staples where they keep the horses. She grabbed the all black one and headed toward the gate to join Octavia and Lincoln. 

“Wow you look hot Clarke.” Octavia said smirking. 

“Yeah, the grounder look suits you.” Lincoln agreed and they all laugh. 

"Thanks guys we should get going.” 

Clarke enjoyed riding horses it gave her time to think, and all she could think about is her first real alone time with Lexa. Sure, she had been alone with Lexa but there was always some imminent danger looming around them. She was nervous and excited all at once. Maybe the grounder look was a bad idea, no she couldn’t overthink this today is going to be great. After a few hours of riding they finally made it.

“Do you want us to walk you to the commanders building?” Lincoln asked.

“No that’s okay you guys go ahead and go I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun.” Octavia smiled. 

When Clarke was walking through polis, she noticed for the first-time people didn’t completely stare at her, maybe she did looked like one of them minus the blond hair. She liked not being noticed by the grounders it made her feel like she was welcomed. 

She had finally reached the building and went inside to find Lexa. She looked around and didn’t see her, so she checked her room. When she knocked a voice yelled Enter, Clarke was nervous but when she opened the door that all went away. Lexa had her back to Clarke on her balcony. Her hair was down out of her braids and she had tight pants on and a plain shirt. Clarke hadn’t seen Lexa like this since after the fight with Roan and Lexa looked beautiful. 

“Hello commander.” when Lexa heard her voice she turned around instantly and was shocked by what she saw, she didn’t say anything just looked which worried Clarke. 

The long pause was making Clarke feel more and more uncomfortable, she wished she had never dressed like this, but she was only trying to impress Lexa.

“I knew I shouldn’t have dressed like this.” Clarke said looking down embarrassed. 

“No, you look amazing Clarke I’m just admiring how beautiful you are. I didn’t mean to make you upset, Clarke.” 

“Thank you.” Clarke blushed. “So, what are the plans for today.” 

“Well first I’m going to show you Polis and introduce you to a couple people who I’d love you to meet then I have a dinner planned just for me and you to end the night with.”

“Sounds great when can we go.” Clarke asked excitedly. 

“Right now, let’s go follow me.”

* * *

  
“First I’ll show you the different trading post, they have some really great stuff there from the old world I think you’ll love it.”

Lexa wanted to hold her hand and show affection like people do in the books she read about romance, but she didn’t know if she should around her people. She watched Clarke as she looked around at all the stands that were set up. Lexa loved watching how amazed she was at the different things. Clarke had stopped at one stand that had jewelry and picked up a necklace that had the letter C on it. Lexa saw how much she liked it. 

“How much?” Lexa asked the women working at the stand.

“Lexa you don’t have- “

“Of course, I do whatever you want I’ll get it for you.” Lexa said interrupting her. 

“Take it as a gift from my family to you Heda.” the women said that worked at the shop. 

“Thank you so much.” Lexa nodded and put the Necklace around Clarkes neck. 

“I think you make everything you put on look beautiful.” Lexa said kissing Clarkes cheek which shocked them both. 

“I didn’t think you could show affection in front of your people.” Clarke said as they walked away. 

“I probably shouldn’t but today is about you and me Clarke of the sky people, not our people. There’s someone I want to introduce you to come on.” lexa said grabbing Clarkes hand.

She knew she would probably hear about this from Titus, but she didn’t care, she was going to show the girl she loved that she could be more than just the Commander.

When they arrived to a small house lexa saw the confusion on Clarkes face. 

“What are we doing here?”

"You’ll see, come on let’s go inside.”

When they walked in the whole house was lit with candles and spelled of food. The room was empty and until a woman who couldn’t be more than 30 walked in. 

“Lexa.” she yelled. “What are you doing here I wasn’t expecting you?”

“I know but I wanted come by and see you and everyone plus there’s someone I want you to meet.” she gestured to Clarke. 

“Hi, I’m Clarke.” she extended her hand, but the women pulled her in for a hug.

“It’s so great to meet you Clarke, I’m Lexa’s aunt Alix.”

“Oh, it’s so great to meet to meet you.” Clarke said smiling.

“You probably didn’t know Lexa even had family.” Alix said smiling. 

“She never really mentioned it.” Clarke said looking at Lexa. 

"Well now you know.” Lexa said defending herself. 

“The kids will be so happy to see you Lexa, Elena, Theo come here I have a surprise for you.” Two kids came running in and were instantly excited to see Lexa. They both jumped on Lexa knocking her to the ground, but she didn’t mind she loved seeing her cousins.

“How are you guys I missed you.” 

“We missed you heda.” the two kids said as they were hugging her.

Clarke loved seeing her being so normal and family oriented.

“Guys this is Clarke.” Lexa said grabbing her hand. 

“Oooooh Lexa has a girlfriend.” Elena said is a playful voice that made Lexa laugh.

“I wanted you guys to meet her. She comes from the sky you know." 

“Clarke will you tell us a story about the sky?” The kids begged her. 

“Of course, what do you want to know about?” 

“Everything, everything.” 

"Okay how about I tell you a different story every time I see you deal?” 

“Deal.” the kids agreed. 

"I guess I should tell you how I got here to the ground. When the ark was in the sky, we had laws that were strictly enforced and if you broke them then you would be in really big trouble. But if you were a under 18 you were kept in confinement with other teens who had broken the law. I was one of those kids who got in trouble so I had to be confined except for I wasn’t allowed to talk to the other kids I had to be kept alone because I knew information the council didn’t want the other citizens to know. Unfortunately, that secret was that we couldn’t live on the Ark for much longer because it was running out of air. The council didn’t know how to fix it, so they sent 100 of the delinquent kids that broke the law to earth on a mission not knowing if earth was safe. I was one of those kids. When we got here, we thought earth was breath taking it has a way better view that the Ark. We didn’t know that people lived on earth until we had war with trikru, and your cousin Lexa sent 300 of her warriors there to kill us. But I guess you can tell who won that battle.” the kids laughed. 

“We haven’t had peace on earth until now and that’s also because of your cousin Lexa. She is the best heda.”

“Clarke next time will you tell about the view from the sky?” they asked. 

“I would love to.” Clarke smiled.

“It’s getting late Lexa, you two should stay for dinner.” Alix said in an eager voice. 

“Maybe another time we have to get running but we’ll be back soon, I promise.” They said their goodbyes and left the house. 

“What now?” Clarke asked. 

“Now we go get ready for dinner I have something in your room waiting for you.”  
The sun was setting mixed with all the colors of purple and yellows and oranges it was beautiful, and Lexa nor Clarke would forget it. Lexa walked Clarke to her room and kissed her gently. 

“I’ll be back in to get your 30 minutes.” 

Clarke closed the door and examined the room. When she walked to the bed, she saw a dark blue dress with a note on top of it. The note said ‘Wear this tonight’ Clarke never thought she would see the romantic side of Lexa. Clarke got undressed and took a warm bath when she was done, she dried off and slipped into her dress. She took her braids out which left her hair wavy, so she just left it down. After she was done getting ready, she put her C necklace back on and the watch her father had given her. She was about to sit when she heard a knock at the door, she hurried over and opened it. Her mouth fell as she looked at lexa. She had on a long red dress that cut low in the front that revealed a little bit of cleavage. Clarke was speechless. 

“You look outstanding lexa.” she finally said looking up and down. 

“You look beautiful as always Clarke, are you ready to go?” 

“Yes.”

Lexa led Clarke downstairs and through a room with candles and a table prepared for them. She pulled out the chair for Clarke and then sat herself. 

“This is so amazing Lexa everything about today has been amazing. Thank you for everything.” 

“You don’t have to thank me Clarke I wanted to do this for us.” 

“What exactly are we Lex? Were together right? As a couple.” 

“Of course we are Clarke, I thought I made that clear by introducing you my family.” 

“Why haven’t you told me about them before today?”

“Well we haven’t exactly had the time Clarke but now we do. We can get to know more about each other.”

“There is something else you haven’t mentioned.” Clarke had been trying to bring up the fact that Lexa had a penis. Should she even bring it up?

“What exactly?” Lexa asked confusingly.

“Well, I will admit I heard rumors during my stay here, but it wasn’t until I saw it that I realized it was true.” 

“Clarke.”

“And I’m fine with it by the way more than fine with it I just didn’t know if I should bring it up or not.” Clarke was rambling, and Lexa found it amusing.

“I’ve had very few lovers since I became commander, and I assumed some of them would talk. For a long time, I felt ashamed and I didn’t understand it. Honestly, I still don’t but there are people born with worse defects than this, and if not for my Nightblood I would’ve been abandoned in the dead zone with the rest of them.”

“It’s not a defect Lexa don’t say that.” Clarke said. “There’s a medical reason for it and if we want, we can figure it out.” 

“That would be nice, are you sure it doesn’t bother you?” Lexa asked.

“More than sure, I love you. All of you.” Clarke smiled. “Now let’s get back to our dinner. I didn’t know you could be this romantic.” Clarke said examining the room. 

“Only for you.” Lexa replied with a small smile. “I hope you like the food it’s all traditional, I had them make the best for you.”

“Everything’s amazing.” Clarke tried a little bit of everything. Lexa watched her eat the different foods making sure she liked them. 

“So, do I have to sleep in that room, or do I get to sleep in yours?” Clarke asked shyly.

Lexa just looked up and smiled. “My room is always open for you Clarke.”

They continued eating and sneaking smiles at each pretending not to see each other. 

“Do you have any other family besides your mom Clarke?” 

“No on the Ark it was just me my mom and dad, now it’s just me and Mom.”

“Well we both have little family so that’s something we have in common.”

“Alix and the kids are great; I didn’t think you liked kids.” Clarke said unsure if she should say that.

“Well you’ve only seen the commander most of the time Clarke I’m trying to show you the real me.” Lexa replied.

"I know you are and I’m happy I get to see this side of you.” Clarke grabbed her hand and squeezed it a little. “So, tell me about your childhood.” Clarke asked eagerly.

“Well when your born down here they prick your finger to see if you are a Natblida and if you are your raised by your parents until 5 and then sent here to train. My childhood was mostly training to be Commander.”

“Do you remember anything before that?”

“No not really I only remember my life training to be warrior.”

“So how did you become Anya’s second?” Clarke asked.

“She helped train Nightblood’s and when I was thirteen, she let me shadow her around TonDC and Her and Indra trained me there as well.” 

“So how did the Last commander die?”

“When I was 17 there was a war between Trikru and Azgeda. Since there was no coalition all the clans were independent. Queen Nia wanted to oversee all the clans, but the commander wasn’t going to let that happen because that would have meant Azgeda would control everything. So, they went to war and a Azgeda soldier under the command of Nia killed the commander in battle. When she died the conclave begun and her spirit chose me.”

“Were you scared to be Heda? I mean were you worried they wouldn’t listen to you?”

“A warrior doesn’t worry about what she can’t control Clarke and my people will always respect any rising commander no matter what.” 

“Your ways are so different from ours, but I’m excited to learn about them.” Lexa was happy that Clarke wanted to learn her traditions and the trikru way. 

“I want to learn Skaikru ways too.”

“I would love to tell you about our ways, but we don’t really have many traditions or anything.”

“Well you can tell me about the Ark and how your life was.” Lexa said. 

Lexa just starred at Clarke, she couldn’t think of what she did to deserve a girl so beautiful and smart. She had loved Costia but what she felt for Clarke felt new like something she had never experienced. She was so lucky to be loved by her. 

“How about we go for a walk.” Lexa got up and took Clarkes hand pulling her towards the door. 

They walked hand in hand in the halls of the old building until they got to a part that didn’t have a ceiling. The sky looked beautiful and all the stars were out. 

“It’s so beautiful tonight.” Clarke smiled and turned to Lexa and watched her stare at the stars.

“You’re more beautiful.” Lexa turned to Clarke and their faces met as they stared into each other’s eyes. Lexa put her arms around Clarkes waist and pulled her closer so that their bodies touched. She pressed her lips on Clarkes and she kissed back instantly like she was waiting for Lexa to make a move. The kiss was getting more and more passionate with the minute. Lexa didn’t know if she should keep going or stop, she didn’t want Clarke to think that this was just about sex.

“We should probably head to bed it’s getting late.” lexa said breaking the kiss. 

Clarke just nodded and walked back to Lexa’s room, their hand still connected.

When they got to the room Lexa went straight to the bathroom, so Clarke just sat on the edge of the bed not knowing what else to do. When Lexa came out, she was in a long night gown and her hair was down. 

“There is a grown in there for you to.” Clarke just nodded and went to the bathroom. 

When she walked in, she immediately saw the flowy pink night gown hanging up. She slipped out of her current dress and put the gown on. This day had been amazing, and she wanted Lexa more than anything, but she didn’t know if Lexa wanted her. She had pulled away from their kiss quickly and had been acting weird since. She took a deep breath and walked back into the room. Lexa was laying on the bed looking up at the ceiling. Clarke laid down facing towards Lexa.

“Lexa, how may lovers have you had?” Clarke didn’t know where she was going with this.

“Why?” she caught lexa off guard. 

“Well because maybe I’m just not experienced enough for you.” Clarke knew it sounded silly as soon as she said it but there was no going back now.

“Why would you think that Clarke?” Lexa sat up with a confused face.

“You pulled away from our kiss I thought it would go a little further than that.” Clarke face turned bright red. 

“Clarke don’t ever think you’re not good enough for me, you are way too good for me. I don’t deserve you. I pulled away because I didn’t want you to think this day was just about sex. I wanted it to be special.”

“Today was amazing but you know what would make it so much better?”

“Tell me.” Lexa replied with a smirk

Clarke didn’t have to speak she just climb on top of Lexa and kissed her soft lips. She moved down to her neck and then to her chest and a soft moan escaped Lexa’s mouth. She pulled the gowns straps off Lexa’s shoulders and down her back and exposed her perky soft breast. Clarke licked her nipples and moved her way down her stomach and before she knew it, she could feel Lexa getting harder and harder. Clarke loved pleasing her and she knew they were headed towards a very long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ********* OKAY so lol obviously I’m not good at sex scenes but I tried. I’ll try and do better next time but I hope you guys liked the chapter.


	8. TonDc

The next morning when Clarke woke up, she felt tight soft arms around her bare torso. She turned her head and saw Lexa laying there with the sun shining on her beautiful tan face and dark brown hair, Clarke didn’t mind waking up to this view. Lexa looked so beautiful when she slept but Clarke knew she should probably wake her up because it was already past noon.

“Lexa.” Clarke gently shook her and she woke up almost instantly. 

“What, what is it?” Lexa pulled a knife from under the pillow. 

“It’s just me, Lexa it’s just me.” 

“Sorry." Lexa sighed putting the knife down, "It's a reflex." That she had thanks to waking up to her lovers severed head lying next her.

“I understand.” Clarke shook her head and placed a gentle kiss on lexa’s lips. “Do you have anything to do today?” Clarke asked pulling away. 

"Yes, I must visit TonDC and see how the re-building is going. Indra told me Octavia and Lincoln rode here yesterday to help, would you like to come with me to see it?”

Clarke hadn’t been back to TonDC since the explosion, she had a hand in what happened there she should have helped re-build it.

“Yes, I want to see it.” Clarke said. 

“We should leave soon you can get in the bath and ill have clothes waiting for you.” 

“Or you can get in the bath with me.” Clarke smirked knowing Lexa would reject the offer. 

“Sounds tempting Clarke but were already having a late start we don’t need any distractions.” 

"Yes commander" Clarke smiled and entered the bathroom. 

After Clarke and lexa both washed up they got on their horses and rode to TonDC with Indra trailing them. Clarke knew that most of lexa’s subjects didn’t like her, but Indra had started treating her with respect ever since the summit. On the ride they were mostly quiet which was a little nerve racking to Clarke, so she just hummed songs that were often played on the Ark. 

Lexa noticed the humming and smiled. “What kind of music did you have on the Ark?”

Clarke was a little embarrassed Lexa heard her humming but glad she started a conversation.

“The ark was made up of different nations, they had a diverse selection of music. Korean, African, American pretty much everything.” 

The grounders weren’t as educated as the sky people but Thanks to the books at Polis Lexa had read and learned about different countries and cultures. “I’ve read of those places before.”

Clarke was surprised, she didn’t think Lexa would know anything about the old world. “Which place did you like the most?” 

“I loved reading about Europe and places like Greece and Rome, in Polis there is a book on Greek mythology that I loved reading when I first got here. There aren’t many books on music though, I think we just created our own sound.”

“On the Ark we have. Well had comet viewing parties and they would play mostly American music but there was a library filled with books with the history of music and different stations where you could listen to the music.”

“I wish my people were more educated on these things.” Lexa sighed. 

“Maybe they can be, we could have classes for the sky kids and trikru kids together they should know the history and each other’s languages. We have teachers at Arkadia I’m sure they miss their old jobs. We could even build small little school buildings for the kids.”

She was tempted to say no but their people had been getting along lately to everyone’s surprise, trikru should be educated like the sky people, Lexa thought.

“I think it’s a great idea Clarke but unfortunately we have to discuss this with the other leaders and get them to agree.” Clarke just nodded and smiled, Lexa could see how passionate she felt about the idea and she wanted to make it happen for her. When they arrived at TonDC they were greeted by Octavia and Lincoln.

“Heda.” Octavia nodded. 

“Hello Octavia, Lincoln. How is the progress so far?”

“So far so good.” Octavia replied, she wanted to make a smart remark about how it’s her fault that it needed re-building, but she held back because she knew that would also be a blow to Clarke.

“Hey Clarke, you want to go see if they need help over there?” Octavia said pointing in any direction, Clarke knew it was just a reason for them to go and talk about her and Lexa.

“Yeah, sure let’s go.” She tried to sound eager but she knew they were just going to talk. 

As they walked away Clarke turned back to Lexa giving her a small smile not knowing if she should hug her or say see ya later. Lexa just nodded back and walked off with Indra and Lincoln.

“So how was your first date with Commander Lexa?” Octavia just smiled waiting for Clarke to answer. On the ark they didn’t really date and if they did no one would talk about it so this was new for them both. 

“It was perfect. She introduced me to her Aunt and little Cousins, she’s adorable around kids.” Clarke was sure her cheeks her rosy red from talking about it. 

“Sounds like you went on a date with a whole other person.”

“She’s not Heda with me she’s just Lexa the regular person not the fearless leader of the 12 clans… I just wish she could be just Lexa all the time.” Clarke lowered her head. 

“You don’t want her to be Heda?” Octavia asked. 

“No, it’s not that I just wish she didn’t have to be one person with me then a whole other person around her people. I admire her passion for her people, but I just wish she could be herself. And we can’t even show affection for one another outside of her room because she’s the commander. I just don’t want this to feel like a secret relationship.”

“Seriously Clarke a secret relationship? She stopped a freaking war for you if that doesn’t scream LOVE or RELATIONSHIP then I don’t know what does. Maybe she can’t show affection right now but, in the future, when there truly is peace her people will realize even the commander deserves some happiness.” 

“Your right O, I’m just being silly. How are you and Lincoln?”

“We're great we’re even moving to Polis there’s a house near the commanders building where we’ll be staying.”

“Wow O, that’s amazing I’m so happy that everything’s working out.”

“Me too, we can finally have a normal relationship without having to worry about war.”

“Yeah.” Clarke just smiled; it did seem like things could be normal now.

“We should probably head back before they notice we haven’t actually done anything to help.” Octavia and Clarke laughed and walked back and found Lexa, Lincoln and Indra.

“Octavia we should head back to Arkadia and pack our things so we can return to Polis by night fall.” Lincoln said grabbing Octavia’s hand. 

“Okay, Clarke are you going back to Arkadia?” 

Clarke looked at Lexa to see if she wanted her to stay but she just looked back at Clarke and waited for her to answer. 

“No, I’ll be returning back to Polis with the commander.” 

“Okay well we should get together tomorrow.” Octavia hugged Clarke and her a Lincoln hopped on their horses and rode off. 

“We should be leaving too.” Lexa said with her commander voice. 

“Yes Heda, I’ll have the horses ready.” Indra replied quickly and walked off. 

“I’m glad you decided to stay.” lexa said smiling at Clarke.

“Well I didn’t know if you would want me to or not but I should return tomorrow to see my mother.”

“Very well I’ll just have to make the most of my time with you then.” Lexa smiled and motioned for Clarke to walk towards the horses. 

Lexa loved having Clarke around her when she had to be the commander, it made her feel a little softer.


	9. Dinner With The Griffins

When Lexa and Clarke got back to Polis it was already dark and they were both tired from traveling back and forth all day. They went straight inside, and Clarke flopped on the bed and fell asleep instantly. Lexa was tired but she loved to watch her women sleep. She looked so young and pure Lexa imagined that’s what she looked like all the time on the Ark before they were exposed to the earth’s challenges. How can she be so lucky to be loved by someone as amazing as Clarke? She knew she didn’t deserve it, but she also wasn’t going to let it go. Eventually after watching Clarke she fell asleep sitting up with Clarkes head on her lap. It wasn’t comfortable but she didn’t care. 

The sun seemed brighter the next morning as it shined in Lexa’s face, she didn’t need a clock to wake up some how she just automatically knew what time of day it is. She tried to get up, but Clarkes body was weighing her down, she didn’t mind but she couldn’t move without waking her. She moved her head from her lap and laid it on the bed softly but that didn’t work cause Clarke eyes popped right open.

“You weren’t supposed to wake up.” Lexa said kissing her cheek before standing up to stretch. 

“I have to wake up I’m going back to Arkadia remember?” Clarke sat up on the bed adjusting her eyes to the bright sun coming in from the windows. 

“Yes, but you could always just stay here with me if you wanted.”

“I do want that but right now I have responsibilities there, but once I don’t, I will stay here as long as you’ll have me.” Clarke got out of the bed and grabbed Lexa's waist.

"Then I guess that means forever, because I never want you to leave.”

“I’m good with that.” Clarke said as she pulled her in for a kiss.

“But I was thinking that you Alix and the kids should come to Arkadia tonight for dinner with my mom, I think we should all start to get to know each other.”

“I think that’s a great idea, we will be there.”

Clarke was surprised. She thought she would have to drag Lexa by her feet to arkadia, maybe she did only expect to see the commander, but she had to get to know the real Lexa.

“I should get ready to go but I will see you very soon.” Clarke changed into a black top with tight leather pants and slid her boots in full grounder apparel. 

“I’ll walk you out.” Lexa grabbed her hand and walked her downstairs to the door where her horse was waiting. 

“Are you sure you can’t just stay?” Lexa begged. 

“I’ll see you soon Lexa.” Clarke kissed her gently and mounted on her horse. “And Lexa dress normal not full-blown commander okay just be you.” Lexa just nodded and smiled she was glad Clarke could see the difference between her and Heda. She watched Clarke ride off and her heart dropped, she just always wanted to be around her.

Clarke had never ridden to Arkadia by herself, but she knew the way. She was there within a couple of hours and when she reached the gates Abby had been there waiting for her. 

“Hey mom.” Clarke said getting off her horse and throwing her arms around her mom. 

“How long are you staying?” Abby asked kind of sarcastically. 

“Probably just tonight but we are having guest for dinner tonight.” She tried to change the topic, but Abby wasn’t having it. 

“And who is our guests? The commander?”

“Not just Lexa.” Clarke snapped. “Her Aunt and two Cousins.” 

“I didn’t think she had family.”

“Well me either but they are really nice so can you just try and give Lexa a chance, you may think you know her, but you don’t.”

“Okay Clarke if this is what you want, I support you.” 

Clarke was surprised she expected Abby to say something about her relationship with Lexa, but she was being open about giving Lexa a chance.

“When will they be arriving? “

“At sunset, we still have plenty of time.” Clarke replied.

“I have patients in Medical so you’ll have to take care of dinner I’ll be ready by sunset.” Abby walked inside into the medical station. 

Clarke nor anyone from the Ark had ever did much cooking she decided to ask the chefs to prepare something for them. She wanted everything to be perfect, this wasn’t just new to Lexa, the dating thing was also new to Clarke. Before coming to the ground, she never really dated anyone on the Ark. And until Earth she had never loved anyone before. Everything was so new. She had two guards bring in a medium sized table from the mess hall to a small vacant room. She decorated the table with a light pink cloth and some flowers that she picked on top in a vase. She put six plates on the table with spoons and forks and when it looked perfect enough for her, she got some candles and set them all around the room just to make it feel warmer. When she finished setting up it was already kind of Late, so she headed back to her room to get ready. Her clothes were dirty, so she stripped them off and got in a warm bath and washed up. She didn’t know what to wear, all her clothes were boring and everyday wear. After looking for what felt like forever, she finally just picked a Leather jacket with fur and tight black pants and put her hair in a French braid. When she was dressed and ready, she went to Medical to get Abby and they headed for that gate to wait for Lexa, but she was already there with Alix and the kids. 

“Welcome to Arkadia my name is Abby it's nice to meet you.” Abby extended her hand to Alix, but she hugged her instead surprising Abby.

“Thank you so much for having us Abby.” Lexa said smiling. Clarke was glad she wasn’t being the commander right now. 

“Anytime Lexa.” Abby forced a smile, but Clarke could see that she was trying.

“Mom. Theo and Elena really wanted to see the Ark could you show them around?”

“Of course, Alix how about you come too?” The kids’ faces lit up while they followed Abby into the Ark. 

“You look very beautiful as always Clarke.” Lexa kissed her cheek and blushed a little. 

Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hands and they started walking. “You always look amazing Lexa as well.”

“I missed you and it’s only been hours I don’t know how I’m going to deal with not seeing you for a whole day.” Lexa kissed Clarke but she pulled away. 

“I missed you too Lex, but we live hours away from each other.”

“I may have a solution for that problem.” Lexa smirked at Clarke which made her worry. 

“What’s your solution?” Clarke asks suspiciously 

“You could move to Polis.” 

“Lexa you know I can’t do that right now.”

“I know but it was worth a try.” 

“We should get inside dinner should be ready.” Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand and opened the door for her to walk through. When they walked into the room Abby, Alix and the kids were already there waiting. 

“There you two are we’ve been waiting.” Alix winked at Clarke and Lexa. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” Lexa pulled out a chair for Clarke to sit and then sat into the chair next to hers. Their food was brought out and they started eating.

“Do you guys like the ark?” Clarke asks Theo and Elena

“It’s so awesome Clarke I wish I could see it when it was in the sky.” Elena said looking at the ceiling.

“Yeah it was amazing Clarke can we ever come back?” Theo asked. 

“Of course, you can anytime you want.”

"So, Lexa Clarke tells me your considering opening schools?” Abby said questionably.

Lexa knew Abby was expecting her to be the commander, but she wanted her to know the real her not just the violent one.

“Yes, actually I discussed it with my ambassadors today and they all agree it would be a good thing for the children. We plan on building schoolhouses in the summer.”

“Who are the teachers?” Abby asked,

“We have teachers that made it to the ground mom I’m sure they would love nothing more than to have their old jobs back." 

“I guess that is true.” Clarke thought Abby was giving Lexa a chance but she could now see she wasn’t.

“We have teachers as well that are willing to teach earth skills and hunting.” Lexa said proudly. 

“I don’t think we need our kids out here fighting like yours.” 

"Mom.” Clarke warned.

“What, I refuse to let these run around thinking killing people is ok.”

“What the hell is your problem?” Clarke finally snapped.

“Clarke it’s fine.” Lexa tried to calm her but failed. 

"No, it’s not, Lexa is actually trying to help here she wants peace and happiness for all of our people can’t you see that mom?”

  
“Clarke, she has made empty promises before and I don’t think it wouldn’t be wise to trust her.”

  
“You’re wrong, you don’t know the Lexa I know, and you probably never will which is sad cause you’d think after everything you would realize that none of us are innocent here. If you want to hate Lexa you can hate me to, i killed those people at mount weather and i let the bomb drop on TonDC, i did that. If you can't except her you can't except me.”

Clarke couldn’t believe her mom would really do this especially in front of Lexa’s family. 

“Let’s go Lexa, Alix I’m so sorry you had to come all the way here for this, but I promise you won’t have to come back and deal with people like this.” Clarke walked out with Lexa and didn’t speak another word to her mom as she walked past her. 

“I’m going to polis with you, to stay. I don’t want to be here anymore.” Clarke eyes teared up but she fought the tears, she was not going to cry. 

“If that’s what you truly want Clarke.” Lexa grabbed her hand and they walked to the horses; Clarke rode on Lexa’s with her so she wouldn’t have to take a horse from Arkadia. She didn’t know when she would come back but right now holding on to Lexa, she didn’t care about much. 

After what felt like 20 hours they finally got back to Polis, it was past dark, and all Clarke wanted to do was to forget this horrible day. When they arrived at the room, they both changed and laid down. 

“Do you think I would ever betray you again?” Lexa turned to face Clarke laying in the bed. 

“I trust you more than anyone Lexa things have changed. We have changed, I know that what you did you were doing for your people but we’re each other’s people now so no I don’t think you would betray me again. And please don’t let anything my mom says get to you.” 

“I had to earn your trust again, I’ll just have to do the same with her.” 

Clarke just smiled she loved that Lexa wanted her mom’s trust. “You don’t need her trust Lexa, if she won’t accept that we’re together she doesn’t have to see me.” 

“Clarke you can’t stay away from your mom because of me. Before my mother died, I told her I hated her for letting them take me to Polis and I regret that every day. I want your relationship with your mom to be the strongest she’s the only family you have.” 

Clarke had never asked about Lexa’s parents, but she loved that Lexa was opening to her. “I do have more family like Raven, Octavia, Monty, Bell we’ve all became family since we got down here. And unlike my mom they will all accept you.” 

“We should get some rest Clarke.” Lexa didn’t want to take Clarke from her family so earing their trust was something she was determined to do.

“Rush op Heda.” Clarke turned around and got under the covers. 

“Goodnight Clarke.” 


	10. The new normal

Lexa had woken up before Clarke, she had training with her Nightblood’s. It had been about a week since their dinner with Abby and Clarke still didn’t want to talk to her mother. Before she left, she wrote a quick note for Clarke a saying she would be back soon, then left for the training grounds. The Nightblood’s needed to be ready to fight but if she were to die at this very moment, she needed to know they would ensure peace and a war if necessary. When she got to the training area Titus had already started.

“Heda.” Titus bowed. 

Lexa ignored him and went straight to the Nightblood’s. 

“Everyone stop training and sit. Today’s going to be different, I’m going to teach you something that no other Natblida has been taught before. Right now, is a time of upcoming peace, as Heda you should want nothing more than want peace and happiness for your people. To be Heda is to be Wise, Compassionate and Strong, you must show your people that you know their best interest and do what is best for everyone. When you’re a leader there is no time for mistakes.” Lexa watched as the kids soaked in everything she was saying. “When I was training to be Heda I was taught to be ruthless and heartless, and vengeful but I’m teaching you different. I became two different people trying to be what they taught me, but when one of you is Heda you will be only one person because you won’t have to separate yourself from being the commander. You will have enemy’s and that is when you are to be ruthless and vengeful. I cannot tell you how to lead I can only teach you from what I’ve experienced. Being a Natblida makes it your birthright to be Heda but it is up to how you lead your people.” The kids just starred at Lexa confused, but she knew they understood what she was saying. “Now continue training, like said I to be Heda is to be strong and you all need your strength.” The kids got up and went back to fighting. 

“Heda this is not what we teach Natblida’s” Titus said coming from behind her. 

“It is now.” Lexa just walked off and started fighting with the kids correcting them and teaching them new and better moves. 

Soon after Lexa left Clarke woke and found her note. She had to admit she found it a little unsettling that Lexa was training the person that would replace her when she died. She knew Lexa had accepted her death, but Clarke hadn’t. All she had seen since she’s landed was death. But things have changed since then so maybe there will be no more untimely deaths, just peace. 

Now that she was staying here for a while, she knew she had to find something to do while Lexa was off being Heda, but she didn’t know anyone here. Lucky for her Octavia was new here too and she hadn’t seen her in a few days. She decided to go see here while she waited for Lexa. She didn’t want to wear sky clothes so she borrowed some pants and plain shirt from Lexa. When she got ready to leave, she realized she didn’t exactly know where Octavia lived just that it was near. 

When she walked outside there were lots of people exchanging and buying things from the markets and talking. Clarke had never really seen any grounder smile but lots of them did here. While walking through the crowd she thankfully seen Lincoln at one of the trading posts. 

“Hey Lincoln.” Clarke said as she was walking over to him. 

“Clarke It's good to see you.” Lincoln embraced her a friendly hug. 

“You too, I was actually looking for Octavia I just didn’t know where you guys lived.” 

“I’m heading there now if you want to come.” Lincoln packed up all the stuff he bought and threw it in a bag. 

“That would great, do you like living in Polis?” Clarke asked unsure if he had lived here previously. 

“Yeah, it’s great, when I was a kid I lived near here so I’d be here often, and Octavia loves it to.”

“I knew she didn’t want to be at Arkadia so I’m glad she liked it here.” Clarke said smiling at Lincoln.

“Me too. We went back there this morning to get the rest of our stuff and Abby told us what happened with Lexa.”

Clarke rolled her eyes knowing her mom probably victimized the whole thing. “I don’t really want to talk about her.”

“Okay.” Lincoln regretted ever bringing it up. 

They walked the rest of the way in silence and they were both grateful it was only a 5-minute walk. When they got there Clarke was amazed by the house, it didn’t look like the other grounder homes she knew Lincoln must have fixed it up. She felt a little jealous because she knew her and Lexa could probably never live like this. Octavia had been outside chopping wood and didn’t notice they were there. 

“Isn’t this the man’s job?” Clarke said nudging Lincoln. Octavia looked up and instantly smiled. 

“Clarke what are you doing here?” Octavia hugged Clarke. 

“I just wanted to come see you and see how everything was going.” Clarke could see how happy it made Octavia to be here and that in turn made her happy.

“Let’s go walk and talk then I’ve missed having friends around.” Octavia threw down the knife she was using and pulled Clarke towards the woods. 

“I’m not that far away you know? The towers only a few minutes away.” 

“Well I’m never sure when you’re here or at Arkadia. 

“I decided to stay here for a while.” Clarke looked down trying to avoid eye contact.

“What happened with Abby shouldn’t stop you from going back.”

“I’ll go back eventually, there is nothing there for me anyways. I just wish i had her support.”

“She’ll come around; she did say she felt bad. She just doesn’t want you to get hurt. When she realizes how much you two love each other she will support you.”

“I hope so, but enough about me how are things here with you?”

Octavia smiled. “Everything is good we’re happy here and this is the most peaceful it’s been since we landed so as long as this last, I think we’ll all be good.”

“How’s bell?” 

“He’s good, he actually started talking to a grounder she and her father have a trading post. Niylah, I think her name is.”

Clarkes eyes widen remembering her short-lived relationship with Niylah. 

“Do you know her or something?”

“Why do you ask?” Clarke replied quickly. 

“Because your face when I said her name.”

“I wouldn’t really say know, when I left camp, I traded there a few times. She’s nice.” Clarke didn’t want to make things weird by mentioning they had sex, many times.

“From what I hear he seems to like her, it hasn’t been long so who knows what will happen.” 

“I hope he’s happy.”

“Me too.” Octavia agreed. “We’re all going to have dinner tomorrow night; you and Lexa should come.” 

“Sure.” Just because they slept together doesn’t mean it has to be weird, right?

“Good it’s tomorrow here at sunset.”

“We will be here, but I should get going I didn’t mean to disturb your guy’s day.” 

“Don’t be silly you can come here anytime. I’ll see you tomorrow and dress nice.”

Clarke laughed as she walked back to towards the trading post. She didn’t really know her way around Polis yet so the only way she knew her way back to Lexa’s building was from the trading post. 

She thought Lexa would be done by the time she got back but she wasn’t. Clarke decided to walk to where they train the night bloods to see if she was there. It kind of seemed like a bad idea but she did it anyways. When she got there, she didn’t see the Nightblood’s just Lexa sitting on a rock with a small leather book in her hands. Clarke walked towards her but Lexa didn’t look her way. 

“Hey.” Clarke said softly not knowing what else to say. 

“Hi.” Lexa gave her a small smile. 

“What are you reading?” Clarke motioned towards the leather book. 

“It’s a book filled with Greek myths and stories; my mother gave it to me before she sent me to Polis.” 

“How did she die?” Clarke hesitated but she wanted Lexa to open up to her. 

“She was a warrior she died in Battle, it was the same battle that killed the commander before me.” 

“I bet she would be really proud of all you’ve done.” Clarke grabbed her hand comforting her. 

“I resented her for sending me to Polis, but it is the law to send Nightblood’s here.”

"Why did you resent her? You didn’t want to be Heda?”

“I was never guaranteed the title as the commander, no one is and I definitely didn’t want to have to kill people for it. When I was young, I didn’t understand why she let them bring me here I felt like she abandoned me, but now I understand she didn’t have a choice.”

“She wasn’t allowed to see you?”

"Yes, but she only came once a year. But Max came all the time, he even trained me by myself. I think that’s why I was so much better than the other kids.” Lexa smiled. 

“Who is Max?”

"He’s my brother.

“Why haven’t you told me about him?”

"There isn’t much to tell I haven’t seen him since I became commander.” Lexa sighed. “Do you remember when you asked me why I only had 7 circles on my back and not 8?”

“Yes.” Clarke answered. 

“One of the Natblida’s Fled before the conclave and Max was in love with her so he ran with her.”

“Why did she run?” 

“Me and her were best friends and the strongest, we both knew it would either be me or her who won the conclave. Her brother, Luke was also a Nightblood and the day she left she killed him in the conclave. Me and her were supposed to fight the next day but she told me she was running. I let her go but I made Max leave with her, he didn’t want to leave me but knowing Luna was with him was comforting.” 

“Luna?” Clarke had heard that name from Lincoln. 

“Yes, have you heard it before?” 

“Once from Lincoln he told me and Finn that she would take us in and help us.” 

“That sounds like her.” Lexa smiled. “She always wants to help people.” 

“So why haven’t you told her to come back?”

“I would love for her to come back but the leaders and Titus all want her dead, they believe she is a trader to the blood. She’s the strongest person I know and if she would’ve stayed, she would be sitting where I am. Can we talk about something else?”

“Octavia invited us to a dinner tomorrow.” Clarke tried to change the subject.

“That sounds nice, I’m glad they live close so you have someone here.”

  
“Yeah, I’m just hoping this dinner is better than the last one.”

"It will be, now let’s go back now it’s getting late.” Lexa grabbed her hand and held it the whole walk back even with her people around. 

“Your holding my hand around your people.” 

“I don’t care.” Lexa smiled at her then kissed her on the cheek. 

They entered the building and went into the lounge room and sat in the couches. 

“I saw Lincolns and Octavia’s house today; I think he modified it has a mix of the ark and trikru in it they look really happy there. I wished we could have something like that.” Clarke immediately regretting saying that, she didn’t want to make Lexa feel bad. 

“Who says we can’t one day?” Lexa was saddened that Clarke envied Octavia and Lincolns normal life because she knew she couldn’t give her that. 

“We can never have a normal life together Lexa.” 

“But we can a house and a family, I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“You want a family?” Clarke smiled 

“Of course. I know our life together will never be normal but I will always try to give you everything you want.”

Clarke didn’t have to say anything, she just grabbed Lexa’s face and kissed her. “As long as we have each other I’ll have everything I need.” 

“You’ll always have me.” Lexa smiled. “How about we build a house, I even know the perfect place to have it, when I was a kid I used to go to this big clearing right beside a water fall near here, it’s beautiful and quiet. It’s still near Polis so I could come here every day for meetings and training.” 

“That sounds amazing.” Clarke loved how excited Lexa sounded about this. 

“It will be amazing Clarke.” 


	11. It's Never Really Over

“Can you take me to the spot? I think I want to see where our future house will be.” Clarke smiled at the thought of their little family and their house. 

“Let’s go.” Lexa pulled Clarke off the couch and ran down the halls dragging Clarke behind her. 

They both laughed as they ran out of the building and into the woods. It only took a few minutes to get there, before they were standing in a huge opening with a huge waterfall surrounding it.

“It’s perfect Lexa. I love it.”

Lexa could see how happy Clarke was and that made her even more happy. “So, do you want to live here?” 

“I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.” Clarke laughed and jumped into Lexa’s arms. Lexa swung her around and they looked into each other’s eyes this was the most real thing Lexa had felt in a long time and it felt amazing. 

“I love you Clarke.”

“And I love you Lexa.”

Lexa smiled and wrapped her hands around Clarkes face and pulled her in for kiss. It felt like the world had stopped and it was just them on earth. Neither of them wanted to lose this feeling, or each other, ever.

“Come on, we should head back now.” Lexa extended her hand and Clarke took it.

When they got back, they laid down and talked about their dream house. 

“We can start building by the end of the month so by summer it will be finished.” 

“What will it look like?” Clarke asked

“Whatever we want, it’s all up to us.” They both smiled. 

“We should have three bedrooms and a drawing room for you, and a huge sitting room for guest.” Lexa was so excited to do this because it meant the start of a new life with Clarke. 

“We could use things from the ark so it could be warm in the winter.” Clarke added. 

“We will make plans tomorrow but now we should sleep. Goodnight Clarke.”

“Goodnight Lexa.” she kissed Lexa’s lips then snuggled up next to her.

* * *

“LEXA. wake up we’ve slept past noon and Titus says you have a meeting in 20 minutes.” Lexa jumped up realizing she was going to be late.

“How did we oversleep?” Lexa asked as she was rushing to put her warrior clothes on. 

“We stayed up pretty late, pity all we did was talk.” 

“Well they won’t understand that.” Lexa sounded angry. 

“It’s not my fault Lexa.” Clarke replied noticing her anger. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not upset at you it’s just this meeting is with the dessert clan.”

“Okay, do you have a problem with the desert clan?” Clarke was confused.

“Costia’s Father is the Leader of the desert clan; he never attends the meetings he usually sends someone else but for some reason he has decided to come.” 

Clarke didn’t really know what to say but she knew this would be hard for Lexa. “Do you want me to come with you for support?”

“I don’t think that is a good idea Clarke, he and I haven’t spoken since… I don’t want to rock the boat even more.” 

“Her death wasn’t your fault Lexa, I’m sure he knows that.”

Lexa just starred at Clarke because she was wrong it was her fault. “I’ll be back soon and when I come back we can go to Octavia’s.” She didn’t even let Clarke say anything she just walked out. 

She didn’t know what to expect walking into this meeting but she knew to get through it she had to be Heda the heartless, Ruthless Leader not Lexa. When the door opened to the room, he was already there waiting for her, he looked older and tired not how Lexa remembered him at all. His hair was grey and his eyes tired, surprisingly he smiled at Lexa.

“Lexa it is good to see you.” He got up and extended his hand to Lexa.

“You as well Cassius.” Lexa shook his hand and motioned for him to sit. “What can I do for you?”

“I have something for you, it’s from Costia she left it for you before she left for Azgeda.”

“Left for Azgeda?”

“Lexa I really think you should just take the note and read it and you will have all the answers.”

“Why was she going to Azgeda?” Lexa stood over him not giving him a choice. 

“It’s my understanding that she was spying for Queen Nia.” 

Lexa couldn’t wrap her head around the words he had just said. “She wouldn’t have done that.”

“Nia threatened to have our whole family killed, she didn’t have a choice.”

“She could have come to me; I could’ve have stopped it I would have never let it happen.” 

“It was more complicated than that Lexa and you know it.”

“GET OUT, leave now.” Lexa couldn’t hear him speak anymore she couldn’t handle this. 

“Please just read her note.” The man said before leaving.

“Everyone Out.” Lexa couldn’t feel this pain again, how could the women she fell madly in love would betray her like this? She couldn’t believe this was happening, she had to be weak and let it all in, she had to feel the pain in order to understand it. She went to the table and picked up the note, she didn’t want to read it but she knew she had to. 

_Dear Lexa,_   
_I’m writing you this because I know you’ll hate me after you find out what I’ve done. You have given me the chance to feel what it is like to be loved and to be in love and for that Thank you. This wasn’t just any love though; it was special it’s not something that most people get the luxury of having. I know that Nia is going to kill me, I can feel it, she doesn’t need me anymore. Lexa please be careful and I hope you can understand that I didn’t have a choice. And please don’t listen to Titus’s teachings, love is not weakness love is what’s going to get you through being the Commander. I love you and I’m so sorry, I hope you never doubt how much I love you._

Lexa saw water hitting the paper as she read, there was no holding back anymore it was like she couldn’t stop the tears. There was no reason for her to pull it together, she’s been holding this back since Costia’s death. How was she supposed to go out there and lead her people and give them hope when she didn’t even any for herself. She wiped her tears, threw some water over her face and walked out the meeting room she didn’t notice she had been in there long but it was already midafternoon. She walked to her room but stopped at the door and took a deep breath before she pushed through the doors. 

Clarke was dressed in slim black dress that had a slit on the side when she noticed Lexa, she walked over and kissed her. “How was is it?”

“We can talk about it later.” Lexa forced a smile. 

“Okay well I got you something today it’s in the bathroom, now go get dressed.”

Lexa went to the bathroom and saw a beautiful navy-blue gown. She slipped the dress on and took her braid out and tried to tame her wild curly hair. She looked in the mirror and wiped the remaining black paint off her face then went back into the room. 

“The dress is beautiful, thank you Clarke.” 

“I knew would look breath-taking in it as soon as I saw it. Are you ready to go?” Clarke knew Something had happened at the meeting because Lexa was acting strange. 

“Yes, let’s go.”

They walked through the markets and past the woods until they reached a small lit house. 

“I know somethings wrong Lexa, what happened?”

“I said we can talk about it later Clarke, now come on tonight isn’t about me.” Lexa could tell she was talking with no emotion behind it but she couldn’t help it. 

“Whatever say commander.” Clarke walked towards the house; she knew she shouldn’t call her that but that’s what she was acting like.

“Clarke stop, I hate when you do that.” 

“Because when your upset you act heartless and emotionless like the Commander. Now tell me what’s wrong please.” 

“I promise that when we get home, we can talk about it, but please let’s try and enjoy this dinner.”

Clarke wanted to fight her on this but she just let it go. “Okay let’s go.” Clarke tried to walk off but Lexa grabbed her hand and they walked together. 

They knocked on the door and Octavia answered. She was wearing a black dress and looked amazing it in. “Looking good.” Clarke winked at her. 

“Come in Bell and Nylah are already here.”

For some reason Clarke had forgotten that Nylah was going to be there. 

When they walked in the house Bellemy and Nylah were sitting on a small couch near the fire.

“Guys Clarke and Lexa are here, let’s eat.” Octavia grabbed Lincolns hand and headed towards a different room. Nylah turned around and smiled at Clarke and she smiled back.

“It’s good to see you again Clarke.” Nylah said as she walked by Clarke and into the other room with Octavia. 

“Are you guys friends?” Lexa sounded jealous but she didn’t care she saw the way Nylah looked at her. 

“No but I traded at her post a couple of times.” Clarke followed them into the other room. 

There was a medium sized table with lots of food on top of it. They all sat down and annoyingly Nylah sat across from Clarke. 

“Thank you so much for having us Octavia, Lincoln.” Lexa smiled at them. 

“Of course, commander.”

“Just Lexa is fine.” 

Octavia nodded her head. 

“So, do you live around here?” Lexa stared at Nylah waiting for an answer.

“I live close but more towards Arkadia, my father runs a trading post there. It’s actually where I met Clarke.” Niylah looked at Clarke and gave her a smile. 

“I hadn’t realized you guys were friends.” Octavia said.

“I wouldn’t said friends.” Clarke added.

“I think the Skai people call it friends with benefits.” Niylah said plainly.

“Oh.” Octavia laughed and Bellemy just looked confused.

“I wouldn’t say that either.” Clarke finally said.

“So Bellemy how did you two meet?” Lexa asked trying to change the subject.

“We also met at Niylah’s trading post.” Bellemy desperately wanted the subject to change.

“Must be quite the trading post.” Lexa said and Octavia couldn’t help but laugh once again.

“So, the weather has been great.” Lincoln said.

“It certainly has.” Clarke stuck her fork into the food she wasn’t eating.

The awkwardness lingered as the dinner continued, everyone tried to find different things to talk about but there was no use. It wasn’t a big deal that her and Niylah slept together, but everyone not knowing seem to make it awkward. 

Lexa, Clarke didn’t know what she heard or what to say. 

“Who wants a drink? “Octavia held up a bottle filled with wine. 

“Me.” Clarke raised her cup.

“I’d love some.” Lexa said.

“The way this dinner is going we might need 10 more bottle.” Octavia smiled and poured everyone drinks. 

Everyone ate and not much was said, it was definitely one of the weirdest dinners any of them had been to. 

“We should go Lexa you have that meeting in the morning and it’s getting late.” Clarke didn’t know if Lexa had a meeting but she wanted to get out of there. 

“Right, we probably should go but thank you so much for having us it was… Great.” They both got up and hugged Octavia and Lincoln and gave Bellemy and Nylah a friendly wave before they left. 

When they walked outside, they both took a deep breath like they hadn’t breathed fresh air in minutes. 

“You could’ve just told me you guys were together before.” Lexa said as they walked.

“We weren’t together.”

“You know what I mean Clarke, It wouldn’t have mattered. We weren’t together then.”

“I know but I thought not saying would spare us from a very awkward moment.”

“You were very wrong Clarke; it was terribly awkward.” Lexa laughed.

“I know.” 

“You know what Clarke?”

“What?” Clarke was hoping she wouldn’t say anything about Nylah. 

“I’m starting to think we have bad luck with dinner parties.” They both looked at each other and laughed. 

“Maybe so, Come on.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and walked. 

When they got home, they both took their dresses of and laid on the bed. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened today.” Clarke said rubbing Lexa’s hand. 

Lexa took a deep breath and told her what Cassius said about Costia being a spy and gave her the note to read. 

“I’m so sorry, Lexa I know how much you loved her but you shouldn’t let this change that she clearly loved you but her family were at risk you have to understand that right?”

Lexa looked in her eyes, she did understand but that didn’t make it feel any better. Tears fell from Lexa’s eyes and soon it was uncontrollable. Clarke had never seen her like this and she hated it. 

“It’s okay Lexa, I’m here.” Clarke held her and rocked her and wiped her tears. Lexa fell in her arms she needed to let every ounce of pain in and she needed to feel it for her to move past it. She knew that when she did finally get over that her new life with Clarke would be waiting for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> review review review


	12. Don't Doubt Me

Lexa had fallen asleep in Clarke’s lap; she wasn’t sleepy so she just stayed awake running her hands through Lexa’s soft brown her. She wasn’t sure of how to take what Lexa had told her about Costia, and she didn’t know how to help her. What if this has broken Lexa forever? All these questions came flooding in and she couldn’t fight them, or maybe she’s decided that love really is weakness. She wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, to take away this pain. After carefully moving Lexa’s head to the pillow she walked to the balcony connected to their room.

The sky reminded her of her first night on earth, the glowing forest and bright stars. Things had changed so quickly and Clarke was just now catching her breath. Things had finally chilled out and everything was good, but I guess good never last long. Truth is Clarke was truly scared how this would effect Lexa.

“What are you doing out here?” Lexa appeared behind Clarke pulling her from her own self thoughts. 

“I couldn’t sleep I just came to get some air, what are you doing up?” Clarke saw Lexa moving closer to her. 

“Well I usually feel you when I’m sleep and I didn’t so I woke” 

“Are you feeling better”

Lexa smiled. “Time heals all wounds Clarke; I’m going to be fine soon.”

“You can talk to me Lexa, about anything. about this” 

“I know that, but please just trust me when I say I’m fine, and if I’m never not fine I will talk to you.” Lexa did feel better she knew it would take time but she was glad she had Clarke to help her. 

Clarke took Lexa’s hand and squeezed it; her mind still wondered with questions she knew she just needed to tell Lexa how she felt. “I was worried I would lose you” 

“Why would you lose me?” Lexa was confused.

“Well the last time you completely shut down and basically labeled love as weakness and I didn’t know if you would do that again.” Clarke didn’t know how Lexa would react but she did need to know if she would shut down again. 

“This is an end of something that shouldn’t have been dragged on this long, Love is not weakness you showed me that. Loving you is what’s getting me through this, I’m not going to shut down on you.” Lexa knew Clarke’s worries were valid but a lot has changed since Costia’s death, she’s changed. 

“I love you.” They both smiled and looked at the sky.

“Me too.” Lexa kissed the blondes hands before hugging her tightly.

“I think I need to go talk to my mom.” Clarke didn’t want to but she couldn’t not have her in her life it’s her mom.

“Her and Kane are coming here for meeting in the morning” Lexa had absolutely forgot to tell Clarke but a lot had happened.

Now she did have to talk to her or it would get really awkward real fast. “What’s the meeting about?” Clarke tried to sound like she didn’t care but she wasn’t convincing anyone.

“The schools we plan to build and the educators.”

“So why isn’t Kane just coming he’s the chancellor not her” Clarke knew something was going on. 

“Umh I asked her to join him. You to really need to talk and there’s no time like the present, or the morning in this case” Lexa smiled at Clarkes annoyed look. 

“We should get to bed now” Clarke knew Lexa was right and that annoyed her. 

Lexa nodded and grabbed Clarkes hand as they walked back to the room, she loved holding her hand. They got back to the room and laid down this time Clarkes head was in Lexa’s chest. They didn’t talk they both just stared at the ceiling until their eyes got tired and they fell asleep. 

* * *

“Clarke, they have been waiting for us to join them for 10 minutes” Clarke had been stalling, she didn’t want see Abby.

“What am I supposed to say to her? If she doesn’t apologize to you then me and her are done.” Clarke was upset she didn’t want confront Abby. 

“Listen to me this isn’t about me; this is about your relationship with your mom now come on.” Lexa basically had to drag Clarke into the other room. 

When they entered Kane and Abby were sitting waiting for them. Abby immediately looked to Clarke but it was clear Clarke didn’t want to look or see Abby. 

“Commander, good seeing you” Kane got up and shook Lexa’s hand. 

“Kane, Abby I think we all have much to discuss” 

“Yes, well I think the schools would be a great thing for all of us and our teachers at Arkadia are excited about it.”

“Trikru will be happy to teach Trigedasleng to any Sky person who would like to learn, and also hunting and training classes.” 

“Sounds good, we both have a lot to learn from each other”

“Before we go Abby, I think Clarke has something to say to you.” 

Clarke had surely thought they thought had forgotten she was there but I guess it was time to face the music. So, she got up and stood next to Lexa, she was shaking. When Lexa noticed she grabbed her hand and that brought Clarke back to reality. 

“Mom I really think you need to apologize to Lexa and actually give her a chance because my relationship with her is going to continue with or without your support.” Clarke tried to sound like Lexa when she was being the commander but it didn’t work for her.

Abby looked surprised at the way Clarke spoke to her, but she looked at Lexa and smiled a little. “I am sorry Lexa, at first I didn’t want Clarke to get hurt again cause I saw what it didn’t to her the first time but I can see how happy you make her and who I am to stand in the way of that.”

I think everyone was surprised that Abby actually apologized because it was silent for about 45 seconds and everyone was stunned. 

“Good.” Clarke didn’t know what else to say because she wasn’t expecting this to happen.

“Lexa, I think we both need a fresh start.” Abby said looking at Lexa. 

“I think that’s a good idea.” Lexa smiled and turned to Clarke who returned the smile. 

Clarke knew her mom would love Lexa the real Lexa if she just gave her the chance and now that might happen. 

“I have patients to see this afternoon but maybe you could come back to Arkadia for that dinner sometime.” Abby got up from the table and grabbed her jacket. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Clarke still didn’t like the way the last dinner went she didn’t want to relive it. There was no way her mom could just have a change of heart in a week.

“Commander I can make up a list of materials for the school buildings and send them back for approval” Kane got up from the table a joined Abby by the door. 

Lexa just nodded. 

Clarke gave her mom a slightly fake hug then they left. As soon as the door shut Clarke exhaled loudly. 

“I’m glad we took care of that” Lexa smiled at her accomplishment of getting her stubborn girlfriend to do this,

“She can’t be serious, just wait yo-“Lexa cut her off. 

“Clarke just give her chance, the same way you’re expecting her to give me one.” 

“Fine but I’m still staying here in Polis” 

“Good” Lexa smirked and grabbed Clarkes face kissing her. She wanted to devour her right then and there on the table but the door swung open and startled both of them.

“Heda excuse me for barging.” Titus’s face turned red from embarrassment. 

“What do you want Titus” Lexa was annoyed, he sure did know how to ruin a perfect moment. 

“Cassius left this for you yesterday” Titus handed a small drawing book to Lexa. 

“What is it?” Lexa had forgot about Costia up until this moment. 

“I am not sure Heda, he told me only you should open it”

  
“Okay thank you Titus you may go” Lexa waved him of and he left. 

She opened the book and there were drawings of her in it, she had forgotten all about them.

“What is it” Clarke saw the look on Lexa’s face but it wasn’t sad or happy it was just a blank look. Lexa didn’t reply she just kept looking through the pages.

“Lexa?” Clarke tried to be gentle cause she knew it was probably Costia’s. 

“It’s- It’s a book that Costia used to draw in.” Lexa hesitated but she wasn’t saddened by seeing it she felt a little happier. 

“Can I see?” Clarke didn’t know if she should ask but Lexa didn’t look upset.

“I don’t know the pictures are a little… different” Lexa wasn’t sure if she wanted Clarke to see but Clarke took the book from her hands. 

When she opened it, she saw drawings of Lexa sitting on her throne then as she kept going and saw drawings of Lexa laying on the bed smiling the biggest Clarke had ever seen. She kept flipping and then there was a drawing of her naked. Clarke just looked up and saw Lexa staring at her.

“You look happy in these pictures; I’ve never seen you smile like that.” Clarke had drawn a picture of her before but it didn’t even come close to these. Clarke didn’t mean to be jealous but she couldn’t help it.

“Clarke it-“Clarke interrupted Lexa before she could finish. 

“It slipped my mind but I have to meet O.” Clarke hurried and walked out before Lexa could say anything, she wasn’t meeting Octavia but she had to get out of there. She had no right to be jealous but she was. 

Clarke still didn’t know her way around Polis so she didn’t know where to go or what to do so she just wondered around. She knew of one place so she walked there, after minutes she found the place where her and Lexa’s house was to be built. She sat by the waterfall and just laid back and looked at the stars.

Why was she fooling herself to think she could make Lexa happy? When Clarke had read the letter Lexa showed her yesterday it said that her and Costia had a “Special Love” how was Clarke supposed to compare to that? It wasn't until Clarke met Lexa that she realized she had never been in love, there was Finn and maybe she had strong feelings for him but in the end saying i love you felt like a dying wish. Someone she did for him. But Lexa had already been in love and what if that love didn't compare to theirs?

* * *

It had been hours since Clarke had left and Lexa was worried so she decided to walk to Octavia’s to see if she was okay. She put her swords away and stripped from her commander clothes and dressed in regular clothes. She walked to the house and Lincoln and Octavia were outside but there was no sign of Clarke. 

“Lexa? Hey what are you doing here?” Octavia was confused and a little weirded out by calling her Lexa. 

“I’m looking for Clarke she said she was meeting with you, i assume she would be here.” Lexa looked around to make sure she wasn’t hiding from her.

Octavia and Lincoln looked at each confused. “I haven’t talked to Clarke since the dinner and we didn’t make plans, do you want me to help you look for her?” 

“No, it’s okay I can find her.” Lexa didn’t understand why Clarke would lie.

“Okay well will you let me know when she’s safe?”

“Of course.” Lexa nodded and walked off; she knew Clarke didn’t know any places around here except one. 

Lexa walked to the clearing by the waterfall and saw Clarke laying down looking up at the stars. She walked over and sat beside her. 

“I was worried, I went to Octavia’s and she said that you were never there. What the hell Clarke?”

Clarke just looked at Lexa and put her hand on her face, she didn’t say anything she didn’t have to she just stared.

“Stars aren’t as pretty when you have an up close view of them in the sky you know” Clarke tried to change the subject. “Clarke” Lexa wasn’t about to let her get out of this. 

  
“I’m never going to be able to compare to her.” 

“What?” 

“What you guys had was special and what if we don’t have that?” Clarkes asked, her eyes welling up.

“No.” 

“Yes Lexa” 

“No Clarke, what me and Costia had was a lie, it wasn’t real, she was doing it as a job not out of love. What me and you have is extraordinary. A girl from the sky and another from earth falling in love. That’s special.” Lexa wiped Clarke face. 

"Love is new to me Lexa, i don't know what i'm doing."

“Why do you doubt my love for you?” Lexa looked down.

Clarke pulled her head up and searched her eyes. “Because this seems way too good to be true, Falling in love, building a home together, building a family I want all of that and more with you but we both know that’s not how things work out”

“I’ll make it work out, I want you to have everything you’ve always wanted and more but you have to let me give it to you and stop doubting the possibilities that things might actually be good for once.” 

Clarke smiled. “You deserve the world Lexa” 

“And you deserve the sky, the moon, the sun and all the stars.” Lexa smiled “But really Clarke you can’t just lie to me about where you’re going something could’ve happened to you.” 

“Yes ma’am”

Lexa held out her hand “Let’s go back now” 


	13. heal

A few days had pasted and Lexa was already feeling better about Costia, surprisingly she didn’t really think too much about it, she had Clarke to thank for that. Lexa hadn’t had any Commander things to do so her and Clarke stayed in bed and talked and once again for a second, they were just a normal couple. 

“I have a surprise for you Clarke, get dressed” Lexa hopped out of bed and grabbed Clarke. 

“Ugh can’t the surprise come to me I just want to lay here.” Clarke said in a sleep voice. 

“Nope, not possible now come on” Lexa knew that once she got up she would love what she saw. 

Clarke got dressed and dragged herself down the stairs and outside. It was mid-afternoon and the sun was shining so bright Clarke squinted the whole walk. 

“Where are we going Lexa?”

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Lexa pulled a long piece of fabric out and wrapped it over Clarke’s eyes

“Lexa is this necessary?”

“Very necessary, now stop complaining were almost there” Lexa was excited, she had secretly slipped away claiming be doing short meetings but really, she wasn’t.   
“Okay we’re here Clarke” Lexa took off the blind fold.

When Clarke opened her eyes, she saw a foundation for a house and a one wall already up. It was their house in their spot, she didn’t know how Lexa did this in a few days but she loved it. 

“Lexa, how did you do this?” Clarke could almost cry but she didn’t she was simply happy. 

“Do you like it? I’m hoping it will be done in a couple months I have people working on it day and night.” 

“I love it, and I love you so much.” Clarke jumped into Lexa’s arms and gave her the biggest kiss. Building this house meant the start of their own lives together as an actual couple not heda or Wanheda or a leader just Clarke and Lexa. 

Lexa smiled, she loved making Clarke happy. “I love you too, they should be back to build soon we should go” Lexa grabbed her hand and walked back to the polis capital building. 

Everything felt perfect and they knew to take advantage of that feeling.

“I actually have a surprise for you too.” Clarke said as they laid in their bed.

“Oh and what’s that?” 

“Octavia went to Arkadia last week I asked her to bring back some medical books so I can look up your.. condition.” Clarke didn’t like using the word defect. “Anyways I think I have some ideas on what it could be.”

“When did you have time to do this?” Lexa smiled.

“Between your meetings and training I had time. Anyways the only real thing I could find from what little information we have is you could be intersex.” 

“Intersex?”

“From what I read in the old world it was perfectly normal, the term does seem to be extremely broad though apparently there is no one way to be intersex. I was thinking my mom could help us, could know more.”

“I would like that, and I love you for doing this.”

“You deserve some clarity and I like doing research.” 

“Before they start really building is there anything you want specifically in the house?” Lexa didn’t want to change the subject but she was so excited about it.

“Not that I can think of, maybe big windows? Why did you want three rooms in the house if it’s just us?” Clarke asked curiously.

“I don't know if it’s possible for me to have kids, but if it is, they should have their own room.” Lexa sighed. 

“That’s the good thing about research we can answer all of the unknown questions.” Clarke smiled. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“Why not both?” 

“Slow down there, let’s just take it one at a time.” Clarke laughed. “I for one would love a girl.

Lexa laughed. “She would be beautiful just like you no doubt.” 

“Like both of us, so what happens if they’re a Nightblood?” Clarke didn’t want to ask but she knew it was a possibility.

Lexa didn’t say anything she just looked. 

"It’s just you said they test you at birth.” Clarke knew she shouldn’t dig deeper but they should discuss it.

“I would never wish this life on my child Clarke, so let’s pray that your blood will be the dominant one.” Lexa shut down, the thought of her child being commander made her sick, she didn’t want her child’s life to be like her she wanted it to be better. 

“Our child Lexa and I know that I’m sorry for bringing up.” 

“Don’t be.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes hands. “Our child deserves the best and that’s exactly what they’ll have. I won’t let this happen to them.” Clarke smiled and squeezed her hand.

“Good thing we have a lot of time before we have to worry about a child.” Lexa sighed in relief. 

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t practice” Clarke smirked and kissed Lexa’s neck then moved now her chest. Clarke knew all Lexa's weaknesses.

She ripped Lexa’s shirt off and kissed her chest and then her stomach and moved her way down. Lexa was trying to hold in her moans but it was impossible, she pushed Clarke off her then got on top of her pulling her shirt over her head then kissing her lips. She pushed her tongue over her breast then down her stomach pulling her panties off. Clarkes loud moaning and it just made her more excited. They could both do this all night, they loved nothing more than to satisfy each other. 

When they were done, they both just laid there, they had sex before but this time was so much better. It felt different the other times felt rushed this time they took their time because they knew they would have a lot of it. 


	14. There's still so much i still dont know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets some answers that lead to more questions.

It had been a few weeks since Lexa had last shown Clarke the progress on their house. Everything was happening quickly and Clarke couldn’t be happier. She didn’t want to see the house until it was fully done but Lexa insisted. They had put up a few more walls and even started on the roof. Lexa wasn’t lying when she said they were working day and night. They couldn’t stay long though because they had to Leave for Arkadia. Abby had started to help them research Lexa’s condition and figure out if she was truly intersex. She even offered to run some test on Lexa to figure out if it was possible for her to have kids. The two had come a long way since dinner at Arkadia and she was great full for that. 

“My mom sent a rover but we can ride if you would like.” Clarke said as Lexa braided her hair.

“The rover is fine Clarke.” 

“I’m surprised you don’t hate the rover.” 

“It took some getting used to but it’s quicker and I have a meeting later.”

“Are you nervous?” Clarke asked.

“About?”

“Getting answers?”

“I’m not nervous, I don’t care about not knowing if I’m a weird mix between male and female. The only thing I care about know is if I can have children with you.” Lexa sighed.

“Even if you can’t we will always have each other.”

“What if it’s not enough for you?” Lexa said quietly.

“It will always be enough for me.” Clarke smiled. “I’ll always love you kids or none, plus there are other options Lexa if we decide we want kids." 

The ride there was quick, aside from building schools they’ve even started throwing around the idea of pathways for the rovers. They also wanted to fix up more rovers and give lessons on how to drive them. Ultimately their endgame was to evolve so they could live better and happier.

When they arrived at Arkadia they were welcomed by Raven and Kane.

“Commander, Welcome. Clarke it’s good to see you.” Kane smiled.

“Hello Chancellor.” Lexa nodded.

“Clarke!” Raven smiled walking to the rover.

“How are you Raven?” Clarke hugged the girl, they had ups and downs but even after everything they were family.

“For once, good. How are you?” Raven smirked.

“I’m great.” Clarke smiled.

“It’s nice to see you again Raven.” Lexa said cautiously, she knew after Finn Raven hated her.

There was a long pause before Raven replied. “You too commander, Abby actually sent me to escort you to medical.”

“I do know the way you know?” 

“Maybe I just wanted an excuse to see you then.” 

“You never need an excuse; I would love to see you more. Come to Polis anytime, I’m sure O misses you too.” 

“Maybe I will.” 

“Hey Raven.” A young Blonde guy yelled from the yard.

“Good lord.” Raven sighed.

“Is that wick?” Clarke squinted.

“I sleep with him once and he can’t get enough.”

“Well he did carry you all the way here from Mount Weather.”

“And I said thank you.”

“Maybe you should talk to him.” 

“There really Is nothing to say, now I’m going to run as fast as I can in hopes he’ll get the hint.” Raven smiled before quickly limping off. “See me before you leave.”

“She’s crazy.” Clarke laughed.

“Why doesn’t she just be direct with him, tell him she’s not interested?” Lexa asked. 

“That would be the easy thing to do, something tells me she doesn’t mind the chase.” Clarke smiled.

As they walked through the halls, they got lots of stares but also lots of smiles. It seemed like all the bad blood had faded away. People were happy here, for the first time since they landed. The pain and the loss almost seemed worth it. When they entered the medical center it was basically empty, there weren’t many patients and the ones who were there seemed to be there for a checkup.

“Not many people around.” Clarke said to Abby as they hugged.

“No ones getting shot or stabbed, everyone’s fine. We mostly get checkups now and we’re trying to sort medications. Some people have conditions that need treated.”

“I’m glad no ones hurt.” Lexa said.

“Me too, now how are you feeling about all of this?” 

“I feel fine, what do we do first?” Lexa answered,

“First I’m just going to give you some basic information. From what Clarke has told me her guess as you being Intersex seem likely. Being Intersex has many definitions but to put it plainly it is a person whose biology doesn’t fit the typical definition of Male or Female. It is not a deformity whatsoever, it’s not as rare as you would think. Have you heard of anyone else like you?” Abby asked Lexa.

“No, but even if there was anyone, they are probably dead. When we are born if you show any sign of deformity would be left for dead in the dead zone.”

“But you weren’t.” Abby said.

“My Nightblood saved me.” 

“Is Nightblood hereditary? Does anyone in your family share this trait?” Abby could see Lexa flinch at her words. She didn’t know much as Nightblood only what Clarke told her, but she could see there was something Lexa wasn’t saying. 

“Lexa?” Clarke looked at how bothered the girl seemed. “What’s wrong?”

“What I say doesn’t leave this room.” Lexa sighed.

“Patient confidentiality.” Abby smiled.

“Of course Lex.” 

"No one that I know of ever had Nightblood in my family, not until me and not until.” Lexa paused; this was something she never told anyone. It was something she tried to hide as best as she could. “Not until Elena and Theo, my Aunts kids.” 

“I don’t understand, wouldn’t they be training with the Natblida’s then?” Clarke asked.

“They should be yes.” Lexa sighed. “Nia isn’t the only one who can hide Nightblood’s.” 

“They both have this blood?” Abby asked.

“Yes, they were born at the same time.” 

“Twins, I couldn’t tell.” Clarke said.

“If you didn’t know you’d think they were just siblings.” Lexa said. “When they were born, I was there with Alix, she’s the only family I have. I couldn’t have her kids fighting to be my replacement after they’ve killed each other. So, I did the only thing I could I lied.” 

“So besides them there is no one else that you know of?” Abby asked.

“No.” 

“Okay so I’d say it’s possible it’s hereditary and from what I’ve researched being Intersex can be as well. I don’t have all the answers I’m sorry to say, but I wanted to reassure you that you are perfectly normal.” Abby smiled.

“And did your research say if these people could have children?” Lexa asked.

“There Is not simple answer, there are some people who can’t and others who have to issues. The only thing I can say is when you guys are ready to try and if nothing happens, we’ll try everything we can.” 

“So does this mean I’m not a woman?” Lexa asked her.

“If that’s what you want to identify then yes you are a woman.” Abby smiled.

“That is what I want.” Lexa said.

“Then it’s settled you’re a woman.” Abby replied.

“Thank you for this Abby.” Lexa smiled; she really appreciated the time she took to do this for her.

“Don’t thank me, we’re basically family.” Abby smiled and Clarke was sure her heart melted. “I do want to draw some blood before you go, run some test make sure there’s nothing else I can tell you.” 

After getting some blood work Clarke and Lexa said bye to everyone before returning to Polis. Clarke wanted to ask about Elena and Theo but she didn’t want to push Lexa, she knew this wasn’t a delicate subject.

“Don’t tell Alix I told you, she paranoid enough as is.” Lexa looked out the window watching the trees fly by as they drove.

“What did you do, after they were born?” Clarke asked.

“Alix asked me to prick their fingers when the healer stepped out to get more cloths, it was like she knew. When the black came out of their tiny fingers, I’m sure I stopped breathing, Alix cried silently and I had to think fast. I smeared Alix’s blood on their fingers and told the healer I wanted to check myself as the Commander.” 

“He didn’t question you?” Clarke asked.

“Lucky for me he wouldn’t dare question his Commander.”

“What happened next?” 

“There was nothing more do to, until they started training. It was inevitable that they would be cut or injured during a fight. They always train in fully covered in clothes and they always train their hardest. They have to be the best.” Lexa never thought she would say these words out loud. She swore she would take them to her grave.

“What would happened if they were caught?” Clarke knew the answer wouldn’t pleasant but she had to know.

“Alix would be killed and the kids would be thrown into the conclave when I die.” 

“I know you don’t want to think about it but it’s a conversation we have to have.” Clarke sighed. “If our child is born a Nightblood- “ 

“Clarke don’t” Lexa couldn’t hear this.

“We need to talk about this, I have a feeling being the best warrior they can be won’t be enough.” 

“How about we have this conversation when we find out if we can ever have a child because it’s not looking so good Clarke.” Lexa hadn’t realized she was raising her voice until she saw the driver looking at her.

“Don’t say that.” Clarkes voice was barely audible.

There was a long pause before either of them says anything.

“I’m sorry, I just. This is hard Clarke, every day I think about what could happen to Alix and to her kids. Every day I wonder maybe the truth would’ve been better but it’s not better. They could both end up dead or worse one of them would win and live knowing the other is dead.” 

“I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Clarke stared out the window, this had to be the longest ride of her life.

“I never thought I would have kids or a partner. I thought the only thing I would ever be was the Commander, something I had to kill for when I didn’t want to. I close my eyes at night prepared to face my demons Clarke, their faces never leave my head. They’ll be there forever, haunting me so if there is even the slightest chance, I can save someone I love from that torture I will. I’ll do whatever I must for Elena and Theo and for my child, I will kill for them. Whatever it takes, always.” 

The rest of the car ride was completely silent, Clarke wanted to say something. Anything but what? What could she say? 

When the Rover stopped both girls got out and walked towards the Polis building, no one said anything. Clarity is supposed to led to freedom but in this case, it just led to more questions. Lexa knew she was normal but she didn’t know if she could have kids. Clarke knew being a Nightblood was a possibility for her child but she didn’t know what she would do if that happened. Questions lead to more questions and sometimes there was just no right answer. Clarke had killed enough to know Lexa’s pain; it is torture living with what you done.

“When I pulled that lever at Mount Weather, I felt a part of myself die with those people. I did what I had to; I took the only option I had to save my people. I don’t feel good about it, it’ll be with me forever but I have to bear it, so they don’t have to.” Clarke heard Dante’s word echo in her head. “I live with it so they can live in peace, they know what I did. Some of them even watched it happened but they get to move on because they didn’t pull that lever, I did. I’ve killed more people than I liked to admit and I will do it again to protect everyone I love. You’re not the only one who has to live with the things you’ve done.”

“I know that.” Lexa stopped walking and looked at the blonde.

“So, lean on me, confide in me if you can’t sleep because the nightmares are too much, I’ll be there to help you. We will figure everything else out as it comes."

“As long as you also lean and confide in me too.”

“Of course.” Clarke smiled.

There was still so much uncertainty but there was nothing they could do about it. Somethings don’t have answers or specific solutions, you just have to figure it out as you go and with many things that’s what they have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii! I would love for you guys to comment let me know what you think.


	15. i'll do anything

“Again.” Lexa could see Clarke was exhausted but this is what she asked for. They had spent their mornings for the past week training at Clarkes request. She knew how to use a gun but she wanted to learn how to sword fight and it was a way to spend time with Lexa.

“Ughh.” Clarke whined.

“You asked for this Sky girl.” Lexa smiled. 

“I know but I half expected you to go easy on me.” 

“Never, now get ready.” 

Right after they finished training Lexa had meetings to attend so Clarke decided to explore Polis. They hadn’t talked much about anything Nightblood or child related since they were back from Arkadia, it seemed better not to.

It was mid-day and the city was packed with people. She loved being here and learning new cultures and meeting people. No one treated her poorly and she didn’t know if that was Lexa’s doing or no one here cared she was Wanheda or even Skaikru. It was liberating.

After walking around for a while she headed to Lexa’s study where she kept her books. She made it a personal mission to read all the ones she could, after all she had nothing but time. Time to sit around and read books all day apparently. Truth is she was beyond bored.

She had imagined when the war was over, she’d be in Arkadia leading and helping whether that was in medical or in leadership. She had a place there and although she loved Polis, she had no real role here and it was hard. Her thoughts had become so mind consuming that she didn’t hear Lexa come in.

“Clarke?” Lexa stepped in front of the blonde.

“What?” 

“I asked how the reading was?” 

“It’s fine, I’m getting through them quickly.” Clarke pointed to the pile she designated the read pile.

“I see, sounds fun.”

“No need for the sarcasm.” Lexa smiled.

“How has your day been? Anything exciting happen?” 

“Not particularly, we’ve been making plans to build houses along with the schools. That’s pretty exciting.” 

“It is, is there anything I can do?” Clarke asked.

“Not that I can think of, you do have to attend the monthly ambassador meeting in couple of days though.”

“There’s nothing for me to do at all?” Clarke asked.

“Is there something you want to do?” 

“Not specifically but I don’t just want to sit around and wait for you all day. It’s getting boring.”

“Our first school is opening in a couple of weeks; I was hoping you could teach a few Art classes to the kids.” Lexa smiled as she watched Clarkes eyes light up.

“I would like that.” 

“Then you’ll do it.” 

“There’s something else I’d like to do.” Clarke smirked, reaching for Lexa’s shirt.

“Clarke, I have another meeting in 20 minutes.”

“The things we can do in 20 minutes.” Clarke started working her lips down Lexa’s neck slipping her shirt off in the process. 

“If I’m late Titus will have something to say about it.” Lexa said not fighting Clarke as she slipped her hand down her tight pants. She couldn’t help but let the moan escape her mouth.

“You clearly don’t want me to stop.” Clarke teased referring to Lexa quickly growing in her hand. “Tell me what you want me to stop.” 

“Clarke.” Lexa couldn’t hold back anymore; her meeting could wait she had to finish what Clarke had started.

“Yes commander?” Clarkes eyes were dark with desire which only made Lexa crazier.

“What do you want me to do?” Lexa pushed Clarke onto the couch they spent countless hours on talking before they were this. Before they were together. “Tell me what you want.” Lexa pulled Clarkes shirt off exposing her breast, she wasted no time tearing her pants off too.

“I want you inside of me Commander.” Lexa had never been so turned on by being called commander in her life, she loved it.

“As you wish.” Lexa smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of short,more to come :)


	16. baby, i love you.

It had been three weeks since Clarke had last been to Arkadia so she decided to go visit for the day. She missed her mom and her friends but she had other motives for going. When she told Lexa she was going she volunteered to go but Clarke insisted she should stay in Polis.

“Are you staying overnight?” Lexa didn’t want Clarke to leave, even if it was just for a couple of hours.

“Lexa I’m only going to be gone one night.” Clarke thought it was cute that Lexa was sad she was leaving.

"Fine, just hurry back.” Lexa kissed Clarke gently then walked her to the rover that Kane sent for her. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

Clarke hated riding in the Rover but she really wanted to get there as fast she could. After about 2 hours they arrived at the gate and Abby was waiting for her with a smile on her face. Clarke got out of the Rover and immediately got bombarded with a hug.

“Hey Mom.” Clarke hugged her mom back and pulled away.

“What’s going on Clarke, why did you want me to check you out?” 

“I think I just need a checkup” Clarke tried to convince herself that was true.

Abby knew there was more going on but she just brushed it off. “Okay let’s go to Medical”

“Clarke, I know you, by now you’ve self-diagnosed so what’s going on?” 

“I think I’m pregnant.” This was the first time all week that she said that out loud. She had been throwing up every morning days in a row. She told Lexa it was food poisoning from something she bought from the market but that wasn't true.

Abby smiled a little. “That’s good. Right?”

“It’s amazing if it’s true, I don’t want to get Lexa’s hope up. That’s why she’s not here, I want to know for sure.”

“Okay then let’s find out. We have to do a blood test and that will take a few hours for results.” 

“That’s fine, I planned on staying anyways.” 

Clarke gave some blood then went to lay down in her old room.

The last time she had been in this room things were different, her and Lexa had just started their relationship and now she was waiting to find out if she was pregnant with her child. Things were always changing so fast, she just hoped that her and Lexa remained a constant. 

“I heard you were here.” Raven stood at the doorway with a huge smile on her face.

“Staying for the night.”

“Trouble in paradise?” 

“Me and Lexa are fine I just wanted to visit.” 

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I miss you.” 

“Come to Polis, keep me company. I’m basically a housewife, without being a wife.” Clarke sighed. “Point is I need friends in Polis and Octavia is always busy, I get bored.”

“Commander heart eyes doesn’t keep you satisfied?” Raven smirked.

“She keeps me well over satisfied trust me.” Clarke smirked.

“What’s it like?” Raven asked. “The sex, she seems like the kind to have a kink.”

“She doesn’t have any kinks that I know of.” Clarke winked. “Honestly, she’s perfect, being with her doesn’t even compare to anyone else. I love her.”

“I’m glad you’re happy princess.” Raven smiled.

“So tell me, why are you literally running from wick? He wasn’t any good?” 

“He was great, we had fun spontaneous sex after figuring out how to turn off killer fog. I mean what’s hotter than that?” 

“So, why run?”

“It was fun, that’s all it was for me. He kind of saved my life how can I tell him I don’t want to be with him romantically?” 

“You tell him how you feel and let him move on. Then you find someone you don’t want to run from.” 

“I hate when you ruin my fun with your rightness.” Raven smiled.

“I know, but one of us has to be mature.”

* * *

The next morning Clarke heard knocking on her door then saw Octavia, she hadn’t realized she fell asleep after Raven left.

“Hey Abby told me you were here; I came to see Bell.” Octavia sat in the chair closest to the bed. “She also told me to tell you go to medical before you leave.”

“Okay, how’s Bellemy?” Clarke stretched her body out before getting out of bed,

“Heartbroken, apparently Niylah didn’t work out.”

“That’s too bad.” Before Clarke could so anything else, she felt her stomach tense up and she knew it was coming. She ran to the waste basket by the door, it felt like she was throwing up everything she’d ever eaten it was terrible.

“Are you sick?” Clarke had almost forgot Octavia was still there.

Clarke couldn’t lie and she really needed a friend. “Maybe”

“Well what’s wrong?” Octavia could obviously see she was hiding something. 

“I think I’m pregnant.” Saying it out loud made it sound so real. 

Octavia was shocked, surprised and speechless. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.” 

“Me either.” Clarke said sarcastically. 

“I don’t understand how that’s possible.” Octavia was confused.

“Lexa’s different, she identifies as a woman but she was born with male reproductive organs. There’s more to it but that’s the short version.”

“I guess it makes sense, there are some rumors around Polis.” 

“I’ve heard them and seeing is believing.”

“So, why isn’t she here?” Octavia asked.

“We didn’t know if this was possible for her to have kids and don’t want to give her hopes up, I have to know for sure before I tell her.”

“Then you better get to medical.”

“See you back in Polis?” 

Octavia just nodded and hugged Clarke, “Let me know when you know?” Octavia left her room leaving Clarke alone. 

Clarke got up and dressed in her old blue jacket and black pants. She didn’t bother to do her hair she just headed to Medical to see her mom. When she walked in there were no patients just Abby and Jackson putting supplies up. She knocked on the door to get her attention.

“Hey are you busy?”

“No, you’re my only Patient today. Have a seat.” Abby grabbed her clipboard and sat next to Clarke. “These are the results.”

“Just say it.” Clarke took a deep breath before letting in out slowly.

“Your instincts were right; you are pregnant I would say you’re only a couple weeks.”

“Wow, ok. This is real.” This was exciting, of course they wanted to wait to have kids but this could be now or never.

“Although I’m way too young to be a grandmother, I’m so happy for you.” Clarke could see tears building up in her mother’s eyes. “You should go tell her.”

“Walk me out?” Clarke asked.

“Of course, I am still doing tests with Lexa’s blood. Nightblood is incredible.”

“How so?” Clarke asked as they walked.

“Well for starters it blocks out Radiation and sickness in general. I don’t know for sure but it seems genetically modified.”

“So someone created it?” 

“I think so.” 

As they walked to the entrance, they noticed everyone moving inside. Clarke could hear the wind hitting the metal walls of the Ark, it felt so strong she wasn’t sure the walls wouldn’t fly away. As they got to the door, she noticed why everyone was moving inside.

“Well looks like I won’t be leaving right now.” Clarke sighed.

* * *

It had been two days and Clarke still hadn’t told Lexa about her Pregnancy, when she got ready to leave a huge rainstorm had hit. It was too bad to drive in so she decided to wait it out. Her and Lexa did talk though via Radio, she missed her so much.

Back in Polis Lexa was a mess, she had barley slept and she missed Clarke more than anything. She hadn’t realized how clingy she had gotten since her and Clarke had gotten together. She went to all her meetings but didn’t hear anything that was said all she could think about was Clarke. As she was walking from her last meeting she looked of the window and noticed the rain had stopped for the first time in two days.

* * *

When Lexa was leaving her last meeting she was stopped by Indra. 

“Heda”

“What is it Indra?” Lexa didn’t feel like talking she just wanted to go to her room and lay down.”

“Clarke has radioed, she’s due to be back any moment.”

“Let me know when she arrives.” 

“Sha, Heda.” Indra bowed before walking away.

Lexa tried hiding her excitement but there was no use, two day felt like two years. She was finally back. 

It wasn’t long before Lexa could hear the rovers screeching breaks outside. She tried not to run but before she knew it, she was at the entrance. She wasted no time opening the door for Clarke, could she have gotten more beautiful in two days?

“I missed you so much.” Clarke threw her arms around her neck.

“Never leave again." Lexa sighed into the hug letting out a breath she's been holding in since the blonde left,

“Never, Lexa you look exhausted.” Clarke took a step back and noticed the dark circles under the girl’s eyes.

“I’m fine, better now you’re here. How was your trip?” 

“Eye opening to say the least.” Clarke said.

“Well you can tell me all about it later because right now I have a surprise for you.” Lexa smiled; she couldn’t wait for Clarke to come back not only because she missed the hell out of her but because their house was finished.

“I was actually hoping we could talk.” Clarke wanted to tell her in a special way that they were having a baby but she had no idea how.

“We can talk once we get there, now come on.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand as they walked deeper into the woods. “Oh I almost forgot.” Lexa pulled out a small cloth from her back pocket. 

“Of course you have a blindfold handy.” Clarke smiled.

Lexa put the blindfold over Clarkes eyes and guided her through the woods. As Clarke was walking, she could hear a waterfall the same one near their house. 

“Okay were here, are you ready?” Lexa was excited and you could tell by her voice. 

“Yes.” Clarke was impatient she just wanted to rip the blindfold off. 

Lexa slowly took off the blindfold revealing a beautiful house. 

Clarke’s face was priceless, it was her and Lexa’s house. The house they planned together and designed together and here it was in real life. 

“How did you do this it wasn’t supposed to be finished for another month.” Clarke was not expecting this, in front of her was the house that her and Lexa would raise their family in.

“I told you I have people working day and night. Do you like it?” 

“I love it Lexa, it so perfect.” Clarke couldn’t help the happy tears from falling from her eyes, everything was exactly right. From the windows to the size it was perfect. As she looked at the house, she knew there would be other perfect time to tell Lexa about the baby than now. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.” Lexa didn’t know what to expect, was this going to be good news? Or horribly bad news?

“A few days ago I went to Arkadia for a reason, it wasn’t just to visit I wanted my mom to test me for something.” 

“Clarke, are you sick? Are you okay?” This was worse than Lexa thought, her mind was on overdrive trying to over think every possibility.

Clarke took a deep breath, after this it’s real. It’s happening.

“I’ve been having some symptoms; morning sickness, fatigue, back pains upon other things to.”

“Did Abby say somethings wrong?” 

“She confirmed what I thought was going on. She told me that I was pregnant.” Clarke watched the realization wash over Lexa.

“Really?” Lexa asked.

“Yes.”

“This is real, you’re pregnant.” Lexa was shocked, this was happening.

“Are you happy?” 

“Clarke, of course. I’m beyond happy and I love you.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes and hand and smiled. “I love you so much.” “How long is the pregnancy?” Lexa was curious she wasn’t expecting this so soon, but she already loved the idea of having a little warrior running around.

“Just about 4 weeks but my mom says the baby’s is healthy and everything is fine.”

“That’s good is there anything you need like medicine or anything because we can get everything”

Clarke laughed, she never seen Lexa so frantic before. “We don’t need anything me and the baby are fine.”

“Okay.” Lexa smiled; she couldn’t believe this was happening so quickly.

“I couldn’t wait to get back home to tell you.” Clarke didn’t realize she had called Polis home until she saw Lexa’s face.

“I’m glad you’re calling Polis home.” 

“Well it’s the first place I’ve felt safe in since we landed, and my home is always going to be with you.”

“And him or her.” Lexa said pointing to Clarke’s stomach.

“I know you wanted to do things traditionally like marriage then kids. I’m sorry.”

“Clarke we are not traditional and that’s okay. We can start new traditions.” Lexa grabbed her hands and kissed them.

“I love you.” This was the happiest she’s ever been. “Not show me our house.” 

“Well we still have to get furniture before we can stay here but I just wanted you to know it was done.” Lexa could see the joy on Clarkes face and that made her so happy. 

They walked through the house and Clarke stopped at a small room that had a huge window in it. 

“This is perfect for the baby’s room.” Clarke never imagined that being a sentence she would say.

“There’s one other room I want to show you.” Lexa led her down the hall and into a slightly bigger room. The room was filled with canvases, paints, pens, charcoal everything she could imagine. She had never even had this much art supplies on the ark it was incredible. 

“Where did you get all this stuff Lexa?” Clarke walked around and looked at everything.

“Most of it we have in Polis and the rest I had to find in different places throughout the clans.”

“Thank you for everything this is amazing.” Clarke grabbed Lexa and kissed her, she pulled her waist and pushed her against the wall. Things were getting intense, Clarke put her hands under Lexa’s shirt but Lexa pulled away. 

“We should probably get going it’s getting late.” Lexa didn’t want to push Clarke away but she was pregnant now and she was afraid that if she were to rough that something would happen. 

Clarke just nodded and walked out the room. What the hell was that? Lexa had never pushed her away before maybe she wasn’t attracted to her anymore because of the pregnancy?

When they got back to Polis and went to Lexa’s room, they both laid down. Clarke had missed this room even though it was only 2 days it felt like 2 months being away from Lexa. 

“When I saw you earlier you looked exhausted, have you not been sleeping?” Clarke laid closer to Lexa.

“It’s hard sleeping without you, it’s basically impossible.” 

“We couldn’t sleep without you either.” Clarke smiled as she looked her stomach. 

“So do you think it will be a girl I know that’s what you wanted.” Lexa looked at her stomach, this was real her baby was in there.

“I don’t yet, what do you think it will be?” 

“A boy, I’ve learned it’s always the opposite of what you think, I thought my brother would be a girl.” 

“I wish I had a sibling.” Clarke sighed at the Arks stupid rules. 

“Your parents didn’t want any more kids?” 

Clarke forgot Lexa didn’t know about the Arks laws. 

“On the Ark you were only allowed to have one child, if everyone had more than one there wouldn’t have been enough air.”

“But Octavia and Bellemy are siblings, right?” 

“Yeah, their mom broke the rule she had two kids and she hid Octavia for 16 years until she was caught and floated. The arks rules were harsh every crime was punishable by death.”

“What happened to Octavia?” 

“The locked her up with the rest of us delinquents that’s why she was down here with us.”

“What did you do to get locked up” Lexa said quietly. 

“Well after my father was killed, they locked me up because they didn’t want me to tell the rest of the citizens about the air. So they put me in solitary and I couldn’t talk to or see anyone.” 

“Wow I knew Clarke Griffin was a badass.” They laughed.

Clarke climbed on top of Lexa. “I am definitely a badass.” Clarke started kissing her and pulling her shirt off but once again Lexa pushed her away. “What’s going on Lexa?” Clarke was frustrated.

“Nothing I just don’t think we should do anything while you’re pregnant.” 

“So you’re not attracted to me because I’m pregnant?” Clarke was embarrassed she put her shirt back on to cover her barely noticeable pregnant belly. 

“What? That’s crazy if anything I’m even more attracted to you, it’s just what if we hurt the baby or something” 

Clarke just smiled, it was cute that Lexa was so worried about her and the baby. “You worry for nothing, me and the baby will be perfectly fine. But maybe we should get some rest instead.

“Okay.” Lexa kissed her and pulled her shirt down that Clarke had tried to rip off. 

“Now rest you need it.” Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek and turned her back to her. Lexa turned and wrapped her arms around Clarkes stomach. Within minutes they were both asleep, they both needed it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha think??


	17. Problems Galore

It was the middle of the night and Lexa could here Clarke screaming. 

“What’s going on? Clarke talk to me what’s going on? Lexa could see Clarke holding her stomach and crying. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong I was fine then I felt this sharp pain and it hurts so bad. Lexa it hurts.” Clarke was hysterically crying. 

“Okay it’s okay Clarke just breath it’s going to be okay.” Lexa was panicking she didn’t know what to do or what to say. She jumped out of the bed and ran to Indra who was standing guard outside of Polis. 

“Indra, I need a healer now, hurry go.” Indra didn’t ask questions she just did it. Lexa ran back to Clarke and saw that she was now sitting on the floor. “Clarke Listen to me everything going to be okay you just need to calm down and stop worrying. I promise everything will be fine.” Lexa was holding Clarke but nothing was helping her calm down. After about a minute a Man and Indra come running in. 

“What’s wrong Heda?” The healer sat his bag down and moved towards Clarke. 

“She’s, she is pregnant and she said there’s a sharp pain in her stomach can you help?” Lexa had never looked so vulnerable in front of her own people before.

“Okay let’s get her on the bed, Clarke my name is Kalin I’m the healer in Polis I need you to steady your breathing okay. Take deep breaths in and out.” 

“Lexa.” Clarke’s eyes wonder but she couldn’t find her.

“I’m right here.” Lexa grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight.

“Okay Clarke I need you to calm down, everything looks fine the baby’s fine you’re just having a panic attack. Just calm down okay. Lexa breath with her.” Kalin turned to Lexa. 

“Clarke I’m here with you okay breath with me.”

Clarke started breathing with Lexa and calmed down a little. After she completely calmed down, she started falling asleep. 

“Seems like it was just cramping, probably scared her.” 

“Thank you Kalin.” Lexa nodded. 

“Of course Heda.” He nodded and walked out the room.

Lexa laid down with Clarke but she was afraid to go to sleep, instead she just watched her sleep. She tossed and turned all night until she felt the morning sun on her face. She got up and Clarke was still asleep so she ran a bath for her and got some clothes out for when she woke. Last night scared her she didn’t want something really bad to happen to Clarke and not have good help around. Her healers were good but not as good as the sky peoples. About 20 minutes had past and Clarke finally woke up.

“Hey. How do you feel.” Lexa hurried over to the bed to sit with her.

“I feel fine I’m sorry if I scared you last night.” Clarke sat up and touched Lexa’s hands. 

“Don’t be sorry, were both going through this together Clarke.” 

“I’m glad you said that.” Clarke smiled.

“Come on I ran a bath for you we need to get ready for this meeting, we have to tell everyone of the pregnancy.” 

“I didn’t realize we would have to make an announcement.” Clarke got out of bed and put her hair up.

“Well I am the commander and I can’t exactly keep it from everyone.” Lexa tensed up doing this would also mean everyone would know about her. She knew the rumors but now she was confirming them.

“Okay Commander.” Clarke walked off but Lexa grabbed her. 

“Don’t Clarke.” Lexa hated when she called her commander.

“I’m going to get in the bath.” Clarke pulled away from Lexa and walked to the bathroom. She took off her clothes and got into the bath, the water had gotten a little cold but it felt good to relax. Clarke laid back and let the water come up to her neck. Of course she was overreacting but she hoped they would get to enjoy this a little before it became news.

“Clarke, we have 25 minutes.” Lexa yelled from the other room. 

Clarke washed her arms and legs and everything else. She got out the bath and dried off, then saw that Lexa laid clothes out for her. She smiled as she put the clothes on. When she walked into the room, she saw Lexa in full grounder mode.

“I’m ready.” Clarke walked past her and grabbed her black grounder jacket and walked to the to wait for Lexa.

“Clarke, I don’t understand what’s wrong with you.” Lexa stopped at the door refusing to let her leave. 

“Nothing It’s just we have to share everything with our people and I knew we would have to tell people eventually. I just didn’t think it would be right away.” 

“Well I’m sorry I can’t give you the normal life you so badly desire.” With that Lexa walked out and went outside where all of her people and the ambassadors were waiting for her. She wasn’t upset with Clarke but she just didn’t know how to give her the life she wanted and be the commander. When she got outside the crowd started screaming and yelling with excitement. 

“Heda, Heda, Heda.” Usually Lexa loved it but she just wanted to get this whole thing over with. She raised her hand and the crowd quieted instantly. 

“People of Polis, I’ve brought you all here to share some news with you. As most of you know Me and Clarke kom Skai Kru are together romantically, and we have just found out we are expecting a child. I am telling you because you are my people and have the right to know what is happening. Thank you.” Lexa stepped back away from the crowd and to her surprised people actually had smiles on their faces and the crowd once again started screaming.

“Heda, Heda, Heda.” 

When Lexa turned around, she saw Clarke standing by the door with an apologetic look on her face.

“I know that this is a part of your job Lexa, and I’m sorry.” Clarke walked near Lexa.

“I’m sorry that things can’t be different." 

“Don’t be sorry.” Clarke went to say something else but was interrupted by Indra. 

“Heda, Sky Heda the people of Polis insist having a fest for you tonight to celebrate.”

“Clarke is that okay?” Lexa didn’t want to force Clarke into anything else she didn’t want to do. 

“Yes.” Clarke nodded in approval 

“Very well Indra, use your radio to contact Kane and let him know the Skai people’s presence will be appreciated.”

“Anything else Heda?”

“Not presently thank you Indra.” Indra bowed and walked off finding her other seconds and giving them orders. “Clarke you don’t have to do this celebration if you don’t want to.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand and started walking with her.

“No I’m fine with it, but why do they want to have a celebration anyways, is it tradition?”

“Not exactly, only 2 previous commanders has ever had kids. ‘To be commander is to be alone’ that’s what were taught as children.” Lexa starred off.

“So why the celebration?” 

“Our people have this myth that only the greatest commanders get the pleasure of having children. It’s just a myth.” Lexa knew that Skai people didn’t have myths and wise tales so she probably thought it was silly.

“Well I believe that myth, you are a great commander.” Clarke smiled and nudged Lexa’s arm.

Lexa just smiled. “Come on I have to show you the house.”

“What about the house?” Clarke was confused, she had already seen the house and it was finished.

“You’ll see, now come on.” Lexa laughed and pulled Clarke. When they got to the house there were a bunch of grounders walking in and out of the house with different furniture in their hands. 

“You can of course bring whatever furniture you want from our room but I just thought you’d want to start staying here so I got a bed and a couple of sitting chairs.” Lexa motioned for Clarke to walk in the house. 

There were chairs and couches much like the ones in the Polis building, when she walked in her and Lexa’s bedroom there was a huge bed and fur Blankets decorating it. 

“I like what you picked out.” Clarke walked around the room and saw her drawing of Lexa sitting by the bed. “What is this doing here?” Clarke asked curiously.

“While you were in Arkadia I came here a lot and I brought it with me.” Lexa picked the drawing up.

“It’s still not finished.” Clarke smiled at the drawing.

“Well you’ll have lots of time to draw here, come on there’s one more thing I want to show you.” Lexa pulled Clarke through the halls towards the baby’s room.

They walked in and there was a small handmade wooden crib against a wall and lots of books pilled on shelves. As Clarke walked around, she saw little handmade grounder toys, Clarke didn’t even know they played she just thought they trained. 

“How did you do all this; I’ve been with you the whole time.” Clarke didn’t know how she did the stuff she did. 

“I have my ways.” Lexa smiled as she walked through the room. “Do You like it?”

“I love it. Where did you get all these books?” 

“Most of them are mine that I’ve collected over the years. Some of them are from Polis.”

“Why so many?” Clarke browsed at all the books.

“Because I want our baby to be smart and to love learning and reading, she should have all the opportunities that most of us did not.” 

“And he or she will have those opportunities thanks to you.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hands and kissed them.

“We should go back to Polis; we still have to pack up our stuff before the festival.” 

When they got back to Polis people were already setting up for the celebration. They were preparing foods and everyone was scavenging for gifts it was amazing to watch what people would do to please their commander.

“Just pack your clothes and I’ll have someone come get it and take it to the house while the festival is going on.” Lexa headed into the other room to get her clothes. 

Clarke gathered all her clothes and shoes and packed them in bags. When she was picking up things from the floor her stomach started cramping up. It was hurting her so bad she had to sit down, she tried to breath like the doctor showed her but it wasn’t working. Lexa saw the worry and pain on Clarke face when she walked in the room.

“Clarke, what’s happening? Are you okay?” Lexa ran to Clarke. 

“I’m fine, it’s just cramping it’s okay.” Clarke tried to reassure her. 

“Come lay down I’ll finish packing your stuff. Maybe we should cancel the celebration.” Lexa helped Clarke to the bed. 

“No, were having the celebration, I’m fine.” Clarke laid down on the bed and practiced her breathing once again and she started calming down.

Lexa finished packing Clarke’s and her clothes then picked out a dress for Clarke to wear to the celebration. Lexa was starting to worry about Clarke and the baby in only two days she’s already had two different mishaps, this couldn’t be normal. When Lexa finished getting their stuff together, she went back to check on Clarke.

“Are you okay?” Lexa kissed her forehead.

“Yes, it’s probably form walking and being on my feet a lot or something. However it’s nothing to worry about.” Clarke gave her a weak smile trying to convince Lexa she was fine. 

“I picked a dress for you; we should start getting ready.” Lexa grabbed the dress from the chair and sat it on the bed near Clarke. 

“Okay.” Clarke struggled to get up but eventually did.

“Are you sure you are feeling up to this Because we can cancel Clarke your health and wellbeing is more important to me than some party.”

“We’re doing this Lexa now go get ready.” Clarke pushed Lexa towards the bathroom and let off a small smile. 

The dress that Lexa had picked out for Clarke wasn’t like the other ones she’d worn before. This one was knee length and a plain blue color.

Clarke took her other clothes off and slipped the dress on. It was comfortable and soft perfect for a pregnant woman. As Clarke was finishing her hair Lexa walked out of the bathroom with a black knee length dress and her hair up with a little bit of war paint.

“Your stunning as usual.” Clarke smiled at Lexa as they walked towards each other.

“No one’s more beautiful and stunning than you. I knew this dress would be perfect for you.” Lexa looked at Clarke and at how the dress showed off all of her curves. 

“You know commander if you keep giving compliments, we might not make it to the celebration.” 

Lexa didn’t mind her calling her commander at this moment mostly because she said it in a sexy voice. “Your very tempting Clarke but we should head down.” Lexa smirked at her as she grabbed her hand and they walked outside.

They had only been inside for no more than an hour and everything had already been set up. People were running around everywhere; children were playing in the huge opening. This celebration was definitely happier than the other one Clarke had been to. The music was loud and people were laughing, Clarke loved seeing this side of the grounders.

As Clarke and Lexa walked around, they saw Alix and the kids walk in their direction. Clarke had seen them since the dinner in Arkadia but immediately she thought of Nightblood, the only she could do is pray it wasn’t genetic.

“Clarke, Lexa it’s so good to see you again.” Alix hugged Clarke.

“You too.” 

“Theo, Elena I heard that you’re the best in your class at training.” Lexa bent down and smiled at the kids.

“They always work hard, Lexa.” Alix said replying for the kids.

“I know that.” Lexa looked at Alix.

“We should probably go but it was good seeing you to I sure we’ll run into each other again tonight.” Alix and the kids walked off.

“What was that?” Clarke asked.

“She gets anxious about this stuff, because.” Lexa looked off. “You know why.”

“I would be a mess if that were me.” Clarke wanted to slap herself for saying that out loud because honestly it could be her.

“Come on let’s go see if Abby and the rest have arrived.” Lexa changed the subject quickly.

“Okay.” Clarke knew they weren’t going to talk about it.

When they walked to the entrance there were a couple of rovers just pulling up. The doors swung open the first rover and Abby, Kane, Raven, and Bellemy. The second held Monty, Miller his boyfriend, Harper and to Clarkes surprise Jasper. 

“I’m really glad you guys could make it.” Clarke hugged her mom then Raven and the rest. But when she came to Jasper, she didn’t know what to do. “Jasper it’s good to see you. 

Jasper just nodded and walked off. 

“Thank you all for joining us.” Lexa smiled at all of them which surprised most of them. 

“Thanks for having us Commander.” Kane shook her hand. 

“Please go enjoy yourselves.” Lexa motioned towards all the activities. 

“Clarke show me around or something.” Raven grabbed Clarke. “I’ll see you later.” Clarke turned to Lexa who nodded a reply,

“How’s the Ark, did the storm cause to much damage?” Clarke asked.

“Not much, even if it did, I’d probably have to fix it.” Raven smiled. “So a baby with the big bad commander, I didn’t see that coming.” Raven laughed.

“Neither did I.” Clarke started laughing. “And she’s not so bad.”

“Are you happy?” Raven looked at Clarke.

“Yes, more than I’ve ever been before.” Clarke looked down and smiled.

“Things are looking up then.”

“We all deserve happiness Raven.”

“Yeah, it just took a lot of death for us to get it.” Raven looked up at sky.

“Well unfortunately that’s war.” Clarke remembered Lexa’s words.

“Yeah, unfortunately, but it’s over now.” Raven looked down and saw blood coming down Clarke’s leg. “Clarke your bleeding.”

“What?” Clarke touched her leg and felt this sticky wetness. “Raven.” Clarke felt a pain come from her stomach and her legs feeling weaker. 

“Clarke sit here I’m going to get Abby okay I’ll be right back.” Raven tried to run but her brace was holding her back, but she could see Abby and Kane talking near the fire. 

“Abby, Abby it’s Clarke she’s bleeding and I don’t know what’s wrong or what to do.” Raven was out of breath by the time she reached them.”

“Raven just calm down and take me to her okay.” Abby tried to stay calm but she was panicking.

When they got to Clarke her legs were covered in blood and she was laying on the ground with tears streaming from her eyes. 

“Mom” Clarke Cried. 

“Clarke, honey tell me what’s wrong, where is the pain at? Abby got down on the ground and checked her pulse.

“My lower stomach and my legs feel numb.” Clarke started crying even harder the pain felt unbearable. 

“Okay can you stand up?” Abby knew what this sounded like but there was no way to know for sure. 

“I can’t.”

“Okay Kane can you carry her? We need to get her inside.” 

Kane picked Clarke up and the hurried towards the building grabbing everyone’s attention. Indra and Octavia were standing by the door when they saw them rush inside. 

"Abby what’s going on?” Octavia ran in behind them as well as Indra.

“We’re not sure yet, but there’s a lot of blood. I need someone to go to the rover and get my medical bag now.” 

“I’ll get it.” Kane volunteered. 

“And I’ll get The Commander.” Indra ran out the building.

“Lexa.” Clarke tried to look for her but she couldn’t find her anywhere. 

“She’s coming baby but Clarke I need you to take deep breaths for me okay.” Abby grabbed Clarke’s hand.

“I need Lexa.” Clarke tears were heavier and her worry just kept on growing. All this blood couldn’t be good. Kane ran through the door and handed Abby the medical bag. She pulled out a bunch of cloth to clean up the blood.

“The bleeding has stopped. I just need to check the baby.” 

“Clarke.” Lexa busted into the room and straight towards Clarke. “What’s going on is she okay?”

“She’s fine but we still need to check the baby.” Abby put her hand on Clarke stomach and felt for any movement or tenseness. She pulled a small machine out of her bag. 

“Abby what is that?” You could hear the worry in Lexa’s voice. 

“It’s a heart monitor, I was bringing it here for your healer to have, I’m glad I did.” Abby hooked the machine up and put the metal piece on Clarke’s stomach. 

“Lexa?” Clarke looked up and reached her hand out and Lexa grabbed it. 

“I’m here.” Lexa wiped the tears from Clarkes face.

“I’m scared.” Clarke closed her eyes.

“Abby what’s going on?” Lexa eyed Abby as she checked Clarke stomach.

“I can hear the baby’s heartbeat, it’s slow but that’s okay she just needs some fluids, there is some in a cooler in the rover. Kane do you mind.” 

“You hear that Clarke everything is fine.” Lexa squeezed Clarkes hand.

When Kane came back, they moved Clarke up to Lexa’s room and Abby started giving her the fluids through a tube that they hooked up.

“I think the baby’s heartrate is increasing, by morning it should be strong.” Abby turned to Lexa.

“So what was all the bleeding?” Lexa was still worried, something had to be wrong. 

“I’m not 100% sure, but she needs to be on bed rest for a few days then bring her to Arkadia so we can do a full evaluation and hopefully we can figure it out.” 

Lexa just nodded and looked at a Clarke as she slept on the bed. 

“Everything will be okay Lexa, I promise. We’ll figure it out.” Abby tried to reassure Lexa but she wasn’t really convinced herself.

When everyone left Lexa laid down in the bed with Clarke. She couldn’t sleep and she didn’t want to just in case Clarke woke up, so instead she did everything she could to stay awake. She walked around, she read but eventually she couldn’t fight the sleepiness.


	18. What if i'm to blame?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wifi hates me I tried to post this three times. Anyways enjoy!

“Lexa it’s been three and half days and I feel fine I don’t think we need to travel to Arkadia.” Clarke was annoyed for the past three days she hasn’t been able to leave or take care of herself without Lexa stopping her. 

“Clarke I am not discussing this with you again, this isn’t just about you we have a baby to think about don’t care to know what’s going on?” Lexa was frantically running around the messy room trying to find Clarkes shoes so they could leave.

“Of course I care Lexa.” Clarke got off the bed and stood looking at Lexa with a saddened face.

“Then why don’t you want to go see if everything okay.” Lexa picked up the shoes from under the bed and stood beside Clarke.

There was a long pause but Clarke finally answered. “Because what if something is really wrong? Something we can’t fix. Then I would be the one to blame.” Clarke let the tears stream down her face.

“Why would you think it would be your fault.” Lexa wiped Clarkes face.

“Because the baby is inside of me, I’m supposed to be taking care of it and if something is wrong then I failed at that job before I even became a mother.”

“You’re going to be a great mother you know how I know that? Because you always put others before yourself even if you don’t know them so I know that you will always love and take care of our baby. And that nothing is your fault, we’re having this baby and it will be healthy and beautiful just like you, now put your shoes on there’s a rover outside waiting for us.” Lexa helped Clarke put her shoes on.

“So what do we do if somethings wrong? Clarke waited for Lexa to reassure her everything would be okay.

“We stay positive and strong together. But I know our baby has all of our strength and that he or she will stay strong until it’s time for us to take care of it.” Lexa extended her hand for Clarke to grab. 

Clarke squeezed her hand as they walked downstairs to the rover. The whole ride was pretty much silence, neither Lexa nor Clarke wanted to talk they just wanted to think. They didn’t know what would happen or what news they would walk out of Arkadia with and that scared both of them. 

When they pulled up to the gates Clarke’s nerves were spiraling out of control. Lexa opened the door and got out then helped Clarke out. The more they walked the more anxious Clarke became, one of her hands had started shaking uncontrollably. When Lexa noticed she grabbed it.

“Take a deep breath, everything’s going to be okay.” Lexa held Clarkes hand to keep it from shaking. They got to Medical and Abby had already set everything up and was waiting for them. When she saw them, she stood up from the chair and hugged Clarke then Lexa.

“How are you feeling?” Abby asked.

“Better, I think we both just want to know what’s going on.” Clarke looked at Lexa.

“Okay, lay down here and first we’ll just do an ultrasound.” Abby put a cloth over the medical bed then motioned for Clarke to lay down. After Clarke laid down Abby put the gel on her stomach and started the ultrasound and everyone in the room was nervous.

“Everything looks normal, the baby’s heartbeat is stronger.” Abby sighed from relief.

“So what does this mean?” Lexa asked impatiently

“It means the baby is fine but I do want to run some blood test just to check for anything else but ultimately Clarke and the baby are healthy.”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand and smiled. All that stress and worry was for nothing their baby was fine and everything was going to be okay.

“So what about the bleeding?” Lexa didn’t want to leave anything to chance, that was a lot of blood.

“Bleeding isn’t rare with pregnancy, although it was a lot, I think everything will be alright.” 

“Okay so what do we do now from preventing any more problems.” Clarke sat up in the bed.

“Well Clarke for one you need to rest and stop being so physical, don’t take far walks, don’t be on your feet all day small stuff like that will make a difference.”

“Thank you so much Abby.” Lexa nodded her head at Abby.

“Thanks mom.” Clarke smiled a little.

“I really think you should come back for a checkup in a couple a week’s just to make sure everything’s still normal.”

“Of course.” Clarke got off the bed and hugged her mom.

“We should get back to Polis, you need rest. Thanks again Abby.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes jacket and helped her put it on. 

Abby nodded. “And maybe I can come to Polis and train a few so they know how to properly help.”

“That would be great.” 

When they arrived back in Polis Clarke when straight to their room and fell asleep. Lexa felt ten times better knowing that their baby was going to be okay, so she decided to leave for a few minutes but made sure a guard was at the door. Lexa walked through polis and the woods until she reached a small house. She walked towards the door then someone walked out.

“Commander?” Octavia closed the door behind her as she walked towards Lexa. She wasn’t expecting her so she immediately thought something was wrong with Clarke.

“Hello Octavia.” 

“Is everything okay? Is…. Clarke okay?” Octavia had been worried since what happened the other night.

“Clarkes fine, the baby’s healthy everything good. I actually came here to talk to you about something.” Lexa was anxious she didn’t know how to approach this subject.

“What is it?” Octavia could see Lexa tensing up.

“I- I want to ask Clarke to have a bonding ceremony with me.” Lexa looked at Octavia and waited for her response.

“Wait like a Wedding? You want to ask her to marry you.” Octavia couldn’t help but smile.

“I forgot you sky people have different words for such things but yes I want to ask her to Marry me.” 

“Okay so that’s what you want to talk to me about?” Octavia was confused.

“Your close to her so I needed advice on how to bring it up to her or even what to say to her. We are having a baby and I love her more than anything. I know were moving fast but this feels right.” 

Octavia smiled; it was amusing to see the ruthless commander so nervous. “All you have to do is say what you’re thinking and how feel, how she makes you feel. She loves you I think we both know what her answer will be.” 

Lexa looked down and smiled.

“So did you get a ring already?”

Lexa looked up confused. “For what?” 

“Right grounders probably don’t do the whole ring thing.” 

“What is this ring thing?” Lexa was intrigued.

“Well when two people get married, they usually both have a wedding band or ring to show their love for each other and to remember the day. But I guess it’s just a Sky people thing. What are your traditions for a bonding ceremony?” 

“We have to exchange any sort of object that has sentimental value behind it or a tattoo. After that, the Flamekeeper has to announce us married as you would say.” 

“So when are you going to ask her?” Octavia asked.

“Tomorrow Tonight.” Lexa felt determined 

“You should ask her by the waterfall near your house that would be romantic and she would love it.” Octavia smiled.

“Very well then that’s what I’ll do. Thank you, Octavia this has been very helpful.”

“Your Welcome, and good luck.” Octavia headed back inside as Lexa turned around to walk home. 

When Lexa got back Clarke was awake and she had been drawing. As Clarke noticed that Lexa had walked in stopped drawing and smiled.

“Hey, where have you been?” Clarke stood up from the table she had been sitting. 

“Nowhere, I just went for a walk while I waited for you to wake are you feeling well?”

“I feel great.” Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around Lexa waist. 

“Good because I think there’s a big empty house waiting for us to stay in it.” Lexa smiled and kissed Clarkes lips. 

“Is everything still packed?” Clarke asked breaking their kiss.

“I’ve arranged for everything to be taken to the house while we went to Arkadia this morning.” 

“You’re always doing something without me knowing.” Clarke smirked.

“I try and surprise you as much as I can. Are you ready?” 

“Yes.” Clarke answered.

They grabbed a few things out of the room that they didn’t pack and walked over to their house with a few guards following them.

“What’s with the guards?” Clarke looked back then looked at Lexa. 

“You can thank Titus for that. He doesn’t think I should live outside of the capital building.” 

“Or he just doesn’t think you should be living with me.” Clarke sighed.

“Titus will come around.” 

“Yeah, when hell freezes over.” 

When they arrived all their stuff had been put in their room and their house was finally coming together, the more stuff they had in it the homier it felt. 

They went into their room and Clarke started unpacking. 

“I think I forgot my sword; you keep unpacking I’ll be right back” Lexa kissed Clarkes cheek then left the house.

When she walked into her old room she looked everywhere for her sword. 

“Lexa.” Titus appeared at the door.

“Titus what is it, I’m busy.” Lexa was annoyed, she knew he would say something about her and Clarke.

“Please rethink this, you're needed here.”

“And I will be here every day it’s a short walk I can manage it.” Lexa still searched for her sword.

“I beg you remember my teachings to be Commander is to be alone. Love is weakness Lexa and your relationship with Clarke is clouding your judgement.”

Lexa stopped searching. “Your wrong, you’ve always been wrong Titus, and I won’t here this again.” 

“Yes you will, if you continue this relationship then Clarkes fate is no different than Costia’s.”

Lexa just looked at Titus, his words didn’t hurt but it made her realize something. “Your wrong again, Costia chose her own fate. So whether you like it or not I’m starting a life, a family with Clarke and you cannot stop this.” 

“I’m sorry Heda, I didn’t mean to offend you.” Titus lowered his head. 

“Yes you did, but I know you mean well. Teacher.” Lexa touched his shoulder before she walked out of the room. 

When she was already halfway to the house she realized she had forgotten her sword once again, but it wasn’t worth going back again to get. When she walked inside the house it seemed empty. 

“Clarke?” Lexa yelled waiting for a reply. 

“In here.”

Lexa followed the voice which lead her to the baby’s room. When she entered, she saw Clarke painting huge stars onto the walls. Lexa was shocked, she hadn’t been gone long.

“I leave you for 20 minutes and you’ve done all this.” Lexa smiled as she wrapped her hands around Clarkes waist.

“I work fast.” Clarke sat her paintbrush on the table and wrapped her hands around Lexa.

“I see that.” Lexa pressed her lips against Clarke’s. 

“I should be finished by tonight, you can’t come back in here I want you to be surprised.” Clarke smiled as she pushed Lexa out of the room. 

“Fine, I’ll go unpack.” Lexa smiled as she walked to their bedroom. 

A couple hours later Lexa found herself bored sitting by the waterfall. Clarke had been painting most of the day and she didn’t have anything else to do but wait for her to finish. As she watched the water, she thought about the union ceremony and asking Clarke to marry her. 

“Hey.” Clarke’s voice brought Lexa back from her thoughts.

Lexa smiled. “Hey.” 

“I’m finished.” Clarke held out her hand waiting for Lexa to take it.

“Finally.” Lexa took her hand and they walked inside.

“Cover your eyes.” Clarke handed her a cloth for her to wrap around her eyes.

Lexa rolled her eyes then covered them with the cloth. Clarke took her hand and led her into the room. 

“Okay.” Clarke took the cloth off Lexa’s eyes.

When Lexa opened her eyes every wall was covered in paint. There was a sky with bright stars and the moon. Under that were lots of trees and two girls standing with a small child looking up at the stars. It was their family. As Lexa examined the wall a smile formed on her face.

“Do you like it?” Clarke asked shyly.

Lexa touched the stars on the wall. “I love it. This is amazing Clarke.”

“I’m glad you love it.” Clarke smiled as she looked at her work. 

Lexa grabbed Clarke and kissed her passionately. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Clarke smiled

“You need rest, you’ve been standing up all day.” 

“I’m not fragile Lexa.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“But you are carrying a baby and you need to rest so come on.” Lexa didn’t give Clarke a chance to argue before pulling her towards their bedroom. 

Lexa took off Clarke shoes and helped her onto the bed. 

“Lexa, I know your trying to help but I can do stuff on my own.” 

Clarke has never been one to ask for help even if she needed it but Lexa understood so she just nodded. 

“A boy. It must be a boy I read somewhere that they’re the most difficult during pregnancies so it has to be a boy.” Clarke stared at the ceiling as Lexa joined her on the bed.

“Abby could probably just tell us with the SkaiKru technology.” 

“It’s still too early to tell but I’m pretty sure it’s a boy.” 

“I thought you were sure it was a girl.” Lexa laughed a little.

“Well now I’m sure it’s a boy.” Clarke nudged Lexa’s side. 

“No matter what if it’s a boy or a girl they will be loved more than any child on this earth.” Lexa smiled

“Our baby deserves to have the life we never did.” Clarke stared and the ceiling again. 

“And we shall give it to them.” Lexa grabbed Clarke hand and kissed it softly.

Clarke turned to Lexa and smiled. After a while Clarke fell asleep in Lexa’s arms but Lexa stayed up a while and watched her like she had done every night since the all the bleeding.


	19. Can we all be Friends?

“Clarke wake up.” Lexa shook Clarke lightly until she finally opened her eyes.

“What? Why?” Clarke turned over and put the fur blankets over her head. 

“There are a couple of people here to see you.” Lexa pulled the blankets down exposing sunlight onto Clarke.

“Who?” Clarke sat up and rubbed her eyes trying to adjust them to the light. 

“I guess you’ll have to get up and find out.” Lexa threw some clothes on the bed and walked out of the room.

Clarke knew she had slept for a while but it still felt early and she had no idea who would come here to see her besides Octavia. So she got dressed ran her fingers through her hair to tame it a little and walked into the sitting room. When she walked in, she saw Octavia and Raven sitting with Lexa. 

“There’s our Princess.” Raven smiled

“Hey, Raven when did you get to Polis?” Clarke hugged her then Octavia. 

“This morning I’m staying with Octavia for a few days, Arkadia is so boring without you guys. It’s always Raven fix this, Raven you can blow up that.”

“Well I’m Glad you’re here.” Clarke laughed.

“Abby told me that the baby’s okay, I’m really glad to hear that.” Raven squeezed Clarkes arm.

“Us to.” Clarke gestured to Lexa

“Lexa you should hang out with us.” Octavia suggested.

“I’ll second that, Grounder Princess you should hang.” Raven said.

“Maybe later I actually have a meeting in Polis, but I’ll see you guys soon.” Lexa kissed Clarke then walked out the door. 

“Well that just adorable.” Raven said as Clarke cheeks turn red. 

“Whatever Raven, What do you guys want to do?” Clarke asks as she sits on the couch.

“I would love to see Polis since the last time I was here you had to go and bleed all over yourself.” Raven joked

“Sorry I ruined your trip.” Clarke laughed.

“No but really I was glad to hear everything was alright with you and the baby.” Raven smiled.

Clarke just nodded and smiled.

“I know exactly what we should do.” Octavia says excitedly. “Come on your just going to have to trust me on this.” Octavia walked out the door and Raven and Clarke follow willingly. 

After about 10 minutes of walking Clarke started losing fate in Octavia. It felt like they were walking with no destination. 

“O how much further?” Clarke asks with the little hope she had left.

“Just a couple of minutes trust me guys, you’ll love it.”

As they walked the trees cleared and soon, they were surround by black sand and an amazing view of the water.

“Wow O, how did you find this?” Clarke asked as she walked on the beach.

“Lincoln. He used to come here as a kid.” 

“This is the best thing I’ve seen since we’ve been on Earth.” Raven said as she ran her fingers through the sand.

“I know right.” Octavia agreed. 

They all sat on the sand and watched the water and the sun start to set. 

“So much has changed guys.” Raven grabbed Octavia and Clarkes hands.

“For the better.” Octavia added.

“Definitely.” Clarke agreed.

“I just wish it could have been like this from the start. No pain or loss just peace and Earth.” Clarke said.

“Some good has come out of this war.” Raven said pointing at Clarke’s stomach.

“Yeah.” Clarke smiled and touched her stomach. “But I’d like to think me and Lexa would’ve found each other anyways.”

“For once everything feels like it’s going to be okay.” Octavia added.

“Because for once it is.” Clarke squeezed her hand. They’ve all lost so much since being down here, but they did have losses on the ark too. Their whole lives they had to lose.

“Come on guys we should head back.” Octavia got up and wiped the sand off her pants.

“We can go back to my house? I don’t want to be there alone, while Lexa’s gone.” Clarke said.

When they got back to Clarkes house there were lights on.

“Hey, I didn’t think you would be back yet.” Clarke said as they walked in the house and saw Lexa.

“I finished early, what have you guys been up to?” Lexa asked them as they all walked in and sat on the couches.

“We went to the beach.” Raven answered as she plopped down on the couch.

“It was beautiful.” Clarke said as she kissed Lexa on the cheek.

“So Lexa, I think it’s time we all get to know each other.” Raven smiled.

“That sounds like a good idea Raven.” Lexa smiled.

“So who’s the bottom?” Raven smirked and Octavia laughed.

“Raven, O. Too personal.” Clarke snapped. 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Lexa looked to Clarke for clarity.

“She means when you guys have sex who’s on the bottom.” Octavia responded. 

“Oh well usually Clarke is a uh “Bottom.” I guess you would call it.” Lexa answered.

“Lexa don’t answer they’re questions.” Clarke was a little embarrassed.

“Who knew the sexy badass commander would be a top?” Raven and Octavia laughed.

“Well what are you Raven?” Lexa asked.

“I’m a top all the way. Octavia here is probably a power bottom.” Octavia nudged Raven’s arm but she just smirked. 

“Okay guys I think we’ve all acknowledged what we are.” Clarke wanted this conversation to end asap. 

“Fine since Clarke is a prude, I’ll changed the subject. Lexa are you excited for the baby?” Raven asked.

“Yes, I can’t wait to meet him, or her.” Lexa smiled as she grabbed Clarkes hand. 

“Have you guys thought of any names?” Octavia asks.

“No not yet, we just figured we have a while to do so.”

“True but time flies.” Raven said.

“It sure does.” Clarke agreed.

“So Octavia do you and Lincoln want a family?” Lexa asks.

“One day but right now were just enjoying being together before we have those types of responsibilities.”

“I’m glad you guys are happy.” Lexa smiled.

“Me too.” Octavia smiled back. 

Clarke was glad that they were all getting along with Lexa and giving her a chance.

“We should go I’m pretty sure Lincolns making dinner and I don’t want to make him wait.”

“Come back anytime.” Clarke hugged Raven then Octavia.

“I’ll walk you guys out.” Lexa walked with them outside.

“So Lexa, are you going to do it tonight?” Octavia asked as soon as she knew Clarke couldn’t hear.

“Maybe I’ll make her a dinner tomorrow night, then after bring her out here to the waterfall and ask?”

“Wait, ask Clarke what?” Raven asked confusingly.

“She’s going to ask Clarke to Marry her.” Octavia squealed.

“Ahh, that’s amazing!” Raven cheered,

“It needs to be perfect.” Lexa said.

“It will be, Clarke won’t care how you ask her, she say yes no matter what.” Raven said.

“The dinner idea is good. But she will definitely say yes no matter what.” Octavia smiled and squeezed Lexa’s arm.

“Thank you for helping me.” Lexa smiled.

“Clarke’s like our sister. We’re basically be family.” Octavia smiled

Lexa smiled and nodded.

“We’ll see you soon.” Lexa said goodbye to Raven and Octavia and went back inside.

“What were you guys talking about?” Clarke asked as she walked over to Lexa and wrapped her arm around her waist.

“Just about them coming back in a couple of days to hangout again.” Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke’s lips.

“I’m glad you guys are getting along.” 

“Me too. Now what do you want to eat?” 

“You cook?” Clarke was stunned.

“Of course I cook.” Lexa laughed at how shocked Clarke was. 

“Well I’ll have whatever your best at cooking.” Clarke smiled and walked back to their room to change.

When she took off her shirt, she saw a slight bump in her stomach. She was only 6 weeks pregnant but the bump was there.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asked worried.

Clarke just smiled. “Nothing, I just noticed my stomachs growing a little.”

Lexa walked closer to look and a huge smiled appeared on her face. “Our baby is growing quickly.” 

“I can’t wait to have our baby in my arms and you by my side. It will be so perfect.” Clarke smiled as she looked at her stomach.

“Soon you will be able to.” Lexa kissed her cheek. “I’m going to make you dinner I’ll come get you when it’s done. Lay down.” 

Clarke didn’t lay down instead she went to her art room and grabbed a fresh canvas. She knew exactly what she wanted to draw. She started by drawing Lexa, she drew her braids and her commander’s outfit then she drew a baby in her arms all wrapped in blankets. It only took her about an hour to finish so she went to the kitchen to show Lexa.

“I told you to rest.” Lexa said when she saw Clarke walk in.

“Well I decided to draw instead.” Clarke said as she handed Lexa the small canvas.

When Lexa saw it, she melted instantly, it was beautiful. “You drew this for me?” 

Clarke nodded.

“It’s beautiful, but why am I the commander in this?” 

“Because being the commander isn’t a bad thing, it’s who you are and I love you for it. And I’m for using it as an insult when I’m mad, I fell in love with the commander and I love Lexa just as much. You don’t need to make them two different people.” 

Lexa just looked at the drawing and smiled. “I’m working on that.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled.

“The food is ready.” Lexa motioned for her to sit and sat her food in front of her.

“Wow this is actually good.” Clarke said as she ate the meat on her plate.

“Don’t be too surprised Clarke, I am capable of doing things that don’t involve fighting.” 

“Oh I know that.” Clarke smirked as she ate her food.

After they finished eating, they just laid in bed and talked mostly about nothing both of them just wanted to stay awake. 20 minutes into talking Clarke fell asleep which didn’t bother Lexa because she loved holding her and watching her sleep. 


	20. Say Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone. I'm editing these chapters in bulk so I'll always post at least 2 chapters at a time, also I don't if I told you guys but my computer is out to get me soooo. I post when it decides to allow me.

“What time is your meeting over?” Clarke asked as Lexa walked towards the door. 

“Not long I promise. I’ll be back in no less than 30 minutes; I’m just meeting with the workers who will be building the new schools.”

“I should be there it was my idea after all.” Clarke sighed.

“I know and you’ll be at the next one I promise, plus Abby will be here soon for your check up.” Lexa kissed her on the cheek then grabbed her sword and put it in its holder.

“I want you to be here.” Clarke said as Lexa walked out the door.

“I’ll be back before she even starts the checkup I promise. It’s a short meeting.” Lexa opened the door and Abby was standing there about to knock on the door. “See here she is.” 

“Lexa, you’re not staying for the check up?” Abby asked as she walked into the house.

“Go ahead and start without me, I just have to go make sure everything’s going as planned.” 

“No, we’ll wait.” Clarke said as Lexa walked out the door.

“Clarke I’ll be right back.”

“We can wait, I still have to set up anyways.” Abby said as she opened her medical bag.

“30 minutes.” Lexa kissed Clarke and hurried out the door.

“Make it 20.” Clarke yelled after the girl.

“How are you feeling?” Abby sat on one of the couches.

“I feel fine, everything feels normal.” 

“That’s good, it looks like things are getting better with the pregnancy.” 

“Let’s hope it continues to do so.” Clarke sighed.

“It will, and your house is beautiful. I love the furniture.”

“Lexa picked it out.” Clarke smiled.

“Unexpectedly she has good taste.”

“I know.” Clarke laughed.

* * *

“Sorry, I’m here.” Lexa rushed in and joined them on the couch.

“Okay first I’ll just check your blood pressure and all that.” Abby smiled.

“How did it go?” Clarke asked as she laid on the couch.

“Good I think you’ll love how they turn out.” Lexa smiled and squeezed Clarkes hand.

“Everything looks good and the baby’s heart rate is nice and strong. On our next appointment I can do a blood test to tell you the sex if you want.” 

“Do you want to?” Lexa asks Clarke.

“I think we should.” 

“Okay well in a couple of weeks when you come to the Ark, I’ll be able to tell you.” Abby packed up her things.

“Thank you for coming here Abby.” Lexa smiled.

“Anytime, we are still training some healers so they’ll be hear when I can’t.” Abby hugged Clarke then Lexa.   
“Thanks mom.”

“I’ll walk you to the Rover.” Lexa offered. As they walked outside the sun had just started to set. 

“Do you like living out here?” Abby asked as they walked.

“Yes, it’s very peaceful and Clarke loves it so that’s enough for me.” 

“I’m really glad she has you. I haven’t seen her this happy since her father was alive.” 

“I’m very lucky to have her.” Lexa smiled.

“You guys are good together.”

“Abby there was something I wanted to discuss with you involving Clarke.” Lexa gulped.

“What is it Lexa?”

“I want to ask Clarke to complete a bonding ceremony with me.” 

“Like get married?” Abby asked.

“Yes. And I didn’t want to ask her without letting you know first.”

“I appreciate you telling me Lexa. Before all that’s happened, I would’ve said you guys are moving way to fast, but you’re having a baby together and starting a life and I know how much Clarke loves you. So I think it’s a good idea.” Abby smiled.

“Thank you, Abby that means a lot.”

“Do you wear rings?” 

“Not usually but Octavia tells me you guys do so I was going to get one made.”

“Here, I want Clarke to have this one, it was her fathers. I know she lost her watch and she deserve something of his.” Abby took off a necklace with a ring on it and handed it to Lexa.

“I’m sure this mean a lot to her Abby, thank you.” Lexa hugged Abby then she got into the Rover and Lexa went back inside.

“What’s up with you walking people out.” Clarke asked as Lexa walked in the house.

“I’m just trying to be polite Clarke.” Lexa said as she sat down on the couch.

“Well I’m glad everyone’s getting along.” Clarke sat beside her.

“Come on lets got sit by the waterfall it’s really nice outside today.” Lexa held out her hand and Clarke took it.

“Okay.” Clarke said as Lexa pulled her off the couch and out the door. When they got to the waterfall they sat down and looked at the water as it hit the rocks.

"It’s so relaxing here.” Clarke said as she leaned into Lexa.

“A perfect place to raise a baby.” Lexa smiled.

“After this one do you want another baby?” Clarke asked.

“Maybe a couple of years from now if it’s possible. I’m sure this one will keep us busy for a while.” Lexa smiled as she put her hand on Clarkes stomach.

“I’m sure he or she will be a handful if their anything like us.” Clarke laughed.

“Hopefully more like you than me.” Lexa murmured.

“I wasn’t going to bring it up until you wanted to talk about it.” Clarke turned to Lexa, she knew they’d have to have the Nightblood conversation sooner or later.

“I know, it’s just always in the back of my mind.” Lexa admitted.

“Maybe I can get it out of your mind.” Clarke climbed on top of Lexa and started kissing her.

“Wait Clarke, I actually did bring you out here for a reason.” Lexa broke their kiss and sat up so that Clarke was on her lap.

“What?” Clarke asked confusedly.

Lexa took a deep breath; she was rarely nervous but right now she could barely speak.

“I uh. I love you more than anything and I want this forever.” Lexa stumbled over her words.

“So do I.” 

“I want you to bond with me Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes grew wide, was Lexa asking her to marry her? Abd was she nervous about it? “Like get Married?” Clarke asked staring into Lexa’s green eyes.

“Yes. I know were doing everything backwards but -” Clarke cut her off

“Of course I will.” Clarke pressed her lips on Lexa’s.

“Wait there’s one more thing.” Lexa pulled the necklace out of her pocket and handed it to Clarke.

“My father’s ring.” She hadn’t seen this ring since the day her dad was floated.

“Your mother wanted you to have it.” Lexa wiped the tears from Clarke face.

“He would have loved you; I wish you could have met him.” Clarke looked at the ring.

“Me too.” Lexa took the necklace from Clarke and placed it around her neck.

“I love you.” Clarke looked up from the ring and saw Lexa’s beautiful green eyes staring at her.

“I love you to.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes face a placed a soft kiss on her lips. “There is one more thing.”

“What is it?” Clarke asked.

“We have to tell the ambassadors and The Flame Keeper.”

“I expected as much.” Clarke was worried, she knew Titus would never approve.

“It’s more of a reassuring thing, commanders rarely get married and have families because our people think it’s a distraction. I doubt they will have any reservations.”

“Titus has never approved of us; he’s definitely not going to approve of a marriage.” Clarke got up to leave but Lexa stopped her.

“The ambassadors think you’re a great leader, they will approve of you. And as for Titus leave him to me.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hands.

“Am I distraction?” 

“Clarke you make me a better leader, you’ve never been a distraction and you never will be.” 

“Okay, so what if they don’t approve.”

“Then we do it anyways.”

Clarke smiled. “What does a grounder wedding look like?” 

“Well, usually it’s not a big celebration it’s more intimate close family and close friends, but I would like to have our people there. We don’t get to many happy moments I’d like to share this with.” 

“When will the ceremony be?”

“Well tomorrow we go to Polis and meet with the ambassadors then we go from there.” 

“Do I have to say anything to them?” 

“Not unless they ask you a question. There’s nothing to worry about Clarke everything’s going to be okay.” Lexa kissed her cheek.

“Let’s hope.” Clarke sighed.


	21. Permission

“Clarke being late isn’t the best impression.” Lexa called for Clarke as she stood by the door.

“I’m coming, we pregnant women tend to do things a little slower.” Clarke walked into the sitting room in full grounder mode. She had the braids the clothes everything.

“What are you doing Clarke?” Lexa looked at Clarke confused.

“What do you mean? You told me to come on, I’m ready.” She grabbed her leather jacket.

“This isn’t you, just be yourself.” 

“I am being myself Lexa, clothes don’t change that and plus I actually like dressing this way so can we go now?”

“Fine, let’s go.

The walk was short but that didn’t stop Clarke from conjuring every bad possible thought. Could she really marry Lexa if her people didn’t want her to?

They stood in front of the meeting room door and Clarke legs suddenly felt like jelly.

“Take a deep breath Clarke.” Lexa squeezed her hand then the guards pushed the door open.

When they walked in the Ambassadors were already waiting along with Titus. Most of them starred at Clarke as she took her seat beside one of the clan leaders but she ignored it.

“Ambassadors thank you for coming today, let’s all take our seats.” Lexa sat in her throne.

“Heda is this meeting about the schools?” Tiran the leader of the boat clan asked.

“No, I have called all of you here to announce that I have asked Clarke of the Skai people to complete a bonding ceremony with me.” 

Most of the ambassadors had no reaction and others didn’t seem shocked not even Titus.

“If you’ve called us here to ask for permission, I think we can all agree that it’s unnecessary. Everyone knows you are together and has no issues with it.” Casssius said, who never really attended these meetings since Costia’s death.

None of the other ambassadors really said anything but they did nod to agree and all Clarke’s worries went away but Titus still hadn’t said anything.

“Very well our union will take place in a few weeks for all of our people to witness” Lexa got up from her throne and all the ambassadors left but Titus remained. “Titus.” 

“Yes, Heda?” Titus stood in front of Lexa.

“I want you to give your honest thoughts about my union.” Lexa looked him in the eyes, they may butt heads on several things but Titus was the closes thing she had to a father since she was brought to Polis.

“I think you already know my thoughts heda.” He looked at the ground so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with Lexa.

“Speak true Titus, what do you think?”

“As Flamekeeper I’m supposed to tell you that all commanders should remain alone … but as your teacher and mentor I cannot keep you from the family that you have always desired.” Titus stared into Lexa’s eyes. 

“You may go Titus.” Lexa waited for him to leave then she walked over to Clarke who was still sitting.

“the family you’ve always desired?” Clarke asked as Lexa stood in front of her.

“Ever since I came to Polis, I lost all of my family and Titus saw how it affected me. Titus’s teachings were extreme but they did help me over the years.” 

“So was that him giving his blessing?” 

“That was the best that we’re going to get from him, now come on we should head back home now.” 

“Why is the ceremony so soon?” Clarke asked as they walked through the woods to their house.

“You want to wait?” Lexa stopped walking.

“No, I just didn’t know it would be like tomorrow.”

“It’s not tomorrow, we still have a few weeks to get everything together. But the sooner the better.”

“Are you in a rush?” 

“To spend the rest of my life with you. Yes, like I said the sooner the better.” Lexa smiled.

“So do we have to plan anything?” Clarke asked as they walk into their house.

“No, but we do have to discuss the traditions.”

“And what are the traditions?”

“Well there is an oath we both have to recite then just as Kane did at the summit, we take the brand of our people or matching tattoo of our choice. I have someone working on the design right now if that is the route we take.”

“What is this oath?”

“You’ll learn it soon.”

“So what now?” 

“Now we relax.” Lexa smiled as pulled Clarke towards the bedroom.

“I like to relax.” 

When they got to the room Lexa laid Clarke on the bed gently and began kissing her neck. Clarke let out soft moans as Lexa’s tongue made her way to her chest and down her stomach. Then Clarke flipped her around so that Lexa was on the bottom. She ripped her shirt and pants off the kissed all the way down her body until she heard loud moans come from Lexa’s mouth.

“Do you like that commander?” Clarke said as she came back up and kissed Lexa’s neck. She didn’t answer in words she answered in moans. Clarke took her full length into her hands stroking harder and harder.

“I want you to fuck me commander.” Clarke whispered in Lexa’s ear.

“Please?” Lexa turned Clarke on her back then there was a loud knock in the door,

“Please ignore that.” Clarke pleaded and Lexa started kissing her neck then the knock became louder.

“I guess whoever that is isn’t planning on leaving, get dressed.” Lexa gave her one last kiss then got up and put her clothes on.

When they were both dressed, they went and answered the door and it was Alix.

“Alix what are you doing here?” Lexa looked confused.

“Well when I heard my only niece and only other family i have was having a bonding ceremony and I had to come by and say congratulations.” Alix looked upset.

“Come in.” Lexa moved so that Alix could come in. They all sat on the couch awkwardly for a couple of seconds until Clarke said something.

“Alix, I’m sorry you had to hear it from someone else but we only came back from meeting with the ambassadors not to long ago.” 

“I just came to see if it was true, news about the commander always travels fast.”

“Apparently so, but we both hope you would join us. It’s really important to me that family is a part of this.” Clarke put her hand on Lexa’s thigh.

“I wouldn’t miss it and I know the kids will be excited.”

“How are they?” Clarke asked.

“They are good, they definitely miss you. Both of you.”

“You’re always welcome here, you guys need to come by more often.” Lexa smiled.

“We will, and how is the baby?” Alix smiled as she looked at Clarke’s growing stomach.

“Everything’s looking good so far. We’re just waiting to find out the gender.” 

“You have to let me know when you find out.”

“Of course.”

“Well I have to pick Theo and Elena up, but I’ll see you guys soon” Alix hugged Lexa then Clarke and left.

“Well that was great” Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke.

“I’m going to take a bath.” Clarke gave Lexa a soft kiss before walking off to the bathroom. “Join me?” 

* * *

A couple of hours later Clarke and Lexa found themselves in the baby room laying on the floor just talking about anything.

“I think I should paint stars on the ceiling so he can have something to look at.” Clarke said as she drew little design’s on Lexa hand with some chalk.

“I’d prefer if you’d wait till you have the baby so I don’t have to worry about you climbing on things to reach the ceiling.” Lexa smiled as she looked at the patterns on her hand.

“Lex, I’m not as fragile as you think.”

“It’s not about you being fragile it’s just about being safe.”

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Clarke squeezed her hand tightly

“I know.”

“You know what we should start thinking of names, what do you want for a boy?” 

“Uhm, how about Jake?” Lexa suggested.

“What was your dad’s name?”

“Mason” Lexa replied softly.

“What was your mother’s name?” Clarke asked.

“Elaina.” Lexa smiled a bit.

“So Alix named her daughter after your mom?”

“Yes, she changed it a little I suppose. Alix was my mother’s sister.”

“Okay how about we agree not to name our child after the dead?”

“Deal. What names do you like?” Lexa asked

“I don’t know, I never thought I would have kids. So I’ve never thought about it.” For the first time Clarke realized that she never planned a future for herself living on the Ark, especially after she got locked up.

“How about Kalani, that’s nice?” Lexa suggested.

“I like those, what about an ancient Greek name? You said those were for favorite stories.” 

“Yes, but those names are a little…… out of the ordinary.” 

“So? Me and you together are out of the ordinary.” Clarke smiled as she nudged Lexa’s side.

“How about Alessa? In Greek it means protector of humanity. Or Fallon it means Leaders daughter.” 

“I like both, now what about a boy name?”

“You know what I have a book full of Greek names at Polis I can go and get it.” Lexa was really excited.

“It’s pretty late, we can get it tomorrow.” Clarke smiled, she loved how excited Lexa was.

They continued talking until eventually they fell asleep, neither of them cared much that they were on the floor as long as they were together.


	22. I'm Ready To Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a time jump

The months leading up to the bonding ceremony were hectic. There were millions of decisions to make and Clarke and Lexa had to make them all. The people of polis were beyond excited for the event, they even started leaving gifts for the two at the Capital Building. This was a time for peace and people were happy. The planning was coming to end and the ceremony was only a few days away. Before the event Clarke and Lexa decided to take a trip to Arkadia to find out the sex of their baby.

The day of the trip Lexa woke up to Clarke basically on top of her using her as a pillow. She loved how peaceful Clarke looked as she slept even if she couldn’t move an inch without waking the blonde. She tried to slide her off but failed as she saw Clarkes eyes fluttering open.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Lexa ran her fingers through Clarkes hair.

“It’s okay we should probably be getting up soon anyways, my mom’s sending a rover at noon. I radioed her last night while you slept, I’m surprised you didn’t wake.”

“If you were gone long I probably would’ve, I can’t sleep without you.” 

“You never have to, now get up.” Clarke quickly kissed the brunette’s cheek before getting off of the bed.

Clarke went to their dressers and got her and Lexa some clothes out. While she was going through all their clothes, she heard her mom’s voice on the radio.

“Clarke, are you there?” Abby said from the radio.

“Yep, what’s going on?” Clarke picked the radio up from the bed.

“I just wanted to tell you that Kane’s outside with the Rover whenever you guys are ready.”

“Okay we just have to get dressed. LEXA.” Clarke yelled into the other room.

“Really with the yelling.” Lexa said as she walked into the room.

“Here put this on and be ready in 5 minutes Kane is outside waiting.”

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa picked up the clothes and went into the bathroom. 

Clarke quickly threw her clothes on then twisted her hair and put some pins in it so it wouldn’t fall back in her face. When she was ready Lexa came out of the bathroom all dressed with her wild curly hair in one French braid down her back.

“Ready?” Clarke asked as she grabbed her stuff

“Yes, let’s go.” 

When they walked outside the rover was right there just like Abby said it would be. The drive wasn’t long but it did give both Lexa and Clarke a lot of time to think about the baby. Even though everything had been going good since the last mishap they both were scared that something else would happen. 

* * *

“We’re about 2 minutes away are you two excited?” Kane asked as he focused on driving.

“Yes.” Clarke said as she looked outside of her window and saw Arkadia getting closer. Truth is she was excited but she was also nervous.

Kane pulled the rover into the garage and when they got out Abby had been waiting for them.

“How are you feeling?” Abby asked as she walked closer to Clarke.

“Good, can we find out today?” Clarke said reaching for Lexa’s hand.

“Your ultrasound is awaiting.” Abby smiled. “Let’s go to Medical.”

“Last chance, do you still think it’s a boy?” Lexa could see how nervous Clarke was.

“I don’t know anymore.” 

When they got Medical Clarke sat on the bed and Lexa sat in the chair next to her holding her hand.

Abby lifted Clarkes shirt and applied the cold gel. 

“Okay, sorry for the coldness.” Abby turned to the screen to make sure everything was working. “The baby’s heartbeat is strong, no abnormalities. Everything looks good.” 

"That’s good. “Clarke smiled, hearing everything was going well was a relief.

“Alright, you guys ready?” 

Clarke and Lexa just looked at each other. 

“Ready.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded.

“Okay, so it looks like you’ll be having a baby…. Girl.” Abby smiled as she watched their reactions.

“A girl.” Lexa smiled as she squeezed Clarkes hand.

“We’re having a baby… and it’s a girl.” Clarke couldn’t stop the biggest smile from forming on her face. Neither Clarke or Lexa cared if it were a boy or a girl but Clarke couldn’t help but be excited that she was going to be having a little baby girl.

“Do you guys want some pictures?” 

“You can do that?” Lexa asked 

“Yes, most of our technology didn’t make it to the ground but Mount Weather had some amazing tools. I’ll print you guys a couple.” Abby walked off.

“We’re having a baby girl.” Clarke could feel the tears on her face. Damned emotions that for the record she was blaming on her pregnancy. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to have a child. A daughter.” Lexa stared at Clarkes stomach. Her bump wasn’t much but it was more noticeable than it had been a few weeks ago.

“Here they are.” Abby smiled as she stared at the little paper with the sonogram on it. Her baby was having a baby. How did time fly by like this?

“This is our baby? She looks so small.” Lexa examined the paper; she had never seen anything like this. “Skaikru technology is impressive.”

Clarke just smiled as she watched Lexa stare at the paper, she still couldn’t believe that this was her life it all felt too good to be true. As they headed back to the Rover Clarke stopped to talk to Monty and Lexa and Abby waited for her in the garage.

“So when is the ceremony?” Abby asked as Lexa was still looking at the ultrasound.

“A few days, everything’s still being set up.” Lexa replied looking up from the picture she held in her hands. 

“How does this whole bonding ceremony happen?”

“Well it will be similar to the summit but with some changes. We will both recite an oath then we get our tattoos to symbolize our love.” 

“Tattoo? Does Clarke know that?” Abby could only imagine her only child to be covered in tattoos.

Lexa laughed a little as she saw Abby eyes widen at the word tattoo. “Yes, she knows, I think she wants to design it. We will get the tattoo once she has the baby.”

“It’s really good to see her so happy. I trust that you will always keep her that way.” 

“Of course, her happiness means the world to me.” Lexa smiled at Clarke as she started walking towards them.

“What are we talking about?” Clarke asked as she put her arm around Lexa.

“The ceremony.” Abby answered.

“When we figure out the specific day we will radio, we both want you guys to be there. As much as it is for us it’s also means that Skai and Trikru will no longer be two different groups, we will become one.” Clarke smiled as she looked up a Lexa.

“Everything is already peaceful but the union will make it more permanent.” Lexa added.

“Okay, well do we need to bring anything?” Abby asked.

“No, just yourselves.” Lexa smiled.

“Everyone’s pretty excited to see what a grounder weddings looks like, especially the kids.” Abby smiled. “Are there a lot of kids in Polis?”

“Yes, polis is filled with kids, I’m sure they can find some common ground and get along great.” Lexa smiled.

“Great. Well there is a guard waiting in the rover to drive you back Kane’s in a meeting so he couldn’t.” 

“It was good to see you Abby.” Lexa smiled as she walked to the rover.

“You to.”

“I’ll meet you in the Rover.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded in return.

“So you and Kane?” Clarke smiled as she watched Abby cheeks gets red.

“Listen Clarke I know this- “Clarke cut Abby off before she could finish.

“Mom you deserve to be happy to, dad would have wanted that for you.”

“But not with the man who had a part in his death.” Abby sighed and she sat on the bench.

“We aren’t those people we had to be on the ark mom, Kane is a good guy. We’ve all made bad choices. Look at me and Lexa.” Clarke kissed her mom on the head. “You guys should come to the wedding together; it might be the closest thing you’ll get to a date around here.”

“We usually get together after dark when everything’s settled down around here.

“I probably could’ve lived without knowing that.” Clarke smiled lightly as she saw her mom smile as she talked about Kane.

“We just talk Clarke, long talks, sometimes we even talk about what life would have been like if we were all born down here and not on the ark.” 

“You think it would’ve been that different?” Clarke asked as she looked at her mom.

“I think that us and the grounders aren’t as different as we like to think.” Abby smiled. “Now you have your life waiting for you in that Rover, we will talk more soon.” 

“I want you Octavia and Raven to stay with me at polis the day before the ceremony, just like a girl’s night and you guys can help me get ready.” Clarke said as she got up from the bench. 

“I’ll be there.” Abby hugged Clarke and watched her walk over to the Rover.

“So what was all that about?” Lexa asked as she helped Clarke into the Rover.

“My mom and Kane.” 

“I figured they were already together.” 

“You’d think, but I guess the fact that she hasn’t dated since my dad kind of affected her choice to actually get together with him.” Clarke leaned into Lexa as the Rover started moving.

“Would you mind if they did get together?” Lexa asked.

“No, and that’s what we talked about. I want her to be happy just as much as she wants me to.”

“And are you… happy?”

“Are you kidding? Happy doesn’t even describe the way you’ve made me feel. Why would you ask that?”

“I just wanted to make sure. I know everything is moving fast.”

“Maybe I like fast.” Clarke smiled as Lexa rolled her eyes.

When they got back to Polis many people were coming by the house going over preparations for the ceremony and making sure everything was set up just the way Clarke and Lexa wanted it. 

As Clarke was getting everyone drinks, she saw Lexa walking up to her with another girl about their age with long light brown hair and a notebook in her arms.

“Clarke this is Tamsin, she’s an artist. I asked her to help you with our tattoo design. I hope you don’t mind a little help.” Lexa smiled.

“Not at all it’s nice to meet you Tamsin.” Clarke smiled and extended her hand to the girl. 

“You too.” The girl shook her hand and returned the smile.

“You guys can go back in your drawing room where it’s quieter.” Lexa said to Clarke before walking back to others in the living room.

“The art room is just over here.” Clarke said motioning towards the back of the house.

“Your house is amazing.” Tamsin said as they entered the room.

“Yeah, me and Lexa want to build more all-around polis so everyone can live in one.” 

“That would be amazing, did you paint these?” Tamsin looked around the room and all the painted canvases.

“Yeah, when Lexa’s at meetings I have a lot of free time that’s why there are so many.” Clarke smiled as she watched the girl admire her work. “Are you an artist?”

“Yes, mostly for myself and I do some tattoo’s here and there. Heda actually let me do her tattoos years ago. So what were you thinking for your tattoo?” She asked as they sat at the desks.

“I’m not really sure, I mean what do people usually get?” Clarke asked.

“Well it varies with everyone; no ceremonial tattoo is the same because they represent the couple and every couple is different. So what represents you and Lexa as a couple?”

“Well I think the most obvious thing is our differences. Like where we came from, I can from the sky and her the ground.”

“Okay so the sky girl and the tree girl. You’re both leaders, soon to be mothers. How about we create a new SkaiKru brand, then intertwin it with the trikru brand.” Tamsin started drawing on her notepad, Clarke didn’t want to interrupt her so she started drawing on hers to. She had no idea what she was drawing but she was just trying to waste time.

After about 5 minutes of drawing Tamsin finally was done.

“Okay not that this is a final draft or anything but this is just what came to mind.” Tamsin handed the notebook to Clarke.

When she looked it was a small spaceship shaped object with the trikru symbol beside it. It reminded Clarke of a yin yang sign. Around the symbols were a circle of stars that wrapped it all together.

“Wow Tamsin this is amazing, I love it.” Clarke smiled as she handed the notebook back. “It’s perfect.”

“Are you sure because we can try some other things, I mean tattoos are permanent.”

“I’m sure and I know Lexa will love it. Your incredibly talented.” 

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to come over tomorrow, me and a couple of friends are hanging out I’d love for you to meet them.”

“Really? No one really ever invites me to hang out with them.” 

“Well I’d love to have you, if you’re up to it?” Clarke smiled.

“Yeah, I would love to.” 

When Clarke and Tamsin headed back out to the living room mostly everyone had left and it was just Lexa and Alix sitting and talking. When Lexa noticed them walking over, she smiled.

“Did you two come up with something?” 

“Yeah, Tamsin drew in like 5 minutes it’s amazing.” Clarke handed the notebook to Lexa.

“Wow Tamsin, this is perfect. Thank you so much for drawing it.” 

“Of course Heda.” Alix and Clarke laughed at how nervous Tamsin looked when Lexa looked over her work.

“Please it’s just Lexa here. Do you need someone to walk you home?”

“No I’ll be fine but thanks. And thanks Clarke.” Tamsin smiled a little before she walked out of the door.

“Why was she thanking you?” Lexa asked.

“I invited her to hang out with me Raven and O tomorrow and she said that no one ever invites her to hangout.” 

“That was nice of you.” Lexa smiled as she wrapped her hands around her waists.

“I like her, she’s nice. So how was planning.” Clarke said as she sat beside Alix on the couch.

“Good everything is mostly done, tomorrow you will learn the oath with Alix. The ceremony is in 2 days.”

“I’ll be here in the morning, it’s really easy don’t worry. I’ll write it down for you to memorize.” Alix winked

“Okay great. So what do we wear? Dresses or like pants and a shirt. Regular clothes?” Clarke continued to talk as Alix and Lexa just starred at her with an amused look. “What?”

“You were babbling.” Lexa smiled. “We wear dresses, which are being custom made and will also be ready tomorrow.” 

“Great so there’s nothing I need to do?” Clarke asked.

“Learn the oath.” Lexa replied.

“And get ready to deal with Lexa for the rest of your life.” Alix added.

“I think I can handle that.”

“So I’ve been waiting all day. Is it a boy or a girl?” Alix asked.

“Were having a girl.” Clarke answered with a smile.

“Oh my gosh, I can just imagine the look on Elena’s face when I tell her. She’s always wanted a little sister but I think twins was enough for me.” Alix laughed. “Among other things.”

“The night before the wedding me and my friends were going to spend the night together you and Elena should come.” Clarke smiled.

“That sounds fun and I’m sure she’ll love that. We’ll be there.” 

“Great, I’m going to take a bath I’ll see you in the morning.” Clarke hugged Alix then headed towards the bedroom.

“What did you do to deserve that girl?” Alix asked when she knew Clarke couldn’t hear.

“I honestly think that all the time, and I still haven’t come up with an answer.” Lexa smiled.

“I’ve never seen you like this before, not even with costia.” Alix sighed

“Clarke isn’t like Costia, our relationship is so much different, it’s better. Clarke is special.”

“Do you think Max will show? I mean him and Luna have to had heard about this by now no matter where they are.”

“They won’t show, the ambassadors still want Luna dead for running.”

“You’re their commander, they answer to you. You can make it safe for her to come back.” 

“I don’t even know if she would want to come back, she’s never tried.” 

“Because she knew the risks Lexa. Things are so much different than they used to be.”

“I think I know how to contact her, to let her know she can come back if she wishes.” Lexa smiled a little at the thought of her brother and best friend returning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to see Lexa as a mom!! Also I just had to use the name Tamsin. any lost girl fans?!


	23. Live with it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter there will be a flash back and it will be in Italics Thanks for reading!

When Clarke woke up the next morning the other side of the bed was empty and the sheets were cold so she knew Lexa had been up a while. She got out of the bed slipped some pants on and walked to the kitchen to get some water. After she got her water, she walked around the house and Lexa wasn’t in any room so she went outside to check. When she opened the door, she found Lexa, Alix, Elena, Theo and some other kids all play fighting with wooden swords. Clarke loved seeing Lexa around kids, soon it will be her daughter out there learning how to hold a sword and fight. No one noticed Clarke standing there until after the fight was over.

“Clarke!!” Elena yelled and ran over to the blonde and threw her arms around her waist.

“Hey kid.” Clarke smiled.

“My mom says your having a baby girl, can I come over all the time to see her?” 

“Of course you can, maybe one day she will even be a great a fighter as you.” 

“I’ll teach her when she’s older.” Elena said confidently

“Clarke did you see me out there?” Theo came running over.

“How could I miss it, you were great.” Clarke pulled the young boy into a hug.

“Did we wake you?” Lexa asked as she wiped her hands on her pants.

“No, I just noticed you weren’t in bed.”

“The kids wanted to practice; they have a test in a couple days.”

“A test on fighting?” Clarke asked confused.

“More of a what have you learned and what you need to work on type deal.” Lexa smiled.

“So sky girl, you ready to learn this oath?” Alix asked as she walked towards Clarke.

“Let’s do it.” 

“After you guys are done, we have to go to the polis building to see the dresses.” Lexa said before the girls walked into the house.

“Okay so I wrote it down for you so you can just practice later if you want.” 

“So what’s the point of you teaching it to me?” Clarke asked.

“I’m here for practice. You will pretend I’m Lexa and we will recite it together. Got it?” Alix asked

“Yep.” Clarke looked down at the paper and read the words, she had heard some of them before from Lexa.

“I swear fealty to you, to always protect you and always love you.” Alix read, waiting for Clarke to read the next line.

“To always fight for you, and in sickness take care of you. I vow to treat your feelings as my own and your needs as my needs” Clarke read back  
“As we bond our love, I promise that my heart will always be with.” Alix finished. “Not so bad right?

“No, not at all. So does everyone know it already or learn it?”

“Most of us already know it, just by going to the ceremonies and hearing it a few times I guess you just learn it.” Alix answered. “Do you want to go again or you think you got it?”

“I think I’m good, thanks for this Alix.”

“We’re family Clarke, you don’t have to thank me.” Alix smiled. “I have to get Elena and Theo to combat practice but I’ll see you, tomorrow right? Girls night thing”

“I’ll be here.” As Alix walked out of the house Lexa was walking in. She was soaking wet.

“Do I even want to know what happened?” Clarke asked with an amused grin on her face.

“Theo and Elena thought it would be funny to push me into the water when I was washing the dirt off of my hands.”

“Well at least you’re clean.” Clarke laughed but Lexa wasn’t so amused.

“I’m going to dry off and change then we can leave.” Lexa walked into the living room.

While Clarke was waiting for Lexa, she heard a knock on the door, she wasn’t expecting anyone until later so she didn’t know who it could be. When she opened it, it of course was Raven and Octavia.

“A little early don’t you think?” Clarke said as they walked in.

“Well we were bored Princess.” Raven said as she sat on the couch.

“Me and Lexa were just about to go see the dresses for the union ceremony.”

“We can just wait here until you guys get back.” Raven said.

“Are you nervous?” Octavia asked.

“Yes and No, I just don’t know to expect. I don’t think these weddings will be like the ones in the old movies that we watched on the Ark.” 

“It’ll be better, weddings back then were all flashy and picture perfect. This will be real.” Raven smiled. “Plus you’ll get a kickass tattoo out of it.” Raven added. 

“Did you guys already design it?” Octavia asked.

“Yeah, this girl named Tamsin drew it, she’s coming over later to hang out with us. I’ll show you guys.”

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the grounder princess.” Raven said as she looked a Lexa walk in.

“Hello Raven, Octavia.” Lexa smiled.

“Did you just take a bath or something your hair is soaked.” Octavia said.

“The kids pushed her into the river.” Clarke laughed as she saw Lexa roll her eyes.

“Sounds fun.” Raven laughed.

“It’s not, trust me.” Lexa said as she put on her jacket. “Ready?”

“Yeah, if Tamsin comes while were gone be nice.” Clarke looked specifically at Raven.

“Okay princess I got it, now go.” 

As Lexa and Clarke walked through the little pathway that led to the polis building Clarke noticed that there were more people out than usual. Everyone was gathered around setting up posts and trading things with each other.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked as she pointed to all the people.

“They are setting up, after the ceremony everyone will come out here for a feast. There will be music and food, it’ll be fun.” 

“I didn’t know you guys had fun.” Clarke said truthfully.

“At times of peace there is plenty of time for fun.” Lexa smiled.

When they got to the building there were 4 girls waiting for them, 2 of them took Clarke into a different room and Lexa stayed in the other room.

“What’s your names?” Clarke asked as she sat on the bed in the room.

“I’m Tara and that’s my little sister Kylin.” Both girls smiled at her.

“It’s nice to meet you both, did you make the dresses?” Clarke asked.

“I made yours and one of the other girls with Heda made hers. But we both worked together.” The girl name Tara answered. “Ky would you get the dress out of the washroom please?” As the other girl went to fetch the dress Tara and Clarke talked more while they waited.

“Do you make all of Lexa’s Clothes?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, mostly. My mother actually owns the store where most polis citizens buys their clothing.”

“Do like doing this?” 

“Yeah, I love it. I usually draw out the designs for the clothes before I make them. That’s my favorite part.” 

“Maybe you could make me some baby clothes?” Clarke smiled.

“Of course, I would love to, for a girl?” 

“Yes.” Clarke smiled.

As Kylin laid the dress down on the bed Clarke couldn’t help but admire the detailing, it reminded her of the dress she had worn to the summit. The dress was a beautiful dark blue color with long sleeves, covered with a see-through material on the back and a black corset looking thing. It had small beautiful crystals carefully placed all over it that reminded Clarke of stars. 

“This is absolutely amazing Tara.” 

“I’m glad you liked it.” The girl smiled as Clarke admired her work.

“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you so much.” 

“Of course.” Tara smiled. “Ky you can go back down and help mom.” The younger girl nodded and walked out of the room.

“How old is she?” 

“12, I’m 19. She likes to help sometimes.” 

“Do you work all the time? I mean you’re young you don’t hang out with your friends or something?” 

“Not really we usually are all working.” 

“are you working tomorrow?” 

“No, I’m helping set up for you and Heda’s ceremony.”

“How about I send someone in your place and tomorrow you come and hangout with me and my friends. We’re having this like girl’s night thing so it should be fun.” Clarke smiled as she saw the girls face light up.

“Heda wouldn’t mind?” 

“I’ll deal with Heda.” Clarke smiled “Come it will be fun.”

“Okay. I have to get this back down to my mother.” Tara picked up the dress and started walking towards the door. “And Clarke… Thank you for inviting me.”

Clarke just smiled in return, a couple seconds after Tara left Lexa walked in.

“So what do you think?” Lexa asked as she put her arms around Clarkes waist.

“I think that I just saw the most beautiful dress ever.” Clarke smiled as she closed the gap between them pressing her lips against Lexa’s.

The walk back to their house never took long but this time Clarke just wanted to stop and look at everything, it’s like Polis turned into a whole other place in a matter of minutes.

“You’ll get to see everything tomorrow.” Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke try to take everything in all at once.

“It doesn’t even look like the same place. The people are so passionate about doing all of this for you.”

“For us.” Lexa corrected. “And I told you Polis would change the way you think of us, the people are much kinder here.” 

“You had already changed my mind long before I came here.” Clarke squeezed her hand.

When they got to the house Clarke and Lexa could here loud laughs coming from inside.

“Raven and Octavia have no trouble having a good time.” Lexa smiled as she opened the door.

“They never do.” When Clarke walked inside, she saw that Tamsin had also joined the other girls and was laughing a long with them. “What’s so funny?” 

“Raven was telling us about the many times that Sinclair yelled at her for blowing things up on the Ark.” Octavia replied.

“I’m sure there were many times.” Clarke joked as she sat with the girls.

“2 or 3 at most.” Raven said with grin.

“Lexa are you hanging out?” Octavia asked.

“No, I actually need to go see Lincoln is he at home?” 

“Yeah he should be.” Octavia replied.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Lexa leaned down to kiss Clarke.

“Keep it PG ladies.” Raven joked.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pressed her lips against Lexa’s. “Don’t stay out to late, we have a lot to do tomorrow.” 

“I won’t.” Lexa said as she walked out of the door.

“Is it weird seeing the badass commander all lovey dovey?” Octavia asked Tamsin.

“It’s a little strange.” Tamsin laughed.

“She’s a teddy bear.” Raven smiled.

As Lexa walked through the woods to Lincoln and Octavia’s home, she started to remember the night that Luna told her she was leaving. She had begged her to stay but when she knew that wouldn’t work, she asked Max to go with her and keep her safe.

_“Lex, wake up.” Luna shook the girl softly trying to wake her up before anyone noticed she was gone from her room._

_“What is it Luna?” Lexa finally woke to see her friend dressed in full clothing and her sword on her back. “What’s going on?”_

_"We need to talk but not here come on.” Luna pulled Lexa out of the bed and quietly pulled her outside of the building and into the woods._

_"Luna, tell me what’s going on.”_

_“I’m leaving, I can’t stay here. I’ve already had to kill my brother and were scheduled to fight in the next round, I can’t do this anymore.” Luna could feel the tears running down her eyes._

_“Where will you go? You know Titus will try to go after you.”_

_“I don’t yet, I’m going to head to the boat clan and go from there. I wasn’t born for this life Lexa, I’m not strong enough to be the commander. But you are. I know that you will do good things for our people, you’re better than the other kids you’ll win the conclave and become next commander. I know it.”_

_“How will I know that you’ll be safe. I’m coming with you.”_

_“No Lex, you cant.”_

_“I’m not letting you go by yourself Luna, you’re my best friend. Oso throu daun ogeda.”_ **(WE fight together.)**

_"They need you Lexa, they need someone to believe in to pour their hopes and dreams into, to give them peace. You’re that person. Ai hod yu in Leska.” Luna started to walk off when Lexa pulled her back._

_“Wait, take Max. I know he’ll keep you safe.”_

_“I can’t ask your brother to leave you for me.” Luna sighed_

_“I’m asking him, and he loves you Luna. He would hate me if I let you go alone.”_

“Lexa?” Lincoln called from outside of his house.

Lexa snapped herself out of her thoughts as she walked towards the house. “Lincoln, how are you?”

“Good, congratulations on your union.”

“Thanks.” 

“What brings you by?” Lincoln asked.

“Well it was brought to my attention that you know how to contact Luna.” Lexa could see the fear in Lincolns face. “I wanted to get her a message.” 

“If you don’t mind my asking, who told you?”

“Clarke, she said you told her she could take her people to Luna for safety, she didn’t know that I knew her when she was telling me this.” 

“I haven’t spoken with her in a while but I can get her a message.” 

“Where has she been all these years?” Lexa asked

“An oil rig out in the middle of the ocean, most people go there when they get tired of fighting. But I bet she doesn’t know how peaceful it’s been around here.”

“I know that she is your family, did she tell you before she left?” Lexa asked.

“No, but she dropped some hints about how she wouldn’t be able to kill you or Luke if it came down to it. I think we all knew she wasn’t built for the life of the commander.”

“Yeah… But now she could have a normal life, here with her family and friends again.”

“I’ll try to get her the message Lexa.” Lincoln smiled a little.

“Thank you.” Lexa said before she walked off. Lexa didn’t know if she would ever see her brother or friend again as she watched them leave into the forest that night, but now there was some hope that she would.

When she returned home, she found that Clarke and her friends had moved from the house to the waterfall. They were all laughing and looked be having a good time, she loved to see Clarke around her friends she seemed so careless and happy.

“Ah, the badass commander has joined us after all.” Raven joked as Lexa approached the place they were sitting at by the water.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled as she felt Lexa wrap her arms around her stomach.

“How are my girls feeling?” Lexa whispered only loud enough for Clarke to hear.

“Better now that you’re here, will you stay a while. Apparently, my friends really want to spend time with you.” Clarke smiled.

“Of course. So what are we talking about?” Lexa looked around at the girls.

“Well I think I said something like does Lexa have sexy ass sister or friend and if so, can I meet her?” Raven smirked as she saw Clarke roll her eyes.

“Why would you think I had a, attractive friend or family member Raven?” Lexa asked very amused.

“Well attractive people always hang out with other attractive people, it’s a fact. I mean look at me O Clarke and Tamsin were all incredibly attractive.” Raven took a sip of her drink.

“Wait, what happened with wick?” Clarke asked.

“I had to let the poor guy down.” 

“So that’s why you’re really here, to be away from him.” 

“Raven Reyes never runs from a problem; I came here to be with my two best friends is that so hard to believe?” 

“A little.” Octavia laughed as Raven pushed her arm.

“Tamsin are you seeing anyone?” Clarke turned her attention to the young girl.

“No.” the girl answered shyly.

“Well what do you like? Funny type, serious type?” Octavia asked.

“I like funny and smart.” Tamsin smiled.

“I know the perfect person.” Clarke smiled as she looked at Raven and Octavia.

“Monty?” Raven asked.

“How did you know?” Clarke replied.

“Because he’s the only smart one. Beside me of course.” Raven smiled.

“Which one is Monty?” Lexa asked, she was still trying to learn everyone’s name.

“He’s the one that hangs out with Jasper, they were in the mountain.” Clarke replied.

“He survived the mountain?” Tamsin asked, surprisingly. 

“Yep, thanks to Clarke.” Raven.

“Not just thanks to me…” Clarke said quietly

“How about we talk about something else.” Lexa suggested as she felt Clarke tense up.

They sat there talking and laughing for another 30 minutes or so before Raven, Octavia and Tamsin all decided to walk home. Clarke had felt weird ever since the mountain was brought up. 

“You alright?” Lexa asked as she helped Clarke onto their bed.

“Yeah.” Clarke answered coldly.

“What’s going on inside your head Clarke? Talk to me.” Lexa pleaded as she looked into the blondes deep blue eyes.

“What I did on the mountain, when I said it used to haunt me, I thought that would be forever. And now I don’t even think about it. Has it really become that easy for me to take a life?” Clarke laid on the bed and turned towards Lexa.

“No, it just means that you’ve learned to except what you’ve done and that’s okay.” Lexa brushed her figures through the blond’s hair.

“Maybe I deserve to live with the pain forever, I took away so many kids died that night. They will never get to grow up or get to actually live because of me. I can’t even imagine what I would do if someone did that to our child.” 

“Enough, Clarke don’t speak like that… I don’t want to hear of this anymore.” Lexa didn’t notice that she raised her voice until she saw Clarke jump a little bit. “You need to get some rest we have a long day tomorrow.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s head before she moved to leave the room.

“Lay with me, please.” Clarke’s voice stopped her from exiting the room. Instead of leaving she kicked off her boots and pants and joined Clarke in the bed. After about an hour of laying with Clarke the blonde finally dozed off.

When Lexa was sure she was sleep she slipped on her sleep pants and quietly slipped out of the room. She didn’t know what she was doing or where she was going but eventually, she ended up in the baby room. She looked around and thought about how soon it would be filled with little clothes and littles shoes and even a little warrior’s sword. It kind of freaked her out thinking about how she would be a mother, she helped Alix with Theo and Elena when they were born but having her own baby to take care of kind of scared her and nothing ever scared her. As she started to walk into the room, she felt warms hands wrap around her waist and a swollen stomach on her back.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked as her eyes met a pair of greens ones.

There was a long pause before Lexa answered. “I yelled at you…” Lexa said softly.

“That’s what’s keeping you up?” 

“That and the thought of being a bad mother.” Answered softly.

“As for yelling thing, you were right and I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“Clarke your supposed be able to talk to me about how your feeling and I’m supposed to listen and help you not yell at you.” 

“You’re the one that’s been helping me all along, having you and being with you has made me realize that I don’t need to carry that pain with me anymore. I have accepted what I’ve done I just have to live with it. The same goes for you.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Clarke smiled. “Now what’s this about being a bad mother?”

“All I know how to do is fight and command, not take care of a baby.” 

“Me either, but that’s the thing about parenting you have to learn as you go and improve from your mistakes. Much like training.” 

“You will be the favorite mom.” Lexa smiled.

“She might surprise you I’m sure you’ll make a fine warrior out of her.” 

“She’ll be the best.” Lexa said confidently. “Will she call both of us mom?

Clarke laughed she had never really thought of that. “How about mama and mom?”

“Which am I?” 

“Mama, for sure.” Clarke smiled as she saw Lexa lips start to curve into a smile.

“I like it, now come on lets actually get some rest now.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand and held onto it until they reached their bedroom. 


	24. Bonding Ceremony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elena and Clarke moments! and a heart to heart between Alix and Clarke! A special Clexa moment!!!!!!!!

It was midday and Lexa had a few meetings to go to about the new construction they were planning for Polis, which left Clarke at the house by herself for a while. She knew there would be times where she would be alone but she never knew what to do with all that free time. As she was laying on her bed, she heard static coming from the radio, when she picked it she could hear her mother voice.

“Clarke?” 

“I’m here, is everything okay?” Clarke wasn’t expecting her to radio so something must have been wrong.

“Medical is packed today and I have a couple surgeries I have to do, Jackson and the others we’ve been training can handle it tomorrow but I can’t come tonight. I’m sorry sweetie.” Clarke could tell by Abby’s voice she’s been up all night.

“It’s okay, I’m sure Raven and O will keep me entertained.” 

“I’ll be there first thing in the morning to help you get ready I promise. I have to get back. I love you Clarke.”

“Love you to0.” 

I’m getting married tomorrow, Clarke thought as she laid back on the bed. She didn’t want to overthink but she knew it was coming. Thank god someone started knocking on the door before she got the chance. She figured it was Raven and O but when she opened the door, she found Alix and Elena. 

“Clarke!” Elena jumped into the blonde’s arms.

“Hey guys.” Clarke smiled.

“Clarke I can’t come to your girl’s night so I was hoping we could hang out right now.” Elena smiled.

“Of course we can, why can’t you make it?” 

“They are making us train tonight.” Elena frowned. “But I’d rather be here with you!” 

“I would love for you to be here, but your training is important.” Clarke noticed how Alix looked at her. “How about we go play in the waterfall? It’s a nice day today.”

“Okay!” 

“I’ll meet you out there.” Clarke waited until the girl was outside to talk to Alex.

“What did you mean when you said her training is important?” Alix asks wondering if Lexa told her about her kids. She knew she was over paranoid but this was a life or death situation.

Clarke could lie or come up with some response about how important self-defense was but she needed to talk about this. If she couldn’t do it with Lexa, she had to do it with someone who understands. “I think you know what I mean Alix.” 

There was a long pause as Alix just stared at Clarke. “She told you?”

“Don’t be mad at her.” Clarke could see by the look on Alix’s face that this wasn’t something she liked talking about.

“I’m not mad I just… This is a touchy subject for me.” Alix took a deep breath. “I understand why she would tell you since you are having a child together. Are you…”

“Scared as hell my baby will have Nightblood?” Clarke said finishing her sentence. “I’m terrified, I don’t want to bring it up to Lexa but it seems like something we should discuss.” 

“I wish I could give you some advice but the truth is I’m more terrified every day. Terrified that they’ll get cut at training or scrape their finger in front of other kids. It never goes away; Lexa’s protection only goes so far. I’ll never be able to thank her for what she does for my kids.”

“If my baby has the blood the only thing I can do is make them train hard, is that what you’re saying?”

“It’s only thing we knew to do, it wasn’t much of a plan but It’s either this or die.” Alix sighed. “If your baby has to endure this burden, we will protect her that I can promise you Clarke. It’s the only promise I can make in this situation.” Alix hugged the girl. “You don’t have to bear this alone.” 

“I’m glad I get to have you as family.” Clarke smiled.

“Me too.” Alix smiled. “Now let’s go find my wild child, she gets quite impatient.” Alix laughed.

After swimming with the girl for a while Clarke and Elena spent some time talking. Clarke told her about space and Elena told her about her friends and her interest in art. The young girl was excited about the schools and even more excited to know Clarke would be teaching some art classes. 

Clarke loved talking to the girl, it was refreshing just having a light conversation that didn’t involve fighting or war or even her ceremony. 

“I’m glad Lexa has you Clarke.” Elena said as they laid by the waterfall.

“I’m glad I have her too.” Clarke smiled.

“Does this mean we’re family since you’re with Lexa?”

“It does, if that’s okay?” Clarke looked at the girl.

“I’m glad you joined our family.”

“Me too.” 

Elena didn’t stay long after their swim. Alix wanted to get her home to dry off before her training which left Clarke alone in her home. 

As she was walking by the long length mirror, she noticed her stomach. It was bigger than she thought and it was growing fast. When she lifted her shirt the bump appeared even bigger, she was only 5 months along and her belly looked quite big.

“She’s going to be a big baby.” Clarke turned around and saw Lexa standing by the door

“and strong.” Clarke added. 

“Definitely strong, like her mothers.” 

“I didn’t even hear you come in.” 

“We learn to walk so we are not heard; it helps with hunting.” Lexa smiled as she looked at Clarke bare stomach.

“I’ll learn to hear you eventually I mean we do have all of our lives.” Clarke smiled.

“True, tomorrow you will be my wife and there’s no backing out after that.” 

“We’re having a baby, there was already no backing out.” Clarke smirked.

“Good thing I was never planning on backing out then.” 

“Me either.” Clarke smiled, closing the gap between them. “How were your meetings?”

“Good, construction for the schools are finished. They decided the first one should be in TonDC since it’s in the middle of Arkadia and Polis.”

“Where else are they building?” Clarke asked

“3 in Polis, and 2 in each clans territory. We’re still working on age groups and Studies but Kane will be coming back next week to discuss that.”

“What about the houses?”

“We discussed that as well, with winter coming we will have to wait to start the building on that.”

“Lexa... Our people deserve to live in a house just as we do.” 

“I agree, don’t worry by this time next year there will be many houses. Summer is the time for building after the winter we will immediately start.” Lexa smiled.

“So the schools are supposed to be done by winter?” 

“That’s the plan.” Lexa said.

“That’s not a plan Lexa, that’s a prayer.” 

“If need be, we will have to continue a little into winter. Don’t worry Clarke everything will work out.” Lexa kissed her head then walked into the living room.

“So what’s the plans today?” Clarke asked as she followed her.

“You’re having your friends, over right?”

“I mean isn’t there stuff we have to do or something?”

“I thought there would be but everything’s taken care of. Now all you have to do is relax and hangout with your friends.”

“Where will you be tonight?” 

“With Alix and my friend Vila.” 

“You have a friend named Vila?” Clarke arched her eyebrow.

“Yes Clarke, I know it’s hard to believe that I have friends.” Lexa laughed.

“Well I would love to meet this Vila.”

“You will. Tomorrow.” 

“So you’re staying at Alix’s and I’m staying here? Tell me again why we have to spend the night away from each other?” Clarke wined.

“It’s tradition, and also an old myth my people tell that if you wake up next to the person your bonding with on the day of the ceremony it is bad luck.” 

“Do you believe it?” 

Lexa smiled. “It’s just a myth Clarke, but I do think it would be nice for you to be with your friends as much as you can, after the baby we might not have all the time that we do right now.”

“Then I guess that means we should also enjoy our time together.” Clarke smirked.

“I have something for you.” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a silver ring. “Octavia told me that it’s SkaiKru tradition to have rings, I know you have your fathers but I wanted you to have one from me.”

Clarke took the ring and, on the inside in grounder. 'Ai hod yu in'

“I love you too.” Clarke kissed the brunette’s soft lips.

“So what do you want to do?” 

“Honestly, nothing. I just want to lay here with you.” 

“Then that’s what we will do.” Lexa smiled as Clarke wrapped her arms around her body.

After hours of literally talking about nothing and cuddling with each other both girls had to force themselves to actually get off the bed.

“Alix knows I know.” Lexa’s face turned white. “And she wasn’t mad.”

“Why did it come up?” Lexa asked.

“Because as much as we like to pretend this won’t be an issue, we will have to talk about it eventually.” 

“I know that, and I’m working on it.” Lexa said.

“Working on it?” Clarke asked.

“I’m going to discuss changing the rules of the conclave with the Ambassadors. I don’t have all the details yet but it’s a start.” 

“You can do that?” 

“I can try.” Lexa answered, things needed to change. She didn’t want to live in fear like this anymore.

“Then you’ll keep me up to speed on what’s going on?” 

“I will, So who all did you invite to this thing?” Lexa asked looking at her wife to be.

“Well there’s O, Raven, Tamsin, and Tara.” 

“Tara? Who makes the clothes?” Lexa looked surprised.

“Yeah, she was nice and I liked her so I invited her.”

“Well she is nice and her family makes everyone’s clothes around here.”

“I know I asked her to make some baby clothes.” Before Lexa could reply there was a knock at the door. 

“OPEN UP GRIFFIN.” Raven yelled from outside of the door. Clarke rolled her eyes as she went to the door. When she opened it, she found her lovely friends standing there with the biggest smiled on their faces.

“What’s with the grins?” Clarke asked as she let the girls in.

“Nothing... Just ready to have good time is all.” Raven said holding up a bottle obviously filled with some of Monty and Jaspers disgusting alcohol creation.

“Don’t get too crazy, remember she is pregnant.” Lexa said as she walked into the living room.

“Of course, of course we’re keeping it PG tonight. Don’t worry.” Raven smiled.

“I guess I should be leaving you guys then, Clarke walk me out?” Lexa said, walking to the door of their house.

“Hey Clarke, don’t be too long the strippers will be here soon.” Raven and O laughed as they saw the confusion on Lexa’s face.

“What are strippers? 

“Nothing, trust me.” Clarke rolled her eyes as she closed the door behind them.

When they got outside, Lexa realized that it wasn’t going to be easy not spending the night with Clarke.

“If anything happens or something is wrong baby related or not baby related, I don’t care, I want you to send Octavia to get me. Okay?”

“Lexa relax everything is fine. I’m fine the baby is fine. Just go to Alix’s and have a good time.”

“Promise me you will send her if anything is wrong… Please.”

“I Promise. Now go, before I talk myself out of spending the night away from you” Clarke smiled.

“Fine, I love you.” 

“Ai hod yu in.” Clarke pressed her lips onto Lexa’s. The kiss was far too short for either of them but the sound of footsteps forced them to pull away. When Clarke looked, she saw that it was Tara and she looked nervous.

“Hey Tara.” Clarke smiled.

“Hey Clarke, Heda.” Tara bowed to Lexa.

“Tara.” Lexa nodded her head. “Don’t forget what I said.” Lexa turned to Clarke with her serious Commander face.

“Yes Heda.” Clarke said in a playful voice and a smile.

“And by the way Tara’s pretty maybe Raven will like her.” Lexa whispered before she started walking. Clarke noted what Lexa had said when she and Tara were walking in the house.

“Hey guys this is Tara, a new friend of mine. Tara this is Octavia and that is Raven.” Clarke noticed the way Raven had examined the girl and the slight tent of red in her cheeks.

“Nice to meet you Tara.” Octavia smiled.

“Yeah, really nice to meet you.” Raven wasn’t the nervous type but this girl was beautiful.

“Tara can you help me with drinks?” Clarke asked, she really didn’t care about drinks just getting an opportunity to talk Raven up and see is Tara even likes girls.

“Sure.” Tara followed Clarke to the kitchen.

“So I don’t really know how to ask this but are you into girls?” Clarke wasn’t waiting anytime. 

“Gender has never been a big deal to me, I usually just go with what my heart tells me.” Tara said honestly.

“That great.” Clarke said maybe a little too excited.

“No offence but blondes aren’t really my type.” Tara arched her eyebrow.

“What? No, no that’s not-“Tara’s laughing cut Clarke off.

“I’m joking Clarke, but why did you ask?” 

“Because when you walked through that door, I practically saw Ravens eyes light up when she saw you.”

“She’s really pretty.”

“And if you’re looking for something then I can promise she’s an amazing girl.” 

“With work I don’t know if I will have time for a relationship.” Tara sighed.

“Tara, you deserve happiness outside of work you know, just talk to her and then see where it goes. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Tara agreed. 

“We should get back in there.” Clarke said before walking back towards the sitting area. When they got in there Clarke saw that Tamsin had joined them. “Hey Tamsin.”

“Hey Clarke.” 

“Where’s the drinks?” Octavia asked.

“Right, they’re in the kitchen feel free to get one.” Clarke smiled as she got on the couch.

A little after dark Raven, Octavia and Clarke found themselves out by the waterfall laying down staring up in the stars. Tara and Tamsin were both tired from work so they went to sleep early. The day had been pretty chill for the most part, there was mostly just lots of talking and laughing and all getting to know each other. Surprisingly, enough Raven and Tara had been getting along great which excited Clarke, she never been much of a match maker but maybe that had something to do with her being in a happy relationship. 

Since being on earth Clarke rarely thought about her memories from the ark but gazing at the stars suddenly made her remember everything. The rules, the crimes, the limitations, her father. Everything was coming back to her and she didn’t know if that was a good thing. As she looked over at Raven and Octavia, she noticed they were also looking at the stars as if they were talking to them. For the first time Clarke realized that other people didn’t see what she saw when she thought of the ark, to them Clarke was the upper class because her mom was on the council and maybe that did give her an easier life. But O definitely didn’t have a good life up there, having to hide most of her life and not getting to enjoy the only good thing on the ark, the view. And Raven, only growing up with one person to call family, one person that wasn’t here anymore. She didn’t miss the ark but she didn’t know if she would be as strong as she is now without all the things she’s gone through on the ark and on the ground.

“Do you ever wonder what our lives would have been like if the ark’s air supply hadn’t been running out?” Clarke turned to her friends.

“I try not to think about the ark at all but being out here it’s hard not to.” Octavia sighed.

“We would’ve lived our whole lives up there not knowing we could survive down here.” Raven said.

“The 100 wouldn’t have survived. We would have been floated for our crimes with no chance of redemption, and they wouldn’t have felt any remorse for pushing that button.”

After her dad Clarke didn’t think she would live past 18, but here she was…

“Well it’s a good thing we are here, we all went through shitty times on the Ark, but down here we can be happy and we deserve to.” Octavia said as she stood up.

“How about we don’t talk about the Ark anymore.” Raven said.

“Deal" both girls agreed.

“Now come on Princess let’s get you to sleep you have a big day in the morning.” 

Clarke knew it would be hard sleeping without Lexa but thankfully she had Raven and Octavia sleeping on both sides of her in the bed. The next time she opened her eyes would be on her wedding day... And she was ready. Not long after Raven and Octavia fell asleep Clarke fell soon behind.

* * *

* * *

The next morning Clarke woke up to the sound of her mother’s voice and a soft pat on her back. 

“Clarke honey wake up. We have to get to the polis building to get ready.” Abby softly shook her child before she saw her blue eyes opening up.

“Get ready already? How long did I sleep in?” Clarke asked sitting up.

“Only a few hours but that’s okay we still have plenty of time to get you ready if you get up now.” 

Clarke didn’t hesitate to get out of bed, she changed out of her night clothes and into some leather pants and a black shirt that showed her baby bump. She didn’t really care what she looked like cause she knew once she walked into polis there would be people there to get her all dolled up. 

After she was dressed, she walked into the living room where all the girls were sitting talking.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Clarke asked.

“Well we tried but after the 5th time we figured you needed a little more rest. You ready Princess?” Raven asked as she walked to the door.

“As ready as someone can be.” Clarke smiled.

The walk to Polis was quick, Clarke noticed how a lot had changed since the last time she saw the trading area. Everything was set up for a feast after the wedding. When they walked in the building everyone was taken to their own room where they could get ready and just as Clarke suspected there were many people there to help her get ready. 

The first thing that was done was hair, Clarke had met the girl that was doing her hair before so she trusted that she would do something she liked. After about 30 minutes of pulling and braiding her hair was finally done. It was braided much like it was at the summit but pulled back into a ponytail. Lexa had mentioned she would have to wear war paint but it was just like the summit too but less black around her eyes. In less than hour she was ready, the only thing left was the dress but she still had time before she had to put that on. She wanted to see Lexa so bad and she knew she was here somewhere so she searched every room until she found her in the most obvious room Clarke didn’t check, their old room. When she walked in the room was empty but she saw Lexa standing on the balcony looking over the city.

“if you’re trying to think up a way to get rid of me, I’m afraid it’s too late.” Clarke said as she put her hands around Lexa’s waist. 

“I never want to get rid of you, I was just thinking about Luna.” Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde.

“The other Natblida? What made you think about her?” 

“A few days ago I asked Lincoln to contact her but something tells me she’s not coming.” Lexa sighed.

“I thought you said it wasn’t safe because Titus and The ambassadors wanted her dead?”

“I would never ask Luna to come back of I thought it wasn’t safe.” 

“She will come back Lexa, it may not be today or tomorrow but she will come back.”

“I hope.” Lexa murmured. “And Clarke you look beautiful.” Lexa kissed her cheek.

“And so do you.” Clarke examined Lexa’s braided hair in her normal style with dark blue war paint beautify applied on her eyes.

“We should go and get dressed, the ceremony will be starting soon and we don’t want to keep anybody waiting.” Lexa walked Clarke back to her room. “I’ll see you soon.” 

“I love you Lexa.” 

“I love you too.”

* * *

After Clarke had finished putting on her dress, she couldn’t help but stare at herself in the mirror, the dress was beautiful everything was perfect.

“Clarke you look stunning.” Abby said from the doorway. “I can’t believe my little girl is getting married.”

“I kind of can’t believe it either.” Clarke laughed.

“Are you ready?”

“I think so.” Clarke took one more look in the mirror before walking downstairs with her mom where Octavia and Raven were waiting for her. “Wow and I thought I looked great.” Clarke smiled as Raven and Octavia turned to look at her.

“Damn Princess, you look amazing.” Raven said.

“Clarke you look beautiful.” Octavia smiled.

“I can definitely agree with that.” Alix said as she walked up to them.

“Thank you, guys, so what happens from here?” Clarke asked Alix

“Much like the summit you will enter through those doors where Lexa will be waiting for you, the Flamekeppa will speak then you’ll say the oath we practiced then you will officially be bonded and that’s when the party starts.” 

“So that’s all?” 

“Oh and to seal the bond you have to kiss. Then after that you two will officially be bonded.” Alix smiled.

“We should go sit.” Raven and Octavia hugged Clarke before leaving. 

“I should go to, I love you.” Abby hugged her daughter.

“I love you to mom.”

“Aren’t you going to Alix?” Clarke asked.

“There was one more person who wanted to see you.” Alix smiled as Elena walked around the corner with something In her hand.

“Look how beautiful you look.” Clarke bent down to hug the small girl.

“I made you something, it’s a wreath made with flowers. Lexa showed me how to make them, you wear it on your head.” Elena handed her the flower crown.

“This is beautiful, do you think you can put it on for me?” The small girl placed the crown on top of Clarkes head.

“You know I was feeling a little nervous about walking by myself do you think you can do it with me?” Clarke smiled as she saw the younger girls’ eyes light up.

“Can I?” Elena turned to Alix.

“Sure. I’ll be inside. Whenever you’re ready they will open the doors.”

“Okay. Thanks for everything Alix.”

“What did I tell you, were family you don’t have to thank me.” Alix smiled before walking into the other room.

“Okay little one, are you ready?” 

“I’m ready are you ready?” Elena grabbed Clarkes hand.

“I think so.” Clarke nodded for the guards to open the door.

When the doors opened Clarke could see how the room was filled with people, both Skaikru and Trikru and then there was Lexa standing right in front. As soon as their eyes met both of them found it difficult to look away, Lexa looked incredible. Her dress was a beautiful green color and it hugged her body in all the right places, she could even see that Elena had made her a flower crown too. 

She was getting closer and closer to Lexa and the more nervous she got, her legs felt numb her arms felt stiff she couldn’t believe this was actually happening. She felt Elena’s small hand squeeze hers which kind of calmed her down a bit. When she finally reached Lexa all her worries and nervousness completely went away.

“Thank you for walking me.” Clarke bent down to hug the girl.

“I love you Clarke.” Elena whispered before slowly running over to her mom.

“You look beautiful.” Lexa smiled as she helped Clarke up the stairs to the platform.

“Today we welcome both Skaikru and Trikru to the capital building in Polis for the Bonding ceremony of Lexa kum Trikru Commander of the 12 Clans and Clarke kum Skaikru Wanheda mountain slayer.” Titus said loud enough for everyone to hear him. “To solidify this union we ask that you recite our oath do you except.” Titus turned to Clarke and Lexa.

“I do.” Lexa said looking at Clarke.

“I do.” Clarke smiled.

Titus nodded for them to begin.

“I Lexa kum trikru swear fealty to you, to always protect you and always love you. To always be willing to fight for your honor, and in sickness take care of you. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your feelings as my feelings. As we bond our love, I promise that my heart will always be yours.” Lexa placed the ring she gave Clarke on her finger.

“I Clarke kum Skaikru swear fealty to you, to always protect you and always love you. To always be willing to fight for your honor, and in sickness take care of you. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your feelings as my feelings. As we bond our love, I promise that my heart will always be yours.” Clarke took off her necklace that had her dads ring on it and put around Lexa’s neck.

"“Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun.” She smiles, ( ** _my life is your life.)_**

“Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun.” Lexa repeats,

“To seal your bond you must kiss.” Clarke could see how awkward Titus felt saying the word kiss. 

They didn’t want to go overboard with the kissing in front of all their people so a light peck was enough for them.

* * *

After the ceremony everyone relocated outside for the feast. Everything was so pretty there were dancers and loud music and everything was perfect. There were two thrones set up one for Clarke and Lexa so they could sit and see everything that was happening in front of them.

“This is incredible.” Clarke smiled as she watched all the activities going on around her.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke.

“So what happens now that were married, Octavia mentioned something about me being second to you. What does that mean?” 

“Now that we are bonded, we will both be looked at as leaders, everyone will treat you with the same respect they treat me. And if for some reason I am needed somewhere else then you will act as commander.” 

“You’re going somewhere?” Clarke asked frantically.

“No, not anytime soon but if for some reason I have to then they will look to you. But tonight we’re not worrying about such things, tonight we have a good time.” Lexa smiled. “Clarke dance with me.” 

“I don’t dance, and I’m actually surprised that you do.” Clarke looked at the brunette.

“Most of us can dance, I’ll help you come on.” Lexa pulled her wife onto the courtyard where many grounders and sky people were dancing. 

At first Clarke was hesitant, I mean yes, they had dances on the ark but rarely did she ever dance at them. She had always been more of a stand in the corner and watch her friends have fun type of person but out here with Lexa she figured she should loosen up. If the big bad commander can go out and dance then why couldn’t she.

The music was loud and lively and Lexa was doing her best to try and get Clarke to dance. After minutes of literally trying to get her to move she figured she needed a little help so she grabbed Octavia Raven and Elena and asked them for help.

“We heard our princess has a dance phobia.” Raven said.

“Not a phobia I just simply don’t dance.” Clarke looked at Lexa who smiled back at her.

“We had dances on the Ark you cant tell me you didn’t go.” Raven said looking at the blonde.

“I went just didn’t dance.” 

“Well we can fix that.” Octavia smiled as she looked at Raven and Elena.

It only took 30 minutes but all four girls finally got Clarke to somewhat dance, maybe dance to strong of a word. They got her to at least move to the music. Clarke felt like an idiot but she knew the other girls weren’t judging her but she still felt a little embarrassed. Finally she told Lexa her feet were hurting just to get out of dancing any further.

“Pregnant people can’t dance long I guess.” Clarke said as they sat down.

Lexa laughed at the term dancing. “Would you like something to drink?” 

“Yes please.” Clarke kissed the brunette before she walked off towards the food. 

As Clarke sat waiting for Lexa, she heard someone walking up to her and when she looked up she saw it was Bellemy.

“Hey bell.” Clarke smiled as the boy sat next to her.

“Congratulations on the marriage and the baby. I guess we haven’t seen in each other in a while.” 

“Since that dinner party if I’m 100% sure.” Clarke laughed.

“That was an interesting dinner party.” Bellemy laughed with the blonde.

“O told me about Niylah.” Clarke saw the boy’s expression completely change. “I’m sorry bell, I didn’t know.” Clarke put her arm around the boy.

“Everything happens for a reason I guess, but tonight’s not about me. How have you been?” 

“I’ve been great. Everything has been going pretty smoothly so far.” 

“I heard your having a girl, are you excited to have a mini Lexa running around?” 

“Come on we both know we’ll have a mini Clarke running around.” Clarke smiled.

“Let’s just hope she’s not as stubborn as you.” 

“I can’t disagree with that.” 

“I guess I should go see if Jasper drunk his way through the festival yet.” Bellemy said standing up.

“He’s still not doing better?” 

“He’ll get there... Eventually, I hope. I’ll see you later princess.” Bellemy smiled before walking off. 

“You know I’ve always wondered where the nickname princess came from.” Lexa said from behind Clarke.

“So have I, Finn started calling me it when we landed and I guess it just stuck.” Clarke took the drink from Lexa’s hand.

“Do you think we would be here today if Finn was alive?”

“I think me and Finn were over before we even started. He was with Raven when we met and I didn’t know. When Raven came down there was no more me and Finn so yes, I do think we would still be here if Finn were alive.”

“I love you Clarke.” Lexa grabbed the blonde’s hand.

“And I love you Lexa.” Clarke smiled. 

* * *

Later in the night Clarke found herself talking to Alix while Lexa was off talking to the ambassadors and all the other officials. 

“So does it feel any different?” Alix asked.

“Not really, but I didn’t think it would. The only thing that’s different now is I have responsibilities again as a leader.” 

“They should be easy responsibilities, I’m sure everything will be normal as it was before.”

“Where’s Theo? I don’t think I’ve seen him all night.” 

“He’s off talking to your friends actually; he’s really interested in knowing everything about the sky.” Alix smiled.

Clarke was about to respond when she felt hands wrap around her waist.

“Hey, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Lexa said in the blonde’s ear causing her to turn around. “Clarke this is Vila.” 

“Vila, it’s nice to meet you.” Clarke smiled. Vila was beautiful with her long brunette hair and her big brown eyes.

“It’s good to meet you Clarke, the bonding ceremony was beautiful. Congratulations.” 

“Thank you for coming.”

“Of course I wouldn’t miss it.” Vila smiled.

The celebration went on for hours and hours but eventually it came to an end at about mid-night. The courtyard was cleared out and Lexa made sure the SkaiKru all had a place to stay the night in polis so they wouldn’t have to travel back this late. After making sure everyone was comfortable Clarke and Lexa made their way back to their house.

“I’m not sleepy yet, let’s sit out here for a while.” Clarke pulled her towards the waterfall.

“I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” Lexa cuddled next to the blonde as they watched the water.

“Believe it, cause it’s happening.” Clarke looked down at her ring.

“Why did you give me your fathers ring?” Lexa asked.

“Because I know you’re supposed to give something that means a lot to you. I know you’ve never met my dad but I know he would have loved you and would have wanted me to give it to you. This ring runs in our family, at some point an ancestor of mine wore it on the ground and now it’s back here.” 

“I have something for you.” Lexa pulled a bracelet out of her pocket. “It was my mother’s; she gave it to me before she went to war. I want you to have it.” Lexa put the bracelet around Clarkes wrist.

“It’s beautiful. I love it.” Clarke stared at silver bracelet on her wrist, before she could say anything else she heard branches snapping behind them.

“I heard this is where I could find the commander.” A voice called from behind Clarke and Lexa.

When Lexa turned around, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing... “Luna?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think?


	25. Welcome home

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” Lexa said as she hugged her old friend. “Where’s Max?” 

“He’s coming tomorrow, we started a safe haven for people in need so he’s going to bring them tomorrow.” 

“As happy as I am to see you why come back now?” Lexa asked

“For a while there had been rumors about how peaceful it’s been and when I heard from Lincoln, I knew it had to be true. I told you, you could do it Lexa.” Luna smiled

“I didn’t do it alone.” Lexa grabbed Clarkes hand pulling her close.

“Of course. Clarke it’s hard not to hear about Wanheda even on an oil rig.”

“Lexa told me a lot about you, I’m glad you’re here.” Clarke smiled.

“It’s good to be back, I missed a lot. I can’t wait to learn more about Skaikru and meet the others.” 

“Please come inside, you can stay with us.” Lexa motioned towards their house.

“No, I wouldn’t dare interrupt someone on their union night, plus Lincoln has already offered me a place to stay. Enjoy the rest of your night we will catch up in the morning.”

Luna smiled before walking off into the woods.

“She’s here.” Lexa said still looking into the empty woods as if Luna was still there. “She’s physically here.”

“I told you she would come eventually.” Clarke smiled. “Let’s go get some rest, tomorrow should be an interesting day.”

* * *

The next morning Clarke woke to an empty bed which was a little disappointing, but she knew Lexa wasn’t that far away. After changing clothes and brushing her hair she headed out to the woods to look for her wife. She figured she would probably be training with the night bloods like she did most mornings. 

“Goodmorning Wanheda.” Octavia came up behind the blonde.

“Hey, have you seen Lexa?” 

“She was in training with the Nightblood’s. How was your night?” Octavia nudged her with a smirk.

“We ran into Luna then went to sleep.”

“She’s at my house with Lincoln, she seems nice. You don’t like her?”

“I haven’t really got the chance to talk to her, I’m going to get breakfast are coming?” Clarke walked towards the tower.

“I can’t even believe your married, just months ago we were in space.”

“I thought we agreed not to talk about the Ark anymore.” Clarke looked at her.

“We did but still we’ve both come so far.”

“Where is Raven?” Clarke asked.

“Probably with Tara, seems like they had a great time last night. I even saw them sneak off somewhere.” Octavia smirked.

“I’m glad she’s having fun, it’s finally time for everyone to be happy. No more wars or unnecessary fights. I just want to have this damn baby and live happily ever after.” 

“It seems like you’ll get your wish, it’s been peaceful ever since pike.”

“Don’t even speak his name.” Clarke cringed.

“This is peace Clarke; we’ve never known it but now is the time to revel in it. Now let’s eat I’m starving.” 

This was probably the busiest Clarke had ever seen Polis, people were everywhere, the trading posts were packed but most importantly everyone was smiling and happy. 

“Is It just me or does everyone seem different?” Clarke asked.

“Peace tends to make people happy, the looming sense of impending death not so much.” Octavia said as they walked into the capital building. 

“It’s refreshing seeing everyone like this.” 

When they got to the main dining area, they saw Raven, Tara, Tamsin, Bellamy and Monty all sitting.

“No jasper?” Octavia asked the group. 

“Let’s just say he learned not to mix his alcohols.” Monty replied. 

“Where’s Lexa” Raven asked.

“In training”

“So, have you met Luna yet?” Raven asked.

“Briefly, we didn’t really get to talk much.” Clarke answered. 

“Her and Lincoln should be joining us soon.” Octavia added.

“Hey guys.” Lincoln called from the door.

“Speak of the devil.” Octavia smiled. 

“Guys this Luna.” Lincoln introduced her to everyone.

“Clarke would you mind if I sat next to you?” Luna asked.

“Of course not, how does it feel to be back?” Clarke asked.

“I’m not sure yet, things were so different the last time I stepped foot on this land. The people are happy, there isn’t a war constantly ongoing. I knew Lexa could do this but it’s also something I never thought I would get to see.” Luna smiled. “I guess we owe some of that to you as well.” 

“Lexa is the visionary; she was always capable of this as much as I would like to think I had some huge role in this we owe it all to her.” Clarke said

“You did have a large role Clarke, you gave her a family and fighting for that is what got us here."

“Have you guys gotten to talk today?” Clarke asked.

“Not yet, but we have lots of time. I’m more eager for her to see Max. So much has happened since we’ve all been together.” 

“When will he arrive?” A voice asked from the door.

“Anytime now.” Luna smiled at her old friend.

“Goodmorning beautiful.” Lexa kissed her wife’s cheek.

“I missed you this morning.” Clarke pouted. 

“I’m sorry, training never ends.” 

“Not even when there is nothing to train for?” Clarke asked.

“There is always something to train for.” Luna and Lexa said at the same time.

“Nightblaida teachings, I feel like they’re seared into my brain.” Luna said quietly.

“Titus makes sure of it.” Lexa replied.

“Speaking of, I’m assuming he doesn’t know I’m here since there aren’t any search parties or kill orders active right now.” 

“You have nothing to fear from him or anyone. You are safe here Luna.” Lexa smiled. “The celebrations will continue tomorrow; we have guests to welcome back.” 

After breakfast everyone went their separate ways, Bellamy, Raven, Tara and Octavia went to training while Tamsin showed Monty around Polis leaving Clarke, Lexa, Luna and Lincoln by themselves.

“You guys want to come back to our house?” Clarke asked.

“You go I have a meeting with the ambassadors, I’ll meet you later.” Lexa said.

“Wait, isn’t this something I should attend?” Clarke asked.

“There will be many meetings you will be privy to, but this just requires me. You should go home and rest.” Lexa kissed the blonde.

“Lexa.” Clarke stared into the brunette’s eyes questionably.

“We’ll meet you guys at the house.” Lincoln motioned toward the woods.

“What are you not saying?” Clarke looked at the girl.

“Clarke it’s just a simple meeting it won’t take more than half an hour, I just have some things I want to discuss about our guests.” 

“This is about Luna, I thought she was safe.” 

“She is but I want to make it clear that she is not to be harmed ever. I’m going to make it known that they don’t want to know the consequences if something happens to her.”

“Don’t be too long.” Clarke sighed not wanting to fight her on this.

“I won’t, now go.”

Although she did have a meeting it wasn’t with the ambassadors, it was with Titus. He’s the only one who even cares Luna is back on Trikru land and she didn’t want her friend to worry about being safe.

“Flamkeppa, thanks for coming.” 

“Heda what is this about?” Titus asked.

“Luna.” Lexa could see the distain on his face just from the name. “She is back on Trikru land.

“Why does she still breath?” Titus hissed.

“Because I’m allowing it, and as long as I am alive Luna will be under my protection. If anyone harms her, they will regret ever being alive. Do you understand.” It was not a question; he knew there was only one answer to give.

“Sha Heda,” Titus bowed her head.

“You can go but spread the word Luna is under my protection.” Lexa waited for him to leave before heading home. Even with it being so peaceful there was still this feeling in the pit of her stomach. Was this the calm before the storm? 

When she got home there was only Clarke and Luna sitting in the living room.

“Lincoln couldn’t stay?” Lexa asked.

“He joined O for training.” Clarke answered.

“What are we talking about?” Lexa cuddled next to her wife.

“You actually, Luna was just sharing some childhood stories.” Clarke smiled.

“I was actually just telling her about the day we first met.” Luna smiled. “We were brought to Polis around the same time so we kinda just stuck together. It actually wasn’t until Costia that we became really close.” 

“You knew Costia?” Clarke asked.

“We all grew up here together, her father was an ambassador, so she was here a lot. She would always watch our trainings from a far trying to learn, so one day me and Lexa decided to teach her to fight.” 

“She wasn’t very good.” Lexa said quietly.

“That girl was definitely better with a paint brush than a sword.” Luna added. “Speaking of paint brushes Clarke, I heard you’re an Artist I guess Lexa has a type.”

“Really Luna?” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I definitely love Art, but I wouldn’t say I’m an Artist, it’s more of a hobby for now.” 

“Why for now?” Luna asked.

“Well up until now there’s always been some sort of conflict standing, I guess my art could finally come off the back burner.” 

“I’ve been trying to convince her to teach Art once we get the new schools up and running.” Lexa smiled at her wife.

“What’s holding you back from doing it?” 

“I wouldn’t mind teaching a couple of classes but when the baby comes, I want to here.” Clarke said.

“Kids are amazing but trust me there will be a point when you need a break, some time for yourself.” Luna smiled.

“How do you know this?” Lexa asked curiously.

“Uh… there’s just… On the oil rig we take care of a lot of children some of their parents don’t make it through the journey.” Luna stumbled over her words.

“Speaking of, have they still not arrived?” Lexa asked.

“We can go check the main village and see.” Luna suggested.

“Let’s go. Clarke will you be joining us?” 

“I actually am going to meet my mom before they head back to Arkadia.” Clarke kissed her wife before heading to the door.

“Wait.” Lexa grabbed the blonde’s hand.

“I’ll wait outside.” Luna said.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked.

“Nothing it’s just… Max I haven’t seen him in so many years. What if he doesn’t recognize me? What if I don’t recognize him?” Clarke could see the panic building in Lexa’s eyes. “We have no idea who the other is anymore, he has no idea how many terrible things I’ve done. What if he thinks I’m a monster?” 

“Lex, he’s your brother no matter what we’ve done family sticks by us. Always, he loves you none of that will matter once you guys talk.” As Clarke wrapped her hands around the brunette, she felt her relax. “Now go.” 

“I love you Clarke, I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Good thing you have me forever, now go don’t keep Luna waiting.” They kissed one last time before parting ways.

When Lexa and Luna arrived at the village, they noticed people arriving, there were kids as well as adults but not as many as Lexa imagined there would be. 

“Is this everyone?” Lexa asked.

“No, not everyone wanted to join us. Some still don’t believe it is peaceful here, while others didn’t care if there was still a war. They missed home.” Luna smiled.

“Do you see him?” Lexa scanned the woods, even though there wasn’t more than seventy people she felt she was scanning through thousands of bodies just to find one.

“Heda.” A strong voice called from behind Lexa and although it sounded familiar it also was older and new in so many ways. As she turned around there stood this tall man covered on tattoos with the same long hair and soft green eyes. 

“Max.” Lexa tried to fight her tears and for the most part she did, she could not cry with her people surrounding her, but this was her brother. Even as commander shouldn’t she get a pass.

Without thinking she wrapped her arms around the man, it didn’t feel real no matter how many times she dreamt of this very moment it never felt like something she would ever get. But here she was hugging her big brother, her protector the only person she could count on as a child. But this time things were different; they weren’t kids anymore and she is now the one that is supposed to be everyone’s protector. 

“I’ve missed you Lexa.” 

“I’m glad you’re back big brother.” Lexa couldn’t stop the smile from completely taking over her face. Before she could say anything else a little girl no older than seven came running over. She stared at Lexa with her big green eyes, eyes that look so much like her own.

“Lexa, this is Alexandria our daughter but we all just call her Ali.” Max smiled at his and Luna’s daughter.

“You named your daughter after me?” Lexa could feel the tear welling up in her eyes.

“What better name than that of a warrior.” Luna smiled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexa looked at Luna.

“We wanted to do it together.” 

“Ali this is Lexa your aunt.” Max kneeled to the girl who could count be more than five years.

“It’s nice to meet you Ali, I see you’re a warrior.” Lexa pointed to the small wooden sword attached to the little girl’s hip.

“My mommy trains with me, and one day I’m going to fight next to you heda as your second.” Ali stood straight with her little chest puffed out which made Lexa smile.

“Something tells me your opponent’s going to wish they’d never walked out on that battlefield once they come face to face with you.” Lexa smiled.

“How was the trip?” Luna asked Max.

“Good, our people were concerned about shelter though.” Max looked to Lexa.

“Don’t worry about that, we have a few empty buildings that are newly built for your people to stay in. If you follow me, I can lead the way.” Lexa 

“So I heard that you are newly bonded.” Max nudged his sister.

“I wish you could’ve been there.” 

“Me too I’m sorry I wasn’t, when can I meet this woman, they call Wanheda?” 

“Just call her Clarke and she should be in Polis when we get there.” 

“I don’t know everything, but we did hear some things on the rig. Did those people really come from space?” Max asked.

“Yes, Skaikru is from space but now they are one of us.” 

“You don’t have to be defensive I’ve just missed a lot.” Max sighed.

“I know, and we will catch up soon you will know everything.” 

When they got to Polis the city had started to die down, people were packing up for the night and preparing to close their stations. Soon the sun would set, and everyone would start to go back to their homes. As they walked through the village people had started to stare at the boat clan. Even though the clan was heard of they rarely ever came around. 

As they got to the empty buildings Lexa helped sort people to a room. As for Luna, Max and Alex she showed them to a house near her and Clarkes, it was small but doable for now. 

“Indra.” Lexa called.

“Yes Heda?” 

“Please find Clarke and ask her to meet me here.” 

“Sha Heda.” The woman replied before walking in the opposite direction. 

“I hope this is ok, we can build something bigger in the future, we are actually building newer houses this spring.”

“This is perfect Lexa, thank you.” Max smiled.

“Heda, do you guys train here?” Ali asked.

“Call me Lexa, and yes pretty much everyone here has had some form of defensive training. How about me and you train tomorrow?” 

“Really?! Mommy, can I?” 

“Of course.” Luna smiled. 

“Heda, I heard you were looking for Clarke,” Octavia walked closer to the group.

“Yes… is everything alright? She said she would be with Abby.” 

“She’s fine and she was but she went home not too long ago, she wanted to lay down.” 

“Then I should join her, everyone can meet tomorrow.” Lexa smiled.

“Tomorrow it is.” Max added.

As Lexa walked home memories came flooding back from her past. Even though Polis ripped her away from her family it I also where she found a new one with Luna, Lincoln, Max and even Costia. It would also be the place where she found love and planned to raise her family life was finally starting to make sense. The killing and the wars, the endless hard decisions they were finally ending. Things were finally good.

When she entered her home, she noticed all candles were out except for in the baby’s room. As she walked in, she saw Clarke sleep in a chair with her art supplies surrounding her. The fact that this was her life was unimaginable, but it was real. She carefully scooped the blonde into her arms and carried her to the bed.

“Can this be a every night thing?” 

“Did I wake you?” Lexa whispered as she began taking her weapons and clothes off.

“I wanted to wait up for you.” Clarke sat up in the bed. “And it looks like I woke up to a lovely surprise.” Clarke smirked at the half naked girl.

“I’ve missed you, I’m sorry we haven’t had much alone time.” 

“Don’t apologize, I knew what I was getting into Lexa. Being commander is no longer just your burden. We’re doing this together, plus this is family.” Clarke grabbed her hand. “So, did you meet Ali?” 

“How do you-… Luna told you but not me?” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“She wanted to surprise you…Surprise!” Clarke laughed. “How’s your brother?”

“He seems good, he has a daughter and Luna and a life.” 

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, I wanted all of that for the both of them I just never thought I’d see it … It’s just strange I guess.”

“I’m glad that you do, and I can’t wait to meet them.”

“Tomorrow.” Lexa kissed the blonde’s lips. “Now if I’m not mistaken last night was supposed to be filled with lots more than just sleeping.”

“I guess you’ll have to make up for lost time.” Clarke smirked as the brunette began taking her clothes off.

As the sun started to rise Lexa also did, unfortunately for her she never got to sleep much. Perks of being the commander, I guess. She carefully untangled herself from Clarke before heading to the washroom to get ready for the day. 

“You know I think your morning person mentality is rubbing off on me.” 

“The longer we’re awake the more time I get to spend looking at you.” Lexa smiled.

“What’s first on todays to do list Heda?” Clarke said as she helped put Lexa’s face paint on. “I’m guessing it’s something serious since you’re doing this.”

“Today we welcome Luna’s people and it’s also the day you start being my second.”

“What exactly does that mean?” Clarke asked.

“It means you have to be involved with our people, be at meetings and if for some reason I can’t be here you are Heda. Meaning you’ll make all the decisions.” 

“I’m really starting to think your going somewhere soon.”

“No, I’m where I need to be this is me preparing you for what could be. We also need to discuss something a little more serious.” Lexa sighed she dreaded this, but it was something Clarke had to know.

“What is it Lexa?”

“My death.” Lexa could see the pain in Clarkes eyes, it wasn’t something neither of them wanted to think about, but it had to be done. “When it happens, I need you to know everything will be ok.” 

“Lexa please.” 

“You and the baby will be safe and free to stay in Polis, when the conclave is done a new commander will rise and they will protect you and our people.”

“Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?” Clarke smiled lightly thinking back to the last time she said those words to her. 

“Apparently not, but I need to know you understand.” 

“I understand.” 

“Ok now let’s do your paint.” 

“I should’ve known you’d try a turn me into a mini Heda.”

“Between Ali, Elena and Theo I already have too many mini Heda’s on my hands.” Lexa smiled. “Let’s go there is much to do today."

“What’s first?” 

“You meet Max.”

When they got to the house Alex was outside fighting with Elena while the adults stood by and watched.

“I see you guys have reunited.” Lexa said to Alix and Max.

“I couldn’t wait to see my favorite nephew again.” Alix smiled. “I’m really glad we’re all back together.”

“Me too.” Max smiled. 

“Max, I would like you to meet Clarke.” Lexa smiled as she looked at the blonde proud to introduce her.

“Wanheda, it so great to finally meet you.” Max smiled.

“Please it’s just Clarke and I’m so glad to meet you.” Clarke smiled.

“Come on everyone food is done.” Luna called from inside.

“Can you stay?” Max asked.

“We have to get to Polis, but we will meet later. Celebrations start five o’clock.” Lexa said.

“Five o’clock?” Max asked confused.

“There is a big round thing is the center of town it helps tell time; it’s called a clock SkaiKru built it for us. I’ll have them ring it at five, so you’ll know.” 

“What happened to using the sun to tell time.” Max asked.

“We’re evolving, lots has changed Max.” Lexa smiled. “We’ll see you later.” 

“I sort of have a feeling he doesn’t like me.” Clarke whispered as they walked away.

“He has to get to know you and the new technology.” 

“A clock is hardly technology, is he going to have a conniption when he sees a Rover.” 

“Give them time.” 

“Where are we going?” Clarke asked.

“I owe you some alone time, let’s just walk.” Lexa smiled.

“Lexa wouldn’t you rather be what your family.” 

“Clarke, you are my family, now come on.” 

“Do we have a destination then?” Clarke asked.

“Eventually we’ll end up where we need to be but for now let’s just enjoy each other’s company.”

“We don’t get many moments like this.” Clarke sighed.

“How about we make a promise, no matter what’s going on we make time for a walk. We can do it once a week.”

“I’ll take anytime I can get you alone.” Clarke kissed her cheek.

Before Lexa could say anything else an arrow flew across the sky landing inches away from Clarkes head. The shooter was already running when Lexa caught their view. 

“What the hell?” Clarke gasped.

“Get down, stay here.” Lexa pulled out her sword and ran after the shooter.

“Lexa wait.” Clarke couldn’t stop her she was already halfway across the woods. “Great.” Clarke whispered to herself. 

“Wanheda.” 

Clarke turned around to find Indra and a few other guards with their swords and bows drawn. 

“Indra, what’s going on?” 

“We are not sure yet, but there’s word that Azgeda warriors are attacking nearby villages.” 

“Ice Nation is doing this? I have to find Lexa.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calm before the storm?


	26. You may be the Commander, but i'm in charge.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter coming sooon!!

“I need to find Lexa right now.” Clarke could feel the worry building up, she knew Lexa could be dead by now. She had no idea what she was running into. There was no waiting, she had to help her.

“Wanheda, we need to get you to the Capitol building where you will be safe.” 

“Lexa is out there; I’m not leaving without her.” Clarke demanded.

“We have our orders; we are to escort you back to Polis.” Indra stood her ground.

“You also take your orders from me and I said I’m not going anywhere without Lexa” 

“Clarke.” Lexa called from the woods, she couldn’t tell if she was hurt or not but there was blood on her hands. “We need to get the Capitol building now.” 

“Lexa, are you hurt?” Clarke grabbed her bloody hands.

“No, it’s not mine.” 

“What the hell is going on? Why is Azgeda attacking?” 

“They don’t usually have legitimate reasons Clarke, but this doesn’t make sense. King Roan and I have no problems. Or so I thought.” Lexa clenched her jaw.

“Do You think they missed on purpose, like as some sort of warning?” 

“I don’t know, but the shooter has been captured, we need to get back to the capital.”

When they got to the building polis was completely empty the only people outside were guards. They went straight to meeting room where a man was tied up to a chair. 

“Heda, he’s not answering any questions, all he said is he has a message he’s only willing to tell you.” Titus said as the two women walked in the room.

“Speak quickly, you will pay with your life for what you attempted today.”

“The Queens army sends their regards; get ready there’s about to be a new commander.” The man smiled. “Long live the Queen.”

Without a second thought Lexa took her sword out and stuck it deep into the man’s chest. This is the price anyone would pay for trying to end Clarkes life.

“What does this mean?” Clarke clutched her stomach; she knew exactly what it meant but hearing Lexa say it would make it real.

“Seems some people aren’t too happy with Nia’s death.” Lexa clenched her jaw.

“She died months ago why now? Clarke asked.

“Vengeance has no expiration date. I’m afraid only the dead will see the end of this war with Azgeda.” Lexa sighed.

“No, I don’t accept that, there has to be a way to be peaceful with Azgeda. I refuse to believe this will last forever.” Clarke said.

“This feud out lives us all Clarke, Azgeda won’t be happy until they hold all the power.”

“So, what now.” Clarke asks. 

“Titus, call upon the armies of the clans, we need to be prepared for anything.” Without Azgeda warriors they were back down to twelve which meant this is a fight SkaiKru would participate in.

“Sha Heda.” Titus bowed before leaving.

“Just when I thought this was over.” Clarke sighed. “We don’t even know if Roan has anything to do with this. Who’s to say he’s not just as confused as us?” 

“I will explore every possibility Clarke.”

“We will.” Clarke corrected her. “Together.” 

* * *

The two spent the day going through strategies, as much as Lexa preferred Clarke to stay as far away from it as possible she knew that was not going to happen. Finally, she convinced the girl to go upstairs and lay down while she continued planning. 

“Hey sky princess.” Octavia and Raven smiled at the door of Clarke and Lexa’s old room.

“Hey guys.” 

“So, can you guys believe how peaceful and happy it is right now.” Raven said sarcastically as she sat on the bed.

“I was really hoping it would last.” Clarke sighed. 

“We all were.” 

“Have you guys seen my mom.” Clarke asked.

“Her and Kane are downstairs with Lexa trying to figure out if it safe for the Arcadians to leave.” 

“Everyone’s wondering if they’ll be safe here or not.” Octavia sighed. 

“Are we safe?” Raven asked.

“Me and Lexa won’t let anything happen to you guys. I promise.” 

“I heard she was leaving for Azgeda in the morning, I know you were probably upset about that.” Octavia said casually.

“SHE’S WHAT?” Clarke yelled.

“Good one O.” Raven smacked Octavia.

“I thought she knew.” Octavia sighed. “Great Lexa’s going to kill me.” 

“Not if I kill her first.” Clarke slipped on her shoes before running downstairs to find Lexa. There was no way she was leaving her to walk into what is most likely a trap.

* * *

“Heda a word.” Clarke barged in the room filled with ambassadors and war leaders. Of course they looked pissed but she didn’t care.

“Clarke.” Lexa gave her a confused look. “You can’t just interrupt these things.”

“Really? Because I thought I was supposed to be a part of them. I am supposed to help you make decisions, right? Because I’m quite sure you’re making all of them and I’ll just find out when it’s already happened.” 

Lexa looked at the blonde before figuring out what she was talking about. “I’m going to kill Octavia.” She said as she rolled her eyes. “I was going to tell you as soon as we got done here.”

“So, I don’t even get a say?” 

“The decisions already been made.”

“I’m going with you.” Clarke demanded.

“Clarke you are not going.” Lexa sighed.

“Then neither are you.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t consult you on this but now you see why.”

“I’m glad I know how this works now. You don’t include me in important things when you think I’ll disagree with you.” Clarke started to walk off.

“That is not what this is Clarke.” She grabbed the girl’s hand.

“Then what is it?” Clarke stared at the girl and all that came to her mind was how only 48 hours ago they were getting married and none of this was happening.

Lexa tried to give an explanation but everything that came to her mind suddenly seemed inadequate.

“That’s what I thought.” Clarke sighed.

“Do you know what I would do if something happened to you there?” Lexa’s voice cracked.

"Don’t even go there Lexa, this isn’t about my safety this is about you finding me incompetent when it comes to making useful choices.”

“Trust me Clarke I know you are fully capable, but this fight is personal I have to end this before they take another person from me that I care about.” 

“You know what, maybe we shouldn’t have had our bonding ceremony then.” Clarke could not even look at Lexa’s face.

“How can you even say that?” Lexa said angrily.

“Because I was under the assumption that bonding meant we trusted each other, that your problems were mine, and your fights were mine. And believe me when I say I would go to the ends of the earth fighting for you. Hell, I’ll kill Roan myself if he had anything to do with this. I would die for you Lexa; I love you more than anything in this world. Don’t you get that? Don’t you understand your fights are also mine?” 

“Maybe that’s our problem then, we keep trying to save each other.” 

“There’s a difference between saving and shielding. You can’t shield me from this Lexa, I’m right in the middle of it.” Clarke sighed. “I just want to be included.”

“I know and I’m sorry.” Lexa grabbed her hands. “I love you more than anything, you do know, that right?"

“I do.”

“And as much as you might hate it, I do have to go to Azgeda, and I need you here protecting our people.”

“How long?” Clarke sighed.

“Hopefully no longer than a week, we need to talk with Roan, whether he’s involved or not we need information from him, and something tells me Ontari has a hand in this as well.” 

“What if he doesn’t talk.”

“I won’t be giving him much choice.” 

“And what if they are expecting you to go there and it’s a trap?” Clarke shuttered at the thought.

“I will come back to you Clarke, both of you.” Lexa kissed the blonde. “I swear it.” 

“Just do one thing for me.” Clarke said.

“Anything.”

“Take a radio so I know you’re okay.”

“I can do that.” Lexa smiled.

It was pitch black outside by the time the meetings were over. All decisions were final, even the ones Clarke did not like so much. Lexa was leaving and there was no guarantee she would be back. There was no changing her mind, she was going even if this were a trap even if she would die as soon as she stepped foot on Azgeda land. Even with all the endless possibilities of how this could end Clarke chose not to think about that instead she spent her last couple of hours with Lexa.

“While I’m gone, I need you to stay in our old room at Polis.” Lexa said as they walked through the halls up to the room. 

“No, I’m staying in the house.” Clarke said calmly

“Clarke, I need you safe and there are guards here 24/7.” Lexa sighed knowing she was fighting a losing battle.

“Then I’ll have guards with me at the house, and Ravens will stay with me.”

“Why do you have to fight me on everything.” 

“You may be the commander Lexa, but you have to realize that in some situations I am in charge.” Clarke smirked.

“Even when your safety is at risk?” 

“I’ve kept myself alive this long right.” 

“That is correct sky girl, but as we’ve just discussed it isn’t just you anymore. The enemy we are fighting wants to destroy me and that means you too. I just need to know that you are safe.”

“I promise I will be Lexa; I’ll have a guard with me everywhere I go and at the house plus Raven in the house taking care of me like the angel she is.” 

“This situation is unpredictable Clarke, there could be spies in Polis as we speak. The tower will be safer at least for a couple nights, please.” Lexa pleaded to the blonde.

“I want Raven with me.” Clarke sighed.

“I’ll make sure she has all clearance.”

“The only reason I’m agreeing this, so you don’t have to worry while you’re gone.” 

“I know and I appreciate it.” 

“It’s like your incapable of letting someone else make a decision.” Clarke mumbled.

“Clarke don’t start this again, please I don’t want to leave like this.” Lexa sighed.

“When you get back, we have a lot to discuss.” Clarke said.

“I’ll be back before you know it Skai girl, and Indra has some leads on possible spies for you to follow up on in the morning.” 

“I love you Tri girl.”

“I love you more anything Skai girl.” Lexa pressed her lips against her wife’s.

“Hurry back to me.”

“I will.” Lexa promised.


	27. Who done it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo and Ontari backstory!

The next time Clarke opened her eyes Lexa was gone and Raven was laying next her in the bed they used to share in The Tower. 

“This bed is E V E R Y T H I N G!” Raven rolled around before fully sitting up. “I never want to sleep on anything else.”

“Glad you’re enjoying Rae.” 

“Alright Princess I don’t plan on letting you mope around all week just so you know.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to, I’m in charge remember?” 

“Oh yeah responsibilities and all that.” Raven rolled her eyes.

“You should go do something though maybe find Tara?”

“I’m staying with you, consider me your second for the week.” Raven smiled.

“Fine, get dressed I’m calling a meeting with the ambassadors. My first solo meeting, this should be interesting.” 

By the time Clarke and Raven got downstairs everyone was already waiting, including Luna and Max.

“I know everyone is wondering why we’re here and I’ll get straight to the point. Until Heda gets back we have no idea what we are dealing with. My main concern right now is everyone’s safety. I must acknowledge that there could very well be spies in Polis at this moment, we do not know. So as of right now I am sending a small group of guards to each clan for protection, and 24-hour guards all around polis. While we are here, I want to open the floor up to discussion.” 

“Wanheda, will we be searching for these spies?” One of the clan leaders asked.

“We have very little information, but I will be looking into it.”

“Will the people in polis still be free to go on about their everyday lives?” Someone else asked.

“No one here is a prisoner you can come and go as you please, but everyone needs to be alert. This is serious, the moment Azgeda sent someone here they started an unnecessary war.”

As the meeting wrapped up Clarke sat in her Commander chair next to Lexa’s trying not worry. She wanted to stay positive and know that Lexa was okay but there is no way to know since she hadn’t radioed yet. While lost in thought she did not notice Max and Luna approach her.

“You’re pretty good at this Skai girl.” Luna said.

“It’s Wanheda to you.” Titus said looking at girl with hatred.

“Titus, Go prepare the Natblida’s for training I’ll be stopping by later.” Clarke ordered the man to which he obeyed.

“That man will never like me.” Luna said.

“I’ve learned he doesn’t really like anyone who isn’t The Commander. I’m surprised one of you isn’t with her right now.” Clarke could not even say her name.

“We wanted to be, but she wouldn’t let us go, for Ali’s sake.” Max answered.

“So, we thought this would be a good time to get to know you.” Luna smiled.

“How about dinner tonight, I’ll get Alix to bring the kids.” Clarke said.

“Sounds perfect, would you mind if I hang around for a while? Max is helping out the guard and Ali’s training with Theo and Elena leaving me alone for the day.” Luna asked.

“She told you to keep an eye on me, didn’t she?” Clarke sighed.

“Lexa just wants me to keep you company plus I just want to get to know my new sister.”

“Well my next stop is to see the Natblida’s, is that something you want to do?” 

“Lead the way.” 

As Clarke, Raven and Luna made their way to the pit Clarke noticed Luna was lingering behind them, as if she wanted to take as long as she could to get there. 

“Is she okay?” Raven whispered as they continued to walk.

“Well the last time she was here, she had to kill her own brother, so I don’t think so.” Clarke replied.

“Damn, that fucking sucks.” Raven said.

“Yeah, it would be hard for anyone to go back.”

When they reached the pit the Nightblood’s were paired up fighting one another. They were all good, but Clarke could not stop thinking about how she was staring at Lexa’s replacement. 

“Never thought I’d be back here.” Luna sighed as she watched the kids fight.

“I can meet you back at the tower if you feel uncomfortable.” Clarke suggested.

“No, I can handle this Let’s go.”

When they walked down the center Clarke could see the rage on Titus’s face. 

“She doesn’t need to be here.” Titus spat.

“Enough Titus.” Clarke replied.

“This is sacred training ground, the fact that she even lives after what she’s done is unbelievable.” 

“Heda has pardoned her she has every right to be anywhere in Polis as much as you. So, I suggest you fall in line and get over yourself or trust me you’ll wish you had.” Titus didn’t reply before walking off. “I don’t have time for this shit today,” Clarke mumbled. 

“Badass Wanheda.” Raven smiled.

“I can’t believe you talked to a flame keeper like that.” Luna said in disbelief.

“Titus needs to realize that in the grand scheme of things he is just an advisor, and he will take orders from me.”

“Thank you, Clarke.” Luna smiled.

“Family doesn’t thank each other.” Clarke said mimicking Alix’s words. 

As Clarke was sitting down, she saw Aden approaching her chair.

“Aden.” Clarke smiled.

“Wanheda, will you be staying a while.” The young boy asked.

“I won’t be here more than a second, The Commander has asked me to keep an eye on things while she is gone.” 

“Well I have my one on one Spar with Titus in a moment will you stick around.” 

“Only if you promise to kick his ass.” Clarke whispered.

Aden laughed a little before walking off.

“So, he’s the one.” Luna said.

“The one?” Clarke asked.

“He’s the one Lexa thinks is most likely to win. She chose him.” 

“How can you tell?” Clarke asks.

“For starters he has a confidence in him the others lack, the confidence only the commander can give. I know that feeling and I’d recognize it anywhere.” Luna sighed.

“I try my best not to know anything about this, but Lexa does believe in Aden. He’s a good kid I just wish none of them had to do this.” 

“I agree, but this is “our” way.” Luna replied.

After they watched Aden’s spar with Titus the three women headed back to the tower to find Indra. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, I know the circumstances weren’t great but what made you leave?” Raven asks Luna. 

“Well this Nightblood competition if you will, was never something I was okay with, but I also never had a choice. You grow up with these kids then when the commander dies, and you’re expected to kill each other. It is bad enough killing someone but killing your blood, let’s just say you can never get that part of yourself back after its gone. Anyways after he died, I knew I needed to go, I didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to win. Commander Regina chose me, she wanted me to win but I did not want it and there’s nothing worse than a leader who doesn’t want to lead. Who doesn’t want to have the world in their hands, who doesn’t want to lose themselves in the world of wars and I wanted none of those things. So, that night I took Lexa into the woods and told her I was leaving. I didn’t have to explain she knew, mostly she was worried about my safety, but I had to go. Without me there I knew she would win, and I knew she’d be a great leader.” 

“Why did Regina choose you?” Raven asked.

“I never asked but I knew it was because I was the best fighter. I never had the leadership qualities, but I guess that doesn’t matter when you can fight.” Luna sighed. 

“You lead Floukru pretty well.” Clarke said.

“It’s easier to lead when there are no wars and no fighting. We were living in solitude happy.” 

“So why come back?” Raven asks.

“When Max heard Lexa had killed Queen Nia and things were finally peaceful, we thought it was the perfect time to come back.”

“I chose to believe this peace would last, I guess that was stupid of me.” Clarke sighed.

“I will say this is unexpected for Roan.” Luna said. “As far as I remember he always wanted to get away from Nia, Lexa did that he should be grateful.” 

“So, you think something bigger is going on?” Clarke asked. 

“I’m not saying this couldn’t just be Roan being power hungry I’m just saying we need to keep our minds open to other possibilities.” 

“There was a girl, Ontari she’s a Nightblood. Nia trained her in Polis obviously wanting Roan to kill Lexa in the fight so she could be Commander.”

“That’s illegal, but it’s Nia so I’m not surprised. The question is what would Roan gain from killing Lexa and making Ontari Commander? With Nia it’s simple she hated Lexa; she was jealous of her she wanted her power, so Lexa had to die.”

“None of this seems simple.” Raven said.

“I guess we’ll know soon enough.”

“Wanheda you called for me?” Indra said from the doorway. The woman never used to like her, but they’ve come a long way. 

“Heda said you had some leads on possible spies?” Clarke motioned for the woman to sit.

“Yes, an old informant from Azgeda told us of a spy Nia used to use, a girl named Echo. As far as we know she was one of the people freed from the mountain. We can’t say for sure it’s her, but she has been spotted in Polis since then.” 

“Do we know of anyone who knows her personally?” Clarke asks.

“We do.” Raven answered before Indra could. “Bellemy.”

“How does Bell know her?” Clarke asks confusingly. 

“When he was playing Trojan horse, he met her at Mount Weather. He told me and O about it, I kinda got the impression he thought she was hot, but I don’t know honestly.” 

“Do you know if he’s seen her recently?” Clarke asks.

“I have no clue; I haven’t really been hanging with him lately though.”

“So, let’s go ask him.” Luna suggests.

“Indra do you know where Bellemy is staying while he’s here?” 

“He is staying at Octavia and Lincolns while they are with Heda.” The woman answers.

“Then let’s go.” The three women began their walk over to Octavia’s home.

“Exactly who is Bellemy?” Luna asked.

“He’s Octavia’s brother.” Raven answers. 

“And one of our friends.” Clarke adds.

“Well usually being friends with someone involves talking to them, and it’s definitely been a while,” Raven says.

“Still we’ve all been through a lot together, we’ll always be friends. This is it; I hope he’s here.” Clarke knocked on the door and waited until Bellemy opened it. She could by his look he wasn’t expecting any visitors. His hair was a mess and besides his underwear he didn’t have any clothes on.

“Tell me you didn’t just wake up.” Raven examined the boy.

“It was kind of a long night.” Clarke could see the boy’s cheeks heating up.

“Are we interrupting something?” Clarke asks. Before he could answer a woman comes up behind Bellemy. Like him her hair was a mess and she too has little to no clothes on. 

“We definitely interrupted something.” Raven smirked. “Who’s your lady friend here bell?”

“This is Echo.” 

“Is that so?” Clarke looked at the girl, she didn’t have a spy look but that was obviously the point.

“This is kind of awkward guys; did you need something?”

“We were walking through and I kinda got tired, you know pregnant belly and all that. I was hoping you’d let me sit for a second so I could rest?” Clarke grabbed her stomach and acted as if she was winded.

“Of course, come in.” 

“What are you doing?” Raven and Luna look at Clarke.

“Change of plans just follow my lead and keep an eye on her.”

The girls walked in the house and sat the table as they waited for the pair to get dressed.

“So Bellemy are you going to properly introduce us to your friend.” Clarke smiled.

“Right this Echo, we met in Mount Weather she came to Polis a few days ago and needed a place to stay.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Echo, I’m Clarke and this is Raven and Luna.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet Bellemy’s friends especially you Wanheda, what you did to the mountain was unforgettable.” 

“Well I’m sorry you ever had to be in there, I’m certain it was more difficult for you than me and bell.” Clarke said.

“It definitely wasn’t great, but I don’t like thinking about it.” Echo replied.

“I understand that, but if don’t mind me asking how the mountain men capture you?”

“I was on a mission for Queen Nia trying to gather information on one of the clan leaders. Apparently as I was watching them, they were watching me.” 

Clarke was surprised at her honestly but that didn’t mean she didn’t still suspect her. “So, were you close to the Queen.” 

“Let’s just say I’m not sorry she’s dead.” 

“Bellemy would you mind getting me some water?” Clarke smiled at the boy.

“Of course.” 

When she knew the boy was gone, she eyed echo closely. “Listen I’m sure your great but as a former spy I know you are not stupid.” Clarke said blatantly getting straight to the point. “You know the reason we are here isn’t because we were in the neighborhood.” 

“I figure as much.” Echo replied. “You want to know if I’m still a spy for Azgeda.” 

“Basically yes.” 

“Being a spy for Azgeda is not an enviable job, nor one that I miss. So, to answer you I’m no longer a spy, when Lexa killed Nia, I took that as a chance to start over. I’m never going back there, and I would never help them.” 

“I wish I could take your word for it Echo, but unfortunately that’s not something I can afford to do.” 

“I get it, maybe I can help give you any information I have.” Echo offered.

“What’s going on Clarke?” Bellemy asked from the doorway, cups in hand. “Did you really come here to investigate her?”

“Yes, Bellemy sorry about the lie but I also didn’t expect you guys to be half naked when we knocked.”

“Clearly you guys had a great night.” Raven smirked.

“Well are you done making her feel like a suspect?” Bellemy said completely ignoring Ravens comment. 

“It’s fine Bellemy, I never expected starting over to be easy.” Echo said.

“Echo you can come to the capital building in an hour I’d like to ask you some more questions.” Clarke said as she stood up from the chair. “I really hope you decide to show up.”

“I will Wanheda, I mean it I do want to help.” 

“Then this should be easy. Goodbye Bellemy.” 

“You guys have fun.” Raven said shutting the door behind them.

“You’re trusting her to turn herself in?” Luna asked as they walked away from the house.

“Not exactly, there will be guards watching the house, if she doesn’t come willingly at least I can say I tried to do this the easy way. Do you guys think she’s telling the truth?” Clarke asks.

“It’s hard to tell, spies are supposed to be good at lying. “Luna said. “We have a few Ex-Azgeda members that joined Floukru not too long ago, maybe they could help. Maybe they know her or could give you any information.

“That would be great, I could use all the help I can get. The sooner we figure this out the better.” Clarke said.

When they got back to the tower Luna went to check on Ali while Clarke and Raven went to find food. They skipped breakfast so they figured they should eat something. 

Honestly, Clarke wasn’t in the mood to eat, she wasn’t in the mood to do anything but she had no choice. All she wanted was Lexa here with her in their house talking about baby names and living peacefully like they were two days ago. How did things go to shit so quickly?

“Clarke you have to eat something, I know you probably don’t want to but you have a baby to think about.” Raven said. 

Clarke looked down at her plate, she hadn’t even realized someone had sat it down. Raven was right, she did have a baby to think about and it was the only thing keeping her going. 

She picked up her fork and ate a few strips of meat not tasting any of it just chewing it enough to swallow. 

“Good girl.” Raven smiled.

“Wanheda.” Indra said, waiting by the door.

“Yes.” Clarke looked up, whatever it was she had no energy for.

“The Commander has radioed; she wants to speak with you.” 

Clarke didn’t say anything she just ran and grabbed the radio from the woman’s hands.

“Lexa?” Clarke said, pressing the button. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine I just wanted to hear you voice.” Lexa replied.

Clarke walked into a different room before saying anything else. “I don’t think I can do this without you.” She could hear her voice crack and she hated it. “I miss you and it hasn’t even been 24 hours.” 

“I miss you too Clarke, I’m trying to make it back to you as soon as possible.” Lexa needed to be strong for her. Even though she missed the blonde like crazy, she needed to reassure her that everything was fine. “You’re going to be fine, there is no doubt in my mind that you are doing great.”

“It’s not about my duties I’m- I just miss you.” Clarke sighed; she didn’t need to give Lexa anything else to worry about. “Your right I’ll be fine, have you found anything out?”   
“We aren’t quite in Azgeda territory yet but there has been talk in the clans nearby that Nia supporters have started an uprising. It’s unclear who the leader is but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ontari is at the forefront of it.” 

“When do you arrive?” Clarke asked.

“We should be there before night fall.” 

"Arriving at night doesn’t seem too smart.” 

“I agree, that’s why we will stay in shadow valley until morning. Their ambassador has arrangements for us.” 

“Are we sure this is Azgeda acting alone?” 

“We aren’t sure of anything Clarke.” Lexa sighed. “When I get more information, you’ll be the first to know.” 

“Promise me you’ll radio at any time; I don’t care what time it is.” 

“I promise Clarke, how’s the baby?” Clarke could hear Lexa’s smile over the radio.

“She’s good, missing you like your wife.” 

“Is Abby still in Polis?” 

“Yes, I don’t think she wants to leave until your back. She wants to know your safe.” Clarke smiled.

“Well tell her I’m fine and I’ll be back before she knows it.” Lexa laughed; they’ve come a long way. “I’m glad she’s there.”

“Me too.” Clarke said. “So what is your plan when you get to Azgeda?”

“I’ve already sent someone ahead to notify Roan of my arrival, he’s been given a neutral place where we can meet. Either he helps with the problem or he’s a part of the problem. Azgeda is too much of a headache at this point.” 

“I agree.” 

“I don’t want to but I have to go, we’ll be in Shadow valley soon and I have to meet with their leaders.” 

Clarke held in her cry, talking to her wife almost made her forget they wouldn’t be sleeping in the same place tonight. “Okay… I love you.” 

“I love you too, I’ll radio soon.” 

“Okay.” 

Clarke allowed a couple tears to escape down her face before pulling herself together. She had to be strong, she was fine. ‘I’m fine.’ Clarke repeated to herself trying to convince herself it was true.

“You okay?” Clarke jumped; hearing Raven’s voice enter the room.

“I’m fine.” Clarke said almost automatically. 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

“I’m fine.” Clarke repeated.

“Clarke-.” 

“I said that I’m fine Raven so let it go.” Clarke looked at the girl before walking back into the dining area. She wanted nothing more than to lock herself in her room. Maybe that’s what’s she should do, they don’t need her every second of the day.

“Wanheda, Luna is here with a few people waiting to see you.” Indra informed the girl.

Fucking great, Clarke thought. “Bring them in.” It was definitely wishful think that she could escape to her room for the day.

“Clarke this is Rimi and Clover, they’re originally from Azgeda before joining our refuge about a year ago.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Clarke smiled at the couple.

“It’s an honor to meet you Wanheda.” The women, Clover said.

“Anything you need we would be happy to help.” Rimi added.

“I just have a few questions, during your time in Azgeda were either of you close with the queen? Did you work for her in any way?” Clarke asked.

“We were both in her guard, it’s actually how we met.” Clover smiled at presumably her husband and or partner.

“Did you do anything for her personally?” 

“We often did jobs for her, rather that was spying or mercenary work.” Rimi said. “We’re not proud of it but whatever she needed it was done.” 

“When you were with her did you ever know a girl named echo?” Clarke could see the look on their face as soon as she mentioned the name. “Do you know her?” Clarke repeated.

“Everyone in the Queens personal guard did, I would consider Echo Nia’s firsthand anything she needed most likely Echo would do it.”

“Do you think Echo could still be an Azgeda spy even though Nia is dead?” Clarke asked.

“It’s hard to say, if she wanted to remain high up in the royal guard, she could still be doing some work.” Rimi said.

“There’s always the possibility that she left; a lot of people did when Nia died. Nia was the Queen but she was loved by few, Echo could’ve wanted out as much as anyone. I would if I were her, sure we were a part of the guard but not as children.” Clover said.

“What do you mean not as children?” Clarke asked.

“Before the coalition we were in a war, most of the clans hated each other but Azgeda or Nia I should say hated anyone who wouldn’t follow her. If there was ever a clan who refused anything Nia wanted, she would take her army and attack them. During the attacks many were killed, it didn’t matter if you were a women, child or man. After the attack Nia would choose a child to take, if they showed promise she would kidnap them and take them to Azgeda to train them. Some of them become spies’ others join the army.”

“I would say I’m surprised but I’m not.” Clarke said. “Was one of these children named Ontari?” 

“Ontari is different from the other children, I don’t know anything for a fact just what I’ve heard.” Clover said.

“I’m willing to hear anything you know.” Clarke said.

“It’s said the Ontari was the child of one of Nia’s guards, once she gave birth the women went to Nia hoping she could stop her child from being sent to Polis because of her Nightblood. Apparently, Nia agreed to help her, she told her she would keep the child safe which I guess you could say she did. A few days later the mother was found dead, there’s no proof it was Nia but I think everyone knew it was her. After that she gladly raised Ontari as her own, not as her child though more as a weapon.” 

“Do you think Ontari would try an escape after Nia’s death?” 

“Absolutely not, Nia is all Ontari’s ever known with the other kids they had a life before they were taken. Ontari was exceedingly loyal to Nia there’s no doubt in my mind that if this attack is from Azgeda, Ontari is at the head of it.” Clover said.

“I appreciate both of you for doing this. This information is extremely helpful.” 

“We’re happy we could contribute to the cause.” Rimi smiled.

“If you two need anything don’t hesitate to ask.” Clarke said, standing up from her chair.

“Wanheda there is one more thing, if Ontari is truly involved in this you should be careful. I’ve seen her in action and she is completely unhinged. She’s crazy and she won’t stop until she gets what she wants.” Clover said.

“She’s pissed me off for the second time now, she’s the one who should be afraid.” Clarke replied and Clover just smiled before leaving to join her husband.

“What now?” Luna asked.

“Now we figure out if Echo is the spy and if she isn’t, we find out who is.” 

“Are you still being a bitch princess?” Raven said, walking into the room to sit.

“No, fortunately for you.” Clarke replied.

“Good because you’re stuck with me for the week, push me away all you want I’ll still be here.” 

“I know and I’m sorry there’s just a lot going on.” 

“It’s okay, I know you miss her but it’s a few more days.” 

“A few more days.” Clarke mumbled. “I’ll be fine.” Maybe if she keeps saying it, it’ll be true.

“Wanheda, an Echo is here to see you.” A guard said.

“Bring her in.” Clarke couldn’t get a break, I guess the sooner the better.

“Echo, glad you showed up.” Clarke said, watching the girl walk in with Bellemy. 

“Of course.” The girl smiled.

“Bellemy you can wait outside we won’t be long.” Clarke said to the boy.

“I’m staying.” 

"It's not a suggestion.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “This has nothing to do with you.” 

“If these two get to stay so do I.” Bellemy pointed to Raven and Luna. 

“Luna is my advisor.” Aka my human lie detector test, Clarke thought. “And Raven can keep you company.” 

“Let’s go Bell.” Raven said.

“Really Clarke, what is your problem?” Bellemy squinted at the blonde.

“Why can’t anyone just fucking listen to me, you do not want to push me today Bellemy, because I will push back.” Clarke raised her voice; she didn’t have time for this. She didn’t want to be like this but she needed people to listen to her without question. 

“Bellemy I’m fine.” Echo said to the boy.

“Fine.” The boy accompanied by Raven exited the room.

“You guys seem close.” Clarke said.

“I didn’t realize my relationship would be in question.” 

“For all I know this could be a relationship of convenience for you. You needed to lay low and Bellemy was more than willing to spend time with you.” Clarke stared at the girl.

“That’s not the case at all.” Echo said.

“So then tell me Echo, why are you here?” Clarke asked, she could tell the girl didn’t like her accusatory tone.

“I already told you, I left when Nia was killed.”

“Azgeda is your home, right? Why leave, I’m sure Roan could’ve found an honorable job for you?” 

“You clearly have no idea how Azgeda works.” Echo exhaled. 

“You’re here so I can understand, it may seem like I’m being harsh but I don’t have time to waste. I’m here to listen, convince me you have nothing to do with this. And if you don’t, you’re more than welcome to create any life here you want.” 

“That’s all I want.”

“Then start from the beginning.”

Echo took a deep breath. “Azgeda was never my home, Nia took me after attacking my home when I was 9. My village wasn’t much but we did have some of the most skilled hunters. After our elders refused to give up our meat during the winter it wasn’t long before she attacked. Almost everyone was killed and the ones who weren’t ran. I was in my training during the attack…” Echo stopped for a moment before continuing. 

“I saw the flames and smelled the burning flesh and I knew what was happening. I ran to my tent that I shared with my mother hoping to find her there and I did. The guards had already slit her throat, and she was dead. I had two options, cry and hold my mothers’ dead body or fight and try to help others escape. I went with the latter, when the queen saw me fighting, she said I showed promise. The next thing I knew everything was black and I woke up in Azgeda with no family and no home. Nia told me I was Azgeda now, she didn’t have to say it but I knew there was no escaping my fate and if I tried, I’d be dead. I guess crying and holding my mothers’ body would’ve been the better choice.” 

“I’m sorry about your mother.” Clarke said.

“I’m not the only who lost people back then, when the coalition was created it limited Nia’s reach. She could no longer attack freely without repercussions from the commander and she hated that. She did have other ways of getting what she wanted though, she always had a way.” Echo stared off losing herself in the memories.

“What kind of jobs did you do for Nia?” 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Echo looked up and Clarke nodded. “If you were a spy for Azgeda you were also a mercenary. Anyone she needed killed quietly, she’d come to me. At least she would before Ontari got older and started taking more jobs. That was the around the time she started making her plan.” 

“Plan?” 

“For years she had been formulating a plan to kill Lexa.” Echo looked at the blonde. 

“Because she didn’t like the coalition?” Clarke asked.

“Because she hadn’t achieved what Lexa did, after only a couple of years of being the commander Lexa had already unified the clans. She brought everyone together, and although people do fear her, they also respect her. Nia had tried for years to get to the clans to stand with her and she failed. She wanted what Lexa had, and she had no problem doing whatever it took to do it.” 

“So what was the plan?” Luna asked, who up until this moment had been quietly listening. 

“Hostile takeover, she had her Nightblood she just needed inside information. None of the ambassadors were interested so she needed to find someone else.”

“Costia.” Clarke whispered.

“Although they were never publicly together everyone knew Costia was her love. To Nia she saw that as Lexa’s only weakness if the other clans wouldn’t turn against her.”

“Wait.” Clarke said. “Are you sure you want to hear this? I know she was your friend.” Clarke looked to Luna who was still listening beside her.

“Keep going.” Luna looked at Echo.

“At this time I was 17 which was a common age for warriors to come train in Polis with the guard. Nia sent me in under the pretense that I was there to learn and train, but I was really there to watch Costia. I watched her for a couple weeks learning her routine, her friends anything useful. When Nia found out she was the daughter of an ambassador she couldn’t have been happier. At first, she thought she could use Costia to exploit the dessert clan but the idea of knowing all of Lexa’s secrets was more enticing. So instead she had me approach her and bring to the woods where she was waiting. That’s when she told her she had spies in the dessert waiting for there orders to kill her family if she didn’t do whatever she wanted. For months she met with Costia getting any information she could until there was nothing else to give. When Lexa was out of Polis visiting the clans, she had Costia escorted to Azgeda.” Echo stopped not knowing if she should keep going, but both of the girls nodded.

“I will admit I had no clue how I thought this arrangement with Costia would end but with Nia I should’ve known everything ends with death when you’re useless to her. When she arrived Nia thanked her for the information before ordering Ontari to kill her. Instead of killing her with one blow she dragged it out, torturing her until finally killing her. The next day she had her head sent to Polis hoping Lexa would retaliate but she didn’t. Instead she let Azgeda into her alliance which surprised everyone. After that Nia needed a new plan, she was sure Lexa would start a war with her after killing Costia but it didn’t.”

“I need to know Echo; do you know anything about this attack?” 

“When she was killed some of her guard was upset, they wanted Lexa dead, most of all Ontari wanted her dead. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s behind this, as for the spy I really don’t know.” 

Clarke wanted to believe, hell she actually did but she’s her only lead at this point. 

“What will help me figure out who is the spy?” Clarke asked.

“Most will have no trace of anything Azgeda, no face tattoos and no brands. They will most likely blend, even if they just arrived two days ago, you’d never know it. Also they never hide, they probably stay close to town and always near the trading post. There are always people spreading information at the trading post, that’s a good way to hear information. Your best bet would be to cause a scene, make it public where everyone will be around. Try to make it sound like you have some new information everyone will want to hear even if it’s fake. The better the information the more you’ll draw them in.” 

“And Bell, do you like him? Is this real for you?” Clarke asked.

“Bellemy is a good guy, I don’t deserve anyone like him but I hope that doesn’t mean I can’t have him.” 

“I hope you can be happy here Echo.” Clarke looked at the girl, she believed her even if there was a chance, she was playing her she didn’t think she was.

“Thank you for giving me this chance Clarke.” Echo smiled before exiting the room.

“Do you believe her?” Luna asked.

“I do, but I’ll still have guard watching her just in case.” 

“Where do we go from here?” 

“We make a scene, a big enough one to get their attention.”

“How do we do that?” Luna asked.

“I’m open to ideas.” 

“I can blow something up.” Raven smiled as she joined them at the table.

“Wouldn’t you love that.” Clarke laughed.

“I would actually, unless anyone has any other ideas.” Raven looked around. 

“I actually might.” The girls turned to see Echo standing by the door. “I didn’t think of it before but Bellemy actually brought it up. When Nia planned the attack on Mount Weather, she had help from one of there people.” 

“Emerson.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“He’s still alive?” Raven asked.

“Yes, Because of me.” Clarke sighed. “God, do you think he has anything to do with this?” 

“Anything’s possible but that’s not the reason I brought it up, when he was helping Nia, he was using radios to talk to the spy in mount weather.”

“Do they still have the radios?” Raven asked.

“I don’t know, but there could be a chance they are still using them. The spy they have here could be contacting them by the radio.” Echo said.

“We could work with that; I could rig one of the radios to pick up communication from the other one.” Raven said.

“You can do that?” Luna asked.

“I can do anything, I’m awesome.” Raven winked.

“What do you need?” Clarke asked.

“I should be able to use the radio in the rover as sort of a receiver, if I do it right it should pick up any communication going through the radios. If anyone besides us is using one we’ll hear it.”

“Now we just need to give them something to talk about.” Clarke said.

“I think I have an idea.” Echo said. “If I may?” 

“Go ahead.”

“They know Lexa is not in Polis, most likely they are already trying to figure out a way to get to you. If they thought there’d be an open opportunity, they’d run it by whoever is in charge.” 

“So I’m the bait.” Clarke said. “Not a bad plan.” 

“It’s our only plan.” Luna sighed. “Lexa wouldn’t like you being bait.” 

“Lexa’s not here, if this a chance to find the spy we’re taking it. Raven go start working on the rover, Echo are you willing to help?” 

“I’ll do whatever you need me to.” Echo nodded.

“Alright then looks like we’ve got a plan.” Clarke smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoped you guys enjoyed. Does anyone still watch the 100? I watched season 7 the other day and the only story love is Octavia's. This show had so much potential, and I don't think it's bad jut because Lexa died, the storylines over all sometimes aren't the best. Anyways are you guys watching?? Marie's acting is A1


	28. Let's agree to disagree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Luna bond while Lexa and Octavia bond. Lexa and Clarke disagree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!! I hope you enjoy this chapter recently ive been struggling personally and writing always helps me so i'm glad I can do his!

After hours of working on the rover with the help of Monty, it was finally done. Their plan was almost ready to be put into motion.

“Does it work.” Clarke asked. They parked the rover in front of the polis building while her Luna, Raven, Echo and Monty sat inside.

“Let’s find out.” Raven took a deep breath before turning on the transmitter. There was a brief moment where there was just static before they started hearing voices. “It works.” Raven smiled.

“Did you ever doubt it would?” Monty asked.

“With us, never.” Raven smirked.

“Guess it’s time to spread some rumors.” Luna smiled.

The plan was to say Clarke would be leaving for Arkadia via the rover at sunrise with just a few Skaikru guards. To spread this lie they enlisted a few of Luna’s people to mention it while shopping at the trading post. While that’s happening, they will also have some spies of their own people watching to see if anyone takes the bait. They also had Echo listening with them to translate incase they speak grounder.

“It’s now or never, the posts are usually busy this time a day.” Clarke said.

“I’ll give the order.” Luna said, closing the rover door after getting out. 

Clarke wasn’t sure if this plan would work but they had to try something besides questioning people all day. She needed this spy captured, in her mind that was one step closer to Lexa coming home. It had been a few hours since they talked on the radio and that worried Clarke even more. What if something went wrong? What is she gets hurt? What if they kill her? No! She couldn’t let herself think like this, positives only.

“Clarke?” Raven said, staring at the girl confusingly.

“Yes?” ‘Snap out of it’ She thought to herself.

“Did you hear me? Luna’s people arrived at the posts a couple of minutes ago.” 

“Good, anything so far?”

“It’ll probably take a while; you should go rest.” 

“I’m fine, I want to be here if something happens.”

“My guess is we’ll be playing the waiting game.”

It had been a couple of hours since Luna’s people went to the trading post. They hadn’t heard anything yet and nightfall was quickly approaching.

“Maybe they weren’t at the trading posts.” Clarke sighed.

“Even if they weren’t the news would get to them, just give it time.” Echo flashed a reassuring smile.

Before Clarke could reply a muffled voice came from the transmitter, it was hard to understand but you could hear bits of grounder.

“Can you make it clearer?” Clarke turned to Raven.

“It should be clear if I limit the frequencies.” Clarke had no idea what any of this meant but she watched the girl work her magic.” There you go.” 

As soon as the signal was clear they heard a man’s voice speaking grounder. The voice was deep and he was talking quickly. 

"What’s he saying?” They all turned to Echo.

“He’s asking if anyone’s on the other end of the radio.” Echo said, continuing to listen. “He’s waiting for a reply, he doesn’t have much time.” 

“Monty Radio Luna see if they noticed anyone.” 

After a few minutes of waiting the man finally started talking again.

“He checking to see if anyone is there before he gets off of the radio.” Echo continued to listen until finally a woman’s voice replied.

Clarke could tell by Echo’s look that she knew the voice, and Clarke had heard it to.

“Is that her?” Clarke asked referring to Ontari.

“I’d recognize her voice anywhere.” Echo sighed.

“What did she say?” 

“She’s asking for his progress, and he’s informing her of your travel to Arkadia.”

“At least we know for sure it’s her behind this.” Raven said.

“She wants him to attack.” Echo said.

“Alone?” 

“As far as I can tell they have a few people here.” 

“Clarke, Luna said there’s someone in the woods a few yards down the river.” Monty said, peeking into the rover.

“Tell her to leave it, don’t approach them just watch.” Clarke said.

“What? Why?” Raven looked at the blonde.

“If we confront him, we’ll still have to catch his accomplices.” 

“So we let him go?” 

“For now, we know they plan on attacking the rover to get to me so why not let them.”

“We can get them all.” Raven smiled.

“Exactly, what else did she say Echo?” 

“Nothing more than for them to attack- wait.” Echo listened as the girl continued to talk. “Roan, he’s sent guards to look for them, she said they had to flee. She didn’t say if they were still in Azgeda.” 

“So Roan isn’t involved.” Clarke said. “I have to radio Lexa. Let me know if she says anything else.” Clarke climbed out of the rover and went inside to find Indra, finally she had useful information. “Indra.” 

“Yes Wanheda?” 

“I need to radio the commander; do you still have the radio?” 

“Yes, I’ve kept it with me as you requested.” The women handed the radio over. “Should I leave you?” 

“Yes, I’ll make sure to get the radio back to you.” After waiting for the women to walk away Clarke pressed the button on the side of the radio.” Lexa, are you there?” 

It was getting late and she had no idea where Lexa was, or if she ran into any trouble since they last talked. She needed to talk to her.

“Lexa? If you can hear me it’s important.” 

“Clarke?” A voice replied on the other end.

“O?” 

“Yeah it’s me, Lexa had me hold onto the radio while she went to meet with Shadow Valleys leader.”

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asked.

“So far, we haven’t run into trouble, the villages we passed through were untouched. Besides Polis and a few villages outside of the Capital no one’s been attacked.” 

“That’s good news, I have some new information. It’s a longer story but we found out Ontari is behind the attacks, apparently Roan is hunting her so I don’t think he is involved. Maybe Lexa and him can work together to stop Ontari.” 

“She should be back soon I’ll let her know, so I’m guessing you found the spy since you know this.” Octavia said.

“Sort of, it’s a long story as I said but hopefully by tomorrow, we’ll have them captured fully.” 

“That’s good, you’re getting things done.” 

“I’m trying, how are you and Lincoln?” 

“We’re good, just happy to be together. I know I would be going crazy if I was still in Polis while he was here.” Octavia sighed realizing what she said. “Shit, I’m sorry I just meant”

“It’s fine O I know what you meant.” Clarke sighed.

"How's Bellamy?"

“He’s fine, besides being a pain in the ass.” Clarke mumbled.

“What did he do?”

Before Clarke could answer she noticed Luna walking towards her with a serious look on her face. 

“Nothing, listen I have to go just tell Lexa what I said.” 

“Clarke.” Octavia said.

“Just tell her ok, I’ll talk to you soon.” Before the girl could answer she turned her radio off. “What’s wrong?” Clarke turned to Luna.

“Listen I went with your plan and I’m helping you but you’re absolutely crazy if you think I’m going to let you get in that Rover tomorrow morning as bait.” Luna said.

“That was always the plan Luna.” 

“No Clarke, the plan was for them to think you were leaving so they would use the radio and they did and we found them that’s enough for today.” 

“It’s not enough if there are other spies out there.” Clarke sighed, arguing was the last thing she wanted to do. “Plus I don’t actually have to be in the rover.”

“They’re not going to attack unless they know you’re inside, most likely they’ll have someone confirm it.” 

“So then I get in the rover, once they try to attack, we catch them. I’ll have guards along the pathway waiting. No one gets hurt, don’t worry I’ll be fine I know your only here because Lexa asked you to be but I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I’m not just here because Lexa asked me to be Clarke, I’m here because I want to help you. I love Lexa, she’s my family and now so are you. I don’t think this plan is the greatest but you’ll do it either way and I’d rather you do it with my help.” 

“Thank you, did a guard follow the spy?” 

“Yes, they’ll keep an eye out just in case something changes and Monty volunteered to stay up to monitor the transmitter. He’s going to have Tamsin translate for him.” 

“All night?” Clarke asked.

“Bellemy and Echo will take their places in a couple of hours.”

“Okay good, so what do we do now?” Clarke asks.

“Now we go eat dinner with our family.” Luna smiled.

When Clarke and Luna entered the dining area everyone was waiting for them. The table consisted of Abby, Kane, Max, Ali, Alix, Theo, Elena, Raven and of course Luna and Clarke. As the blonde looked around the table for the first time, she realized she actually had a proper family. She had people she loved and who loved her and that’s because she met Lexa. Without Lexa she wouldn’t be at this table and the thought of that was horrifying. Even if things aren’t the greatest right now, she still had all these amazing people by her side, and that was enough.

“Clarke what are you going to name your baby?” Elena asks as the food is being brought out for them.

“Me and Lexa aren’t sure yet.”

“There’s still time.” Alix smiled. “So Abby are you excited to be a grandmother?” 

“I am, I will say it’s all very soon but we need some good in our world right now.” Abby smiled.

“Alright enough about baby stuff, how is everyone else?” Clarke asked.

The rest of the dinner was great, everyone laughed and joked and got to know each other. They talked for hours until finally deciding to get the kids off to bed, Clarke retreated her room as well. This felt like the longest day of her life and she was sure that was because Lexa usually was the one to fill her day.   
She kicked Raven out of her room giving her the room next door, tonight she just wanted to lay her bed without the brunette. There was no doubt that she had her bitchy moments today and everyone noticed. She wanted to be fine, and act like she was perfectly ok but it proved to be harder than she thought. All she wanted was for this to be over, for Ontari to be caught and everything to go back to normal. Did they even have a normal?

As Clarke was getting under her covers someone knocked gently on her door. 

“Enter.” She yelled, was she turning into a mini Lexa?” 

“Sorry to disturb you Wanheda, The commander has radioed for you.” Indra handed the blond the radio.

“Thank you, Indra and please can you just call me Clarke?” Clarke smiled; she didn’t mind being called Wanheda but it was definitely getting old already.

The women just nodded before exiting the room.

“Miss me already?” Clarke smiled, pressing the button to the radio.

“More than anything, how are you?” Lexa asked.

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“I’ll be better when I get to sleep next to you again.” 

“I can’t wait for that, did Octavia tell you I radioed earlier?” 

“Yes, the information was useful, I told you, you would be fine.” Lexa smiled.

“How’s everything on your end?” 

“Fine so far, tomorrow morning we meet with Roan and if everything goes to plan, we’ll be heading back to Polis by tomorrow afternoon.” 

“You’re coming back already?” Clarke asked shocked. 

“Hopefully, now that I know Roan is looking for Ontari I’m hoping we can work together. If he agrees we’ll have a better chance of finding her, I came to Azgeda for answers but it seems you’ve figured them all out for me in Polis.” 

“I’m just doing what you asked.” 

“How did you find out this information, Octavia said you haven’t caught the spy yet. And don’t tell me it’s a long story.” Lexa said.

“Long story short I questioned ex Azgeda members which led me to the plan that we executed to get this information.” 

“And what plan is that?” 

“Basically we learned that they might have radios so I had Raven build a transmitter in the Rover so we could hear the conversation if the spy were using a radio. That’s when I heard Ontari’s voice so I know she’s involved and it’s also is how I know Roan is hunting her.” 

“And you didn’t catch the spy but for some reason you plan to catch them by tomorrow afternoon.” Lexa said. “I’m just saying what Octavia told me.” 

“I have another plan for that.” Clarke said.

“I would like to know your plan Wanheda.” Lexa said, Clarke could tell she was tired of her beating around the bush.

“Well Long story short—” 

“There’s a lot of long stories today aren’t there?” Lexa said interrupting her.

“It’s been a long day, are you done interrupting me Heda.” 

“Continue.” Lexa said.

“Basically tomorrow morning the spies think I’m traveling to Arkadia in the Rover which is the information we spread to get them to use the radio. After telling Ontari this information she ordered them to attack, so they think they’re capturing me.” Clarke said all in one breath.

“So they think you’ll be in the Rover, and did you say spies?” Lexa asked.

“Yes we think there is a group here in Polis so instead of capturing the one today we plan to catch them all tomorrow.” 

“Well it sounds like a thought out plan, as long as you’re in a secure place during preferably in the tower.” 

  
“Actually I’ll be in the Rover.”

“No.” Lexa said plainly. 

“This is my plan and it’ll be done the way I say.” 

“No, you’re not getting anywhere near that rover Clarke. Are you crazy?” 

“You left me here, I’m in charge so things will be done the way I say. When you get back you can start making demands.” 

“Clarke you could get hurt; our baby could get hurt.” Lexa could feel her anger building up, but from here she was powerless.

“They will be detained before anything happens, they need to see me get into the rover or they won’t attack.” 

“Anything can happen Clarke, god why can’t you ever just do what I say? You fight me on everything when all I want to do is keep you safe.”

“I’m not a pet who you can bark orders to, I have my own thoughts and feelings and I didn’t ask for this Lexa. I wanted you to stay, I practically begged you not to leave but you did and I know why you did. I understood, I disagreed but I understood and I let you make your own decisions because in the end no matter how hard I fight you do what you want. It’s my turn to do what I want; this is my plan and I’m doing it you don’t have to like it but there’s nothing you can do.” 

“Fine, but whatever happens it’s on you.” Lexa said, her blood was boiling not because Clarke wouldn’t listen to her but because she knew what Azgeda is capable of. And she didn’t want to even entertain giving them another chance to take someone from her.

“It always is isn’t it?” Clarke mumbled.

“What does that mean?” 

“Nothing.” Clarke sighed. “It’s been a long day Lexa I’m tired and I’m stressed out enough I just want to go to sleep.” 

“Ok, fine I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Clarke said.

“I’ll try to—” Lexa started to say before realizing Clarke turned the radio off. 

* * *

‘Great’ Lexa mumbled to herself, the last thing she wanted to do was argue with Clarke but here they were. Both strong leaders trying to make choices even when they contradict each other and both stubborn. They needed to learn to make choices together without causing a fight but they couldn’t do it hours apart.   
But Clarke was right there was nothing she could do from here, she left her in charge so the best thing to do was to trust her plan. Even if this wasn’t about trust, of course she trusted Clarke she just wanted her on the sidelines. She wanted her at home pregnant without a care in the world but most of all she just wanted her safe. War always has casualties and as much as her people were the priority, Clarke being a casualty wasn’t an option.

These thoughts weren’t helping, she needed to clear her head so she decided to take a walk. The shadow valley people had an extra building for them to stay in for the night so everyone was getting some rest. Lexa of course had no plan to get any rest anytime soon, even if she wanted to her brain wouldn’t let her.

As she walked further by the river that ran though the hills, she noticed someone sitting not far from her.

“Octavia?” Lexa said.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Octavia smiled. “Couldn’t sleep either?”

“No, me and sleep usually don’t coexist very well.” Lexa sighed.

“If it’s about Clarke I’m sure she’s fine.”

“I know, I just talked to her.”

“Why do I feel like the conversation wasn’t that great.” Octavia turned to the girl.

“It could’ve gone better.” Lexa sighed. “Your friend is very stubborn.” 

“Something tells me you are as well.” Octavia laughed. “In the past me and Clarke haven’t always seen eye to eye, but in the end, I know she’s doing what she thinks is right.

"She’s a great leader and so are you together you guys can do amazing things, you just have to get used to not being the only one in charge. Both of you.” 

Lexa knew she was right, her and Clarke had a lot to work on when it came to leading together. She thought they would have more time to figure it out but here they are.

“We definitely have some things to work on.” Lexa said.

“When this over we’ll have all the time in the world.” Octavia smiled.

“You should get some rest.”

“You should too.” Octavia sat up from the edge of the river. “Just so you know Clarke’s not just my friend she’s my family and now so are you.” Octavia smiled before walking back to their home for the night.

Family wasn’t something Lexa grew up having, for a while she had Max then she only had Alix and her kids. Now she has a family bigger than she ever thought and she knew she had in a way she had Clarke to thank for that. 

Without even realizing they both gave each other everything they ever wanted, happiness, peacefulness, love, and family. Things neither of them thought possible.

The closer Lexa got to the building the worse she felt for arguing with Clarke especially when they weren’t in the same place. She wanted to radio her back but she knew she had turned hers off. The only thing she could do was go to sleep and pray he would see Clarke in person tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed new chapter coming soon. I want to say something about Lexa and Clarkes problems, to me every relationship has issues and I want to showcase that in my story. Of course they love each other but they also have to have issues everything can't be perfect all the time. On my other story I write people were very upset I gave Clarke and Lexa problems but that's just reality. They will always be canon in my stories everything just won't always be lovey dovey. 
> 
> but side note there will be lovey dovey stuff coming up!


	29. Ashes to Ashes

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Raven asked the blonde; it was the morning of Clarkes supposed trip to Arkadia and Raven wasn’t sure their plan was such a good idea. The plan itself was wasn’t the issue Clarke being in the Rover was.

“For the tenth time, yes. I have to do this.” Clarke rolled her eyes, she understood why everyone was worried but she had no plans on anyone getting hurt.

“Fine, I’m getting in the rover with you.” Raven said.

“Raven that’s not necessary, Echo and Luna will be in there with me. Plus aren’t you going to stay in the rover incase they use the radio?”

“Monty and Tamsin can handle it; I’m coming with you. Let’s go.” Raven grabbed her jacket and the two girls headed downstairs.

When they arrived Luna, Echo and Bellemy were already waiting.

“Ready?” Luna asked the blonde.

“The faster we end this the better.”

“We have guards ready, as soon as they spot them, they’ll be captured.”

“I’m also going to trail the Rover, just in case anything goes wrong.” Bellemy said. “Monty said to this radio, it’s a direct line to the rover. If they hear anything suspicious, they’ll let you know.”

“Ok, has anyone radioed today?” Clarke asked, mainly asking if Ontari did but also wondered if Lexa tried to radio her.

“Not so far.” Luna said.

“Alright, shall we?” Clarke forced a smile, this plan had to work, she needed it to work.

“Let’s go.” Luna lead the way to the waiting Rover.

As soon as everyone was inside the driver took off. It was a few minutes into the ride and on one had talked. There was nothing to say this plan could either end with them taking prisoners or people dying.

“Nice weather.” Raven smiled, clearly trying to break the silence.

Before anyone could say anything radio crackled.

“Can you guys hear me Clearly?” Monty asked.

“Crystal, what’s up?” Raven asked pressing the side button to the radio.

“They used the radio; you were right they were watching. They just confirmed you were in the rover.”

“Anything else?”

“It seems like their waiting for you guys to get further out before they attack.”

“Ok, make sure the guards stay out of site. I want them caught not killed, guns are a last resort.” Clarke said.

“Got it.” Monty replied.

“So far so good.” Echo said.

“how far do you think we’ll have to go out?” Raven asked.

“Probably into the next village.” Clarke said.

“Clarke, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We might have better luck sending the guards through the woods, they have to be near.” Luna suggested.

“Let’s just go a little further.”

The further away they got the faster Clarke lost hope, she thought the plan world but it clearly wasn’t. They had been driving for almost an hour and still nothing.

“Wanheda, is it ok if we pull over for a second? The engines making some noises it should be nothing but I should check it just in case.” The driver asked and Clarke nodded.

“That’s fine, we should turn around anyways.” Clarke sighed. The driver quickly got out and opened the hood of the rover.

“What are you doing?” Raven asked.

“We’ve been driving for an hour and still nothing, this obviously wasn’t a good idea. I’m sorry I dragged you guys into this stupid plan.” Clarke felt tears welling up in her eyes, nothing was going as planned and even though she’s faced much worse she now has so much more to lose. The reality is something she’s always known; she can’t save anyone.

“Are you sure?” Luna asked.

“Radio Monty have the guards search the woods; your idea was better anyways.”

“Clarke…” The radio interrupted before the girl could finish.

“Guys, listen you need to get out of there.” They could hear the panic in his voice.

“Monty, what’s going on?” Before he could respond they heard gunshots in the distance.

“They noticed the guards in the woods, they captured two of them but the other two escaped we don’t have eyes on them, we think they’re trying to kill Clarke before they’re caught.”

“I’ll get the driver.” As Clarke turned, there was a loud shot at the front of the rover, then a large bang against the door.

Luna and Echo grabbed their swords while Clarke and Raven went for their guns, they waited for the attack but nothing happened.

“That shot sounded really close.” They tried to peer out the front but the hood was blocking the view.

“I can’t hear the driver.” Clarke said.

“Wait, do you smell that?” Raven nose scrunched; the smell grew in strength even after a few moments.

“Smoke.” Clarke said watching the front of the Rover go up in flames.

“Shit, the door is jammed.” Raven pushed on the back door but it didn’t give.

Echo and Luna rushed to help Raven with the door but there was no hope, it wouldn’t open.

“They must’ve blocked the door with something from the outside.” Luna said.

Every second that passed the hotter it got; they were trapped in this tin box with no escape. The doors were blocked, starting the car was out of the question and all Clarke could think was how this was her fault. She pushed for this plan to happen, they were going to die and it was her fault. Her baby would never know the love her moms have for her. She would never see Lexa again.

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke cried. “I should’ve never brought you guys out here.”

“Dry your tears Sky Girl we are not dying today.” Luna grunted while trying to kick the door open.

“Monty, if you can hear us, we need help. The rover is on fire and we’re trapped.” Raven tried the radio but no one replied. “Shit.”

“Stand back.” Raven pointed her gun at the lock on the door. She shot it three times but nothing.

The air was getting thicker with smoke and the fire was spreading, there was no one they could get out of here.

“What do we do?” Echo asked.

That was the question everyone asked but what could they do? Any minute this car could fill with flames and they would be dead.

“This is my fault.” Clarke mumbled. “Lexa told me not do this but I did it anyways just to prove a point and now I’m going to get us all killed. And my baby...” She could feel herself slipping away, she could hardly breath.

“Clarke keep your eyes on me, you need to stay awake.” Luna shook the girl. “Clarke!”

Darkness. That’s all Clarke could remember, when she opened her eyes, she was in her room at Polis with oxygen flowing up her nose. It took her eyes a minute to adjust but as she looked around her recognized one of the figures near her.

“Mom?” Clarkes voice was beyond strained.

“How do you feel honey?” Abby smiled at her daughter, stroking her hair.

“What happened? Raven, Luna and Echo, are they…” Clarke mind raced before she could even properly wake up. Her friends, no, her family could be dead because of her. “Oh my god the baby?”

“Clarke calm down.” Abby watched the girls pulse race on her machine. “Everyone is fine, the baby is fine you guys all inhaled a lot of smoke but luckily Bellemy got there in time.”

“How long have I been out?” Clarke asked, it was almost sunset.

“You’ve been drifting in and out, but the fire was yesterday morning.”

“I’ve been out for a day? I need to talk to Raven and Luna.” Clarke removed her oxygen before climbing out her bed.

“That’s fine, but there is someone else who might like to see you.” Abby smiled.

“She’s back?” Clarke asked nervously, she knew there was a possibility she’d be back early but facing her now seemed impossible. Lexa never wanted her to go through with this plan and after how it went, she knew would be mad.

“She arrived last night with the King.”

“I should go find everyone then.”

“Ok, but I’d like you to do breathing treatments before bed for the next couple of days.”

“Ok.” Clarke nodded, she walked down the halls first looking in Ravens room but she wasn’t there. So she walked down to the dining area.

“Clarke.” Raven smiled as she ran to hug her friend.

“I’m so sorry Rea.” Clarke could feel tears.

“Don’t.” Raven sighed. “I love you and I’m glad you’re ok. We’re all ok.”

“What happened?” Clarke walked towards the table where Luna, Max, Echo, Bellemy and Raven were sitting.

“We were trailing the rover but this idiot guard got too close, one of the Azgeda spies spotted him so they attacked us. We captured two of them, but the rover got a head of us and two of the spies disappeared. We could only assume they were going to finish the job. We tried to catch them but by the time we got there the rover was up in flames and your driver was dead.” Bellemy sighed.

“Did you catch the other two spies?” Clarke asked.

“We got one, the other is dead.”

“How did you get to us on time?”

“I was right behind the spy; you were only trapped in there maybe a couple of minutes but the fired was spreading quickly from the front of the rover. You guys were all out of it when I finally got the door open.” Bellemy said.

“It felt like we were in there so much longer than that.” Raven said.

“Are the spies talking?” Clarke asked.

“No one’s talked to them yet.” Luna said. “Lexa’s orders.”

Her name hung in the air that surrounded the blonde, she knew she was mad. Hell she wouldn’t blame her if she hated her forever. She put her friends in danger, her own baby could’ve died because of her stupidity.

“Where is she?” Clarke asked Luna.

“Her and Roan are in a meeting, their trying to find the best way to find Ontari and her supporters before anyone else gets hurt.”

“Did something happen?” Clarke asked.

“Ton DC was attacked early this morning, they caught a few of Ontari’s soldiers but she was nowhere to be found.” Luna said.

“O and Lincoln are there now helping the wounded.” Raven said.

“Is she mad?” Clarke looked to Luna; she knew if Lexa said something it would be to her.

“She’s worried.” Luna said.

“She’s way past worried.” A voice said from the door. Clarke didn’t have to turn around to know it was her, and under normal circumstances she would run into the girl’s arms and kiss her but after what’s she’s done, she couldn’t celebrate her return.

When she turned around, she took in the sight of her wife, she had her wild curly hair in two long braids and her swords steady by her side. She missed looking at the girl more than anything but her after everything that’s happened, she didn’t want to face Lexa, she couldn’t.

“Is everything ok?” Max asked.

“We’ve got a few search parties out, we think Ontari is staying near here.” Lexa replied.

“What about the spies? Have you talked to them yet?” Luna asked.

“We’ll talk about it later, right now I need time with Clarke.” Lexa said, no one hesitated before walking out of the room.

The silence that filled the room was louder than anything either of them could say and all Clarke could do was stare down at her hands. She could hear Lexa sitting in the chair across from her but she didn’t look up.

“Look at me Clarke.” Lexa said softly.

“I can’t.” Her voice cracking as she watched her tears fall onto her hands.

“Please.”

“I can’t stand to see the disappointment on your face, I can’t even bare to look at myself.”

“Clarke please look at me.” Lexa’s heart was breaking watching the blonde like this, of course she was mad when Luna radioed and told her what happened but that was nothing compared to the heartache and worry, she felt for her wife and their baby. “Baby please.” Lexa stood up from her seat and walked over to Clarke, she got on her knees and took her hands and wrapped them in her own. “Please.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke cried. “I understand if you hate me, I should’ve never put our baby in that situation.”

“I could never hate you, look at me Clarke.” Lexa unraveled their hands and grabbed Clarkes face forcing their eyes to meet. “I don’t care about anything else right now I just care that you both are alive and okay. You took a risk today getting into that rover but I know you believed in your plan, and I know you had the right intentions.”

“I should’ve listened to you; I should’ve listened to everyone but instead I tried prove I can do this without you but I clearly can’t.”

“We both need to listen to each other more.” Lexa whispered, as she rested her head against Clarke’s. “You were a great leader before you met me, you can’t lose faith now Skai Girl, not when you need it the most.”

“It’s my fault someone Is dead and Luna, Raven and Echo almost died because me. I can’t save anyone Lexa, I’m hopeless. The only thing I can lead people to seems to be death. My own baby…” Clarkes cries were getting harder to contain, just the thought of her own child dying because of her makes her sick.

Clarke couldn’t say anything, she just let the tears roll down her face. This wasn’t the first time she’s almost died but it was the first time it mattered to her. She needed to be here for her baby and her wife and for herself.

“Our baby is a fighter, Abby told me everything is ok.”

“I still shouldn’t have out her in that situation.”

“What’s done is done Clarke, the only thing I care about is that you guys are alive and healthy.”

“What if she finds out about today when she’s older? She’s going to find out all the horrible things I’ve done and hate me.” Clarke sighed. “I hate me, how could she love me? How could you?”

Lexa watched as Clarke was unraveling and she didn’t know what to do. She hated hearing her talk about herself this way, she hated that she didn’t know how amazing she is.

“I can’t even find the words to tell you how much I love you Clarke, I know who you are the real you. You’re this brave, compassionate, selfless, beautiful women who has saved me more time than you know. So you want to know how I could love you. It’s one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to in my life and I won’t ever stop, I can’t.” Lexa wiped the tear from Clarkes red cheeks. “And when our daughter gets here, she’ll love you because she’ll know the real you like I do, and she’ll understand all things you did were to keep others safe and she’ll love you even more for it.”

Clarke didn’t reply instead she just leaned into to Lexa soaking up her smell that she was deprived of the last few days. She never wanted to leave her side again.

“Now get up and let’s fight this like we’ll do everything for the rest of our lives. Together.” Lexa held out her hand waiting for the blonde to take it. “We can do anything together Clarke. Believe in me and believe in yourself.”

Clarke put her hand into Lexa’s and watched the girl smile.

“I missed you more than I can describe.” Clarke cried into her wife’s shoulder and she pulled her closer. “I can’t do this without you.”

“I’m always with you Clarke. Always.”

“I love you.”

“It’s impossible to find words to tell you how much I love you Skai girl.”

After Lexa finally got Clarke calm, she carried her upstairs to their room so she could rest. They didn’t talk much they just laid and reveled in being in each other’s arms.  
Before long it was dark, she knew Clarke didn’t want to be around people so Lexa had their dinner brought up to the room.

“You have to eat.” Lexa sighed watching Clarke move her food around with the fork.

“I need to ask you something.” Clarke looked up from her food.

“Ok.”

“When Luna told you what happened, were you mad?”

There was a long pause before Lexa cleared her throat mustering up a reply.

“I was beyond mad; I shouldn’t have left you here. I was mad at myself and I was mad at you for not listening to me but after a second, I couldn’t be mad anymore. I was just worried, no I was scared loosing you isn’t an option for me Clarke. I could’ve lost everything and that was my main concern. So yes I was mad but my worrying outweighs how mad I was.” Lexa sighed. “Now eat.”

Clarke didn’t say a word instead she listened and ate her food, she wanted Lexa to be mad at her. She needed someone to be mad at her but no one was.  
After a few minutes, a knock at the door took Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Enter.” Lexa yelled.

“I’m here to give Clarke her breathing treatment and I wanted to see you. Raven said you were out of your meeting.” Abby carried her equipment to the bed and hugged Lexa.

Their relationship started out rocky but now Lexa considered her the closest thing she’s had to a mom in a long time. “How is everything?”

“With Roan working with us I’m hoping we’ll get Ontari soon, we’ve sent more guards to the villages near just in case another attack happens. I’ll question the spies tomorrow and see if we can get any information from them. I’m hoping we will.”

“Well I have faith that you two can get us through this war. You always do.” Abby smiled. “How about we start with thirty minutes Clarke.” Abby handed her the oxygen mask while she set up her tank.

“Ok.” Clarke replied. The oxygen felt nice and for the most part she zoned out Lexa’s and Abby’s conversation until Lexa asked about the baby.

“If Bellemy hadn’t gotten there on time the smoke inhalation could’ve done some serious damage. I checked the baby’s vitals as soon as they brought Clarke in and everything was normal, I would like to run some additional test tomorrow though just to be thorough.”

“I’ll bring her down in the morning.” Lexa said. “How much further along does she have?”

“I would say about 13 more weeks, she’s about 6 months along now.”

“In 13 weeks I can hold my little girl.” Lexa smiled, squeezing Clarkes hand.

“Have you guys thought of any names?”

“We’ve thrown around a few but we’re still looking for the perfect one. How did you pick Clarkes name? I’ve never heard that name before.”

“Well me and Jake discussed many names but once she was born, we decided on Clarke, named after Jakes ancestor who was from the ground before the bombs. He was an engineer for the Ark and a big part of figuring out our oxygen supply and how we kept of technology running. Jake idolized him so we picked Clarke to honor him.”

“We considered naming her after a family member but we decided giving her a new name would be good.”

“Whatever you come up with will be great.” Abby smiled. “Alright thirty minutes are up.”

“Thanks Abby.” Lexa smiled.

“I’ll see you two tomorrow morning, get lots of rest. Both of you.” Abby hugged both girls before leaving.

“How do you feel?” Lexa asked Clarke.

“I’m fine.” Clarke tried to force a smile. “I think I’m going to take a bath.”

Without another word Clarke walked to their bathroom. It was an understatement to say that Lexa was worried about her wife.

After an hour of Clarke being in the bath, she finally surfaced from the bathroom with a blue silk dress that showed off her belly bump perfectly. She laid on the bed and watched Lexa at their small table reading a book.

“Come to bed.” Clarke looked at her wife, she looked beyond exhausted.

“I’ll change quickly then join you.” Lexa started walking to the bathroom but Clarke’s hands stopped her.

“You look tired, how about I do that for you.” Clarke started with her swords then unbuttoned her shirt throwing it on the floor.

“Clarke.” Lexa knew where this was leading and although she would never turn Clarke down, she knew she wasn’t in the right state of mind.

“You have way too much clothes on.” Clarke stared at her wife’s bare chest and started unbuckling her pants.

“Clarke you should rest, you were just in a fire yesterday. You need to take it easy.”

“I don’t want to think about that.” Clarke sighed. “Can you please just make me forget?” Clarke watched Lexa’s face as she slipped her hand into her pants, she could feel her growing in her hands. “I know you want this, please Lexa I need you.”

Lexa wanted to refuse; this isn’t what Clarke needed right now. She needed rest and emotional support but Lexa’s body was betraying her.

“Clarke.” She couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her mouth, she watched Clarke get down on her knees pulling her pants down along with her.

“Shh, just let me take of you.” Clarke smiled as she dropped to her knees admiring how hard Lexa was for her.

Lexa watched as Clarke swirled her tongue around her full length, she stared her wife in all as she took the full length in her mouth. “Look at me.” Lexa watched those big blue eyes stare into her soul. “You’re amazing.”

“Only for you Heda.” Clarke smirked her hands stroking faster and faster.

“Get on the bed.” Lexa ordered, Clarke didn’t hesitate, allowing her dress to fall as she went to laid down. “You’re so beautiful.” Lexa admired Clarkes full breasts that she loved, and her beautiful bump that was on full display. She only wanted her more seeing her like this. “Spread your legs.” Clarke loved obeying Lexa, in the sexual manor that is so she did as she was told. She knew she was dripping by now.

“God Clarke, you’re so wet.” Lexa ran her fingers through the wet folds but it wasn’t enough.

“Lexa, please I need you inside me.” Clarke moaned while Lexa slid her fingers inside of her.

“Like this?” Lexa teased.

“I need more.” Clarke begged; Lexa added another finger. “No, Lex please I need you.”

Lexa smiled; her fingers have never been enough for Clarke so she slowly slid herself inside the blonde.

“You’re so big Lexa.” Clarke moaned as Lexa stroked faster. “Fuck.” Although Clarke was in pure ecstasy, something felt off.

Lexa watched in awe as Clarkes body moved under her, god she looked so good under her.

“Your holding back.” Clarke breathed.

“I’m not.” She was, usually their sex was wild and crazy but with her pregnancy and the fact that she was just in a fire, she wanted to be careful.

“I’m not as fragile as you think.” Clarke rolled her eyes, Lexa still lingering on top of her. “Do you even want to do this or are you just doing it because I want to?”

“Really Clarke? Clearly I want you.” Lexa sighed, moving to the edge of the bed.

“Then what’s going on?” Clarke moved towards Lexa hugging her from behind.

“There’s a lot going on Clarke.”

“I know, and I’m sorry that I added to your stress.”

Clarke watched as Lexa put her head in her hands, Lexa always had a lot on her mind but his was different. After a second, she heard the girl sniffle.

“Lex.” Lexa didn’t cry often but, it broke Clarkes heart every time she did.

“I thought I lost you.”

“Lex—”

“No Clarke, I thought you were dead even if it was for a split second it scared me to death. I never want to feel that again.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke murmured, wrapping her arms tighter around the girl. “Look at me.”

Lexa hated crying, not only was she punished for it as a child but every time she cried, she felt weak. She felt powerless and she hated that, but now she just felt sad and she needed to let Clarke in so she turned around to the still naked Blonde and looked at her.

“I love you and I’m so sorry that I put you through that if I could undo it I would. I hate that I made you feel like this but I need you to know that you could never loose me even if you tried.”

“I’ll never try.”

“We’ll see how you feel when the hormones take over and I’m being a bitch to you.” Clarke smiled; she knew no matter what she did Lexa would love her regardless.

“Well in that case I might as well kick you out now.” Lexa smiled.

“Did I just get a joke out of you?” Clarke faked a surprised look which made Lexa laugh.

“Only you can make me laugh and cry in the span of thirty seconds Skai Girl.” Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde.

“That’s what I’m here for.” She smiled. “I’ve been thinking after what happened I should take I step back. I still want to help as much as I can but I think my main focus should be keeping our baby girl healthy.” Clarke knew she would hate being on the sidelines but this was what was best for the baby and Lexa’s peace of mind. She couldn’t have her being worried about her while they had real enemies out there.

“I like that idea.” Lexa kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry I ruined our moment.”

“You didn’t ruin it; the truth is I knew you would want to talk eventually so I needed a distraction from you and my thoughts. You opening up and telling me how you feel will always be better than sex. Honestly talking is something we need more of.”

“I agree.”

“Good, now get over here and cuddle me because it’s been almost four day since I’ve gotten to fall asleep in your arms and I missed it.” Lexa wasted no time laying behind Clarke with her arms wrapped tightly around her baby bump.

“I love you Clarke.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come!


	30. What happens in the Throne Room....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiiiiiiii! enjoy

The next morning went by swiftly, after getting checked by Abby, Clarke joined everyone in the training yard. She herself wasn’t training but she liked to watch the Nightblood’s and any other citizens spar.

When she arrived today Raven was there along with Luna who seemed to be teaching her how to fight. She walked by the girls and joined max who was seated near a clearing watching the girls.

“Hi.” Clarke greeted her brother-in-law.

“Clarke.” Max nodded not giving her much attention. Even though they haven’t been here long Clarke could tell Max didn’t like her much. He never really held much of a conversation with her beside pleasantries, so she didn’t know why he hated her.

“I owe you an apology, I understand if your mad at me for the fire situation. I know Luna means the world to you and my negligence almost cost her, her life so I’m sorry.”

Max paused for a second and stared at the girl.

“Luna does mean the world to me, so I appreciate your apology even though it’s unnecessary. It wasn’t you fault things fell through plus you guys are alive and that’s all that matters.”

“So, you don’t hate me? I mean besides this situation it just seemed like you hated me.”

“I don’t hate you Clarke, I’m sorry if I’ve come off a little cold but it’s strange being back here. When I left my sister wasn’t this fearless leader that everyone loved, she was just my little sister with the special blood. Now that I’m back she’s older with a family and an amazing legacy and I just hate that I missed that.” Max sighed.

“I’m sure Lexa felt that way about you as well. Even though you guys won’t get that time back there’s still time to make new memories together now. I know it may not seem like the best time to do that, but we have to take every moment we get.” Clarke smiled. “I know Lexa is ecstatic to have you guys back, and even though we’ve just met I’m glad you guys are back too.”

“You’re very good with words Clarke, she’s lucky to have you.”

“I’m the lucky one, Lexa’s saved me more times than I can count.”

“I’m glad she found someone; I remember hearing about Costia. I hated I couldn’t be here for her during that.” Max sighed.

“Did you know her well?”

“After Lexa was brought to Polis is would visit her pretty often, it’s how I met Luna. During my visits I would notice Lexa and costia spending time together but me and her only shared a few conversations. Even then I knew how Lexa felt about her.”

“What was she like before she became the commander?”

“She was so many things but if I had to pick one thing, I’d say she was very hilarious.” Max laughed. “Ever since she was a kid, she’d been a jokester, during training her and Luna always pulled pranks on the other kids. Titus hated it of course but it was always funny.”

“Titus hates everything.” Clarke laughed.

“That is absolutely true, but he also never liked that Luna and Lexa were friends. He said there was no point in it since they would have to kill each other one day. He did everything he could to make them hate each other but it never worked, they always stuck together.”

“That’s what true friends do.” Luna smiled joining her husband and Clarke.

“I see you’ve worn out my friend.” Clarke pointed to Raven who was laying in the grass dripping in sweat.

“She asked me to train her, I told her I wouldn’t hold back.” Luna smirked. “How are you Skai girl? Lexa didn’t give you too much of a hard time, did she?”

“She didn’t give me a hard time at all actually.”

“I told you she was just worried.”

“I wanted to thank you for indulging my idea even when you knew it would turn out terribly.”

“Clarke, I didn’t think it would turn out terribly I just wanted you to be careful.” Luna flashed a warm smile.

“Either way I’m sorry I almost got you killed.” Clarke sighed.

“You don’t owe any of us an apology Clarke, I know it was your plan, but it wasn’t your fault. If you want to blame someone blame Ontari and her spies, we were lucky but there are people actually dying. We need to focus on that, so stop apologizing because none of us blame you.”

“Fine, but still thanks for being here for me.”

“Your welcome Skai girl.” Luna smiled.

“Clarkeeee!!!” Raven whined still laying in the grass. “I think I’m dying; everything hurts!”

“I should get her inside; I’ll see you guys later.”

Clarke walked over to Raven grabbing her throwing one of her arms around her neck.

“You know I’m pregnant right, you’re going to have to help me out here. I can’t support all your weight.”

“Are you really calling me fat right now while I’m already on my death bed.” Raven dragged her body beside Clarke as they entered the tower.

“Even though I know you want me to tell you that your body is bangin just to give your ego a boost I will anyways. Raven your body is bangin.”

“It never hurts to hear someone say it.” Raven smirked.

“Clarke? Raven are you alright?” Lexa asked approaching them with a confused look.

“Your friend Luna attacked me.”

“What?” Lexa asked with a furious look on her face, even though Raven and her had their issues they still cared for one another and she wasn’t ok with anyone attacking the girl. “Where is she?”

“Lexa calm down over dramatic here means to say Luna was training her.” Clarke nudged her friend.

“But it was nice to know you care sexy Lexi.” Raven smirked.

“Of course, I care Raven, but if you no longer want to train with Luna, I’d be happy to take over.” Lexa smiled.

“No!” Raven yelled, which turned a few heads. “I mean Luna’s fine I’m just out of shape, now if you don’t mind, I’m going to crawl to my room and die peacefully.”

“I can help.” Clarke called after the girl whose limp was worsened by workout.

“No, you’re pregnant you shouldn’t be supporting all my weight.” Raven said mocking Clarke’s words.

“That’s very considerate of you.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Love you princess.” Raven called disappearing down the hall.

“So sexy Lexi are you busy right now?” Clarke turned her attention to the brunette.

“I was just heading to meet Roan; we’re questioning the spies today.” Lexa watched the blonde face turn sour.

“Oh.” That was all Clarke could conjure up.

“Would you like to join us?”

“I thought I was stepping back.”

“You are I just thought I would give you the option.”

“Well I think I’ll pass, I actually wanted to ask if I could go to the house. I know we can’t stay there yet but I’d like to grab a few things.”

“Ok, if you want to wait for me, I’ll join you.” Lexa suggested.

“No, it’s ok, your busy and it will just take me a minute.”

“Ok.” Lexa said, looking behind Clarke seeing Alix walking up to them. “Take Alix.”

“Take Alix where?” Alix smiled walking up to the girls.

“I just need to stop by our house to get a few things.” Clarke answered.

“Well let’s go, I was coming to see you anyways.”

“I’ll see you soon.” Lexa kissed the girls head.

“Where’s she going?” Alix asked.

“They’re questioning the spies today.”

“Oh, and you didn’t want to be there?”

“Right now, my wants aren’t important.” Clarke sighed.

“Of course, they are.”

“I just mean taking a step back is what I need, even if it isn’t what I want.”

“I understand that.” Alix grabbed the blonde hand as they walked in the woods. “I’m glad you’re ok by the way. Elena and Theo have been begging to see you since they found out what happened.”

“How are they?”

“Ever since the attacks started, training time has been doubled so they’ve been worried about that.”

“Have you been worried?” Clarke turned to the girl.

“You know I’m always worried.”

“I know but I also know your kids and they’re always cautious.”

“I wish they didn’t have to be cautious.” Alix sighed.

“Me too.” Although Clarke didn’t know everything about the conclave, she was curious why people with such rare blood would kill each other for leadership. She knew Lexa was working on some sort of change for Nightblood’s but that was on the backburner until they beat their newest battle.

Clarke hadn’t been to her and Lexa’s house since the day after their wedding almost a week ago. Everything was how they left it thanks to the 24-hour guards watching over it.

Entering her room, she hadn’t realized how much she missed her little home. The tower wasn’t bad, but this was her and Lexa’s space away from everything.

“You ok?” Alix asked.

“Yeah, I just.” Clarke paused for second. “I just don’t have any clothes that fit.”

“I know how that feels, how about we stop by Tara’s shop.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I just need to grab a few more things.”

After getting some art supplies from her room she went into the baby room for a few books. She grabbed Lexa’s favorite Greek mythology book and a few other books to keep her busy.

As her and Alix walked back to the tower her mind drifted to Lexa. Her mind wouldn’t let her think of anything else, she wanted to know what the spies were saying. Of course, she could just ask the girl but she wanted to be there by her side.

“We haven’t been gone long I’m sure she’s still down there.” Alix said as if she had just read Clarkes mind. “I know you’re thinking about it.”

“I’m just curious.”

“So then let’s go down there.” Alix suggested.

Clarke wanted to go, she wanted to face the people who tried to kill her not only once but twice. She needed to.

“Fine, let’s go.”

As Clarke and Alix walked into the building, they were greeted by guards who escorted them to the dungeons where they kept the prisoners. When they got to the door Clarke stopped hearing Lexa’s voice.

“Wait, can we just listen from here.” Clarke looked at Alix. “I don’t think I want to go all the way in.”

“Of course.”

“How long have you been working for Ontari?” A male voice Clarke could assume was Roan asked.

“I wouldn’t call it working for her.” Someone replied.

“You are here doing her bidding; I would classify that as working for her.” Lexa said.

“It’s never that simple in Azgeda, you should know that better than anyone Roan.”

“Are you saying you don’t have a choice?”

“I’m saying there is nothing I can tell you that would help.”

“Then you’ll die sooner than I anticipated.” Lexa said plainly. “Let’s talk to the other one.”

There was shuffling down the halls before anyone else spoke.

“Where is Ontari?” Roan asked the next spy.

“Even if I knew I wouldn’t tell a traitor like you.”

“If you want to live then you should.” Roan replied.

“I’m not naïve, none of us will live no matter the information we give you.”

“Then you have nothing to say?” Lexa asked.

“You’ll all be dead soon, including the sky girl. My death will be validated with your deaths.” The spy smiled.

“The only person dying is Ontari, maybe I’ll even let you live long enough to see me slit her throat.” Lexa smiled which only made the spy angrier.

“This was useless.” Clarke could hear the voices getting closer to the door.

“Did you really think they would tell us anything?” Lexa asked opening the door.

“I didn’t have much expectations honestly.”

“Clarke?” Lexa stared at her wife and Aunt, at first glance it looked like there were sneaking to hear what was going on.

“Clarke, good to see you again.” Roan said to the blonde.

“You as well.”

“What are you doing?

“I was going to come in.” Clarke said. “I just wanted to hear what they were saying without seeing them.”

“Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to hear.” Lexa sighed.

“So, what’s your next move?” Clarke asked.

“At this moment? Eat dinner with my family.” Lexa smiled. “Training should almost be over right?”

“Yes, I’ll go collect my children then join you guys.” Alix said.

“It’s a little early for dinner.” Clarke said, it couldn’t be no later than 5 o’clock and they usually ate around sunset.

“I’m enforcing a curfew, until we find Ontari I don’t think it’s wise for people to be roaming Polis.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

“Roan would you like to join us?” Lexa asked.

“Eat dinner with your family?” Roan asked confusingly.

“Yes, you do eat right?” Lexa raised her eyebrow, her sarcasm taking Roan by surprise.

“Another joke, wow Lexa you’re really on a roll.” Clarke whispered in the girl’s ear causing her to smile.

“Of course, I eat I just mean are you sure you want me to join you?”

“Why not, it’s fine with you right?” Lexa turned to Clarke.

“Of course.”

“Then let’s go eat.” Lexa motioned towards the dining area.

When they arrived, everyone was waiting for them. Lexa loved that she had this many people in her life that she cared about. In the past this would’ve been something that she feared because the more people she cared about the more she had to lose. This time around though she didn’t plan on losing anyone.

During dinner one mentioned what was happening around them, they didn’t talk about the attacks and they didn’t mention Ontari. Instead they enjoyed each other’s company, even Roan seemed to be having a good time.

After dinner Clarke decided to go to the library while Lexa finished up with Roan. She was tired of sitting around even though it was her choice, she needed to be useful. So instead of doing nothing she decided to read up on the conclave.

If there was even the slightest chance her baby could have the blood she wanted to be prepared, and even if she wasn’t, she owed it to Alix to try and help.

There weren’t many books on anything that happened after the bombs which she expected. She had hoped there would be handwritten notes or even journals detailing how trikru had built their society, but she couldn’t find anything.

“Wanheda.” A voice called behind Clarke.

When she turned around, she found Titus lingering by the door with his one expression he always sports.

“Titus.” To say the man doesn’t like her would be an understatement but at the very least since her and Lexa’s ceremony he did respect her.

“Heda would like you to join her in the throne room.”

“Ok, thank you. I’ll put these away and I’ll be right down.” Titus nodded before walking back down the hall.

After Clarke put all her books away, she walked downstairs to the throne room where Lexa, Roan, Abby, and Kane were waiting. Seeing them all together gave a her a bad vibe, the only reason they all would be talking would be if something happened.

“You wanted to see me?” Clarke tried to read Lexa’s face, but it was blank, she had her mask on. Something was wrong. “What happened?”

“Arkadia was attacked.” Kane replied.

“When?” Clarke knew this wasn’t good, half the Arkadia citizen were still in Polis from the wedding but the other half was at the camp.

“In the past hour or so. When we came here for the wedding, I left Miller in charge of the guard. He radioed us not long ago letting us know what happened.”

“Is anyone hurt?” Clarke asked but she didn’t need an answer, Kane’s face said it all.

“We don’t have exact numbers but from what I was told they tried to set the camp on fire. They started with the guard shack and it spread to housing quarters, it collapsed before anyone could escape. We don’t know who was all in there yet.” Clarke could see the heartbreak in Abby and Kane’s eyes, she knew they would blame themselves for not being there even if there was nothing they could do.

“We’re heading back to Arkadia tonight.” Abby said.

“Can’t you wait until morning what if they attack while you travel?”

“Our people need us Clarke, they need their Leader. Everyone is scared and the wounded need reinforcements.”

“When do you leave?”

“Now, we wanted to let you know what was happening before we left.” Abby said.

“After you’ve cared for your wounded you must bring them to Polis.” Lexa said.

“That’s very kind Commander but we’ve imposed enough.” Kane replied.

“Your people are my people Chancellor; we have plenty of room. Once they are here and safe, we will discuss rebuilding Arkadia. I promise you Ontari will pay for this.”

“Thank you, Commander, hopefully we’ll be back in a few days.” Kane nodded. “I’ll wait for you in the rover.” Kane said to Abby who nodded.

“Be safe.” Clarke looked at her mother trying to memorize everything about her, and she hated herself for it. She didn’t want to think this was the last time she would see her mother, but it was a possibility.

“Take care of yourself, both of you.” Abby said as Lexa stood beside Clarke.

“We will.” Lexa offered a smile.

“We’ll see each other soon.” Abby hugged both girls before heading outside to the rover. Clarke wanted to follow but she couldn’t, watching that rover drive away would only make this worse.

“Are you ok?” Lexa asked Clarke who stood staring at the door. “They’ll be fine.”

“How do you know that.”

“I don’t.” Lexa sighed. “But I have faith and you should too.”

“I’m trying to.” Clarke felt like she was losing, this battle has been one sided. They haven’t attacked anyone, yet their people kept dying. “We have to do something.”

“We’re trying, but until we locate Ontari and her army there’s nothing we can do.” Lexa exhaled.

“You can’t hide an army; they have to be here somewhere.” Clarke was beyond frustrated; more people were going to die if they didn’t figure this out.

“Ontari planned this well Clarke.” Roan replied, who up until this point Clarke forgot was there. “She has allies and people willing to help her whether that’s out of fear or loyalty.”

“So, we find her allies, anyone who is helping her has to have been loyal to Nia. What clans were willing to follow her?” Clarke asked.

“They all were the day they voted against me.” Lexa said.

“My mother had more enemies than allies, none of the clan leaders liked her they feared her. Voting against her would’ve been a death wish on their clans, so they voted against Lexa because they thought they were doing right by their people. I can’t imagine they’d betray Lexa now for Ontari who has no real power.” Roan said.

“So, then they wouldn’t be able to hide within the clans, there has to be somewhere else they could be.” She needed to figure this out.

“They’re out there somewhere and we will figure it out, but now I need to get you to bed. We’ll discuss tomorrow with a fresh mind.” Lexa said.

“I’m fine Lexa, it’s not that late.”

“Well what if I’m tired?”

“It has been a long day, maybe with a good night’s rest we’ll uncover something we missed.” Roan added.

“Fine.” Clarke sighed.

“Goodnight Roan.”

“Commander, Wanheda.” Roan nodded before leaving the room.

“Everything will be ok Clarke.” Lexa said pulling Clarke into her lap trailing kisses down her arms.

“How can you always be so positive.” Clarke sighed leaning back into the girl as they both sat on her throne.

“Worrying achieves nothing, it’s my job to fix everything and I can’t do that if I’m worrying about what could go wrong.”

“I wish I could do that.”

“We keep each other grounded, you worry, and I assure you that we’ll figure it out.” Lexa smiled.

Clarke lifted herself enough to throw one of her legs around Lexa straddling her.

“I love you.” She pressed their lips together.

“I love you too.” Lexa smiled.

“I might need you to tire me out though, I’ve had a pretty uneventful day so I’m full of energy.” Clarke smirked.

“Here?” Not that she was opposed to it, but Lexa was surprised.

“Yes, I want you to take me on your throne Heda.” Lexa groaned at the big blue eyes staring back at her.

“What if someone walks in?” Lexa asked amused at Clarkes smirk.

“I’ll kill them.” Clarke smirked, feeling Lexa already getting hard beneath her.

“As you wish Wanheda.” Lexa smirked.

She should’ve known the moment Clarke flashed her lust filled eyes at her she couldn’t refuse, and she didn’t want to. She swiftly grabbed the blonde’s body carefully switching places with her so Clarke was sitting.

Eager Clarke quickly ripped her pants off spreading her legs. Lexa could feel herself growing just looking at Clarkes dripping center.

“You’re always so wet for me.” Lexa ran two fingers through the wet folds earning a moan from the blonde. She couldn’t resist the urge of running her tongue through the wetness, it had been so long since she tasted Clarke and she needed it.

“Fuck Lexa.” Clarke’s hand found Lexa’s head pushing her face into her. “Right there.”

Lexa made sure to hold eye contact with the blonde while she was in between her legs. The look In Clarkes eyes only made her harder.

She stopped her mouth for a second wanting to add a finger, but Clarke stopped her.

“No, I need you.” The urgency in her voice made Lexa remove her pants in one swift motion. Her length already too it’s full height.

Seeing Lexa’s dick made Clarke shiver, it was by far the biggest she ever seen and knowing it was only hers turned her on even more.

“I want on top.” Clarke said and Lexa nodded picking the girl up connecting their lips before sitting back down in her throne. She made sure Clarke could taste herself as their lips met again.

Wasting no time Lexa slid herself into Clarke a loud moan escaping her, she was sure the whole damn tower heard but she didn’t care.

“Oh my god Clarke, feels so good.” Lexa moaned again into Clarkes ear, pushing herself deeper into Clarke.

“Fuck…. Only for you Lex.” Clarke could barely get the words out as Lexa started thrusting faster. She knew Lexa could go harder but it didn’t feel like she was holding back this time. Although they usually were rough, she loved this just as much because she knows Lexa cares about not hurting her.

As Clarke rode Lexa she knew she would never be able to sit in this chair again without thinking of this moment. The way Clarkes boobs were bouncing above her and the pure look of ecstasy on the blonde’s face fulfilled her in ways she never knew possible.

Clarke could feel herself tightening up and she knew she would last much longer.

“Harder.” Clarke screamed louder than she wanted but she didn’t care. Lexa grabbed her waste increasing her speed, she could feel Clarke tightening and she knew she wasn’t far behind.

Clarke’s breaths quickened as Lexa reached her hand down to the blondes throbbing clit, she began rubbing as she thrusted harder.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Lexa!” She arched her back leaning into to every thrust as she felt herself clenching up.

“Come for me Clarke.” Lexa couldn’t stand it anymore, but she wanted Clarke to finish first. As she felt her juices explode around her, she knew it wouldn’t be long.

“Fuck Lexa, come inside me please! I need you.” Clarke moaned barley able to hold herself up anymore.

Lexa pushed their chests together thrusting harder absorbing every moan Clarke made.

“You feel so good.” Lexa moaned.

“Only for you Heda.” Clarke screamed not holding back how good she felt. “I’m all yours.”

That pushed Lexa over the edge. “I’m so close Clarke.”

“Come for me Heda.” Her inner walls clenched around Lexa’s dick as she felt the gushes of cum fill up her insides. Clarke was sure this was her favorite feeling.

As she lifted herself off of Lexa, she felt her come dripping down her thighs which made her shiver. She dropped down to her knees and took Lexa’s come covered dick in her mouth.

Lexa gasped at the blonde whose lips were tightly wrapped around her dick. She watched in all as Clarke licked up every ounce of wetness on her still hard length.

“It’s been too long since I tasted you Heda.” Clarke moaned as she trailed kisses up Lexa’s stomach finally connecting their lips. “I love feeling you inside me.”

Lexa shivered at her words, if she weren’t sure the whole floor had just heard them, she would take Clarke again.

“I know, that’s how we ended up with this little one.” Lexa planted a kiss on Clarkes bump.

Clarke laughed kissing her wife.

“Did I succeed at tiring you out?” Lexa smirked.

“I’m pretty sure I won’t even be able to stand tomorrow.” Clarke laughed but stopped when she noticed Lexa’s reaction. “What is it?”

“I was too rough, what if I hurt the baby?”

“Lexa this was tame for us, you’re allowed to have sex during pregnancy I’m fine.” Clarke kissed the girl once more before putting her clothes back on. “Now let’s run to our room before someone notices how crazy we look.” Clarke laughed.

When they entered the halls it was silent, there were a few guards patrolling who avoided all eye contact with them as they walked. Clarke wanted to laugh so bad but she could see Lexa was embarrassed so instead they walked silently to their room.

Once they were there, they were there they cleaned themselves up and laid in bed.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Clarke said, cuddled into Lexa’s side.

“On no. Am I in trouble?” Lexa teased And Clarke nudged her.

“You wish.” She smiled before continuing, “I was wondering if there were any books written after the bombs. Whether it’s about the clans or records of past events, even handwritten journals. I looked in the library, but I couldn’t find anything.”

“The library is mostly filled with whatever books our ancestors recovered so it’s all old-world books. As for records you would have to talk to Titus, the Flamekeppa is responsible for making sure our history lives for future generations. I’ll ask him to share it with you, as for anything hand-written the only thing I have is from the first commander.”

“Really?” Clarke asked, she was surprised something like that would survive this long.

“Yes, she had many journals most of them I don’t understand but if you want you can read them.” Lexa suggested. “After my Ascension Day I knew all I needed to, the journals are just something we keep because it was hers.”

“Ascension Day?”

“After the Conclave, the new Commander must ascend, there are a lot of rituals but the only important one is getting approval from the spirits of the previous Commanders. Ultimately they choose the next commander.” Lexa said. “I know you’re skeptical of our ways, even I had my doubts but on my Ascension Day everything became clearer. It’s like I was meant for this, that’s the way it felt in that moment at least.”

“You are meant for this Lexa; I know you’ve lost a lot being Heda, but you’ve achieved so much greatness as well.”

“What’s this about?” Lexa asked. “I’m glad you want to learn more about us but is there some reason you want to read the records?”

“I just want to understand things better.” Clarke didn’t want to tell Lexa about wanting to change the conclaves rules yet. She wanted to have a solid solution before she brought it up.

“Well I’m glad you’re interested.” Lexa smiled. “I’ll have Titus show you the records tomorrow.”

“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.” Clarke leaned into the brunette, resting her head on her chest.

“He’s not as bad as he seems, annoying at time yes but he does mean well.”

“I know, honestly he’s lightened up on since the ceremony. We don’t talk much but when we do, he doesn’t sound as disgusted.” Clarke laughed.

“He’s set in his ways, one day he’ll come around. Now get some rest, I’ll have a warm bath ready for you in the morning just in case your sore.”

“Now that’s something to look forward to.” Clarke smiled.

“The last thing I need is for Raven to tease me about you’re not being able to walk.”

“She does love teasing you.” Clarke laughed.

The next morning true to her word Lexa had a bath ready for Clarke when she woke up. The brunette had already left to meet up with Roan so Clarke enjoyed her bath. Just as she expected her legs were very sore but she had suffered worse after a night with Lexa.

After getting dressed the blonde went to the training grounds to watch the Nightblood’s train. As she stared at them, she couldn’t help but wonder if they were scared. For the most part they were all young kids so it was hard imagining them killing each other. But she couldn’t think like that, if she could find a way to change this hopefully, they wouldn’t have to.

“Wanheda.” Clarke hadn’t even noticed Titus standing next to her.

“Hello Titus.”

“Heda tells me you want to read the records.” He said plainly.

“Yes, if that’s ok with you.”

“Even if it wasn’t Heda’s already allowed it.”

“Titus, I know I don’t know much, but I do know how that Flamekeeper’s respect and cherish their job. So if you don’t want me to see the records, I am ok with that, I’m giving you the choice.”

Titus paused for a moment staring at Clarke with squinted eyes.

“Follow me.” Titus said before walking towards the tower.

They walked to side of the building before taking some stairs to what Clarke could only describe as a basement.

When they entered the room their shelves of book lining the walls and a huge table taking up most of the room.

“This is my personal study, all the records we have are kept here.” Titus pointed to a stack of books.

“What are the other books?” Clarke asked.

“We use them to train our successors, the next Flamekeppa.”

“Would you mind if I read those too?”

“What is this about?” Clarke could tell Titus was trying to read her.

“I figured learning about Trikru culture would be a nice pass time while Lexa and Roan figured things out.”

It was obvious to Clarke that Titus didn’t accept that excuse, but he didn’t question her further which she was thankful for.

“Very well, I’ll leave you to it then.” Titus nodded.

“Titus.” Clarke said causing him to stop walking. “Thank you for allowing me in here.”

“I don’t expect you to read through those today so during Nightblood training you can come here.” Titus said before exiting the room.

“He’s such a sweetheart.” Clarke mumbled to herself.

Hours passed and Clarke had barely made it through two record books, the previous Flamekeeper’s were thorough when it came to keeping records. So far, she hadn’t found anything useful, it was mostly just recollecting battles, trading deals and clan feuds.

Clarke made a mental note to herself to bring a notebook with her tomorrow so she could write down anything important.

She decided to give up on the records and started reading the other books Titus had. When she picked the first one up, she noticed that symbol gracing it’s cover almost immediately. It was an exact copy of the Infinity tattoo Lexa had on her next covering a scar, but that wasn’t the only place she’s seen it. She felt like she had seen it before Lexa, but how is that possible.

When she opened the book the first page held a drawing of the infinity sign again inside distorted circle with wires coming out all over it. Under the drawing were the words ‘Allie 2 or The Flame”. ‘Goodbye for now’

Before Clarke could read any further, she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. When she turned, she found Lexa by the door smiling at her.

“Having fun?” Lexa asked.

“Well no offence Commander but your history is quite boring.” Clarke smiled.

“History often is, but it’s important.” Lexa replied. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet.” Clarke hadn’t been outside since Titus brought her down here which was a few hours ago at this point.

“Let’s go get some food, there are some things we need to discuss.”

“Oh no, am I in trouble?” Clarke teased; repeating Lexa’s words form the night before.

“Thankfully, you’ve managed to stay out of trouble the past few days.” Lexa smiled. “It’s actually about Arkadia.”

Clarke could feel her whole-body tense up. “My mom... is she”

“No Clarke she’s fine, they made it to Arkadia just fine.” Lexa could see the girl relax.

“Did something else happen?”

“In a way yes, let’s go upstairs so we can discuss it. I’ve asked the others to join us.”

Clarke tried to keep her calm as they walked to the throne room, she didn’t want to assume anything, but Lexa was being vague, and she didn’t know what to think.

When they got to the room Roan, Raven, Luna, Max, Octavia, Lincoln, Bellemy and Echo were waiting for them.

“You know what’s funny guys; I was walking past his very room last night and I heard the craziest noises.” Raven smirked as she watched Clarke and Lexa’s eyes double in size.

“Raven.” Clarke warned.

Everyone looked at them with confused faces trying to figure out what was going on.

“Clarke you look like you’re having some trouble walking are you ok?” Raven asked grinning ear to ear. She knew what she was doing.

“You’re so predictable you know that.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“You know what’s unpredictable?” Raven asked. “Lexa being a screamer! And don’t even get me started on the amount of times I heard Heda being screamed.”

Everyone looked mortified when they realized what Raven was saying.

“Oh my god.” Octavia couldn’t hold her laugh in. “OH MY GOD, in this room?”

“Probably on the throne too, that’s where I’d do it.” Raven smirked.

“Enough.” Lexa said. “If you’re done acting like children, we have actual problems to discuss.” She knew her whole face was red by this point but thankfully her paint did cover most of it.

“What’s going on?” Luna asked eager to change the subject.

“Kane radioed while me and Roan were meeting, as you know Arkadia was attacked last night so they returned home. When they arrived, they found half of their camp burned to ash. Abby says there weren’t many deaths and that the injured would recover.”

“That sounds there’s some good news.” Lincoln said.

“Yes, but there’s something else.” Lexa paused. “This morning they had a surprise visitor, Abby says it’s Jaha. He was also accompanied by a boy name Murphy and a woman named Emori.”

“Wait Jaha and Murphy are still alive?” Octavia asked.

“Am I the only one who forgot they existed?” Raven said.

“Who are these people?” Luna asked.

“Jaha was the chancellor on the ark and Murphy was a part of the 100.” Clarke answered. “But I don’t understand, why did they just show up at Arkadia all of a sudden.”

“Abby says Jaha claims to have knowledge about Ontari, and he also claims to have found the city of light.” Lexa said.

“The city of light?” Clarke asked. “What the hell is that?”

“A myth.” Max answered. “It’s not a real place.”

“Jaha is claiming that it is and he wants Skaikru to join him there.” Lexa said.

“What does Murphy have to say about all of this?” Bellamy asked.

“From what I understand he’s claiming he has nothing to do with Jaha.”

“So what is there next move?” Luna asked.

“Right now Abby and Kane are bringing the remainder of their camp to polis, Jaha has agreed to join them. Once he’s here we’ll question him.”

“Did he say what information he had about Ontari?”

“Apparently he wants to tell me personally.” Lexa said.

“What about Arkadia? Are they just abandoning it?” Raven asked, it wasn’t much but it was there home.

“Unfortunately, there isn’t much left, they’re bringing everything they could salvage in the rovers.” Lexa sighed.

“Wait, why would Jaha want to talk to you personally? He doesn’t even know you and I don’t trust him.” Clarke said.

“We met once, him and Kane were captured and brought to TonDC for questioning. He showed his true intentions when he attempted to kill me.” Lexa remembered the day clearly; she had been dressed as a commoner and they had no idea who she was.

“HE TRIED TO WHAT?” Clarke yelled catching everyone by surprise.

“It was rather entertaining honestly.” Lexa smiled; she loved that Clarke cared even though Jaha couldn’t come close to even scratching her.

“Calm down princess, if this giant couldn’t kill Lexa do you really think Jaha could come close.” Raven pointed to Roan who rolled his eyes.

Clarke didn’t care if Jaha could actually kill Lexa or not it’s the fact that he tried. This was the man responsible for so many deaths including her father. How can someone responsible for so much pain be unscathed by it all?

“Clarke?” Lexa nudged the girl. “Did you hear me?” Clarke had completely zoned out; she hadn’t heard anything for the last couple of minutes.

“No, sorry what did you say?”

“I said they should be here by tomorrow.”

“Ok.” She didn’t understand why he would want to talk to Lexa, and it worried her.

“When they get here, I’ll let you guys know more.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate it but isn’t this something you should talk with the ambassadors about? I mean why did you tell us?” Echo asked.

“The ambassadors have already been informed.” Lexa wanted to say because they’re her family with the exception of Echo and Roan of course. She wanted to tell them that she cared about them and she appreciated everything they’ve done, but instead she said, “You all deserve to know what’s going on, especially those who lived in Arkadia.”

“I can’t say I’ll miss it.” Octavia said, realizing how selfish that sounded knowing people had just died. “But I know it was home for you guys so I’m sorry.”

“It was never my home.” Clarke murmured.

“Arkadia is just a place, home can be wherever we make it.” Bellemy said.

“Aww Bell, that was so inspirational of you.” Raven teased.

“Shove it, Reyes.”

“What will happen with the rest of the Arkadian’s coming here?”

“For now they will join the others in the compound until we figure something out. I’ve already talked to Indra about finding them a new piece of land to rebuild on once this is over.”

“So what do we do until they get here with Jaha?”

“Nothing, the only thing we can do is wait.”

After discussing a few more things everyone left the room except for Lex and Clarke.

“Are you ok?” Lexa looked at the blonde. It had been a while since she talked.

“Fine, just processing everything.”

“If you’re worried about Jaha, don’t be. He’ll be locked up the whole time he’s here until we figure out what’s going on.”

“I want to kill him.” Clarke said not realizing she say it out loud.

“Clarke I’m fine, he’s not a threat trust me.”

“It’s not just about you Lexa, of course I hate that he tried to kill you, but he has already killed so many. And although my mother set his fate Jaha pulled that lever that killed my dad and I want him to pay for that. I want him die for everything he’s done to me to O and Bellemy to Raven, Finn everyone.”

“Then he will if that’s what you really want. I’ll kill him myself.”

Is that what she wanted? Will him dying make anything better? She’s killed enough to know that it won’t change anything. What he did will always be there even if he isn’t.

“I don’t know.” She whispered.

“Then we’ll figure it out as we go and, in the end, if that’s what you want, it’ll be done.”

“ok.”

“Would you like to join me for lunch?”

“I’ll meet you in there I just need to talk to Raven quickly.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe she heard us.” Lexa said, the redness creeping back to her cheeks.

“We were quite loud I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole tower heard.” Clarke smiled.

“I can’t even be in this room without thinking of it.”

“We could always go for round 2 later.” Clarke smirked.

“You would like that sky girl.”

“I really would.”

“Unfortunately, we can’t, the Natblida’s have a lesson in here.”

“Pity, I’ve been craving having you in my mouth all day.” Clarke whispered in the brunette’s ear sending chills down her spine.

“Am I interrupting?” Roan cleared his throat.

“What do you need Roan?” Lexa asked still looking at Clarkes mischievous blue eyes.

“The ambassadors have called a meeting; they’re waiting downstairs.”

“Send them up.” Roan nodded before walking away. “I really wish you hadn’t just said that. It’s bad enough I have to sit in that chair knowing all the things we did in it.”

“Now you have something to think of during your meetings.” Clarke smirked, kissing the brunette’s soft lips.

“Go eat without me.”

“I’d rather—”

“Please don’t finish that sentence, I’m already tempted to lock the doors and keep you in here all throughout the night.”

“Heda, I would love nothing more.” Clarke smirked, she loved teasing the girl. “You know how wet—”

“Clarke.” Lexa warned.

“I’m going, I’m going.” Clarke smiled kissing her one more time.

After leaving the throne room Clarke went looking for Raven who apparently disappeared of the face of the earth because she couldn’t find her anywhere. Eventually she ran into Octavia who before today she hadn’t seen since she left for Azgeda with Lexa.

“Hey princess.” Octavia hugged the girl. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, how are you?”

“Apart from everything going on I’m good.”

“I’m glad your back.”

“Me too, where are you headed?”

“I’m looking for Raven have you seen her?” Clarke asked.

“Not since the meeting, she’s probably hiding from Lexa.” Octavia laughed. “Which by the way, did you guys really have sex in there?”

“Octavia, I’m not discussing this.”

“So you totally did, good for you.”

“Anyways if you see Raven tell her I’m looking for her.”

“I will but she’ll probably think it’s about earlier.”

“It’s not, tell her it’s important.” The last thing on Clarkes mind was scolding Raven for her inappropriate comments. She needed to talk to her about the infinity symbol, she’s seen it somewhere before, but she doesn’t know where. If anyone would know it’s most likely Raven.

Clarke had given up looking for the girl after a while, instead she took some food up to her room and drew some sketches in her book. Drawing always helped her see clearly and clarity was exactly what she needed.

Three drawings in and she finally realized where she’s seen that symbol before, it was on the Ark. She couldn’t remember more than that, but she knew she’s seen it there. Now she definitely needed to talk to Raven.

She rushed to put her Art supplies away in hopes she’ll find Raven in her room. It was late but she didn’t care.

“Wow, where are you rushing off to?” Lexa examined Clarke rushing to put her things away.

“I need to talk to Raven.”

“You’ll have to wait until morning, it seems she is on what you Sky people call a date.”

Clarke couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face. She was happy her friend was dating and doing normal things.

“Besides did you really think I would let you get away with teasing me earlier?” Lexa still had her face paint on which added to the intimidated factor she was going for.

“I’m really sorry Heda.” Clarke smirked.

“I don’t think you are, but you will be.”

The way Lexa was looking at her right now made her forget how to even talk, she was beyond turned on. She loved the dominate side of her, submitting has never been her forte but for Lexa she’d submit in a heartbeat.

“It’s going to be a very long night Clarke, so I hope you’re not tired.”


	31. Go Die For Me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some medical stuff that's pretty poorly written because i know nothing!!! Enjoy

“Clarke, wake up.”

When Clarke opened her eyes, she was immediately bombarded with bright lights coming from their window. True to her word Lexa had indeed had a long night in store for her and she loved every minute of it.

With a lazy smile she laid in bed thinking everything the commander had done to her the night before. Thinking about it only made her want a repeat.

“Clarke.” A voice from the other side of the bed broke her from her thoughts.

When she turned around, she saw Abby staring at her.

“I’ve been trying to wake you for a while now.”

“You’re back.” Clarke smiled, rubbing her eyes as they attempt to adjust to the light.

“We got here about an hour ago.”

“Wait, what time is it?” Clarke sat her from her bed making sure to stay covered as she was still naked from her antics last night.

“A little past noon I would guess, Lexa said you would probably be sleeping in. Are you feeling ok?” Abby asked feeling the blonde forehead for a temperature.

“I feel fine, I just did a lot walking a stair climbing yesterday. I guess my back is still not used to the extra weight.” The was the first excuse she could think of, but Abby seemed to buy it.

“It should get easier over the weeks.” Abby smiled. “Anyways I just wanted to let you know we’re back.”

“Has Lexa spoken with Jaha yet?”

“No, I believe she is waiting for you.”

“Why does he want to talk to her directly?” Clarke still couldn’t understand why he wanted Lexa.

“Me and Kane wondered the same, honestly Clarke he seems very unhinged. He’s going on about this place where there’s no pain and no suffering. He called it the city of light, apparently he was all of us to join him there.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I don’t, but after the attack on Arkadia people are losing hope. He’s already started talking to people about joining him and I think they might.”

“Did he say where this supposed city is?”

“Not specifically but he claims taking one of the chips he has is the first step to getting there.”

“Chips?” The more Clarke knew the more it confused her.

“Like I said Clarke, mentally I don’t think he’s well.” Abby sighed.

“We’ll figure it out mom.” Clarke flashed a reassuring smile. “I’ll get dressed and join everyone downstairs.

“Ok, I’ll leave you to it.”

Clarke still hadn’t made the time to go get more clothes so she through on the loosest pants she could find and an oversized shirt. After brushing her hair a bit she headed downstairs.

“Indra, is Heda around?”

“She is in the dungeons waiting for you, I’ll escort you.” The women began walking together, it was silent but comfortable.

When they reached the dungeons Lexa, Abby and Kane were there talking.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked.

“We were just discussing housing for the Arkadian’s that arrived today.” Lexa answered. “We have rooms throughout the tower that can be occupied as well as empty rooms where the other Sky kru members are living.”

“I’ll make sure they’re situated Heda.” Indra says.

“Thank you, Indra, Kane you can join her if you like. A friendly face might help them settle better.” Lexa suggested.

“Lead the way.”

“I should go check on the wounded before they get roomed.” Abby says.

“Is it bad?”

“Mostly just burns and trivial injuries, nothing I can’t handle.” Abby smiled. “I’ll stop by when I’m finished.”

“You don’t have to come in with me if you don’t want.” Lexa turned to the blonde.

“I want to, lets go.” The door creaked loudly when she opened it.

Clarke had never fully been inside this room and she was glad she hadn’t. The walls were lined with torches and all Clarke could think about was how it looked like the typical dungeon from old movies she’s seen on the Ark.

“He’s this way.” Lexa turned the corner and walked the furthest possible down the hall.

When they stopped Clarke saw the man sitting silently with his eyes shut and his legs crossed. It seemed like he was meditating like she had seen Lexa do many times before.

“Jaha.” Clarke’s husky voice ripped him from his trance. Surprisingly, he smiled at them.

“Clarke, Commander I’m glad you decided to come see me.”

“What is this about?” Clarke asked.

“This is about redemption, maybe even some much more than that.” The man smiled. “It’s about giving our people a new start, free of pain.”

“I don’t mean the city of light, we’re here about Ontari. What do you know?”

“It’s one and the same. My savior chose Ontari because she said she would be the commander, but she is too far gone to be saved. There is no redemption for that one, she needs someone pure of heart. She needs Lexa.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Who are you working for?” Clarke asks.

“A very powerful women who can save us all, you just have to believe.”

“This is pointless, my mom was right he’s crazy.” Clarke sighed. “He probably doesn’t even know anything about Ontari.”

“He’s the only person who’s even seen her since the attacks started.” Lexa murmured. “He has to know something.”

“Let’s just go.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand and they started for the exit.

“The dead zone.” Jaha yelled. “That’s where you’ll find the one you call Ontari.”

“No one goes to the dead zone.” Lexa says matter of fact-ly. “Not by choice.”

“That is where she is, it’s how we found her. If you agree to help me, I’ll tell you more.”

“That’s not how this works.” Lexa says. “Either you tell us what we need to know, or you die.”

“We will all die one day commander, but it is not the end.” Jaha smiled.

All Lexa could do was stare, those were her words.

“You will join us, either by choice or force. You may not see it yet but there is no other option.” Jaha says.

“Let’s go Clarke.”

They thought talking to Jaha would give them Clarity, but it only produced more questions. Who is Jaha following? Why does she want Lexa? Is Ontari working with this mysterious person to bring Lexa down? They knew nothing, except that she could be in the dead zone.

“I need to find Roan, I want to send scouts to the dead zone as soon as possible. We need to verify Ontari is there before we take an Army.”

“What about this other person Jaha is working with?” Clarke asked.

“One problem at a time, first we get Ontari then we deal with this City of Light nonsense.”

“But what if whoever he’s working with comes here? He’s made it clear they want you for some reason.”

“If they wanted to come here, they would’ve and if they do, they’ll regret it.” Lexa kissed the blonde forehead. “Do you want to join me and Roan?”

“No, I think I’ll go help my mom in medical to keep myself busy.”

“Ok, I’ll find you when we come up with a solid plan.”

The walk to medical wasn’t long but it was long enough for Clarke to overthink. The amount of possibilities of what could happened scared her.

Thankfully for her there was space for her to help with the wounded, caring for them wouldn’t give her the chance to think about anything else.

She spent most of her time treating burns and comforting the few kids that suffered from the fire. She felt for them, they were too young to understand the things happening around them.

“Clarke can you check the bandages on that women while I run and get more supplies from the rover?” Abby pointed across the room to a young woman who was sleep.

“Of course.” Clarke walked over to the women examining the bandage on her arm.

She added more cream to the skin gently before adding a fresh cloth to it. As she was getting up to check on another patient, she noticed something glimmer on the floor.

When she bent down, she saw a small blue microchip with the same infinity symbol that she seen yesterday. 

“What the hell.” This was an exact replica of the drawing she saw yesterday but how it was here?

“Clarke what’s wrong?” Abby asked, walking back into the room supplies in hand.

“Do you know what this is?” Clarke help up the chip.

“That is the chip Thelonious was handing out yesterday, the one he said would help them get to the city of light.”

The only thought Clarke could conjure up was what the hell, nothing was making sense anymore. How can a book on this be in Polis and be related to Jaha?

“I need to find Raven.” Clarke still hadn’t had a chance to talk to her.

“Is everything alright?”

“I honestly have no clue.” She felt like she was losing her find when all she wanted was information on the conclave. Now everything is convoluted, and she had no clue how all of this could be tied together.

She searched the tower for Raven but still nothing, so instead she checked the training grounds.

When she got there, she saw the girl and Luna training once again.

“Raven!” Clarke yelled, causing some unwanted attention.

“Clarke, are you okay?”

“I need your brain.”

“Don’t even want to buy me dinner first?” Raven smirked.

“This symbol, please tell me you’ve seen it before.” Clarke held up the chip ignoring Raven’s comment altogether, she didn’t have time to joke.

“Only once on the Ark, have you?” Raven said.

“I know i have I just can’t remember where I know it.”

“The ark, the scientist who built it used this symbol as their logo. I’m quite sure it was supposed to be destroyed because they were the 13th station. Unity Day and all that.”

How could she forget, the ark wasn’t that long ago but she knew she’d seen it before? But how could it be down here.

“Her name...” Clarke murmured. “What was her name? The scientist, the one who founded the program that built the ark.”

“Oh god I’m so terrible with names.” Raven sighed. “Bella maybe? No Franco, Becca Franco.”

Becca was also a name she knew because of Lexa and because of the ark but it couldn’t be the same person. She couldn’t have been on the ark and down here after the bombs.

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Luna asked, who had been watching this insane conversation take place.

“What’s this about Clarke? Is it Jaha?” Raven asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” Clarke sighed. “Everything seems connected, but I don’t see how it could be.”

“What seems connected?”

“This symbol, I found it in a book while I was in Titus’s study, I’ve seen it on The Ark and now it’s on this chip Jaha is claiming can take people to the city of light.”

“Can I see that?” Luna pointed to the chip in Clarkes hand.

“Here.”

Clarke watched the girls face as soon as she looked at the chip, she knew something.

“Where did you get this?” Luna asked.

“I found it in medical but I’m assuming Jaha had given it to one of the Arkadian’s.”

“Have you showed Lexa?”

“Not yet, do you know something?” Clarke could tell Luna seem uneasy.

“This is the commander’s symbol, and this chip looks identical to…”

“Identical to what?” Clarke asks.

“We need to talk to Lexa.” Luna says, walking toward the tower.

If she wasn’t confused before she definitely was now.

When they got into the tower, they found Lexa in her study looking over maps of the dead zone. They were planning their attack, but they needed to wait for the scouts to return.

“Sorry to disturb you Heda.” Luna said walking up to the girl.

“What’s going on?” Lexa looked at the group.

“Clarke show her.”

Clarke held up the chip and watched as confusion washed over the girl’s face, Clarke had no clue what was happening.

“What- how did you get this?”

“How do you know it?” Clarke asks her wife.

“It’s- I mean it can’t be it, but it looks like the spirit of the commanders.”

“The what?” a confused Raven asks,

“Lexa are su-.”

“Everyone in this room can be trusted Luna.” Lexa interrupted, “The spirit of the commanders looks very similar to what you are holding. After a Nightblood wins the conclave it is up to the spirits to deem them worthy. The chip is inserted into our necks.” Lexa turned around to show them her scar covered by her infinity tattoo, “When I die my spirit will join the other commanders.”

“Ok, Clarke what the fuck is going on?” Raven turned to the blonde who was just as confused as her,

“I don’t know.” Clarke muttered, “We need to talk to Jaha again.” Clarke started for the door only for a hand to grab her wrist,

“First you need to tell me what this is.” Lexa gestured to the chip,

“I don’t know, my mom says Jaha is claiming this to be the key to the city of light. We need to go talk to him or I’ll go alone if you’re busy.”

“No.” Lexa replied quickly, “Do you really think I’m going to let you in there with him alone?”

“He’s locked up.” Clarke looked at the girl, “He can’t hurt me, and I need answers.”

“Take Luna and Raven.”

“Lex-.”

“Please.. just take them don’t fight me on this Clarke.”

Clarke didn’t say another word before leaving the room two sets of feet trailing not to far behind. Obviously, Lexa would send her with babysitters because she can’t handle herself, maybe she couldn’t at this point she wouldn’t be surprised if she was clinically insane.

When they got to Jaha’s cell he was fast asleep on the concrete bed, his food was uneaten, and he had a weird smile on his face. Clarke grabbed the metal cup from outside of the cell and banged it against the bars startling the man.

“We need to talk.” Clarke said,

“I was hoping you would come back, and alone.” Jaha smiles, Clarke had actually convinced Luna and Raven to stay out of sight while she talked to the man.

“Why would you want to see me alone?”

“Because you’re my people and I know without the influence of the commander we can be free to talk.”

“Of course.” Clarke smiled, the only way she could get answers would be if Jaha believed she was on his side, “I was actually hoping to talk to you alone as well.”

“Why is that?” Jaha asked curiously,

“I just have some questions that I don’t want the commander to hear.” Clarke sighed, “I don’t have much time before she knows I’m down here.”

“Aren’t you two together?”

“Not by choice.” Clarke murmured, she really had to play this up, “I thought this alliance would be right for my people, it was the only thing to save them from pike. Lexa…” Clarke hated herself for degrading her wife, but they were all in trouble and she needed answers, “Lexa is a means to an end but if you say the city of light can save us all maybe I don’t need her.”

Clarke could tell her act was working, Jaha was now sporting a big smile like he just won the lottery.

“The city of light is where our people belong Clarke, I’m so happy you see that now!” Jaha smiled,

“What do I need to do to get us there?”

“You need to get Allie to Lexa, she’s the key.”

“The key to what? And who is Allie?” Clarke knew that name,

“She’s in charge, she created the city of light. She needs Lexa because she has the AI, Allie needs it to stabilize the city of light for all of us.”

“Lexa has an AI?” This must be what Lexa calls the flame,

“Lexa has the key in her head, you need to bring her to Allie. She will know what to do.”

“How do I find Allie?”

“You don’t, when everything is in place she’ll come.”

“What will she do with Lexa?”

“That I don’t know.” Jaha replied,

“Is Allie still working with Ontari?” Clarke asks,

“No, Ontari is a complete psychopath.” The irony, Clarke thought, “We abandoned her weeks ago, the only thing she wants is the commander dead and Allie needs her alive.”

“What do you want me to do until Allie comes?”

“Get as many of our people to take the chip as you can, they should be with my things that were confiscated.”

“That’s all?”

“Come back in three days and I’ll more details.” Jaha nodded,

“Ok.” Clarke smiled mostly because of how stupid Jaha was but also to sell her act,

“And Clarke.” Jaha said stopping the girl from walking, “Jake would be proud.”

Clarke wanted to slit his throat at the mention of her fathers name out of his killers mouth. He shouldn’t even be allowed to breathe right now but this was about more than her so instead of blowing up she just smiled and nodded before exiting the dungeons.

“Wow princess, your acting was superb.” Raven exclaimed,

“Don’t remind me I hated every moment of it, but it worked so at least we know something.” Clarke sighed noting Luna’s silence about the matter.

“We should go inform Lexa.” Luna mumbled before walking in the opposite direction towards the thrown room.

Clarke quickly informed Lexa on everything that Jaha told her and she absorbed it all not asking any questions, not even about what Allie wants with her.

The only thing she said was to have Raven take a closer look at the chips to see if there’s anything scientific about it. While Lexa was finishing up with Roan Clarke took the opportunity to return to Titus’s study to see if she can find anything.

She picked up the last book she had the other day scanning the pages until she found the drawing on the paper named ‘Allie 2’. Most of the book was in English/Latin but it used very broad science terms that Clarke couldn’t decipher. From what she could gather it seems what Lexa calls the Flame is in fact Allie 2 meaning the person Jaha calls Allie is either the first attempt at the AI or someone going by that mantel.

There was no way she could get a proper understanding of the book, so she decided to take it to Raven. On her way out she noticed a black book marked with the commanders symbol, so she grabbed that one as well.

Raven was in full nerd mode when Clarke found her in the library studying the chips she retrieved from Jaha’s belongings.

“Find anything yet?” Clarke asks sitting her books down then taking a seat in the comfiest chair she could find; her pregnancy was making it harder for her to walk for long periods of time.

“Not really, as far as I can tell it’s just some piece of plastic.” Raven sighed, “I was thinking maybe I could just take one and se-.”

“Absolutely not Raven.” Clarke interrupted, “We have no clue what this is, and I won’t let you possibly risk your life trying to find out.”

“Well then I’m stuck.”

“I may have a lead; I found these books in Titus’s library and one of them specifically mentions Allie and Allie 2 or The Flame. It’s a lot of smart people talk so it’s up to you to figure out what it says.” She hands the girl the book, “Maybe we can even figure out how Becca Franco fits in to all of this.”

Raven opened the book immediately entranced with the words on the pages, words that didn’t mean much to Clarke, but she knew Raven would get. “You’re so lucky I took Latin on the ark.” Raven quipped before returning back to her book,

While the girl continued her reading Clarke decided to look at the other book she brought.

After opening it and skimming a few pages she quickly realized this was the book she had been searching for, this was about the conclave. It listed the rules and how many days each challenge would last. It made Clarke sick how someone could simplify kids killing each other in a few sentences but it didn’t matter because she was going to do everything in her power to change it.

“Holy hell.” Raven whispered getting the blondes attention,

“What?”

“I think- I mean I don’t think because it’s right in this book but I’m 100% sure this is the journal of Becca Franco.” Raven explained,

“How is that- I mean is she was a part of the 13th station she would’ve died when they destroyed it so how could her journal be here?” At this point Clarke would believe that pigs fly,

“I know it’s crazy, but I think she came back down, it’s doesn’t have specifics, but she starts writing about injecting people on earth after the bombs with what she calls Nightblood. Apparently it made them immune to the radiation so they could survive above ground.”

“Becca Pram Heda.” Clarke mumbled, “The first commander, she scientifically modified a serum to filter out radiation it must be how they survived.”

“The first commander?” Raven asks,

“All the commander have Nightblood, it’s how they’re chosen to fight in the conclave. I’m guessing over the years of procreating only some were born with the black blood. Lexa told me Becca was the first commander.”

“That’s not all Clarke.” Raven says nervously, “If what I’m reading is right then she’s also the one responsible for ended the world.”

“What?” Clarke asks shockingly,

“The first AI she built, ALLIE it went rouge. She made it to figure out solutions to fix the things like world peace or global warming but the from what I can guess it malfunctioned. They tried to shut it down and lock it up but apparently she got out.” Raven said, “Clarke Allie is the one who set off the bombs.”

This was a lot of information, information she begged for but also didn’t expect to be this crazy

“Could Allie still be working?” Clarke asks already knowing the answer and Ravens face set it in stone, “Great so Jaha is working with a psychopathic AI who not only ended the world but now has what we should assume to be sinister plans that we don’t have a fucking clue about.”

“That about sums it up.” Raven sighs, “Luckily there is some good news though, Allie 2 the AI that Lexa has seems to be flawless. It was what Becca wanted to achieve the first time.”

“Does- I mean does that mean-.”

“That Lexa’s an AI?” Raven finishes, “No, Lexa is very much herself the AI coincides with her consciousness, and when she dies her subconscious enters the chip. So when she says the spirit of the commanders are in the flame they actually are.”

“My mind can’t take anymore tonight.” Clarke whined,

“This is kind of awesome though, our possible impending deaths aside I’m having a lot of fun researching this.”

“Then maybe you can find a way to shut Allie 1 down.”

“Already on it princess, do you think Titus has anymore of her journals?”

“I’ll make sure you have full clearance to his study; I’m going to go tell Lexa what we found out.”

As Clarke made her way to find Lexa she noticed how quiet the tower was, not that it was every usually loud, but it wasn’t usual to see people roaming the halls or guards on post.

When she turned the corner towards the throne room she noticed Indra talking to a few guards, the conversation looked intense and she knew something was wrong.

“Indra.” Clarke approached the women as she sent the guards off,

“Clarke I was just coming to find you.”

“What’s going on?”

“There was another attack, a near by village was slaughtered.” Indra paused trying to compose herself, “There were only a few survivors including a couple of children, Heda ordered for them to be brought here. There were also people killed near the polis border, we don’t know how many yet.”

“Anyone you knew?” Clarke could tell the women was hurting,

“Yes,” Indra nodded, “ I had a few friends who lived in that village.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Indra, I promise Ontari and her people will die for this.” Clarke assured and Indra nodded revenge filled her eyes and if Clarke didn’t know the women she’d be scared right now.

“Heda would like to see yo-.”

“CLARKE!” Clarke looked up to see a panicked Octavia running towards her blood covering her clothes and hands,

“O.” Clarke was scared to ask,

“I need you help please it’s Lincoln he’s he-.” The girl was fully disheveled tears mixing with blood creating a mask almost similar to Lexa’s war paint,

“Take me to him.” Clarke didn’t have time to ask questions, they ran down the halls avoiding guards who were marching in the opposite direction. When they finally got to medical it was filled to the brim with people. Some patients some healers both looked frightened.

“He’s over here.” Octavia pulled the blonde over to a cot in the corner where a barely conscious Lincoln laid with an arrow in his shoulder.

“What happened?”

“We were patrolling the border and arrows just came flying from everywhere, he jumped in front of me so i-.” Clarke could see the girls hands shaking and breathe catching and her heart was breaking. “He saved me Clarke and I can’t lose him, I can’t.”

“We’ll do everything we can right now I need you to pull it together ok.” She looked around seeing every healer busy, “Listen to me It’s just his shoulder, he’s strong you know he is. He’ll pull through.” Octavia nodded tears still streaming, “I need you to get me some cloth and bandages, and if you see my mom I’ll need her.”

Octavia ran off to get the supplies and Clarke assessed the wound, under any other circumstance this would be an easy fix but after looking around the wound Clarke could tell the arrow most likely had poison on it. When O got back with the supplies she pulled the arrow out quickly getting the bleeding under control until her mother popped up.

“Clarke.” Abby was drenched in sweat and he cloths stained with blood, “What do we have.”

“Arrow to the chest.” Clarke said hesitantly looking at o, “I think it was poisoned, he’s burning up and the wound looks nasty.” Clarke could see O starting to panic again but she had to focus on Lincoln,

“Ok, you stopped the bleeding that’s good, we need to get some medicine on the wound and keep him hydrated.”

“Then what?” Octavia asks,

“All we can do is wait.” Abby said, “If he can fight the reaper poison he can beat this, we just need to stop the poison from spreading and go from there.”

Most of the girls night was spent in medical mainly focusing on Lincoln and keeping Octavia calm. They got Lincolns fever under control and the poison doesn’t seem to have spread so they were hopeful. Now they could do was wait, it was up to him to fight.

Clarke made her way back into the tower after a couple hours in medical, Lexa had visited once but other than that she hadn’t seen the girl. Her first stop was the throne room she knew Lexa wouldn’t be in bed especially after an attack.

When she walked in she saw Lexa, Roan, Luna, and Raven sitting around a table with two guards she didn’t know.

“Everything ok?” Clarke asks,

“These are the scouts I sent to the dead zone; they were just reporting back.” Lexa answered,

“And? Is she there?”

“She was.” Roan answered,

“We think their closer to Polis now, but we have no clue where.” One of the scouts added, “They would have to be for the attacks done today.”

“So what do we do?” Clarke asks,

“What can we do?” Lexa snapped, “We’re basically fighting blind and people keep dying.”

“We’ll figure it out Lexa.” Luna assured,

Clarke had seen Lexa mad but right now she seemed more discouraged than mad, she wouldn’t make eye contact with her and she knew a plan was brewing.

“The only way Ontari will show her face anywhere near Polis is if she knows I’m dead.” Lexa says her commander masks back on,

“Well that’s not an option so we find another way.” Clarke was not hearing this, the only person that will be dying is Ontari and her warriors.

“Leave us.” Lexa said plainly dismissing everyone so her and Clarke can have a moment.

“I can practically hear the gears turning in your head so whatever you have planned don’t even.” Clarke looked at her wife, her eyes focused on the table and not on her,

“We have to do something Clarke.”

“So what’s the plan then, die and she comes here, and we kill her?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

“No!” Clarke shouted, “That’s not a fucking option Lexa, you’re not dying.”

“Clar-.” Lexa sighed,

“No, I’m not letting you go on a suicide mission.” Clarke shook her head backing away from the girl as she tried to comfort her.

“People keep dying Clarke, our people and if this is the only thing I can do shouldn’t I?”

“Not when it’s possible to find another way.” Clarke wiped the tears from her face, this was not up for discussion to her, “Why is it so easy for you to make this choice?”

“It’s not easy Clarke, do you think I want to leave you? Do you think I want my daughter to grow up not even knowing who I am? It’s clear Ontari wants me and you dead so if her coming here so we can capture her is the only way to stop you from dying then I have to.”

“I’m not letting you do this, I need you here with me and our baby.”

“Nothing is set in stone Clarke; I have to evaluate every option. Hopefully, we find a better plan.”

“We will.” Clarke said finally letting Lexa come close to her, “Say it, say you won’t do this. Promise me.”

Lexa wished she could find a cure all for this issue but there wasn’t one, Ontari was no where to be found and she needed to do something soon.

“I promise.” Lexa kissed the girls forehead, “Go lay down I’m going to be here a little while longer with Roan trying to come up with a plan.”

Clarke wanted to believe her, she wanted to believe that Lexa wouldn’t do anything without talking to her but they both pulled that act before, so she didn’t know. All she could do was nod and kiss the girl before going to her room, she had to trust her.

LEXA POV

After making sure Clarke was settled in bed Lexa went back down to the throne room to try and figure something out. Dying was a pretty rash decision and Clarke was right she needed to be here, so she needed a new plan to find Ontari.

“What did you do to Clarke I went to say goodnight and she was crying.” Raven asked sitting on Lexa’s throne which is absolutely not allowed,

“I may have suggested dying so Ontari would attack Polis and be captured and killed.” Lexa quickly explained, “Also I wouldn’t sit there If I were you.” She smirked,

“Ugh you and your wife are disgusting.” She jumped off the throne taking a seat at the table instead, “And what’s this about dying? You can’t leave us, that’s not an option are you crazy?”

Lexa was warmed by the fact that Raven cared about her and wanted her around for more than just Clarke and the baby,

“It was a crazy Idea but I’m getting hopeless Raven.” This was beyond unlike Lexa, she usually remained levelheaded throughout any war but this on was different.

“Doesn’t the AI in your head give you any help?” Raven asks causing Lexa to look confused,

“What?”

“The Flame.” Raven corrected, “That’s what I came to discuss earlier before the scouts arrived, I read a bunch of research about the flame. I’ll tell you everything in detail tomorrow, but it says it’s supposed to guide you.”

“It’s more advice than guiding.” Lexa sighed, “The past commanders will weigh in on things, but they don’t come up with full well thought out plans, that’s up to me.”

“So besides dying what other ideas do you have.”

“None.”

“Sounds promising.” Raven joked,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst coming soon, sorryyyyy


	32. How could you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes a choice

**_LEXA_ **

It was the next morning and Lexa hadn’t gotten much sleep throughout the night, after talking to Raven she meditated for a while before joining Clarke in bed. She girl was still wide awake until Lexa wrapped her arms around her, and she relaxed.

When she woke Clarke was no longer in bed which was rare since Lexa usually woke before her. After talking to her guards she learned that she was in medical checking on Lincoln’s condition. Lexa was worried about the boy too, but she been worried about a lot lately so that just joined her list.

After getting dressed she decided to go and check on the Natblida’s something she hasn’t done in a while. They were training as usual not blinking an eye when she showed up to watch. It was hard being here sometimes because she cared about these kids and knowing their fate made it harder to see them.

“Heda.” Titus bowed before standing next to the women.

“How has training been?”

“Well, with war looming over us they are fighting harder. Almost all of them show great promise.”

“And Aden, is he still doing well?” Lexa watched as two Natblida girls Taren and Flo sparred in front of them.

“He has stepped up; you were right to have faith in him.” Titus replied, “If I may Heda I can respect your decision to allow Luna to live but to grant her access to my personal study is something I can not allow.”

“Very well, her and Raven will take all the books they need to my study.”

“Thank you Heda.”

“I will come back tomorrow, I want to see Aden spar with Taren, she’s doing well.”

“Of course Heda.” Titus bowed before walking back to the Natblida’s,

Next on her list was to check on Clarke and Lincoln so the medical center was her next stop. It was less packed than the night before which was assuring.

“Commander.” Abby smiled greeting the woman at the door.

“Abby how is everything?”

“We have less patients today so that’s always good, we’re only keeping people if we absolutely have to.”

“And Lincoln?”

“He’s… doing better, his fever progressed a bit and we’re keeping him sedated for the pain.”

“Any good news?” Lexa ask,

“He’s alive.” The woman smiled slightly, “Clarke and Octavia are with him now if you want to go back, maybe you can get Clarke to go rest.”

Lexa nodded before heading to the boys cot, Octavia looked ragged sitting by Lincoln holding his hand but perked up a bit when she saw Lexa.

“Any news on Ontari?” Octavia asked,

“Not yet.” The girls face fell instantly not into sadness but anger, “But we’ll find her.”

Clarke didn’t say anything or even look Lexa’s way she just continued sponging cold water onto the mans forehead.

“Abby says you’re due for a break Clarke.”

“I’m fine, I’ll leave soon.”

“You are pregnant Clarke you need to take it easy.” Lexa sighed,

“So now me being pregnant means something?” The girl muttered clearly still upset from their discussion from last night,

“If you want to talk about this we can do it inside.”

“I’m busy here, I’ll leave soon.” Clarke scoffed,

“You know where to find me.” Lexa mumbled before leaving the room, she understood why Clarke was upset with her, but the cold shoulder was too hard to take.

“Lexa wait!” Lexa turned around in hopes of seeing Clarke but instead saw Octavia.

“Yes Octavia?”

“Please tell me you have a plan.” Octavia looked as hopeless as she felt,

“Without knowing where Ontari is there is nothing I can do.”

“There has to be something!”

“Without my death drawing her in I don’t know what else to do.” There was along pause of both girls trying to find some unthought of idea that would never surface.

“So then you die.” Octavia finally said, “Just hear me out.”

\--------------

_**CLARKE** _

Clarke knew she had been harsh on Lexa, but she could barley look at the girl without feeling like crying. She knows Lexa loves her and their baby but the decision she came to last night was made too easily. Lexa is always ready to die for a cause or her people and she understood it, but she needed her to be selfish just once. Choose her over being commander, the choice she never wanted her to make.

Choose to live and fight together without their having to be some sort of sacrifice from either of them. 

She finished helping her mother with a few other patients before heading back into the tower to finally talk to Lexa. They needed to talk about this as soon as possible.

The throne room was where she usually was these days so that was her first stop and as usual there was a group of people already there. Lexa noticed her and quickly walked over to her.

“Are you busy?” Clarke was sure something was happening, but she also didn’t want to know if she wanted to know what.

“I’m never to busy for you Clarke, are you ok?”

“Can we talk for a second, maybe in the hall.” Lexa nodded leading the way towards the door. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier.”

“You were right to be upset with me Clarke, I should’ve never even suggested that as an option. I’m right where I need to be with you and our baby girl.” Lexa smiled placing her hand on the girls baby bump, “I love you no matter how this ends just promise me you’ll always remember that.”

“Of course.” Clarke searched the woman’s eyes, was something up? “I love you more than anything Lexa with one exception of course. I can’t keep talking about your death, I need you alive and by my side.”

“And I will be, I promise.”

“What’s happening in there?”

“More strategizing, we’re trying to come up with a plan.”

“And you got O to leave Lincolns side?”

“She wanted to help; I know she just wants revenge which I understand but I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Ok, I’m going to go lay down for a bit and maybe check on Raven and the city of light stuff.”

“I love you.” Lexa said caressing the girls face, they showed affection in public a few times, but this felt off. Clarke couldn’t figure out why, but it did.

“I love you too.” She leaned down to kiss the girl before turning back to the throne room.

Something was definitely off.

As Clarke was making her way to the library to see Raven she ran into a small girl running through the tower. She had never seen the girl before but after the attacks there have been a lot of new faces in Polis. The girl seemed scared as she ran past Clarke.

“Hey.” She yelled causing the little girl to stop, “Are you ok?”

There was no answer just a little nod,

“What’s your name?” Clarke asks crouching down to the girl,

“Madi.” She mumbles,

“It’s nice to meet you Madi, my name is Clarke.” Clarke smiles,

“You’re Wanheda?” She asked confused,

“Unfortunately, were you expecting some big scary monster?”

“Yes.” Clarke laughed at the response,

“Are you headed back to your parents?”

“no.” her face instantly turned sad, “They died in my village yesterday.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that Madi, are you staying here in the palace with the other kids?” Clarke felt terrible she knew a few kids survived but she had hoped most had at least one parent.

“yes.”

“Well I was just headed to the library would you like to join me?” Clarke smiled as the little girl nodded, “How old are you Madi?”

“Eight.”

“Do you like drawing?” The girl nodded eagerly giving a faint smile, “Well we’ll have to draw lots of pictures today then won’t we?”

\-------------

_**LEXA** _

“Let’s go over the plan one more time?” Lexa had no clue if this would work but she did know Clarke wouldn’t like it.

“Jackson has the drug that will knock you out all we have to do is strap the night blood to your chest so when the arrows hit it’ll be believable.” Octavia said, “While you’re knocked down from the shot he’ll shoot you with the drug, so you’ll be unconscious and dead looking.”

“And you’re sure this will work?” Roan asked clearly not convinced,

“Do you have a different plan because as far as I can tell you’ve been pretty useless since you showed up.” Octavia spat,

“What does Clarke think of this?” Roan asked ignoring Octavia’s words, “She doesn’t know does she?” Lexa’s face said it all,

“I’m going to tell her when we have everything figured out.” Lexa said,

“You shouldn’t tell her; she’ll just try to convince you not to do it.” Octavia pointed out,

“I’m telling her, I don’t want her to hear from someone else.”

“Fine whatever.” Lexa could see that Octavia clearly wasn’t ok.

“Roan give us a moment please.” Lexa waited for the room to be cleared, “You should go back to Lincoln, I can take it from here.”

“No I need to be here when she comes.”

“If she comes and who knows if it will be today.” Lexa sighed, “Go back to him.”

“I said no Lexa!”

“Why?” Lexa asked calmly,

“I’m not sitting and watching him die, I need to make sure that if he dies it’s not for nothing.”

“He’s not dyin-.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!” Octavia shouted,

“I don’t but he’s a fighter, so I know he has a good chance to survive this and he’ll need you by his side.”

“I’m not going.”

“Fine, it’s your choice. I need to go find Clarke.”

“Hurry we have a tight window, me and Indra will start gathering the citizens for the meeting.”

Lexa nodded before walking up to her room to search for the blonde, but she wasn’t there, she then went to check with Raven before Indra found her.

“Heda it’s time.”

“I need to talk to Clarke first.” Lexa persisted,

“We’ll find her after, we’re losing our window.”

“Lexa what’s up?” Raven asked as she was exiting the library

“Where is Clarke?”

“She left about thirty minutes ago; she’s showing one of the kids around who survived the attack last night.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“No I me-.”

“Heda.” Indra interrupted, “We need to go.”

“Fine, Indra explain the plan to Raven. Find Clarke immediately and tell her please.”

“Lexa wait!” Raven shouted after the girl, “What the hell?” She looked to Indra who started explaining what was happening.

\----------------

_**CLARKE** _

“How many rooms are there here?” Madi asks as they walk into Clarke old bedroom.

“Honestly, I don’t know, probably over 40.” Clarke laughed watching Madi’s eyes go wide at the number,

“That’s a lot!”

“It is indeed, maybe on top of our reading lessons we can do some math.” Clarke had volunteered to teaching the girl how to read while they were in the library. She was pretty taken with Madi, she could only hope her daughter would be as kind and smart as she is.

“Oooh can we go on there?” Madi pointed to the balcony,

“Sure come on.” Clarke pulled the doors open revealing her old view of the front of the polis building which was now filled with people.

Clarke had no clue what was going on, was there an impromptu meeting called and no one notified her? She saw Lexa walk out onto the makeshift stage, she was talking to Indra and Octavia before she stepped up to talk.

“Citizens of Polis, thank you for coming tonight I know you all want answers about the recent attacks and I’m here to give them to you.” Lexa shouted,

Clarke felt like this is something she should’ve been a part of, she should be by Lexa’s side as she gave this speech.

She continued listening to the speech which to Clarke seemed very ramble like and unlike the Lexa she knows. As she continued to listen she noticed a something silver fly through the sky, when she looked back down she saw an arrow piercing Lexa through the stomach her pale shirt instantly turning black.

“NO!” This was it; it happened no matter how hard she prayed it didn’t her worst nightmare had just came true. Tears were blocking her visions and she was sure she didn’t know how to breathe anymore.

She could hear people saying her name, but she couldn’t move, Lexa was the only thing on her mind. If she was dead, god she can’t be dead because that’s not how this was supposed to work. She was supposed to be here so they could grow old together and raise their kids. They were supposed to live and without Lexa she didn’t know how.

“Clarke!”

This isn’t real

“Clarke! Please listen.”

This has to be some dream.

“Clarke!!”

Yes a dream it has to be she’s still asleep and this isn’t real.

“CLARKE!” Raven shook the girl finally getting through to her, “You have to listen to me.-“

“Lexa is she-.”

“No she’s fine Clarke but I might kill her when I see her.” 

“I just saw, someone shot her! We need to find them.” Clarke looked around the room seeing a scared Madi standing across the room,

“Clarke you need to let me explain, I tried to find you as soon as Indra told me the plan but-.”

“What plan?”

\-------------

_**LEXA** _

When Lexa opened her eyes everything was blurry and dark, and she was pretty sure the room was spinning. After a second of staring at the ceiling her eyes had adjusted enough for her to look around.

She assumed she was in the underground rooms where they planned for her to go while they let off the smoke signaling the conclave has begun. Of course that wasn’t true, but they needed to sell this.

After finally gaining feeling back into her limps she slowly sat herself up enough to notice Clarke sitting across from her. Her expression was blank, but she knew the girl had been crying.

“Clarke.”

“Don’t.” she shook her head, “I’ve been sitting her for last few days trying to figure out how you could do this. How you could let me see you get shot with an arrow in front of the whole village. How you could allow me to see that thinking you were really dead. Do you know how that felt Lexa?”

“I tried to find you, but we were running out of time.”

“But then it all made sense.” Clarke said ignoring the girl, “It made sense why everyone was gathered in the throne room and why you were acting weird. So tell me commander, did you know about the plan then?”

Lexa hated the way the girl was looking at her, “Yes.”

“So that means you had the chance to explain it, but you didn’t.”

“Cl-.” Lexa paused as the door opened,

“Lexa we have an update.” Octavia said,

“It can wait.” Clarke replied not looking at either girl,

“It can’t Clarke, this is important.” Octavia replied,

“I said it can fucking wait Octavia.” Clarke shouted catching both girls off guard, “We’re talking right now.”

“Clarke I understand that you’re upset but we need to finish this.” Octavia didn’t have a once of sympathy in her voice,

“I’m glad to know you two are perfectly fine running around making decisions.” Clarke snarked,

“Well someone had to, we need to end this Clarke. Lexa is fine, she’s alive.”

“How could you not tell me? You’re supposed to be my family right?” Clarke turned to her friend, “How could you not even attempt to include me in the plan at all.”

“My family is sitting in a medical room right now dying! You don’t have to be the ringleader of every plan Clarke.” Octavia rolled her eyes, “And maybe it’s best if you aren’t, if you were someone would probably be dead right now.”

“Octavia enough.” Lexa warned,

“This is perfect actually.” Clarke laughed, “You know what you’re absolutely right O people die when I’m in charge, isn’t that what Bellemy said? So how about you make all the decisions, oh wait you can’t! None of you can that’s why it always comes down to me to make the tough choice and then when it’s over you can blame me when someone dies because everything is my fault.”

“I’m done, I’m not doing this anymore. No one’s life is in my hands except for my baby. No choices will be up to me so when the day comes, and you need me to be the bad guy because no one else can I won’t be here. I hope telling yourself you’re doing this for Lincoln works for because it never did for me. We’re done Octavia you can take your plan and shove it up your ass.” Clarke grabbed her jacket and walked past both girls, she was done.

“Clarke please,” Lexa begged chasing after her,

“I’m going to be staying in my old room for a while, don’t worry I have guards placed everywhere so I’ll be safe.”

“Clarke please-.”

“I can’t even look at you right now Lexa.” The girl cried, “I can’t because when I do I picture you dead with an arrow in your stomach and I can’t handle it. As relieved as I was when Raven told me what was going on it doesn’t help me unsee that.”

“I’m so sorry Clarke please just stay down here and let me explain.”

“Admit that you didn’t tell me the plan earlier that day because you thought I wouldn’t have been ok with it?”

“I was on my way to tell you Clarke.” Lexa’s tears where clouding her vision but she could still see how much the girl was hurting, “You promised, you said you would always remember that I love you and that you love me so please stay.”

“Of course I love you Lexa! I love you so much it hurts, and I just had to watch you die but you don’t care about that!” She yelled, "At least when I put myself in dangerous situations I tell you first. We keep having the same fights, but I don’t think you get it. So until Ontari shows up and you’re stuck down here maybe you can think about. You better hurry up wouldn’t want to keep your partner Octavia waiting.” Clarke quickly walked out of the door completely collapsing as soon as it was shut. At this rate she wished her body would just run out of tears, she had been crying constantly.

“Clarke.” A voice whispered sitting next to her against the door,

“I don’t understand how she could do this Raven.” She leaned into the girl fully succumbing to her tears,

“I’m going to kill her, I’m so sorry Clarke I tried to find you-.”

“No this isn’t on you Raven, this is on Lexa.”

“What did Octavia have to say?” Raven asks, “I saw her go in.”

“Octavia can go to hell for all I care.”

“That good huh.” Raven mumbled, “Come on let’s get to your room.

\----------------

_**LEXA** _

“You could’ve gave us a minute!” Lexa yelled at the girl as she walked back in the room,

“She’ll get over it.”

“You know what, you’re done Octavia. It’s clear you can’t separate your emotions from this so from now on I’ll only speak to Indra.”

“What the fuck Lexa?” Octavia was pissed, her knuckles were completely pale, and Lexa didn’t know if the girl was going to attempt to hit her or not.

“Go be with Lincoln he needs you and I don’t need this Octavia; I need the levelheaded strong sky girl turned warrior who can fight and obey orders without question and doesn’t talk to her best friend the way you just did. We’re all family Octavia and fighting won’t do us any good.”

Lexa watched as Octavia stormed out of the room leaving her alone with her thoughts. Thoughts about Clarke, she didn’t know if the girl would ever forgive her. The look in her eyes was something she hadn’t seen before and it scared her.

She needed this to be over so she can mend everything between them.

“Heda, Octavia sent me.” Indra said interrupting her thoughts,

“Yes she said there is an update.”

“We captured some of Ontari’s soldiers, we think we found where she’s hiding.”

“They talked that quickly?”

“Well it’s been about two and half days since you’ve been under the effects of that drug. Jackson said it would take a while for you to fully recover. But since then we’ve had two attempts on someone trying to infiltrate the tower to apparently recover your body.”

“You caught them alive?”

“Yes, they’ve been questioned. They agreed to give up her location for their lives.”

“And you agreed to that?”

“Of course not Heda, we were waiting for you.”

Lexa thought over her options and there was no way she could let any of them live.

“Make the deal and when we confirm Ontari’s whereabouts kill them.” Indra nodded before exiting once again leaving Lexa to her thoughts.

“Lexa?”

“Enter.” Lexa was surprised to see Abby walk in with her medical bag,

“How are you feeling?” Abby asks,

“Fine.” She was surprised, the women didn’t seem mad at her at all,

“I told Jackson I would check you out, I hope that’s ok.”

“Of course it is.” Lexa nodded,

She sat quietly as Abby checked all of her vitals and heartbeat until she was finished and started repacking her things,

“Are you mad at me?” Lexa hated how small she sounded,

“Lexa.”

“Because Clarke hates me and understand if you do to.”

“Neither of us hate you sweety.” Abby wrapped the crying girl into her arms lightly rocking her, “Clarke is just hurt, even if for a second she actually thought she had watched you die Lexa. And until Jackson filled me in so did I.”

“I’m sorry, I’m- I should’ve told her, I hate myself for hurting her like that. Both of you.” Never in her time as commander had Lexa ever broke down like this in front of anyone,

“She just needs time Lexa.”

“What if she never wants to see me again?”

“She loves you so much, she would never leave you.”

“How do you know?” Lexa gasped chocking on her tears as she tried to catch her breathe.

“Because I know my daughter, you two complete each other. Give her time to sort out her thoughts and then talk to her. Sort out your thoughts as well, I know how hard it is to make those tough choices and so does she but you two need to start communicating better.” Abby kissed the girls forehead, wiping the puddle of tears off of Lexa face,

“Thank you Abby.”

“Don’t thank me sweetheart.” Abby smiled, “You’re my daughter too, I need both of you safe.”

\----------------

_**CLARKE** _

A week had passed, and Clarke had barley left her room except for Madi’s reading lessons. It was the only thing that seemed to give her any sort of comfort right now. She also had her daily visits from Abby and Raven who keep her up to date on what’s going on.

Ontari’s guards had given up her alleged location so Lexa sent guards there to retrieve her so all this could be over. It wasn’t confirmed if she was there, but it was a lead, so they followed it. She had also heard from her mother that Lincoln had woken up which was good news, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. Octavia had tried to see her, but she wasn’t in the mood to talk to the girl right now.

Her mom would also give her news about Lexa which she appreciated, it doesn’t matter how mad she was she needed Lexa alive and safe. Sitting in her room for days left plenty of time to think, she was still mad about everything but if she gets to see Ontari die then maybe.. maybe it would’ve been worth it.

It was already past sundown and Clarke had just finished her lesson with Madi when she heard a knock on her door.

“Enter.”

Stood before her was the girls she’s been avoiding in all of her grounder commander glory.

“I hope it’s ok I came to see you; I’ve moved back into our old room.” Lexa said fidgeting with her hands, “I had some news I wanted to share. We just heard back from the scouts on the radio, they found Ontari in near by village. According to them she was in the middle of planning her attack on Polis.”

“When will she die?” Clarke asks staring into the floor,

“Tomorrow.”

“Then I need one thing from you.”

“Anything Clarke.” Lexa jumped at the opportunity to be needed,

“When the time comes, I get to make the last cut.”

“Ok.” Lexa nods, many people would want the honor and she wasn’t sure if Clarke could emotionally handle killing someone right now, as she looked at the girl she noticed her belly had grown the slightest bit. It had grown and she wasn’t here to see it. “Clarke I heard what you said, and you were right, it was easier not telling you the plan at first but as we kept planning I knew I needed you to know. I’m so sorry for everything, I hate that you saw what you did, and I promise I will never do anything like that again.”

“Lexa I don’t care about the stupid plan, if you would’ve come to me and explained everything I would’ve understood. But I was completely left in the dark just like when you made the decision to go to Azgeda but this time I thought I saw you die.” Her eyes were welling up, but she didn’t want to cry anymore, “I thought I lost you forever and I can’t un-feel that.”

“I know and I’m sorry, I was being a coward. I was scared to talk to you about it, but I promise from now on we will do this together.”

“Lexa you don’t get it, I know the next time you have a plan I won’t agree with and you’ll hide it from me until it’s happening. You’ve done it twice since we’ve been married. I know I said I would step back but I expected you to still talk to me.”

Lexa’s face was soaked, and the lack of eye contact the blonde was giving her made it all worst, Clarke wouldn’t even look at her.

“Are you leaving me?” Lexa asked voice filled with vulnerability and angst,

“Why would you ask me that?” Clarke looked up at the girl,

“Because you won’t even look at me Clarke and you wouldn’t come and see me. I know I messed up and I hate myself for the way I hurt you. But I can’t lose you I can’t.” The brunette collapsed on the floor a crying mess as Clarke moved towards her.

“I’m never leaving you, ever, but I just need time to get over this. As much as I want to I can’t unsee what I saw. I’m trying to deal with it the best I can Lexa.” Clarke bent down so she was sitting next to the girl on the ground. “I see you in front of me, but my mind is still telling me I saw you die, and I don’t know what to do.”

Lexa grabbed the girls hands moving it to her own face allowing the blonde to touch her.

“I’m right here Clarke and I’m going to try my best to always be." 


	33. Im Not Over It

“Ok Madi so we’ve been working on the ABC’s do you think you can recite them without looking?”

It was time for Madi’s daily reading lesson and Clarke had been enjoying having a child around the past week. Madi didn’t have parents so Clarke made it her mission to make sure the girl knows she’s cared about.

After listening to the girl recite the alphabet flawlessly she rewarded her with a ten-minute drawing break. Today was also the day that Ontari would die along with her followers. They had brought her in late last night as Clarke watched from her window. She opted to still stay in her room for the night which she knew made Lexa sad, but she needed the space and also time to stop her nightmares. Today she would be killing someone, something she hasn’t done in a while, but it has to be done.

“Clarke can I ask you something?” Madi asks still focused on her drama.

“Sure little one.”

“Is Lexa nice?”

“She is.” Clarke answered, 

“So then why are you mad at her? Is she not nice to you?” Madi asks,

“Lexa is very nice to me we just had a disagreement and sometimes when you disagree with someone it’s better to take time away to gather you thoughts.”

“So you still love her.”

“I do.” Clarke smiled, “I’ll always love her sometimes couples just fight.”

“Love is weird.” The girl said scrunching her nose,

“One day you won’t find it so weird.” Clarke laughed, “Can I see what you’re drawing?”

Madi put her chalk down sliding her paper over to Clarke so she could see, she had drawn a picture of her and Clarke reading in the library together.

“Wow Madi, this looks so good! Can you draw one for me?” Clarke laughed at the girls excited nod going to grab another piece of paper.

Clarke decided to draw her own picture as well but before she could start she heard a small whimper come from the little girl beside her. When she looked over it looked like the girl had gotten a paper cut.

“Let me see.” Clarke went to reach for the girls hand only for her to back away, when she looked down at the paper she saw a black drop of liquid spreading through the page. “Madi I promise I’m not hurt you.”

“I didn’t mean to cut it I’m sorry!” The girl cried,

“It’s ok I promise just let me see it.” She hesitantly reached for the little girls hand revealing her small pool of black blood on her small finger.

“Are you going to turn me into the bad men?”

“No Madi,” Clarke had no clue what to do, she had a Nightblood sitting in front of her and there was no way she was turning her in, “Madi listen to me, I promise that I will never let anyone hurt you ok?” The girl nodded, “Don’t tell anyone about this ok? I’ll make sure no one hurts you.”

“Ok.” She threw her small arms around the woman’s neck holding her tight and Clarke returned the same tightness.

She had to figure out how to change the rules of the conclave soon so she can help the people she loves.

* * *

**_LEXA_ **

Ontari death was hours away and Lexa couldn’t have been happier, of course they still have to deal with the ALLIE situation but that’s a problem for another day. She was hoping her, and Clarke would finally go home after today, but she didn’t even know if Clarke would come. They had their talk, but she could see that this was affecting Clarke deeper than she thought and she wasn’t sure if killing Ontari would make her feel better. Alas she can’t talk her out of it, so she has to let things play out.

On the brighter side Lincoln was doing a lot better and was back at home with Octavia. Lexa hadn’t talked to her much, but they did apologize to each other, Clarke on the other hand wouldn’t see Octavia so they haven’t talked.

A hard knock on her bedroom door interrupted

“Heda it’s almost time.” Titus informed, “The ambassadors and the King are waiting.”

“Ok, have you seen Clarke?”

“Here.” The blonde said walking through the door trying to cover her growing bump with her shirt.

“I figured you would need better fitting clothes, so I grabbed a few.” Lexa motioned for their bathroom.

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled walking towards the room and clothing the door.

“We will be down soon Titus.” The man nodded leaving the room.

Lexa hated the way things were between her and Clarke, but she was trying to give her space like she wanted no matter how hard it was.

She sat on the bed waiting as the girl finally emerged from the room in her new clothes.

“This baby is ruining all my favorite clothes.” Clarke mumbled, “I can’t even fit my favorite jacket without looking like a whale.”

“I think you look beautiful.” Lexa says hesitantly,

“Thank you.” She smiles sitting to attempt to put her shoes on, but her bump was making it impossible.

“Let me help.” Lexa crouched down taking the shoe from her,

“I can’t wait still she out of there.” Clarke rubbed her stomach, “Do you hear that little one I need you out so we can finally meet you.”

Lexa smiled watching Clarke talk to her bump, something she’s probably been doing all week when she wasn’t around to enjoy it to. Would her daughter hate her for this?

“Lex,” Clarke caressed the girls face, “What’s wrong?”

“Are we ok Clarke?” she asked leaning into the girls touch, “I know your trying to forgive me and I appreciate it, but this is killing me Clarke. You won’t sleep in the same room as me you barley look at me when we talk, did I break us forever?”

“No!” Clarke said, “You didn’t break us Lexa, I’m not having trouble forgiving you. If you need my forgiveness have it because I do forgive you I just- the reason I didn’t want to stay with you last night was because I’ve been having nightmares again and I wanted to control them before I came back.” Clarke sighed,

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And make you feel worse than I already have the past week?”

“Clarke this is my fault.” Lexa sighed resting her head in the girls lap, she missed touching her more than anything.

“But that doesn’t mean I want you to feel terrible, we’ve talked everything out but I’m still dealing with things and I don’t want to put that on you.”

“I want you to, we said we would lean on each other so lean on me please. I need you to come back I miss you more than anything and I want to go home.”

“We can go back?”

“Only if you come with me, I can’t stay there without you. I want to be beside you and if you have a nightmare we’ll work it out together.” Lexa needed her to come home,

“Ok.” She whispered leaning down to kiss the lips that she’s missed so much, “I’ve missed you too.”

“Now I need to talk to you about Ontari, why do you want to do this?”

“I want her dead Lexa; she’s ruined so many lives and she almost ruined ours. She deserves to die.”

“I agree but why do you have to do it?” Lexa knew how Clarke would feel after the fact and it wasn’t worth adding to her nightmares,

“If not me who will do it you?” Clarke asks, “I don’t want you to have to.”

“Clarke I don’t feel remorseful for killing the guilty.” It was true, she has killed many some innocent and those are the ones that haunt her,

“What makes you think I will?”

“Because I know you.” Lexa smiled, “You’re good and despite what you think you’re not a killer.”

“You’re good to.” She argued,

“Maybe but I was trained for this and I can handle it, I don’t want you to bear this.”

“How about neither of us do it, the honor should be Roans. She’s Azgeda maybe it will send a message.” Clarke suggested,

“Ok, Roan will do it.” Lexa nodded standing up taking the blondes hand, “Ready?”

“Yes.” Clarke nodded,

They walked downstairs hand in hand neither wanting to lose contact with each other. The executions would be taking place in the same place where Lexa and Roan had their fight.

When they arrived most of the citizens were already gathered talking amongst themselves. Everyone saw this as a celebration, people would be dying but it would be an end to what could’ve been a war.

Clarke saw Octavia approaching so she grabbed Lexa’s hand as they walked in the other direction.

“You’re going to have to talk to her eventually.” Lexa said as they go to take their seats,

“She said we weren’t family why would she want to talk to me.” Octavia’s words had hurt her even if it was out of fear of Lincoln dying she didn’t deserve that.

“To apologize, she knows we are all a family Clarke.”

“I don’t know that anymore.” Clarke murmurs, seeing Raven approach them.

“Clarke you got a minute?” Raven asks,

“Yeah.” Clarke got up from her seat walking to a private area with the girl, “What’s up?”

“I have Madi with me like you asked, are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I promised to protect her, and I care about her.”

“Ok, I’m just making sure.”

“I’m going to talk to Lexa after this about it.”

“Is there anyone else you might want to talk to.” A voice said behind them,

“Not really.” Clarke rolled her eyes, turning to see Octavia.

“Please Clarke.” The girl begged,

“Why? I think you said everything you needed to; we’re not family remember?”

“You know I didn’t mean it I was just-.”

“Just what? Worried about Lincoln? Do you know how many times I’ve been worried about people and I never take it out on any of you instead I get to be the punching bag and I’m tired of it.” With that Clarke left leaving the two girls, as she went back to her seat she noticed they were bringing the prisoners out.

She stopped instantly when she saw her, dark hair, pale skin and even though she was about to die a smirk was planted on her face. Her followers didn’t look so happy though.

“Today we execute those guilty of the attacks on TonDC, Arkadia, Polis, Azgeda, The elder village and Shadow Valley. These poor excuses for warrior tried to ruin the peace that we all desperately crave, and they failed. The only thing they’ve accomplished is securing their own deaths.” Lexa nodded for the ambassadors to start.

The followers will have a quick death with a single stab to the heart but Ontari would suffer 100 cuts from the ambassadors and Clan leaders before Roan steps in the end her life.

Clarke watched as the followers were killed and each person made their cuts on Ontari and the girl barley flinched. Soon it was her turn since technically she was still an ambassador until they found a replacement.

“We can have someone else do it.” Lexa whispered,

“It’s fine.” Clarke looked at the girl remember that Echo told her Ontari was the one to kill Costia, “Come with me.”

Lexa nodded walking by her wife’s side as they made their way up to the bleeding girl. Black blood decorated her body completely covering her arms and legs, Clarke was sure she’d be dead soon anyways from blood loss.

“What an honor, the commander and her little bitch.” Ontari smiled, “I will say the blonde is prettier than the last one.

To Clarkes surprise Lexa stayed calm ignoring the girls words which made Ontari angry.

“Nothing to say commander? Did Costia mean so little to you, maybe it was a good thing me and her had a little fun before I chopped her head off.” She smirked,

Clarke grabbed the knife dragging it down the girls face and then another down her neck, not enough to kill her but enough to hurt. She handed the knife to Lexa who took it hesitantly before throwing it to the ground and grabbing her won sword.

“I hope it was worth it.” Lexa took her sword pressing it against the girls neck watching her gasp for air before she pushed on it as hard as she could completely severing the girls head.

Clarke watched as the girls headless body fell to the ground not feeling anything about it, she grabs Lexa’s hand and walks her back to the tower leaving everyone in the courtyard.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa murmurs as Clarke cleans blood off of her face,

“Don’t be, you deserve to get justice for her. Do you feel bad?” Clarke asks wiping the girls face,

“Not at all.”

“Good because I don’t either.”

“That was quite the show.” Roan said joining them,

“I know we discussed you having the honor-.”

“You deserved it more.” Roan nodded, “I’m leaving for Azgeda soon I just wanted to come say goodbye and to thank you.”

“You’re welcome here anytime Roan.” Clarke smiled,

“Thank you for coming.” Lexa shook the mans hand before he walked off joining his guards, “Can we go home?”

“I would love nothing more.” Clarke smiled,

Clarke was in her old room gathering up her things to take back to the house with her. She was excited to lay in her own bed after almost a month of staying in the tower.

“Do you have everything?” Lexa asked coming into the room.

“Yes, there is something I need to talk to you about before we leave.” Clarke was nervous, she didn’t want to put Lexa in a tough spot, but she also promised she would help.

“Ok.”

“There is a young girl named Madi that I’ve been spending a lot of time with recently. Her parents died in the attack on Shadow Valley so she’s here all alone and I was hoping she could stay with us.”

“Are you sure you want a child to live with us? We’ll have a newborn soon and two kids is a lot to handle.”

“I know but I promised I would protect her.” Clarke sighed, “She’s… special.”

“What aren’t you saying Clarke?” Lexa asked,

“She’s a Nightblood.” Clarke watched as the blood drained from Lexa’s face at the realization, “Her parents hid her and now they’re both dead and she needs someone.”

“Don’t you think I’m hiding enough Nightblood’s Clarke?” She whispered in fear the guards would be listening,

“So what should I do, turn her in?”

“I’m not saying that.” Lexa sighed,

“If you don’t want her to stay with us I understand I’ll figure something out, Raven has her right now, maybe my mom could keep her.”

Lexa thought over every solution possible, but there weren’t many, she could see that Clarke really cared about this child, but this was dangerous. If anyone finds out it could be bad for all of them.

“No, she will come with us.” Lexa finally said,

“Really?” Clarke smiled,

“If you truly believe this is something you want to take on then yes.”

“Thank you!” She kissed the girl, “You’ll love her.”

* * *

The house looked like it did when they left and Clarke was so happy to be back, she decided Madi’s room would be her art room until they figured something out. She hadn’t asked Madi if she wanted to stay with her, but she hoped she would agree.

Lexa seemed fine with it, but Clarke knew she was worried and for good reason but she hoped she could change the rules of the conclave by the time the baby was born so they would have nothing to fear.

“Knock knock.” Raven says waking in the house with Madi by her side.

“Raven.” Lexa says, they haven’t talk much recently since the whole ordeal,

“Hello Ms. I’m going to fake my death and make Raven who has a knee brace run around that huge ass tower to find your pregnant wife and warn her that you’re being stupid.” Raven smiled,

“It’s good to see you too, you must be Madi.” Lexa looked at the small girl hiding behind Raven, “I’m Lexa.”

“Hi.”

“Hey when did you get here?” Clarke asks walking into the living room.

“Just now.” Raven replies,

“Hey Madi.” Clarke smiles, “I was hoping to have you come stay with me for a little while.”

“Really?” the girl asks her eyes wide,

“Only if you want to, me and Lexa would like that.” Lexa smiles at the girl who is clearly scared of her,

“Ok.” Madi nods,

“Perfect I’ll show you to your room.” Clarke grabbed the little girls hand leading her to her old art room.

“You’re really ok with this?” Raven asks Lexa when both girls are out of ear shot.

“This is what Clarke wants.” She made her way to sit on the couch,

“But you don’t?”

“It’s not that I don’t, it’s just a huge responsibility.” Lexa sighs, “But we’ll be fine, Madi seems nice enough.”

“She’s really well behaved, I mean she wouldn’t even help me with my fireworks.”

“Fireworks?” Lexa asked confusingly,

“Like an explosion but like colorful and fun.” Raven explains, “And totally safe… for the most part. But that’s not the point, the point is I’m saying Madi’s a good kid.”

“Clarke says she lost her parents.”

“Yeah, but I think being with Clarke has helped her a lot. Is her staying here permanent?” Raven asked,

“We haven’t really talked about the details yet.” Lexa liked kids and if she wasn’t a Nightblood there’s no doubt in her mind that she would like to have Madi around.

“You and your wife need better communication skills.”

“We do.” Is all Lexa good gather, her and Clarke did need to work on things, “Tell me about The City of Light, is there anything new?”

“Other than what I’ve told you not really.” Raven sighs, “Becca’s journals are amazing I mean her mind is extraordinary, made she can tell you something I don’t know.”

“I told you that’s not how it works Raven.”

“So you can’t talk to her and ask questions?”

“Yes and no, I don’t know how to explain.”

“Explain what?” Clarke asks joining them on the couch,

“Where’s Madi?” Lexa asks,

“She wanted to paint, what are you two talking about?”

“All this Allie/City of Light bullshit, I was just asking Lexa to have a word with the voices in her head.”

“And I was just telling Raven that’s not how it works.” Lexa pointed out. “They have to come to me.”

“You couldn’t find anything new in Titus’s books?” Clarke asks her friend,

“Not really, I’m thinking of going to see Murphy.”

“He’s here?”

“Yes, him and apparently he has a girlfriend. I asked Abby where they were staying, I think I’m going to go over there tomorrow.”

“I’m going with you.” Clarke insisted,

“I can handle myself Clarke.”

“I know you can, but I don’t trust Murphy especially not after what he did to you.”

“What am I missing?” Lexa asked watching the two girls go back and forth,

Clarke looks to Raven expecting her to speak,

“He’s the one that shot me.” Raven murmured, “He’s why I have the brace.”

“And he’s still alive?” Lexa says angrily,

“I love it when you care about me.” Raven smiles, “It’s over and done now Lexa.”

“I will kill him Raven, only if you wish it.”

“No Lexa.” Raven sighs, “We’ve all done things since we’ve been here and as much as I hate this stupid brace it’s made me stronger, so Murphy is not a concern for me.”

“Fine.” She clenches her jaw, “But I’m keeping an eye on him, the moment he does something wrong I’m locking him up. And I’ll be coming with you tomorrow when you talk to him.”

“You guys are so protective.” Raven smiles, “I’m not used to that I mean the only other person who cared about me was Finn-.” Raven pauses realizing what she’s saying watching both girls shift uncomfortably, “What I’m saying is I’m glad I have people who care about me.”

“We’re all a family Raven.” Clarke smiles, “The weirdest group of people but none the less still a family.”

“Including Octavia.” Raven says staring at the blonde,

“Octavia excluded herself I never did.” Clarke scoffs,

“She was upset.”

“So was I but that didn’t matter it never does that’s what she doesn’t get!” Clarke shouts, “I’m finished being everyone’s scapegoat, what Octavia said was unnecessary, but I’m not surprised. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it and it won’t be the last.”

“Clarke I can’t speak for O but I am sorry, we all looked to you to make the decisions and we all blamed you when anything went wrong I know I did. But everything is different now, like you said we’re a family and we can’t fall apart.” Raven said, “Just talk to her.”

“Let me guess, you want me to talk to her too?” Clarke turned to Lexa.

“I do, you forgave me.” Lexa shrugged,

“It’s different.” Clarke whispered, “You’re my life partner.”

“And she’s basically your sister.”

“My sister wouldn’t treat me like that.”

“Just take some time and when you feel like it’s right talk to her.” Raven suggested,

“Fine now leave me alone about it.”

“Someone’s cranky, that’s my que to go. See you tomorrow princess and commander heart eyes.”

“Bye Raven.” Lexa smiles at the nickname, “I’m so glad we’re home.”

“Me too.” Clarke cuddles into the girls side, she’s missed being this close to her, “Thank you by the way, for letting Madi stay here.”

“Anything for you.” She said kissing the girls forehead,

“I think you should try and talk to her.”

“She’s clearly scared of me.” Lexa mumbled,

“She was hesitant with me too, once she gets to know you I think you two will get along great.”

“What do you expect to happen Clarke?” Lexa asks, “I mean in the long run, to just hide her here?”

“I don’t want to hide her I want her to have a normal life. I mean Theo and Elena do.”

“Theo and Elena are in danger everyday of their lives and now so is Madi.”

“Madi would already be in danger even if she wasn’t with us.” Clarke points out,

“But now you’re in danger too.” Lexa whispers, “Both of us.”

“Clarke.” A small voice calls from behind the girls, “I can go back with the other kids.”

Lexa immediately felt terrible, the last thing she wanted to do was make Madi feel bad but this is the reality. Hiding Nightblood’s is deathly frowned upon. She watched as Clarke went to comfort the girl assuring her that she was welcome.

“I’m going to make some dinner.” Clarke says before walking into the next room.

Lexa took the opportunity to go unpack their things and clean up the room a little before washing up in the bathroom.

After getting dressed into new clothes and drying her hair the best she could before going to check on Clarke. As she was walking past the room she noticed the baby’s room was open. When she looked in she saw Madi looking at the bookshelf holding Lexa’s favorite kids’ books.

“Do you like to read?” Lexa asks scaring the little girl which made her sad,

“I can’t read yet, but Clarke is teaching me.” Madi answers,

“I didn’t learn to read until I was about your age as well, but once I did I found a lot of great books.” Lexa smiled sitting next to the girl,

“Are these yours?”

“Yes, I brought them here so we could read to the baby once she comes.”

“Your baby is really lucky to have parents like you and Clarke.” The girl says sadly,

“Can you tell me about your parents?”

“They were nice sometimes.” Madi whispered, “Mostly to my brother because he had normal blood.”

“My brother has normal blood too.” Lexa says, “Is your brother in Polis?”

“He died with my parents.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you Madi, and I’m sorry if I made you feel unwelcome here. Clarke wants you here and so do I.” Lexa smiles at the girl,

Madi nods with a slight smile on her face.

“And maybe I can read you a story tonight if that’s ok.”

“Only if you want.”

“Pick which ever one you like and once we eat dinner we’ll read, how does that sound?”

“Good.” Madi smiles, “Thank you Heda.”

“No, Madi please just call me Lexa.”

“Thank you Lexa.”

“Dinner’s ready girls.” Clarke smiled in the doorway, watching their interaction made her heart want to explode with happiness.

Madi walks a head of the couple waiting for permission to take a seat at the table, something Clarke noticed that the girl did.

“Madi I told you, you don’t have to have permission to sit. Pick any seat you like.” Clarke smiled,

Lexa watched the girl pick a seat hesitantly, she wondered if her parents were abusive to her because she a Natblida. She made a mental note to ask Clarke if the girl mentioned anything.

Dinner was good, Lexa watched Madi and Clarke talk and it excited her for the future conversations with their own daughter at this very table.

“Hed- I mean Lexa is going to read me a book Clarke.” Madi says excitedly helping Clarke clean up after their dinner,

“Did she?” Clarke smiled, “What will you be reading?”

“She has a lot of books to choose from, what do you think we should read?”

“If I had to pick I’d go with Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, it’s very fun and it’s one of Lexa’s favorites.” She smiled, “How about you wash up and then we can get you to bed.”

Clarke ran a bath for Madi leaving her to wash up while she prepared her bed, adding some blankets and furs to keep her warm. When Madi was done she climbed into bed with her book awaiting Lexa.

“Ready?” Lexa asks walking into the room,

“Yes, I picked this one.” Madi hands her the book watching Lexa smile, “Clarke said it was your favorite.”

“Clarke is right.” Lexa smiles at the book from her childhood, the only thing that gave her any comfort while in Polis,

As Lexa starts to read she can’t help but feel happy, she’s never read to a child before but seeing the look on Madi’s face as she read made her feel something she’s never felt and she like it. She liked being light and soft and nice with someone who wasn’t Clarke. She liked getting to be just Lexa.

After a few chapters Lexa could see Madi getting tired so she stopped and promised they would read every night until they finished which seemed to please Madi.

“Lexa?”

“Yes.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Madi.” She smiled closing the girls door and walking to her own room.

When she walked in she saw Clarke laying on the bed with her shirt off and she could see her growing bump.

“Lexa come here!” Clarke says seeing the girl walk in,

“Is something wrong?” she rushed over, Clarke grabbing her hand and moving to her stomach,

“The baby is kicking.” Clarke smiles watching Lexa’s face as she feels the little movements, “Talk to her I swear she hears and she starts moving.”

“Hi baby girl.” Lexa grins feeling the kicks, “I hope you aren’t giving your mommy a hard time in there. She’s working really hard to carry you around all day.”

“And you ruined her favorite jacket.” Clarke laughs, “But I still love you little one.”

“I can’t wait to meet you; I love you more than anything baby girl.” Lexa kisses Clarkes stomach. “Has she kicked before?”

“Todays the first time, I was talking to her while you were reading to Madi.”

“Speaking of Madi, has she said anything about her parents? Other than that they died.”

Clarke looks at her for a moment before speaking.

“She hasn’t said much but I think she was abused by them.” Clarke sighs,

“I was thinking that too, she says they treated her brother better than her because of her blood.”

“She told me they never used to let her sit at the table without permission and sometimes they wouldn’t give it so she had to sit and watch them eat. I want to ask her more but I don’t want to upset her, I just want her to know we won’t treat her that way.”

“Then we show her.”

“I knew you two would get along.” Clarke smiles, “Maybe we can introduce her to Elena, Theo and Ali so she’ll know other kids.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Lexa smiled, “I’ve missed you beautiful.” She said moving some blonde waves from her face, “I know we have a lot to figure out but I’m happy we’re here together. And I’m glad our baby is healthy and I’m happy I found you Clarke.

“Lexa what’s going on?”

“Nothing I just need to make sure you know how important you are to me and how much I love you. Even when I do stupid things.”

“No more stupid things missy, promise me.”

“I promise.” Lexa replied,

“Good now help me up so I can try and be sexy and give you some kisses.” Lexa laughs lifting the blonde so she could sit up. Clarke slowly straddles the girl, “This used to be easier when I wasn’t 7 months pregnant.”

“If it’s any consolation I think you did it beautifully.” Lexa smiled peppering kisses down her chest and belly.

“That makes me feel a little better.”

Clarke leaned trying to kiss the girl but her bump was making it harder, “Meet me halfway?” Lexa laughed sitting up pulling the girl onto her lips completely devouring them.

“hmm, you did miss me.” Clarke smiles,

“I could show you how much.”

“Are you propositioning me?” Clarke quirks her brow,

“Maybe.” Lexa takes her time unhooking the blondes bra throwing it to the floor admiring Clarke’s huge chest.

“They’re swollen and painful.” She says noticing the girl staring, “Your baby is doing a number on me.”

“Well let me try and help.” Lexa laid the blonde down on the bed removing her pants revealing her soaked panties, “Someone’s excited.”

“I don’t think you understand the effect you have on me commander.” She tries to hold in her moans as the girl starts needing and kissing her breasts, “You can drive me crazy with one look or one kiss, something no one else can do.”

“Because your mine?” Lexa asks flicking her nipple with her tongue,

“I’m yours.” She moaned watching the brunette devour her swollen breasts,

“Do they feel better Clarke?”

“Yes Heda.” She nods feeling Lexa’s hands explore her wetness before running her tongue over the fabric, “Don’t tease me.”

“I would never.” Lexa smiled removing the girls panties before delicately letting her tongue run through her folds getting a gasp from the blonde, “You have to be quiet so you won’t wake Madi.”

Clarke nods as the girl continues to lick and suck making her writhing under her trying to hold in her moans but Lexa wasn’t playing fair. She was kissing all of her favorite spots while having three fingers inside of her not lasting longer after that.

Lexa removed her fingers sticking them in the blondes mouth watching her suck on them greedily moaning at her own taste.

“Hmm, thank you baby.” Clarke moans as Lexa licks up the rest of her release, “your turn.”

“Uh uh, tonight is about pleasing you.” Lexa kissed her way up the blondes body,

“You making love to me is very pleasing.” Clarke pouted, “Please!”

“Anything for you.” She kissed the blonde, “Do you think you can be quiet?”

“Do you?” Lexa was very vocal when her and Clarke had sex,

“I’ll try.” Lexa smiled,

After another hour of slowly pleasing each other both girls finally went to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Everything was great but great never lasts, after only a couple of hours of sleep Clarke woke up screaming from a nightmare.

Her breathing was frantic and she felt like she was suffocating until she felt someone touching her face bringing her back down.

“Clarke it’s ok.” Lexa says trying to calm the girl down,

“I’m sorry.” She whispered catching her breathe, she was drenched in sweat and her hair was stuck all over her face.

“Don’t be sorry Clarke, are you ok?”

“I am I jus- I’m a little hot so I’m going to go splash some water on her face.” Clarke slowly got off the bed and walked into the bathroom and shut the door. As soon as it’s closed she lets her tears stream down her face quietly while she tries to calm down.

“Clarke.” Lexa said knocking on the door,

“One minute.” She splashed some water on her face,

“You’re crying.” Lexa looks at the blonde seeing her bloodshot eyes,

“I’m fine.”

“What are your dreams about Clarke.” She asks knowingly,

“It’s nothing, I’m fine I just needed a second.”

“You see me die don’t you.” Lexa said her voice barley above a whisper,

Clarke can feel her tears building up again as she tries to push them down,

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered,

“Lexa.”

“I never meant to do this.”

“I’m fine, it’s just a dream. They will go away; I know you’re hear with me by my side.” She takes the girls hand squeezing it,

“I should be comforting you not the other way around.” Lexa sighed,

“So let’s go back to bed and you can hold me.” Lexa nodded walking back to the bed wrapping the blonde in her arms holding her tightly.


	34. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Raven bond as well as Madi and Lexa!

The next morning Clarke woke up to an empty bed which was disappointing but it wasn’t unusual. She hated how defeated Lexa looked last night learning what her nightmares were about. Even though she was hurt by Lexa’s plan she didn’t want the girl to feel worse about it, what’s done is done. They needed to move on and as much as she didn’t want to she knew she needed to talk to Octavia. She understood the girl was hurting but that didn’t make her words hurt less.

After washing up and changing clothes she went into the living room expecting to find at least Madi but no one was there. She checked every room before going outside where she found Elena, Theo, Ali, Madi, Luna, Max, Alix, and Lexa. The kids were play fighting with wooden swords; Clarke noticed Elena teaching Madi some fight moves which made her smile.

“Clarke!” Madi smiled walking over to the girl,

“Hey little one, having fun?”

“Elena is teaching how to fight and Lexa said she would teach me too!” Madi replied excitedly as Elena came to join them, “If that’s ok with you.”

“Of course it is.” Clarke smiled, leaning down to hug Elena. “How is she Elena?”

“She’s a natural.” Elena smiled, “I think she’s my new best friend!”

“Really?” Madi asks with wide eyes and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the interaction. “I’ve never had a best friend.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along, you better get back to training.” Clarke watched the two girls fight for a bit noticing Octavia and a healthy Lincoln walking with her.

She watched as they hesitantly approached her instead of Lexa’s and the others.

“Lincoln it’s good to see you.” Clarke smiled hugging the man,

“You too, Octavia told me you helped put me back together so thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” She smiles, “We’re family.” She notices Octavia’s extremely quiet fidgeting with her nails,

“I’m going to go talk to the others.” Lincoln says glancing at the two girls before walking away,

“Can we talk?” Octavia asks after a minute and to her surprise Clarke nods walking over to the waterfall waiting for her to follow,

They both stared at the water for a few minutes neither knowing if this would be a screaming match or a civil conversation.

“Clarke I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry.” Octavia sighed,

“You think I’m mad because of the plan?” Clarke looks at the girl, “I was mad about that initially but what hurt worse was hearing you say what I know everyone thinks. That I can’t save anyone and I get people killed and then you said we weren’t family and that was the cherry on top.”

“I’m not going to use Lincoln as an excuse and even though I was worried about him, I shouldn’t have hurt you.” Clarke watched as tears ran down the girls face, “Before any of this I only had Bell, then I found Lincoln and he’s my home without him I don’t know… I wanted Ontari die and I let that cloud my judgement and said things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry. No matter what you are my family and I know that, I know what you did to get us here and I will never hold that over you again. You’ve saved us all so many times and I’m grateful. I’m grateful that we got to become this, I’m grateful that I’m not alone anymore, so I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to forgive because I love you and I need you in my life.”

Clarke looked over at the girl with tears running down her face, she was nothing like the Octavia she met when they landed on the ground. She wasn’t something that equated to a broken law or the girl who hid in the floor she was her friend, her family someone she does need in her life. Someone that she’s not ready to lose over an argument.

She grabbed the girls hand leaning on her shoulder still looking at the water a few feet from them.

“I love you too.” Clarke says, “And I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled,

“How are you?” Octavia asks still holding the girls hand,

“Better, I’m happy to be home.”

“What about things with you and Lexa?”

“We’re good, we still need to have a deeper talk but right now we’re good.”

“She seems really good with Madi.” Octavia motioned towards the two girl’s play fighting. “How long are you guys keeping her?”

“We don’t know yet.”

Clarke smiled watching Lexa train the girl, she knew her and Lexa would get along because in some ways she thought they were similar. Not just because of their blood but because of their curiosity and bigger outlook of life, she hoped they would be good for Madi. That they could give her the love and parental affection she deserved from the beginning, she would just have to wait and see.

“I like her, we talked a little while she was with Raven. She’s a good kid.”

“She is.” Clarke agreed,

“What now? Live peacefully?”

“We still have Allie to deal with, then we live peacefully.”

“Shit I forgot about that, do we have a plan?”

“Nope, Raven wants to talk to Murphy for information though.”

“Is she kidding?” Octavia asked, “He shouldn’t even be alive after what he did to her.”

“You sound like Lexa but that’s not what Raven wants, she’s nicer than us.” Clarke smiles, “Lexa doesn’t want her to see him alone so she’s going with her.”

“Good, even then do we really think the cockroach is going to give us anything useful?”

“Maybe if his freedom depended on it, Lexa basically begging for him to mess up so she can lock him a way.” Clarke says, “Is it high hoping to think maybe he’s changed?”

“I want to say no, but we all have.” Octavia sighs,

“I guess time will tell.”

“Yeah.”

“Come on let’s join the others.” Clarke tries to get up from the ground but with her bump and swollen everything she’s finding it difficult, “This baby is going to kill me.”

O laughs bending down to help Clarke off of the ground, “Just a few more months.”

“Thankfully.” She says as they walk back over to the adults who were now watching Ali and Elena spar. Elena was dominating Ali blocking all of her hits and punches but Ali wasn’t giving up.

“Clarke it’s good to see you.” Alix smiled hugging the girl, while Octavia walks over to Lincoln and Luna.

“You too, Elena looks great.”

“She’s one of the best in her class and she doesn’t miss the opportunity to share that news.” She laughs,

“Where’s Theo?”

“I think he has a little crush.” Alix smirks pointing to the boy and Madi sitting by some flowers talking and laughing, “He seems quite smitten.”

“He’s too young to be smitten.” Lexa says joining the women, “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Clarke smiles,

“You two are adorable, I just can’t wait until that baby gets here. She going to be so beautiful.” Alix exclaimed,

“Like her mom.” Lexa smiles,

“Both of them.” Clarke adds,

“Ugh, if you two are done being super cute I’d like to go talk with Murphy now.” Raven interrupts from behind them.

“Hello to you too Raven.”

“There’s no time for pleasantries, we have a case to solve.” Raven responds,

“That we do, lead the way to this Murphy.” Lexa says, “I’ll be back soon.”

Clarke leaned in giving the girl a quick kiss before her and Raven disappeared into the forest.

“I’m glad Madi’s getting along with everyone.” Clarke says still talking to Alix,

“Lexa said she’s a Natblida.” Alix says warily,

“She is her parents hid her as well.”

“She seems like a good kid but is it worth the risk?”

Clarke looked at Madi laughing a smiling something she hasn’t done much of since they had met. Her life hasn’t been the best and her blood is the reason.

“If it means she gets to be happy and safe then yes, it’s worth the risk.” She says finally,

“I hope you know what you’re doing Clarke.”

“Me too.” Clarke murmured,

* * *

**_LEXA_ **

They arrived at the house that Murphy was staying in with the other Skaikru members and asked to speak with him in private. Lexa wanted to take him the tower and properly interrogate him but Raven said no so she settled for outside of the house. At first he was hesitant to talk but he realized Lexa wasn’t going to be giving him much choice.

“What is this about Raven?” Murphy asks obviously annoyed they wanted to talk to him,

“Allie.” Raven says plainly,

“I already told Abby and Kane I wasn’t with Jaha, we traveled together but he left me and I was trapped in some bunker for weeks.”

“Bunker? Where at?”

“Past the dead zone, I’m pretty sure it was built by some scientist. There was recordings of some guy talking about the bombs.” Murphy shrugged,

“How did you get out?” Raven asked, “You said you were trapped.”

“One day the door just opened, when I ran outside Jaha was waiting. He seemed different he kept talking to someone who wasn’t there, I’m pretty sure he’s gone crazy.”

Raven tried to make since of this information but the truth was none of this made since.

“What do you know about the chips he’s handing out?” Lexa asks,

“Nothing, he claims it’s the key to the city of light. Like I said he’s gone completely crazy.”

“You have to take us to the bunker.” Raven says,

“Hell no, I’m not going back out there. Do you know how many people we left with and only me and Jaha returned? It’s dangerous.”

“I think it’s funny that you thought I was asking.” Raven says, “You are taking us there.”

Lexa couldn’t help but admire Ravens aggressiveness, she was almost proud.

“Jaha is dealing with some serious shit psycho AI’s and imaginary friends who might not be so imaginary. Whatever he’s planning we need to stop it; this bunker could hold the answers we need.”

“I’ll draw you a map I’m not going back out there.” Murphy says,

“You will lead a team to the bunker or you’ll join Jaha in a cell.” Lexa orders, “I can give you a guide who will know how to avoid the land minds and any other dangers.”

“See? Like I said we’re not asking.” Raven smiled,

“And if you try to run I’ll make sure your death is very drawn out and painful.” Lexa added,

“I bet a part of you wants him to run.” Raven smiles at the girl,

“I wouldn’t be mad if he did.” Lexa shrugs,

“What the hell Raven?” Murphy says watching the two girls go back and forth.

“We leave tomorrow, get ready.” Raven said walking away Lexa close behind her. “I could totally be the commander.”

“You definitely could boss people around.” Lexa smiled,

“All I need now is face paint and a sword.”

“You could be my second if you would like.” Lexa suggested,

“I can barely train with Luna I doubt I can do it with you.”

“Being a second is about more than training but I can teach you to fight with your brace. I once trained with a broken leg.”

“Why?”

“Titus wouldn’t let me miss, I had a cast on and it hurt but I fought through it.”

“Can I think about it?” Raven asked,

“Of course, in the meantime we should prepare for your trip.”

“There’s no way Clarke will let you go.”

“I won’t be joining you but I will send my most trusted guide and of course a few warriors. Let’s go to the tower and we’ll pick who you want with you.”

* * *

“How have you been?” Clarke asked Luna who she hasn’t seen in a couple of weeks mainly because she didn’t want to leave her room.

“Good I guess, we’re all still alive so that’s good.” Luna smiled, “How are you? I tried to see you when we came back from helping shadow valley recover from the attack.”

“I’m sorry about that I just needed time to think and evaluate things.”

“I get it, we didn’t know about Lexa’s plan either so when we saw the smoke signaling the conclave we freaked out.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out that way.” Clarke sighed,

“I’m just glad it’s not true and that she’s alive.”

“Me too.” Clarke said, “How is Ali adjusting?”

“Well I think, she mostly spends time with Elena and Theo if they’re not training. I wish I could get her to not train so much but it’s what she wants.”

“The schools will open soon hopefully we can give them other things to want.”

“Hopefully.” Luna smiled, “How much longer?” she asked pointing to her stomach.

“Less than 12 weeks.”

“I’m sure you’re excited to for her to come out, I know I was with Ali. It didn’t help that I had her during one of the hottest summers.”

“Luckily for me it’s starting to get cooler out, hopefully I’ll have her before the first snow.”

“Thankfully, this isn’t Azgeda or we’d already be buried in snow. So what’s the story with Madi?”

“Lexa didn’t tell you?” Clarke asked,

“No.”

“She lost her parents so she’ll be staying with us for a while.” Clarke decided the condensed version would have to do.

“That’s nice of you.” Luna acknowledged, “She is getting along with everyone great; Theo looks in love already.”

“Alix thinks the same, I’m just glad she’s making friends.”

* * *

“Raven this is Ryder, he’s a friend and my most trusted scout.” Lexa introduced the two explaining where she needs Raven to be taken. Although is he apprehensive about going to the dead zone he agrees, not that he had much choice.

“Who will be joining us Heda?” Ryder asked,

“We are still forming a group; Raven is there anything particular you need?” Lexa asked the girl,

“I pretty much have Becca’s journals seared into my brain, maybe one of those chips Jaha’s handing out.” Raven racked her brain for anything, “It might be helpful if Clarke goes to talk to Jaha before we leave. He seems to trust her and we need all the information we can get.”

“I’ll discuss it with her.” Lexa nodded, “Ryder pick two of your most trusted men I’ll choose the rest of the team.”

“Sha Heda.” Ryder bowed before leaving the room,

“Are you ok with Clarke going down there?” Raven asked,

“If she wants to then I trust her judgment, now I’m thinking you should take Octavia, Bellamy, Echo, Max and two other Trikru warriors.”

“Whatever you think is best commander.”

“No snarky comment?”

“I used them all up on Murphy.” Raven shrugged,

“You handled him well, I was very impressed with your strength.”

“I’m going to need all strength I can find to spend who knows how many days with him.” She sighed,

“We can find another way Raven.”

“No, this is about more than me. We could all be in danger right now; we have no clue what ALLIE’s up to right now.”

“Ok, well you should spend time with Tara before you leave then.” Lexa said making the shift uncomfortably,

“We aren’t together anymore, but it’s ok so don’t ask me if I’m ok.”

“I won’t.” Lexa looked at the girl trying to figure out if she’s really ok,

“Stop looking at me I’m fine!” Raven declared,

“I didn’t say anything!” Lexa tried to hide her smile,

“I know you were thinking I wasn’t fine.”

“I feel like your trying to tell me that you’re not fine because you keep mentioning that you are fine.”

“Ok fine!” Raven yelled, “I’m not that fine but it’s not because we broke up I just…. I feel like no one can love me like this.” Raven motioned to her brace,

“Raven-.”

“Don’t give me some bullshit about finding the right one either.” She interrupted,

“After I lost Costia I thought the same thing.” Lexa sighed, “Except my brace is being Commander, I thought it would be too hard for someone else to handle but when I wasn’t even looking I found Clarke. If someone can’t except your brace then they don’t deserve you.”

Raven smiled taking in everything Lexa said, she hadn’t realized it before but they were kind of close. Never in a million years did she think they would be friends yet here they were.

“Is it ok if I just spend time with you and Clarke before I leave.”

“Of course it is.” Lexa replied, “Come on.”

* * *

After chatting with everyone for a little while longer they went home leaving just Clarke and Madi. The fall was starting to settle and winter would be here soon but today it was still warm outside. Clarke wasn’t ready for the winter, she hoped it would stay warm for longer and so far she’s getting that wish.

“We should swim in the lake.” Clarke suggested to a tired Madi, she had been playing with the kids all morning but Clarke thought this would be a good way for them to cool off.

“I don’t know how to swim.” Madi said sadly,

“I’ll help you.” Clarke smiled, she took her clothes off leaving her bra and shorts. No one comes around this side of the river so they should be fine. She helped Madi take her boots off leaving her in her shorts and shirt. “Ready?”

Madi nodded grabbing Clarkes hand as they slowly walked into the warm water.

“We can just float today, lay all the way back.” Clarke instructed, “Don’t worry I’ll hold you.”

Madi hesitantly laid back in the water while Clarkes arms held her up, after laying for a few seconds Clarke moved her hands letting the girl float.

“Clarke, I’m doing it!” Madi cheered excitedly, “I’m floating!”

“All by yourself too.” Clarke smiled holding up her hands,

“Float with me Clarke!” Clarke laid back beside the girl letting the water carry her, it was relaxing.

Clarke started to teach the basics of swimming and she was really good at it, she was noticing Madi was a fast learner at pretty much anything.

“Good job Madi!” Clarke watched as the girl swam towards her,

“This is just adorable.” Raven grinned,

Clarke turned around finding Raven and Lexa watching as they swam, she made sure Madi was in the shallow end before walking over to them.

“How’d it go?” Clarke asked,

“We’ll talk about it later, right now we relax.” Lexa replied, “Oh and I’m supposed to tell you that Raven is no longer with Tara and before you ask yes she is fine!”

“You were supposed to say that when I’m not around dumbass.” Raven shook her head,

“Right.” Lexa remembered, “And do not call me that.”

“No questions please, I’m fine.” Raven demanded,

“Fine.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at Lexa and Raven’s dynamic, it was a total 360 from how they used to be. She loved it, “Both of you come swim with us.”

“I don’t swim.” Raven said,

“You will today, Madi wants you two to join.” Clarke said, “Right Madi?” Madi nodded before going back to finding shells in the water.

“Using the kid to lure me in?” Raven rolled her eyes, “Really?”

“Come on Raven.”

“I can’t get my brace wet.”

“Take it off.” Clarke said plainly,

“Then I won’t be able to stand.”

“I’ll help you.” Lexa volunteered,

“Can you just take no for an answer?” Raven huffed,

“No.” Clarke smiled,

“Fine, maybe I’ll drown so you can have that on your conscious.” Raven said taking her shirt and brace off,

“We would just save you.” Lexa smiled taking off her clothes as well.

When they got in the water Clarke watched as Madi showed Lexa her swimming who applauded her every time she swam a far distance. She couldn’t wait for a lifetime of this, teaching Madi things and their own daughter and maybe more kids who knows. Lexa was amazing with Madi even when the girl was hesitant with her, over the last couple days they bonded a lot. It made her realize she couldn’t imagine not having her here but she didn’t know if Lexa only wanted this to be temporary. She added that to the long list of things they needed to talk about.

“Aren’t you glad you got in?” Clarke asks Raven as she sat beside her in the water.

“It does feel nice I guess.” She replied watching Madi and Lexa swim in the water, “I think me and Lexa are friends, like actual close friends.”

“Are you ok with that?” Clarke smiled,

“I am, do you think he would be?” Raven turned to Clarke,

“Do yo think he would be ok with you and I being friends?”

“Yes.”

“She may have ordered it but I killed him.” Clarke sighed, “So if you can forgive me I think it’s ok to forgive her.”

“I do.” Raven nodded, “Forgive both of you.”

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled; she didn’t know she needed her forgiveness until now. “It means a lot.”

“As a real thank you, you can name your daughter after me.” Raven smiled, “Raven the second has a nice ring to it.”

“I’ll definitely add it to the list.” Clarke smiled, “We have no clue what to name her.”

“You’ll know when she gets here, maybe she’ll want to help me build fireworks since Madi’s a goody two shoes.”

“Stop trying to corrupt my kids.”

“Kids?”

“I mean, if Madi wants to stay I don’t plan on letting her go.” Clarke shrugged,

“I don’t think your wife will either.” Raven pointed to the cutest scene ever of Lexa swimming with Madi on her back. They both had huge smiles on their faces as they talked about something, it was a side of Lexa not even Clarke got to see that often and she loved it. “She’s a natural at this.”

“She is.” Clarke smiled as she remembered Lexa’s worries about being a good mom, clearly she was a natural with kids and their daughter is going to be very lucky.


	35. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Started writing this story 4 years ago on fanfiction.net and now it's finally coming to an end! it's bitter sweet but i'm excited to meet clexa's baby and i can't wait to write her

Raven and her team would be leaving in a few hours so Clarke was preparing herself to talk to Jaha once again. She hadn’t seen him since she pledged her fake allegiance and unknown to her the chips had been circulating around Polis. A guard who took one was caught trying to persuade his friends to take it and if it weren’t for Titus they might’ve. This chip was like the newest drug on the block and everyone was curious about it. The people who took it were acting like minions and neither her nor Lexa knew how to stop this, their only hope was Raven.

When she arrived at the dungeons she once again found Jaha in his meditating position, eyes closed and a smile on his face. It weirded Clarke out but she put it aside and tried to put her best smile on as well.

“I’m sorry to bother you.” Clarke said making the man open his eyes,

“It’s no bother at all.” He smiled, “I’m told many people have taken the chip, good job Clarke.”

“Is A.L.L.I.E happy about that?’

“A.L.L.I.E cannot be happy; her main goal is the survival of the human race.”

‘Makes sense to end the world then.’ Clarke thought to herself,

“She is curious as to why you haven’t taken the chip yet.”

“As much as I am appreciative of the cause I cannot in good faith take the chip while I am still pregnant.” Clarke explained hoping he would buy it, “I don’t want her to be hurt.”

Jaha stared at her for a minute glancing behind her every few seconds like someone was there.

“Right well, we’re happy you decided to visit today.” Jaha said still glancing behind her,

“Why exactly?”

“Because now it’s time for phase two, A.L.L.I.E needs the flame so your last tasks is to get the commander to take the chip?”

“Why does Lexa need to take the chip?” Clarke didn’t like where this was going,

“All your questions will be answered soon Clarke, for now you do as your told. Get Lexa to take this chip.” Jaha pulled a chip out of his pocket and handed to her through the metal bars. Clarke examined the chip, it looked like the others except the infinity sign is black.

“This isn’t like the others.”

“It’s special.” Jaha explained, “Make sure she takes it.”

Clarke nodded not sure if she could trust her voice, it was clear they had sinister plans for Lexa. Plans she refused to let come to fruition, they needed to stop A.L.L.I.E immediately. 

Clarke left the dungeons and went straight to the throne room where Lexa, Raven and her travel entourage were waiting. As soon as the door opened heads turned straight to her but she ignored them walking straight to Lexa and Raven.

“We need to talk.” Clarke said quietly pulling the two girls to the side.

“You don’t look like you’re bringing good news.” Raven said,

“There isn’t much good news that can come from Jaha’s mouth.” Clarke sighed, “But this news is particularly worrisome.” Clarke opened her hand and showed the girls the special chip Jaha gave her.

“This is different.” Raven picked up the chip inspecting it.

“What is it Clarke?” Lexa asked, she could see the blonde was worried by the look on her face.

“He wants me to get you to take this chip, he wouldn’t tell me much about it just that A.L.L.I.E needs the flame.”

“We know the chips give her access to people’s minds and subconscious.” Raven said still looking at the chip, “If you were to take this I think it will give her access to the flame.”

“Why does she want the flame so bad?” Clarke asked,

“The flame is the better version of A.L.L.I.E, it’s everything Becca meant to do the first time.”

“So they want an upgrade?”

“Essentially yes.” Raven sighed, “Maybe if it take a closer look at this chip they want you to take I can rig it somehow. So if you take it A.L.L.I.E won’t be in control but she would also be in your head.”

“What good would that do?” Lexa asked,

“If I’m right A.L.L.I.E is basically a code so if you take the chip modified you would be able to read her code but she won’t be able to get to the flame.”

“You can do that?” Clarke looked to the girl,

“I don’t know, maybe.” Raven replied unsurely, “I can’t leave and work on this.”

“So we post pone the trip a few days.” Lexa said, “More people are starting to take the chip even with my guards going around and collecting them. If there is something we can do here we have to try.”

“Ok, Monty might be able to help. I’ll grab him and we’ll start immediately.” Raven put the chip in her pocket,

“Do you need anything?” Clarke asked the girl,

“Time, we don’t know what happens when more people take the chip. I need to figure this out before we find out.”

“Go, we’ll handle the chips.” Lexa nodded, Raven grabbed her books and research before heading out of the door.

“What’s going on?” Octavia asked walking over to the two, “When do we leave?”

“Not today.” Lexa said walking to join the others, “The trip to the dead zone has been delayed, I’ll have more details in the next few days. For now enjoy time with your families and be safe.”

“What happened?” Bellamy asked, the rest of the group had started to leave except Bellamy, Echo, Max, and Octavia.

“We may have found a way to stop A.L.L.I.E from here; Ravens working on it now.” Clarke explained,

“Is there anything we can do?” Max asked,

“We need to figure out how to stop the chips from circulating, the more people take them the worse. We have no clue what A.L.L.I.E is planning and Jaha isn’t offering up much more information.” Clarke sighed, “Raven needs as much time as she can get.”

“We’ll do what we can.” Octavia nodded,

Lexa assembled a group of warriors and guards to patrol polis specifically for the chips and anyone who has taken them. They needed to know how many people have already taken them.

While that was happening Clarke visited medical where Madi was waiting with Abby. At first she thought her mom wouldn’t be supportive of them taking in Madi but she was all for it.

When she walked in she found Abby showing Madi how some of the equipment worked. She could tell by the look on the little face how in awe she was of everything.

“Having fun?” Clarke smiled,

“Your mom showed me how to take someone pulse!” Madi replied clearly excited about being here, “Do you think I could be a Doctor Clarke?”

“I think you can be anything you want so yes if that’s what you want you can be a doctor.” Clarke smiled, watching Madi go back to looking at all the tools,

“She’s incredibly smart.” Abby murmured to her daughter,

“I know, we only started learning how to read a couple weeks ago and she read me a short paragraph last night without a problem. If her parents had given her any attention she would be so amazing.”

“She still can be.” Abby smiled, “You and Lexa seem to have taught her a lot in the short time she’s bee with you; I have no doubt she will be anything but amazing.”

“I hope so.” She mumbled, “Anyways I know this is a busy time of day so I’m taking Madi to the library to practice some reading.”

“Abby am I allowed to come back?” Madi asked walking over to the women,

“I’d love it if you did.” Abby smiled,

“Thanks mom.”

When they got to the library Madi immediately ran to Raven who was working on the chips with Monty and weirdly Jasper. He never really talks to her, not since Mount Weather anyways so she smiles friendly before walking over to Raven.

“Madi Raven might not be able to talk today she’s really busy ok?” Clarke said to the girl,

“I always have time for you Mads, maybe you can help me by reading these journals.” Raven handed Becca’s journals over to the girl, it was a way to practice her reading and feel like she was helping.

“I won’t be able to stay but if you get stuck on a word just ask Raven or Monty ok?”

“I’ll help you.” Jasper volunteers, “I know it may be hard to believe but I know how to read.” He joked with the younger girl,

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled, “I’ll be back later ok?”

“Ok Clarke.” Madi smiled before opening her book,

Clarke had no clue how she could be useful to anyone and maybe she couldn’t but there was no way she would just sit around and do nothing. Her only distraction was to finish what she started, figure out how to change the conclave but she needed help. Or at least some insight from someone who might know why exactly things are the way they are and other than Lexa she only knew one person.

“Hi.” Clarke smiled sitting down near the training grounds,

“Hello Clarke.” Luna smiled back, “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping you could help me with something, and before I dive in with my questions I want to make sure you’re comfortable with talking about it.”

“Ok, about what?” Luna asked,

“The conclave.” Clarke watched the girls face for any emotion but there was nothing,

“What do you want to know about it?”

“I-.” Clarke blanked on how to phrase her questions, “Do you know why the Nightblood’s are forced to fight to the death for the title? I mean- I guess I just wonder if Nightblood is so rare, why kill each other?”

“It’s our way.” Luna said plainly,

“There’s no rhyme or reason?”

“What are you doing Clarke?” she squinted at the blonde trying to figure her out,

“I want to rewrite the rules of the conclave.”

“I was not expecting that I suppose.” Luna admitted, “May I ask why?”

“Why not? I’ve gotten to know these kids and I just don’t think they should have to die because it’s ‘their way’. They deserve to live their lives the way they choose so if there’s a way I can give them a future I’m going to try.” She explained,

“I don’t doubt that is why but there is definitely something more”

Clarke sighed, “My baby could be a Nightblood, I don’t want this for her and Lexa won’t even discuss the possibility of it happening.” She didn’t want to mention Elena or Theo because that was up to Alix to tell.

Luna paused for a second taking in everything the blonde said.

“I admire that.” Luna said finally, “Does Lexa know you’re doing this?”

“No.”

“The conclave starts with the burning ceremony of the old commander, their spirit rests in the flame but their body remains for the Nightblood’s to properly put them to rest. After the first round of fights start depending on how many officiants there are the fight last 3 days ending with the winner. Then comes ascension, even if you win the fights the flame can reject you, if it finds you worthy you are the new commander. You perform the reading of the past commanders names then your rule starts.” Luna explains, “This is how it’s been for decades Clarke; I can’t imagine it will ever change.”

“But so much has already changed Luna, you can’t tell me this is the same place you left years ago.” Clarke points out, “Even if it’s impossible don’t you think I owe it to those kids to try?”

“I suppose, why haven’t you asked Lexa for help?”

“I thought I could do it without her, clearly I’m failing.” She chuckles,

“And you want my help?”

“I guess I wanted your insight, I know this competition took a lot from you so I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“I used to not be able to talk about it but after years of living with it I had to let it go. Or at least try and let it go.”

“Were you and your brother close?” Clarke asks,

“No, not really. Like Elena and Theo he was my twin but we shared no real connection once we were brought to Polis. He bought into the conclave and wanted to be the commander, even if that meant killing me. The day of our fight he looked me in the eyes and I knew he thought of me as his enemy. He was a great fighter but I guess I was better.” She sighed, “After my fight with him I left but that memory will never leave me, I hope you can save those kids from that and if I can help I want to.”

“I don’t even know what to do next.” Clarke sighed,

“Then we’ll figure it out, together.” Luna smiled holding out her hand for the blonde to take.

“Together.” She took the girls hand.

\-------------------

“How many?”

“Twenty in the village Heda.”

It had been a couple of hours since Lexa sent her guards out looking for A.L.L.I. E’s chips and people who have taken them. So far they collected thirty chips from people thinking about taking them so that was something.

“Thank you Mylin, keep searching. Report back in the morning.” The women bowed before exiting the room Clarke replacing her.

“Any good news?” Lexa asked,

“I was just going to ask you that question.”

“We found some chips but I have no news that is beneficial. What about Raven?”

“I was on my way there after this to go get Madi.”

“We’ll go together.”

“LEXA I mean Heda, commander?” A frantic Monty ran into the throne room alarming both girls,

“Monty what’s going on?” Clarke asked the boy,

“It’s Madi, she-.”

“What happened?” Lexa asked the boy making his breathing increase,

“She took the chip.”

“The chip?”

“The chip, she took it.” Monty repeated,


	36. A.L.L.I.E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo, in this chapter you will read the city of light i never meant for this to be close to the shows version and in a way it's not. what i'm saying in the flame and the chip don't work how they do in the show some stuff is the same but for future chapters i'll put my own spin on things mostly the flame

“How did this happen?” Lexa yelled as soon as they entered the library,

“I- I don’t know I mean- she was reading and I was saying we don’t know what the chip does.” Raven explained frantically trying to get her words together, “That’s when she grabbed one of the chips we were comparing to the new one and she just swallowed it! I shouldn’t have had her near them i- I’m.”

“Where is she?” Clarke looked around the room stopping when she found the little girl laying on the couch completely unresponsive.

“She hasn’t moved since she took it.” Raven was panicking not only was she worried for Madi but at the looks Lexa was currently giving her.

Clarke checked the girls vitals trying to figure out why she wasn’t waking up.

“Everyone else who took it has been fine!” Clarke lightly shook the girl, “Madi I need you to wake up sweetie.” Nothing. “Madi please.”

Clarke was trying hard to keep it together but the girl wasn’t waking up even though she seemed perfectly fine on the outside.

“What can we do?” Lexa asked Raven,

“Lexa- I don’t know.”

“What if I take the chip and shut down A.L.L.I.E, would that wake her up?”

“If all my hypotheticals are right then yes, but we haven’t even attempted modifying the chip yet.”

“The flame will protect me.” Lexa said plainly, “If it’s the only way to save her I’m doing it.”

“Are you crazy?” Clarke tore her eyes from Madi zoning in on Lexa, “We have no clue what will happen when you take that.”

“We have to do something Clarke.” Lexa looked at the small girl that laid on the couch, it looked as if she was sleep but they knew it was more than that.

“We’ll find another way, what if you take it and A.L.L.I.E immediately does something to you?”

“The flame will protect me Clarke, don’t ask me how I know I just do.” Lexa sighed, “We have to save her, she’s- I mean…. we -.”

“I know.” Clarke nods understanding what she means, Madi had only been with them for a week but she was theirs and neither of them wanted her to leave.

“I have to do this Clarke and-.”

“And I have to let you?” Clarke finished the girls sentence remembering the first she’d heard it.

“Yes.” Lexa knew they wouldn’t understand how the flame works but right now it was like Becca had a main line of communication to her. She knew she would guide her. “Have faith in me.”

Clarke racked her brain for another solution, she could drag Madi to medical and see what her mom could do or try literally anything else so Lexa doesn’t have to do this. This wasn’t about faith it was about safety and being scared this could all end terribly.

“Come back to me.” Clarke murmured barley above a whisper,

“Always.” Lexa nodded,

The next few hours were filled with Lexa and Raven going over what Lexa will do once she takes the chip while Clarke sat by Madi hoping she would wake up before they went through with this.

“It’s time.” Lexa kneeled beside the blonde, “Raven says I should take the regular chip instead of the one Jaha gave you just in case it’s laced with something.” Lexa looked at her as she watched Madi, “I’ll get her back Clarke I promise.”

Clarke nodded turning her attention to her wife, “Ai hod yu in houmon, ai gaf both gon yu.”

“You’ll have both of us I promise.” Lexa kissed the blonde quickly, “Ai hod yu in Clarke.” Lexa laid on the couch opposite of Madi waiting for Raven to give her the chip.

“Last chance to back out.” Raven said half joking,

“It’ll be ok Raven.” Lexa smiled,

“And if it isn’t its all my fault.” Raven whispered,

“This isn’t your fault Raven; it’s A.L.L.I. E’s and I swear we will fix this.”

“You’re even crazier than me.”

“Perhaps that is why we get along so well.” She smiled,

“Perhaps.” Raven nodded handing the girl the clear blue chip, “Do what we discussed.”

“I will.” Lexa looked over at Clarke who was still facing Madi but she could hear the girls tears and it broke her heart but she needed to do this. She took the chip from Raven’s hand and placed it in her mouth feeling as it dissolved instantly she closed her eyes feeling a sort of calm wash over her.

When she opened her eyes she was no longer in her library in the tower but in some sort of city? She was surrounded by tall glass buildings and streets and sidewalks things she’s never seen in her life before.

“What is going on?” Lexa whispered to herself wondering if this was all in her head and if it was could Raven and Clarke hear her?

She walked up the street waiting to see something or even someone but there was nothing, just empty streets. The more she walked the more hopeless she felt, maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“Don’t doubt yourself now commander.” A voice said from behind her,

“Regina?” Lexa watched as the dark-skinned women walked towards her, she was dawned in her braids and bright war paint she used to look at almost every day. It was like déjà vu seeing her standing in front of her.

“It’s good to see you Lexa kom Trikru.” Regina smiled, “You’ve become a great warrior and leader, I should’ve put my faith in you instead of Luna.”

“Luna is a great warrior.”

“But you are the visionary.” Regina added, “You did what all of us could never do, I am proud to have you as my successor Lexa.”

Lexa doesn’t need recognition from the previous commander no matter how flattering right now she needed to figure out how to shut this place down and find Madi.

“Are you here to help?”

“I am.” Regina nodded, “Becca Pram Heda wants me to lead you to the kill switch.”

“Kill switch?”

“It is how you will stop A.L.L.I.E, once you hit the switch this place will shut down.”

“Why is no one here?”

“They are the flame offers some protection but now that you’ve taken the chip A.L.L.I.E is probably already trying to access the flame which means we need to hurry.”

Lexa followed Regina through the streets, as they are walking she notices people suddenly walking around them but they don’t seem to be paying them any mind.

“They can’t see us.” Lexa said standing a few feet in front of a person that she recognizes from the village.

“For now but we need to hurry.”

“How much further?” Lexa asked,

“Look.” Regina pointed up to a spotlight blinking an infinity sign, “We follow the signs.” Lexa nodded following the women.

* * *

“We expected this to happen.” Raven assured the blonde,

“So what we wait for her to wake up?” Clarke asked, Lexa had taken the chip almost an hour ago and nothing had happened,

“She will wake up Clarke.” Raven said trying to convince Clarke and herself, “She has to.” She looked down at the commander hoping for something, a sign saying she was ok like a twitch of the finger or eye movement but there was nothing.

* * *

“It’s through there.” Regina pointed down a corridor,

“You’re not coming?”

“I have something else to take care of.” Regina pointed to the group people running towards them, “You’re running out of time.”

“One last fight?” Lexa asked seeing the first couple people getting closer to them.

“It would be an honor commander.” Regina smiled grabbing her swords, Lexa mimicking her getting ready for their fight.

Lexa easily took out the first few people leaving the stragglers to Regina, if it were any other situation she would enjoy the opportunity to fight with an ex commander like this but she was in a hurry.

“You need to go now! I’ll hold them off!” Regina yelled blocking a sword from one of the followers,

“What about you?” Lexa yelled as she fought off a man,

“I’m already dead Lexa but you are not, our people need you. You’re houmon and goufa’s need you now go!”

Lexa took one last look at her old teacher before running into the corridor where she found a door with the infinity sign on it. She wasted no time walking through revealing her throne room but different. It was the room but everything different, the chair was… unfinished and the walls were falling apart.

“Hello Commander.”

“Becca.” Lexa smiled looking at the woman, “What is this place?”

“This is the throne room, after the bombs the tower required a lot of work. I wish I could explain to you everything and maybe one day I will be able to but now there is something you need to do.” Becca motioned towards a switch placed on the throne. “Pull it and you will destroy the city of light and A.L.L.I.E.”

“And the people in it?”

“They will be freed, even Madi.”

“Ok.” Lexa walked towards the switch prepared to pull it when another woman appeared,

“Are you sure you want to do that commander?” A woman who looked exactly like Becca said, she was wearing a red dress and heels with her hair pulled back. “The City of Light offers everyone a place where you can live free of pain and suffering.”

“That is apart of life.” Lexa replied plainly,

“But it doesn’t have to be.” A.L.L.I.E smiled, “Here you can be what you’ve always wanted, you can be just Lexa. You won’t have to be the leader of anyone, you’d be free. Here you can live happily with Clarke and your children without the fear of war, it would be as easy as breathing.”

“She’s stalling.” Becca interrupted, “As soon as the upload is complete she’ll have access to the flame. You need to pull the kill switch Lexa.”

“Stay here commander, have a happy life.” A.L.L.I.E continued, “Choose yourself for once and let go of the pain you suffer from being the commander.”

“Pain is a part of life; it reminds you that you are alive and even at it’s worse it gives you a reason to keep living. I have suffered a lot being commander but I would do it all again for this outcome.” Lexa looked at Becca who smiled and nodded, “Goodbye A.L.L.I.E.” Lexa pulled the lever quickly before she could reply,

* * *

“Lexa.” A soft voice whispered, “Come back to me, please.”

“Clarke?”

“I’m here.”

When Lexa opened her eyes she was immediately greeted with blue eyes and blonde hair clouding her vision.

“Madi?’

“She’s fine, she’s awake. My mom is checking her right now.” She looked over seeing Abby talking and smiling with the young girl. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for believing in me.” Lexa grabbed the blondes head pressing their foreheads together.

“Always.” Clarke nodded,

“Lexa!” Madi ran over to the girls joining them, “I’m sorry I ate the chip I was only trying to help I swear!”

“It’s ok Madi you’re not in trouble.” Lexa smiled at the girl, “Next time be careful ok, even when you don’t think your helping I promise you are.”

Madi nodded throwing her arms around the woman, although her and Madi had bonded since they met they hadn’t hugged each other. The first couple of seconds she froze up, then after seeing the huge smile on Clarkes face she wrapped her arms around the little girl.

“Madi we have something to ask you.” Lexa said as they pulled out of their hug,

“Ok.” She said nervously,

“Me and Clarke were wondering if you wanted to stay with us.”

“I already stay with you.” Madi furrowed her brow,

“She means forever Madi.” Clarke smiled,

“Really?”

“Only if you want to.” Lexa nodded,

“Even when your baby comes?”

“She’s going to need someone to look after her when me and Clarke can’t, do you think you can do that?”

“I’ll protect her with my life.” Madi nodded trying to mimic one of Lexa’s serious faces,

“Then it’s settled, we get to keep you forever.” Clarke smiled grabbing the girl into her arms causing her to laugh,

“Where is Raven?” Lexa asked Clarke,

“She wanted to wait for you to wake but I insisted that she go check on the others. Make sure everyone is ok after taking the chip.”

“Becca told me they would be.”

“So then it’s over?”

“It’s over.” Lexa nodded,

After Abby checked Lexa even after she insisted she was fine the group made there way downstairs. When they went outside Lexa looked around at all the people gathered in the square. Guards were helping people who had taken the chip while the medics were making sure they were healthy.

“It looks like you stopped A.L.L.I.E before she could do any real damage.” Raven said as she walked over to the girls, “Besides psychological damage we’re in the clear.”

“Psychological?” Lexa asked,

“Some of these people weren’t given much of a choice when it came to taking the chip.” Raven explained, “From what I’ve heard tonight some people were force fed or threatened by loved ones. Now they’re all sane and they have to live with what A.L.L.I.E made them do.”

“It’ll be hard but we’ll get through it.” Lexa thought back to what A.L.L.I.E said and wondered would being there be better than this? That thought didn’t last long when she looked beside her and saw her family, life would be hard but they would get through it together. Always together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically this is the end! i know right but there will be 4-5 epilogue chapters where you'll see how everyone's life pans out including a certain baby who's name has yet to be revealed!  
> Thank you so much for reading don't forget to comment i love reading them!


	37. Epilogue I :Rainy Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 1/2 month time jump after the event of the last chapter
> 
> sorry for any mistakes!!!!! i suck at proof reading

_2 ½ months later…._

“Clarke you can do this in a few months, Abby wants you on bed rest.” Lexa knew it was a losing battle trying to get her wife to listen to her.

“It will only take an hour maximum, plus I feel fine.” Clarke assured,

“Even if you feel fine it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be resting, the baby is due any day.”

“I don’t think it will be today, plus Luna is waiting for me and I’m going to be late.”

“Fine, but you sit the whole time.” Lexa ordered,

“Yes heda.” The blonde smiled, “Isn’t someone waiting for you too.” She pointed to the window revealing a slightly taller Madi practicing with her new sword that Lexa gifted her.

“She’s been training hard.” Lexa smiled proudly at Madi,

“She wants you to be proud of her.”

“She doesn’t need to train to do that.” Lexa said seriously, she hoped she hasn’t been pushing Madi into something just because she thinks it’s what she wants.

“She also loves spending time with you.” Clarke says walking out the front door, “Don’t train for too long today, I think it’s going to rain.”

“We won’t.” Madi replied swinging her sword through the air, her hair was in braids identical to Lexa’s. She was almost sure she was seeing double.

“Hurry back.” Lexa called after her,

When she arrived at the Polis Tower newly named Polaris after Becca’s company and the 13th station. Lexa wanted to name it after the person who helped rebuild it and she wanted to honor Becca.

“You are late Sky girl.” Luna rolled her eyes,

“Blame Lexa.”

Over the past couple months a lot had changed, they opened up the schools they built and Skaikru was given land to rebuild here in Polis since Arkadia was burned down. Luna and Clarke had also been campaigning for the conclave rule change which Lexa was supportive of.

Clarke had already did the hard part by talking to Titus which was interesting to say the least. She expected him to yell and be angry but instead he said his only worry was the flame. It is his job to make sure it’s passed on to the next commander and after telling him her plan he reluctantly supported it. That being said he would prefer it to stay the same but Clarke made it clear she wasn’t giving up.

“They’re ready for us.”

Now they had to meet with the ambassadors to get everything approved. Luckily, most of them were new, after Ontari and A.L.L.I.E most of the ambassadors were either killed or retired from old age. She hoped them being younger would work to her advantage plus she had at least one known supporter.

“Thank you for joining me today.” Clarke took her seat beside Lexa’s throne, “I’ve gathered you here for one reason. I know some of you may have heard about the changes I want to make to the conclave and I’m here to explain. For the past 3 months my main focus has been trying to make a change and I found it. The conclave is a series of fights that end in lots of death when it doesn’t have to. I have a way where no one has to die and the next commander will be chosen with care. If you will hear me out I promise it will be worth your time.”

“Why would we change it?” One person asks, “This is our way and it works.”

“Nightblood is incredibly rare.” Clarke explained, “So rare that there could be none born within the next fifty years! There is no way to know, right now we have ten Nightblood’s and if we allow them to live past the conclave the commanders line has more of a chance to continue.”

“This seems self-serving.” Another person adds, “You’re probably doing this to serve your own child.”

“I am absolutely doing this for my child but I’m doing it for all of yours as well, anyone in this room can have a baby with Nightblood. If we choose to change then maybe they will have a chance.”

“Skaikru stands with your decision.” Clarke turned seeing Bellamy aka her replacement as the new ambassador,

“Thank you ambassador, you don’t have to make your mind up now. I want to explain everything before anyone else makes their decision”

* * *

“Again Madi.” Lexa pushed the girl back blocking all the girls swings, “You’re getting better and stronger, there is no doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing warrior one day.”

“I have the best teacher.” Madi eyes glowed as she reveled in Lexa’s compliment, “Can we train more tomorrow?”

“If it is not raining yes.”

Not soon after they got done training Clarke and Luna walked through the doors their faces completely neutral.

“How did it go?” Lexa asked the women, Clarke and Luna exchange a look and she knew that meant it was a no.

We did it.” Clarke cheers, “We got enough votes to make the changes, we still have to go over some hazy details but that can wait until after I have the baby.”

“I knew you could do it.” Lexa smiled engulfing the girl in a hug,

“Clarke is very persuasive, only one ambassador was against it but we had enough votes by then.” Luna explained,

“I can’t wait to share the news with everyone.” The first-person Clarke wanted to tell was Alix, she couldn’t wait to see the woman’s face,

“Raven and the others should return today, we must celebrate.” Lexa said, after they defeated A.L.L.I.E, Raven and her team took the trip to the dead zone to find the bunker for anything useful. According to Raven via the radio they found a bunch of technology and books to bring back so all in all the trip was successful.

“Great, I’m going to go pick up Ali and we’ll be back later.” Luna hugged everyone goodbye before leaving.

“Where is Madi?” Clarke asked,

“In her room, she wanted to draw.”

“Should we tell her together?”

“Yes, we should.”

When they walked into Madi’s room Clarke couldn’t help but notice the transformation. Just a few months ago this room was filled with canvas’ and paints and drawings but now it’s filled with a bed and books with the walls painted colorfully. Clarke definitely liked it better this way.

“Hey mads.” Clarke sat next to the girl on her bed, sitting was becoming harder everyday most of the time Lexa had to help her up, “We wanted to talk to you.”

“Did I do something?” Even after 3 months of living with them Madi was scared they would decide they didn’t want her anymore.

“Of course not.” Lexa assured her, “It’s about the conclave, you know that Clarke has been trying to change the rules for the Natblida’s and she did it.”

“Really?” Madi asked,

“Yes, from this day on Nightblood’s are not permitted to die during their battles.”

“So this means I get to train with them?”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded, “Elena and Theo will also have to, but you guys won’t be hurt.”

“Ok, when?”

“Not for a couple of months.” Clarke answered, “We still have some more work to do but when it’s time we will tell you.”

“What are you drawing?”

“It’s not finished yet.” Madi shyly handed the notebook over to Lexa revealing a sketch of Lexa on her throne with her face paint on.

“This is for me?” Lexa examined the paper running her fingers over the lines, everyday she’s with Madi she feels new things. A new kind of feeling, a new kind of love one that she didn’t know she was capable of. The love of being a parent.

“I drew Clarke so I wanted to draw you.” Madi watched Lexa stare at the paper and she started to regret showing her, “It’s not finished yet I still have work to do on it.”

“I think it looks amazing Madi.” Lexa smiled handing her the paper back. “Raven and the others will be here soon, how about you get cleaned up.” Madi nodded,

“You’re so good with her.” Clarke said once they were back in their own room. “She adores you.”

“Do you think?”

“Have you looked at her lately, she has your hair similar clothes she’s a mini Lexa.” She smiled,

“I am sure this one will be a mini Clarke.”

“I know for a fact I will have two mini Lexa’s on my hands once this one is born.” Lexa helped Clarke onto their bed helping her get comfortable, “Maybe she will come out soon so I can sit without feeling like a fat monster all the time.”

“You are beautiful.” Lexa planted a kiss on the girls stomach, “You know we still need a name.”

“I know but I hate everything.” Clarke groaned, “She needs the perfect name we just have to find it.”

“We’ve already went over so many.”

“Maybe we just need to meet her.” Clarke suggested, “When we meet her the perfect name will come to us.”

“I can’t wait to meet you little one.” Lexa rubbed Clarkes belly feeling a kick,

“She loves your voice.” Almost every time Lexa spoke to her belly the baby would always kick and move around, it was cute but also discomforting at the same time. “You’re already the favorite.”

“I have no doubt this child will favor you.” She smiled, “Get some rest.”

“Even if I’m not tired.”

“You are always tired, now rest.” She kissed her forehead before wrapping some furs around her, “I’ll wake you when everyone is here.”

* * *

A few hours after Ravens return everyone joined Lexa and Clarke at their home to celebrate new beginnings. The conclave isn’t the only change to happen recently, pretty much everything has changed. All the clans are at peace, there is no war happening and everyone is happy.

“I found this, I thought you might want it.” Raven handed Lexa a book.

“What is it?”

“Open it.”

Lexa opened the small black book; she expected there to be words but they were photographs of Becca. Some were on her spaceship and others in her lab, this face wasn’t new to Lexa she saw it almost every day but it was nice holding something of hers.

“Thank you.” Lexa smiled at her friend,

“I also found something else, there was a map leading to what I think is another one of Becca’s labs. It might have a lot of useful stuff in it so in a few months maybe we can track it down.”

“In a few months.” Lexa nodded, “Right now let’s just enjoy this.”

* * *

It had been five long days of continuous rain and Clarke was stuck inside completely bored. Lexa had to visit Polaris often for meetings and training sometimes taking Madi with her.

Today the rain was pouring down heavily and Clarke was making food for her and Madi. Lexa wouldn’t be home until later so it was just them.

“Eat Madi, your book will be there when your done I promise.”

“I’m at a good part.” Madi sighed picking up her fork and eating some of her vegetables, “Do you think Lexa will read to me later?”

“I’m sure if you ask her she would love to.” Clarke smiled, Madi had been reading on her own for a little while now but she still loved reading with Clarke or Lexa. “Only if you eat all of your food though.”

Clarke chuckled as Madi hastily ate her food trying to make it disappear as quickly as possible.

After cleaning Clarke retired in her chair pushed by her favorite window, it gave her a great view of the waterfall even with the rain. The trees were greener than ever and she wanted to enjoy them as much as she could before the winter came.

“Clarke can we draw?” Madi asked,

“Of course, we can draw by the window.” Clarke got up from her chair walking over to get her supplies when she felt her stomach cramp up. “Ugh.”

“Clarke?”

“I’m fine I just-.” She paused feeling a sticky wetness flow down her legs. “Oh no.”

“Clarke what’s going on?” Madi ran over to the woman trying to figure out how to help,

“Madi I think the baby’s coming.” Clarke was trying not to panic but it was hard, it was pouring ran outside and the only person in the house was an eight-year-old, “I need-.”

“Lexa told me what to do, she said that if anything is wrong to radio her or Abby.” Madi ran off to get the radio while Clarke made her way to the couch to lay down, she couldn’t make it to the room the way her contractions were hitting her.

“Breathe Clarke, just breathe.” She whispered to herself,

“She wants to talk to you.” Madi handed her the radio,

“Clarke, I’m on the way to get you ok?”

“I can’t move Lexa.” Clarke mumbled trying to stop her tears,

“Everything is going to be ok ai hondes I promise, just stay calm.”

“Please hurry.”

Madi took the radio back listening to what Lexa was telling her to do but Clarke wasn’t listening. The only thing she could focus on was keeping herself calm while she tracked her contractions.

“Clarke!” she heard someone come through the door,

“Lexa?”

“It’s Octavia, she’s right behind me. We have to get you to medical.”

“I can’t I-.”

“Your pregnancy has been too risky; Abby wants you to have the baby where all the equipment is.” Octavia explained, “Don’t worry we’re going to get you there.”

“Clarke! How are you feeling?” Lexa bent next to the girl grabbing her hand,

“Like I want to have this baby so the pain will stop!” Clarke whined; she took in the sight of her wife. She was soaking wet her braids unraveling and her face clean of any war paint. Her greens reminded her of the trees she was just admiring 30 minutes ago and they were beautiful.

“We’re ready.” Max called from the door,

“Ok Clarke, you can’t walk so we are going to carry you ok?” Clarke nodded, Bellamy, Max, Octavia, and Lexa helped her onto a wood plank they found to act as a gurney. While Max and Bellamy carried her while Octavia, Madi, and Lexa held some tarp above her so she wouldn’t get wet.

When they arrived in medical Abby and Jackson were prepping everything for the birth.

“Sit her here.” Abby led them to a bed, “Clarke honey how far apart are the contractions?”

“Every four minutes, I think I’ve been trying to focus just-.”

“It’s ok honey, we’ll have to see how far you’ve dilated.” Abby and Jackson quickly cut open the girls pants giving her a gown before checking everything.

Clarke tried to focus on her breathing thankfully she had Lexa there holding her hand the whole time. They found out she was dilated 8 inches which was far along, at 10 she could start pushing but she was getting anxious.

“I hope she has your curls.” Clarke looked over to Lexa, her hair was drying and her curls were crazy around her face. She looked beautiful. “And your smile.”

“She’ll be beautiful no matter what.” Lexa smiled, “I can’t wait to see her.”

“Ok Clarke it’s time to start pushing.” Abby ordered,

The pain was unbearable, it was worse than anything she ever felt in her life but telling herself it was worth it got her through. The thought of seeing her beautiful baby girl made her fight. She would go through so much worse for both of her little girls and when she finally held the little girl in her arms she knew it was all worth it.

“She’s beautiful Clarke.” Abby had tears streaming down her face and she wasn’t the only one.

Clarke and Lexa watched as Jackson cleaned the little girl off checking her over before handing her to her mom’s. Curly hair was peeking through the blanket as Clarke held the little baby. Her skin was tan like Lexa’s and she had hair like the sun, as soon as the little one opened her eyes all Clarke could see was Lexa.

“She’s the perfect mix of both of us.” Clarke smiled, she looked over to Lexa whose whole face was wet from tears. She watched as she stared at the baby in awe like she was delivered from the sky by an angel. “Do you want to hold her.”

“I- I don’t know how.” Lexa whispered, all she wanted to do was cuddle her little baby but she was scared, scared she wouldn’t be good enough, scared her arms would give out and drop her, scared her daughter wouldn’t like being in her arms.

“Hold your arms out.” Clarke instructed, she laid the baby in her arms making sure her head wouldn’t fall, “She’s so perfect.”

Lexa looked down meeting green eyes that looked just like hers and she knew she would never be able to put her down. She didn’t cry she just looked up at Lexa examining her face.

“Hi little one.” She whispered, “ai laik yu nomon.”

“What should we name her?” Clarke cuddled up next to Lexa watching the baby squeeze her fingers,

“I don’t know but you were right, it has to be perfect.” Lexa smiled watching the baby squirm around in her arms before crying,

“She’s probably hungry.” Abby interrupted, “Clarke you should try breastfeeding, it may be a little tricky at first but it get easier.”

After an hour of trying to breastfeed Clarke finally got it and the baby latched on, she was started to get frustrated even with Lexa’s reassurance. She was starting to think she had already failed at being a mother then she remembered they still hadn’t checked to see if she was a Nightblood.

“We need to check.” Clarke said as she continued breastfeeding the baby, she could tell Lexa was anxious about it, “It’ll be ok, she’ll be safe.”

“Ok.” Lexa nodded, she grabbed a pin and one of the baby’s fingers. She wanted to do it but she couldn’t move, even with the rule change it still made her anxious.

When she pricked her finger a pool of black blood came flooding out and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Lexa it’s ok.” Clarke could see her freaking out, “She’ll be safe, and happy. She won’t have to participate in the conclave if she doesn’t want to.” The rules were still up in the air but they would figure it out.

“What if she wants to.” She mumbles,

“Then she’ll be an amazing heda.” Clarke assured her. “Our baby is here and healthy can we be happy about that?”

“Yes.” She nodded, “We can.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled

* * *

“Knock, knock.” Raven and Octavia walked through the door,

“shh.” Lexa warned, “she’s sleeping.” She pointed over to the baby laying in her blankets.

“Oh my god look at those blonde curls.” Octavia whispered, “She’s adorable.”

“She has eyes identical to Lexa’s.” Clarke smiled, she was tired but she wanted nothing more than to watch her baby sleep,

“I can’t believe you two actually have a kid.” Raven said sitting next to Lexa, “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thank you Raven.” Lexa smiled,

“Clarke… Lexa?” a small voice entered the room slowly walking over to them, “Is it ok if I come in?”

“Of course.” Clarke waved the little girl over, “You want to meet her?”

Madi nodded walking over to the sleeping baby.

“We’ll give you guys some time.” Octavia grabbed Raven forcing her out of the room.

“wow.” Madi gently ran her fingers through the blonde curls, “What’s her name?”

“We don’t know yet.” Lexa answered,

“Do you have any ideas?” Clarke asked,

“Mmm… how about Lorin or sky no…. Rain, it’s been raining for the past few days but after she was born it stopped.”

“Rain.” Lexa absorbed the name; she didn’t hate it honestly it was kind of perfect.

“How about Reign, spelled R-e-i-g-n.” Clarke suggested,

“It’s perfect.” Lexa smiled,

“Reign kom Trigedakru en Skaikru.”

“I love it.” Lexa smiled,

“I vow to always protect her and take care of her.” Madi said to the women,

“You’ll take care of each other.”

* * *

After a few days in Medical Clarke and Reign were finally allowed to go home which Clarke was thrilled about. She was well rested thanks to Lexa who never left her side, she got the baby every time she cried, changed dirty diapers, and rocked the baby to sleep every night. Lexa was amazing and just as she thought the baby favors her, the only time she seems to want Clarke is when she’s hungry which made her feel terrible.

Madi had stepped up as well helping with the baby and cleaning around the house which they were grateful for. Once they were home the house was filled with family dying to see Reign. Clarke was grateful by how much love they were surrounded with but she needed an empty house for one day just to get herself together.

After a couple of weeks Reign started smiling and Clarke immediately cried, she was making funny faces at the little one when she started giggling. It was the first milestone she shared with Reign that Lexa hadn’t been the cause of and she was proud.

“You think that’s funny little one.” Clarke tickled her stomach, “You’re in a good mood today aren’t you rainy days?” Rainy days was a nickname Clarke had given her and it stuck. “Your mama should be home soon and I know can’t wait to see her.”

At the mention of Lexa’s name Reign started kicking and giggling to herself.

“How are my girls?” Lexa asked as soon as she walked through the door,

“We’re good, Madi is with Alix.” Clarke stood up helping the girl take her armor off, giving her a quick kiss, “Someone’s excited to see you, maybe she’ll even let you give her a bath.”

“Were you good for your mommy Rainy days?” Lexa bent down capturing the giggling baby into her hands.

“I’m going to take a nap.”

“Of course, I love you.” Lexa kissed the blonde before heading off with the baby.

Clarke woke a couple hours later to the sound of laughter in the living area, when she entered she saw Madi and Raven playing with wooden swords while Lexa was rocking Reign on the couch.

“How’s my girl?” Clarke sat beside her wife leaning in to see Reign, her big green eyes were open and to her surprise she smiled at the sight of seeing her, “She must be hungry she smiled at me.”

“She’s smiling because she loves her mama.” Lexa corrected; Clarke hadn’t said anything but she knew the blonde was feeling disconnected, like Reign didn’t want her. “How was your nap?”

“Good, hopefully I can start training again and loose some of this weight.”

“Clarke you are beautiful at any weight.”

“As my wife you are supposed to say that.” She smiled, “Plus I just miss being active, Luna’s already agreed to train me.”

“Why not me?” Lexa asked,

“You’re busy plus she volunteered when I was talking about it the other day. Come on Reign let’s get you fed.” She picked up the giggling little girl taking her to her room.

So far she’s only spent a few nights there since Lexa can’t seem to put her down longer than an hour.

“Hey princess.” Raven came in the room, “Oh I can leave-.”

“It’s fine Raven, I’m sure you’ve seen boobs before.” Clarke smiled looking down at Reign,

“That I have.” She smirked, “And yours are looking great by the way.” She winked

“How have you been? I haven’t really talked to you or O much unless it’s about the baby.”

“I’m fine, busy mostly. We’re trying to build a water system and maybe even an electrical one as well. It’s honestly hard because I’m the only smart one apparently. Monty has been useful but other than that we have no one.”

“I heard Ryder has been plenty useful to you lately.” Clarke smirked watching the girl blush,

“Did Lexa tell you that? God she needs to learn to mind her own business.”

“So what’s going on with you two?”

“nothing really we’re just having amazing sex and he’s helping with the physical side of building the water system.” She smiled, “We sort of bonded on our trip to the dead zone, he…. Interests me.”

“Maybe that interest will turn into more one day.”

“Maybe, but for now we both are perfectly fine with being casual.” Raven adds, “What about you, how is the mom life?”

“It’s good.. great I mean obviously it’s great.” She forced a smiled, being a mom was great but she had her moments… her doubts.

“Cut the crap Griffin I know somethings wrong.” Raven waited for the blonde to answer but instead there was just silence and then there were tears. “Clarke?”

“I’m fine, I mean I have this beautiful baby and Madi and Lexa everything is good, it could be worse you know?” Clarke wiped her tears; Reign was finished eating so she pulled her shirt up and started burping her. “I just… what if she can sense all of the bad things I’ve done and that’s why she doesn’t like me.”

“Clarke why would you think she doesn’t like you?”

“Because when she cries only Lexa can soothe her and when she needs something only Lexa will know what she needs and I just feel like I already failed. I love her so much but what if she doesn’t love me? What If she can’t?”

“Clarke I’m-.”

“How could you ever say that?” Lexa interrupted, Clarke couldn’t even look at her, “Raven can you give us a moment.”

“Yeah, Madi wanted to show me her sword fighting so we’ll be by the river.”

“Clarke, do you really feel that way?” Lexa bent down to the woman’s feet,

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to I jus- I just don’t think we’ve bonded as well you and she have.”

“Maybe that’s my fault, I always go when she cries or needs anything but I was only trying to give you a break I’m-.”

“No, it isn’t your fault Lexa. I love seeing you and our daughter together.” Clarke smiled, “I love how she gets excited just hearing your name, I look into her eyes and I see you and it’s the greatest gift I could ever have. I think I’m just struggling with post pregnancy stuff like hormones and medical stuff. I’ll see my mom about it soon.”

“I hope you know Reign loves you, you are an amazing mom Clarke. Without you I wouldn’t be able to do this.” Lexa wanted to say something more, she wanted Clarke to realize the things she did for Reign but she didn’t know how. “Promise me you will talk to me if you feel worse.”

“I promise.” She smiled slightly; Reign was still her arms dozing off as she rocked her. She watched her eyes lazily close after trying to fight her tiredness.

“I can but her in her crib.”

“I want to hold her for a little longer.” She loved watching her little girl sleep especially in her arms which wasn’t often.

“Ok.” Lexa smiled, “I’ll go get Madi ready for bed, maybe she’ll want to read tonight.”

“I’m sure she will.” Madi had become quite the bookworm since learning a few months ago, she hoped Reign would be the same.

* * *

It was the middle of the night when Clarke woke, hearing Reigns cries from her bedroom next to them. She expected Lexa to have already been halfway to the room but she was still beside her in bed which was usual. Clarke happily got out of bed and made her way to the baby’s room.

“Rainy days what’s wrong?” Clarke grabbed the crying girl holding her tight as she sat on the floor, “I know you were expecting your mama I hope it’s ok that I came.” The crying proceeded as she rocked the girl, “I know you’re not hungry, maybe you had a nightmare. Can you even have nightmares as a baby when you haven’t seen much yet?” Clarke was rambling on to herself mostly hoping talking would soothe Reign but also to calm herself down. “How about we get some air?”

Clarke grabbed a blanket wrapping around Reign before walking outside, they had guards during the night for their safety and they watched as she watched walked by the water fall baby in hand.

“We can’t stay long because it’s getting cold but luckily for us we get a good view.” She uncovered her face revealing the sky, her green eyes wondered all over trying to take everything in. This was something Reign hadn’t seen before, they brought her out during the day for a few minutes but never at night. “That’s where mama came from, when your older I’ll tell you all about it. But for now you we get to look at all the pretty stars.”

Reign had calmed down as she stared up at the sky, Clarke wondered what she would be like when she was older. Would she want to be a warrior or a healer or maybe something else? She also wondered about Madi who seemed interested in everything.

“I can’t wait to see all the amazing things you do baby girl.” She whispered, her green eyes were starting to doze off and she felt like finally she did something right.

She went back inside laying Reign back in her crib before going back to bed, Lexa was the lightest sleeper she knew there was no way she didn’t hear the baby.

“Thank you.” Clarke murmured as she cuddled next to the girl, it was obvious she let Clarke go and soothe the baby. Lexa didn’t reply just gave her hand a squeeze.

For once Clarke thought maybe she was a good mom, maybe she wasn’t as bad as she thought. Tonight she successfully calmed her crying baby down and got her to sleep all without Lexa’s help. She did something right and that was enough to make her feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more to come! can't wait for you guys to see Reign grow up  
> also we'll learn more about the new conclave rules they wont be all good but still better than fighting to the death


	38. Epilogue II: Make you Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 year time jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ALL PICTURES USED ARE FROM PINTREST! SOME MAY BE FROM OTHER SHOWS OR MOVIES)  
> (SORRY FOR ALL SPELLING/GRAMMAR MISTAKES)  
> Reference:  
> Elena and Theo(twins)= 12/13  
> Madi=11/12  
> Ali-8  
> Reign=3  
> Lexa=24  
> Clarke=21
> 
> TRIG TERMS:  
> AI HODNES= MY LOVE  
> GONA=WARRIOR  
> NOMON=MOM/MOTHER  
> ROSH UP= GOODNIGHT

**CONCLAVE RULES**

_DISCLAIMER: THESE RULES MAY NOT ALIGN WITH THAT OF THE SOURCE MATERIAL (THE100 TV SHOW). THIS IS PURELY MY TAKE ON FOUNDING A NEW WAY TO HOLD THE CONCLAVE._

  * _ALL NATBLIDA’S MUST BE BROUGHT TO POLIS AND THEIR FAMILIES WILL BE SUPPLIED WITH A HOME AND A NEW OCCUPATION_
  * _NATBLIDA’S OVER THE AGE OF 6 WILL ALL TRAIN IN POLIS LEARNING FIGHT SKILLS AND TRAINING WITH THE FLAMEKEPPA AS WELL AS SCHOOL IN THE VILLAGE STARTING AT AGE 4_
  * _WHEN THE CURRENT COMMANDER DIES THE BEST WARRIORS WILL VOLUNTEER TO BATTLE FOR THE TITLE. IF THERE ARE NO VOLUNTEERS 6 NATBLIDA’S WILL BE CHOSEN BY THE FLAMEKEPPA_
  * _A NATBLIDA CAN STOP TRAINING AT AGE 27 BUT IF THE CONCLAVE HAS NO VOLUNTEERS THEY WILL HAVE TO PARTICIAPTE_
  * _THOSE WHO DON’T WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN THE CONCLAVE ARE PERMITTED UNLESS THERE ARE NO VOLUNTEERS._
  * _ALL NATBLIDA’S ARE PERMITTED TO TEACHINGS FROM THE COMMANDER AS WELL AS THE FLAMEKEPPA_
  * _IF A NATBLIDA’S IS FOUND IN THE VILLAGES AS AN ATTEMPT TO BE HIDDEN THE PUNISHMENT IS DEATH_
  * _IF THE CHOSEN COMMANDER IS SEEN AS UNFIT THE AMBASSADORS AND FLAMKEPPA CAN ISSUE A VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE_
  * _IF VOTED AGAINST A NEW NATBLIDA’S MUST BE PRESENTED TO CHALLENGE THE COMMANDER_



_**(RULES MAY BE SUBJECT TO EDITS FROM THE COUNCIL)** _

_3 years later_

Reign’s third summer was filled with laughs, swimming, swords fighting and trying to play with the big kids. She was quickly growing up, her blonde hair long and curly and her eyes brighter than ever. Polis and every other clan were at peace and has been for the last three years. There were worries of a rogue group, people who had supported Nia years ago but there have been no attacks.

Raven had found a couple of Becca’s old labs which supplied them with lots of new technology. Clarke and Lexa had her bring what they needed but neither of them wanted a full technological city, they wanted everything to be simple.

The schools were up and functioning with Clarke as the art teacher for Polis students which she loved. Raven had invented a water system for most of the villages giving them something similar to running water. She wanted to build an electrical system but that was taking longer than she thought. They had come a long way in three years.

Madi was almost 12 years old and she was becoming an amazing warrior. Her Elena and Theo started training with the Nightblood’s which they all loved. Natblida training had change tremendously since the rule adjustment. The kids were visibly happier and they all got along well since they didn’t have to kill each other anymore. Some better than other seeing as Aiden had a little crush on Madi, not that she would notice.

Reign would start her schooling at 4 and training at 6 which Clarke wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She had no clue if Reign would want to be Heda but deep down she hoped she wouldn’t. Unfortunately for her Madi was too far gone, she loved training which was fine but she has expressed that she planned on competing to become the commander.

Lexa was surprisingly supportive, she loved training with Madi and was even considering making her, her second. Clarke expressed her worries but Lexa dismissed them saying it was a peaceful time and Madi wouldn’t get hurt. That was true but there was no telling if this peace would last and she needed all of her girls safe.

REIGN

“Nomon, nomon.” Reign called after Lexa, she had been teaching her Trigedasleng and almost cried when Reign called her mama in her langue for the first time,

“Yes little one.” Lexa bent down facing her daughter, she couldn’t believe how much she had grown. She was walking and running and even knew how to handle her sword which excited Lexa.

“Can I go to, with you and Madi?” It was progress day for the Natblida’s and Lexa had to watch all of them battle to see their improvement,

“You have to go with mama today.” Lexa hated seeing the little girl frown but she was too young for the training grounds and Clarke didn’t like for her to be there, “Aunty O and Raven have something special for you and then you can come by that way mama can watch you.”

“Really?” her big green eyes were wide,

“Yes.” She nodded, “We will train tomorrow ok?”

“Ok nomon.”

“Reign!” Clarke called, “Come on we have to get you dressed.”

* * *

Clarke had classes through most of the morning and some days like today she would bring Reign along. She knew the girl would rather be with her big sister fighting like the big kids but she was too young.

“There’s my favorite girl.” Raven yelled causing Reign to run to her arms, Clarkes class was over so she invited O and Raven to hangout.

“Aunty Raven look.” Reign held up her painting, she was smiling ear to ear.

“Wow, are you sure you’re 3 because the big kids can’t even draw like that!”

“Madi says I’m better than the big kids.” She said proudly,

“Madi is absolutely right!” Raven smiled, “Where is Madi?”

“Training.” Clarke replied,

“Of course, that girl works too hard.”

“She wants to be commander, that requires a lot of training.”

“Clearly you’re not happy with that decision.”

“It’s not up to me, she’s my daughter I’ll support her no matter what.” Clarke sighed, “Any ways where O is?”

“Her and Lincoln were trying to get you know who ready.” Raven whispered so Reign couldn’t hear but she was busy picking flowers a few feet from them.

“She’s going to be so excited to see him.” Clarke smiled, “Speaking of.”

Octavia and Lincoln approached them a little boy trailing not too far behind.

“I think someone’s here to see you Reigny.” Clarke smiled watching the girl’s eyes go wide.

“KAS!!” she yelled running to the little boy. 

Kas was Octavia and Lincoln’s two-year-old son, a year after Reign was born Octavia and Lincoln joined Raven on another trip past the dead zone. They were looking for another one of Becca’s labs when they came across a baby. He had been completely abandoned only wrapped in small blanket and loose clothes.

Lincoln explained it was because he had a small deformity and people looked at it as a stain on their bloodline. So instead of taking care of their kids they abandon them near the dead zone essentially so they will die.

Kas had what Abby called a cleft lip which she was easily able to fix with a couple of procedures. He still has the scar but luckily no health problems were caused and he was perfectly healthy. After his surgery Octavia would visit him almost every day so Lincoln proposed they take him in and he’s been with them ever since. For the past week or two he’s been sick so Reign couldn’t see him no matter how much she asked.

Soon after O and Lincoln took him in he and Reign became very close, Reign adored Kas they were close in age and he wouldn’t tell her to go away like the older kids do.

“Kas all better?” Reign asked Octavia,

“He is, GG says he got over his cold.” O nodded, GG was Abby who was pretty much the grandma to all the kids including Elena, Theo, Madi, Ali, Kas and obviously Reign.

“So we can play!” Reign screamed grabbing the giggling boys hand leading him to the flowers,

“I love them together.” O smiled,

“She missed her Kas, she’s asked to see him every day.” Clarke says, “I’m glad he’s better.”

“Us too.” Lincoln replies, “I promised the kids I’d go see their fight so I’m going to head down.”

“We should all go.” Octavia suggested, “I know Reigns dying to go.”

“Anywhere Madi and Lexa are she wants to be.” Clarke sighed; she could see how it affected Reign when Lexa would take Madi places that she was too young for. It’s not even that Reign wanted to fight, she wanted to do something she knows Lexa loves. Of course Lexa spends time with her, she loves her nomon but she craves the attention Madi gets and it scares Clarke. It scares her that it could end up being Madi and Reign fighting for the flame and she didn’t want that.

“Then we should take them, it’ll be fine Clarke.”

“Fine.”

As they walked to training grounds Clarke watched Reign spot Madi practicing by herself quickly running over to her. Madi stopped immediately smiling at the little girl saying something they couldn’t hear. As promised Madi did in fact always look after Reign, she took her around polis, drew with her even taught her to swim. Reign idolized both Madi and Lexa and they knew it.

“How do you feel?” Clarke asked the older girl,

“Good.” Madi replied, “I have to fight Elena.”

“Oh.” The two were best friends and so far they both wanted to be commander, Elena was a great fighter but so was Madi. They didn’t have to fight to the death anymore but that didn’t mean the competition wouldn’t ruin other things. “How do you feel about that?”

“I wish it was someone else but I’m confident, me and mama have been practicing all morning.” Not long after Reign was born Madi started addressing them as her mom’s which they loved. Most of the time Lexa was mama or nomon while Clarke was mom or mama. Madi craved Lexa’s approval especially when it came to fighting and she worked really hard for it. “I think I can beat her.”

“I just hope you two won’t let this come between you.” Clarke says, “You’re not just best friends your family.”

“We promised we wouldn’t.”

“Ok, good luck out there.” Clarke kisses her forehead, “I’m proud of how far you’ve come Madi, we both are.”

Madi nods a smile creeping on her face hugging her mom.

“I know you’ll win Madi.” Reign smiled hugging her sister one more time,

“I will because you’re here, you’re my good luck charm Rainy days.” She smiled,

“We’ll see you after.” Clarke grabs Reign and joins the others in the crowd.

There is usually a big crowd for a Natblida fight, everyone looked forward to it especially since it was so peaceful. It was a form of entertainment for most of the citizens.

“Ali!” Reign ran to the older girl; Luna’s daughter Ali was eight which wasn’t that close to Reigns age but Ali loved her.

“How is she?” Luna asked the blonde pointing to Madi,

“She seems fine, her and Elena have to fight.”

“El told me.” Luna sighed, “She seems anxious about it, Alix is with her now.”

“I hate this, why do I feel like we didn’t change anything.”

“We changed so much Clarke!” Luna said quickly, “They could be fighting to the death in the future but they aren’t. They get to live and choose to be a part of the conclave and that is better than the alternative.”

“You’re right, this just makes me nervous sometimes.” She sighs,

“I know, but I think it will all work out.”

“Clarke!” Theo walked over to them, sword in his holster. He was growing up quickly, all of them were. It was crazy to think him and Elena were soon to be teenager. “Lexa said you weren’t coming.”

“It’s hard to keep that one away.” She said pointing to Reign who was currently running around with Kas and Ali, “Plus I wanted to see you all, who are you up against?”

“Aiden.” Theo wasn’t particularly interested in any of this, he was a good fighter but he wanted more than the life of the commander, “No one cares about that though everyone knows the real show will be El and Mads since they’re the best.”

“How are they at training?” Clarke asked, “They don’t get mad at each other do they?”

“No, they both separate feelings from it which is what Titus encourages.”

“Of course he does.” She mumbled, maybe that was a good thing,

“Don’t worry Clarke, they won’t let this come between them.” Theo assured, “I have to go, I’m up next.”

“Good luck.”

Clarke searched the crowd for Lexa and found her sitting on her throne enthralled by the fights. Their PDA had toned down over the years mostly because of their duties but they still occasionally kissed and hugged around the citizens. It was hardest for Reign because she always wants to be in Lexa’s arms or by her side and Clarke has to explain that she’s just doing her job.

She walked over to the throne sitting in her own that is placed beside of her.

“I didn’t think you would come.” Lexa says her eyes still on the current fight,

“Your daughter wanted to come and how can I refuse a face so cute?” she smiled,

“It is hard saying no to her.”

“She just wants to be included, she wants to do things you love and when she sees you do them with Madi she gets jealous.”

“I don’t want either of them to be jealous.” She looked over to the blonde,

“I know that they both seek your approval for Reign it’s harder because she so young and she can’t do everything Madi does with you yet.”

“Am I neglecting Reign?” she could tell Lexa was horrified,

“Absolutely not Lexa! You’re an amazing mom I’m just saying Reign knows you love training and she can’t wait for you to be her teacher.”

“I can’t wait either.” She smiled,

“How did Madi and Elena get paired up?”

“I knew you wouldn’t like it but it is what it is, they are the best in the group.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it I just hope it doesn’t tear them apart.”

“It won’t if they don’t let it, don’t worry everything will be fine.”

They watched silently as the fight went on, Clarke kept her eye on Reign but she was fine with O. When it came time for Theo and Aiden she could tell Theo was holding back. Aiden won and Theo put on his best fake sad face when he walked away, he didn’t want to be picked for the conclave and what better way than to lose all your fights.

The time finally came for Elena and Madi’s fight and it was intense to say the least, they were both fighting hard at the beginning but she could see Madi was off. Elena was blocking all of her swings even knocking the sword of her hand once after the girl hesitated to swing.

“She’s off today.” Lexa mumbled,

“She’s doing great.” She had seen Madi fight better but she was by no means doing bad.

The fight continued and Madi improved even getting a few hits in before catching Elena off guard tripping the girl holding her blade at her throat ending the fight. She could tell Elena was disappointed but Madi helped her up and said something they couldn’t hear which made her smile.

Both girls made their way over to them probably seeking advice or praise from the commander but it was more for them because Lexa was family.

“You both did well.” Lexa complimented,

“Thank you Heda.” Elena bowed before giving Clarke a quick hug,

“Good job, you were amazing.” She whispered in the girls ear,

“Thanks Clarke.” Elena smiled, “Reign is here?”

“Right over there.” She pointed towards the group of small kids playing with their wooden swords, as soon as Elena was out ear shot Lexa spoke,

“You hesitated.” Lexa said plainly, “You had a clear shot instead you let Elena knock your sword out of your hand.”

“It won’t happen again.” Madi spoke her voice strong but Clarke could see past it, “I’ll train harder.”

Lexa nodded and before Clarke could say anything the girl walked away towards the woods.

“You don’t have to be so hard on her.” Clarke turned to her wife, “She won she was great.”

“She can be better; I’ve seen it she just needs a push.”

“She needs a break.” Clarke argued, “She won’t stop until you tell her your proud of her.”

“She knows-.”

“Because I tell her, but you need to be the one to say the words.” Clarke got up from her seat and walked in the direction Madi went. She knew the girl would be upset, she found her sitting on some rocks a little blonde girl beside of her.

“I hope I get to be a great gona like you Mads and we can train together with nomon.”

“You’ll be a wonderful gona.” Madi smiled,

“You’ll teach me?” Reign asked,

“I will and mama will too but for now you have to be patient, can you do that?”

“Yes.” She nodded,

Clarke walked closer to the girls sitting in between them, she had no clue when Reign snuck off but she was glad she did since she cheered Madi up.

“Can I talk to your sister Reign?” Clarke turned to the little girl who nodded before walking back over to the group, “For someone who just won you don’t look so happy.”

“I could’ve been better.” She muttered playing with her sleeve,

“I thought you were amazing but I know that doesn’t matter.” Clarke sighed, “I know I’m not Lexa and I can’t give you what you’re looking for but you are an incredible warrior Madi. You train so hard and work even harder and as much as I wish you did other things more I am beyond proud of you. You are better than kids who have trained their whole lives while you only had three years. Be proud of that, be proud of yourself that’s the only assurance you need.”

“I do care what you think too.” Madi looked at her mom, “I just- she..”

“I know.” Clarke nodded,

“Do you think she’ll ever say it?”

“Yes.”

“I hope..”

“Can you promise me something?” Clarke asks,

“Anything.”

“Don’t forget who you are, you love training but don’t use it to seek approval from your mama. Do it because you love it, do it because you want to be commander. Do it for you, not for her.”

“I promise I will.”

“Let’s head back, I’m thinking we could swim. It’s been a while since I had you to myself.” Clarke smiled.

“I’d like that.”

When they went back to the training grounds Lexa was gone but everyone else remained.

“Good job Madi.” Aiden said walking over to the girls, “Wanheda.” He bowed,

“You did well today Aiden.” Clarke smiled,

“thank you.”

“I’ll meet you at home.” Clarke winked at Madi causing her whole face to go red, her baby had her first crush.

She let the two to chat while she made her way over to her friends seeing Lexa among them.

“They are too cute.” Raven gives Madi a thumbs up embarrassing the girl even more,

“Cute?” Lexa watched the two closely, she hadn’t realized romantic feelings had blossomed between them, “No Madi doesn’t need romance.”

“I guess that would be up to Madi wouldn’t it?” Clarke eyed her wife, “Plus they are only 12 nothing serious will happen.” She heard Lexa growl still not approving,

“Calm down mama bear.” Raven snarked at the brunette,

“Madi has a boyfriend.” Reign said more as a question causing everyone to laugh,

“No!” Lexa said quickly, “Madi does not have a boyfriend, why do you know that word?”

“She’s three not stupid.” Luna added,

“Aunty Raven told me Ryder was her boyfriend, she says they kiss.” Reign chuckles,

“Thanks kid.” Raven ignored Lexa’s glare,

“This is becoming a shit show.” Octavia murmured, “Well we have to get Kas home, he still needs his rest but he had to see his Reigny.”

“Say bye to Kas Reign.” Clarke said to the little girl,

“Bye Kas.” She says giving him a big hug,

“Bye bye!”

“We play tomorrow?” Reign asked,

“Yes!” Kas yelled,

“I love how they ask each other instead of the adults.” Lincoln smiled, picking Kas up.

“We’ll walk with you.” Luna says joining the family on their walk,

“Bye guys.”

“I’m coming home with you guys.” Raven looked at Clarke and Lexa,

“Yay!” Reign cheered,

“Let’s go then.”

“We should wait for Madi.” Lexa says still eyeing the pair who were now laughing,

“She is meeting us there.” Clarke said firmly, Lexa finally walking off after a second.

When they arrived home Lexa went straight to their room while Clarke, Raven and Reign stayed outside and sat by the water.

“She’s really not feeling Madi and Aiden huh?” Raven said watching Lexa walk past them and inside.

“She is probably upset because I said she was too harsh on Madi.” Clarke sighed,

“Madi was great, she won.”

“I know, she just wants her to be the absolute best and I don’t know if Madi needs that kind of pressure. She was upset after the fight because she doesn’t think Lexa is proud of her.”

“Of course she is!” Raven defended, “But it doesn’t surprise me that she hasn’t told her, that wife of yours is tricky.”

“She is your best friend.”

“True, I thought I was loosening her up a bit.” Raven said, “I mean I even got her to talk about your sex life the other day.”

“What?!”

“Honestly, it was pretty boring I was trying to get details but all she would say was it’s great. Which was a breakthrough because she usually says mind your business Raven.”

“Maybe you should mind your business.”

“She’s my bestie we’re supposed to have deep talks and stuff.”

“Who’s your bestie?” Madi asks joining the girls,

“Lexa of course.” Raven answered, “But who cares about me what’s up with you and Aiden?”

“Nothing.” Madi couldn’t hide her rose colored cheeks if she tried, “He’s a friend.”

“A boyfriend.” Reign adds as she played with her shells,

“No Reign not a boyfriend, I mean he is a boy who is my friend but if your saying he’s my boyfriend as in romantic then no he is not that!” Madi rambled,

“She’s smitten.” Raven smirked,

“You’re smitten Mads.” Reign giggles,

“Alright let’s leave Madi alone.” Clarke interrupted, “Reign you want to swim with us?”

“Yes!”

Raven watched as the three girls splashed around in the water laughing, asking her how their flips were giving them all tens which made them happy. Not long after she heard Lexa sitting down beside of her watching the girls as well.

“What’s up with you?” Raven asks,

“Nothing.”

“You make everything so hard you know that?” Raven rolled her eyes, “Just tell me.”

“Do you think I’ll ever be that?” Lexa asks still watching the girls,

“Be what?”

“The fun mom, the one who makes them laugh and happy.”

“You do those things too Lexa you just need to allow yourself to be less…. Commander-ey like when you’re with the kids.”

“But they both still feel like they need something from me, like they need me to approve of them when I just want them to be happy. I want them to be loved and cared for and when Madi asked me to train her I was hesitant but I started enjoying it. Now I just feel like I’m making her miserable.”

“She loves training with you Lexa she just feels like she is failing you because she doesn’t know how proud of her you are.”

“I am.” Lexa mumbled, “Proud of her, of course I am.”

“Tell her.”

“What if she stops working hard once I do?”

“Then she never really wanted to be a warrior.”

“Nomon!” Reign ran over to Lexa throwing her wet arms around her neck, “Did you see, I swim and I did flips!”

“I saw you little one and I’m so proud!” Lexa smiled, she noticed Madi roll her eyes and walk into the house tracking water everywhere.

“I’ll go.” Clarke started for the house,

“No, I should talk to her.” Lexa got up and walked into the house and to Madi’s room. “Can I come in.” when the girl didn’t answer she walked in anyways sitting next to her on the bed. Neither of them said anything but Lexa could see how sad and disappointed Madi looked.

“I don’t need whatever it is you’re about to say I get it.” Madi said her voice shaky,

“Get what?”

“That is easy for you to be proud of Reign, she’s your real daughter and I’m… I’m just-.”

“Stop, never say that again Madi! You are as much my daughter as Reign is, I love both of you so much. Please, please never doubt that.” Lexa grabbed the girls hand wiping her tears from her face. “I remember the first time you ever called me mama, you were watching Reign while I trained with Luna when you said ‘look you see the one that’s winning, that’s our mama’ I know you didn’t know I heard but I felt like my heart had physically grown that day. Then you asked me to train you and I was so excited; I couldn’t believe you chose me out of everyone and I was honored I still am. You are the best warrior out of all the Natblida’s and you work harder than anyone I know. Every time I see you fight I am full of pride.” Madi’s eyes went wide hearing Lexa’s words. “Never doubt my faith in you Madi because I think you will be one of the best commanders in our history. And even if I can’t be here to see it always remember I’m proud of you, always.”

Madi couldn’t speak she honestly didn’t know if she could move but when her mama wrapped her arms around her she instantly did the same. It reminded her of the first time they hugged when Lexa saved her except this time she was her mom and she was proud of her and loved her.

“I’m so sorry I ever made you feel that way.” She added, “I love you.”

“I love you too mama.” Madi smiled,

* * *

_Later that night….._

“Ok Reign you had your bath now we have to get you to bed before your mama gets mad at us.” Lexa whispered tucking the girl in her bed,

“Nomon can we read?”

“Of course, how about this one?” Lexa help up her favorite book, it was a book Raven found in one of Becca’s labs and a sequel to Lexa’s favorite. Alice through the looking glass.

“Yes please.”

“Ok let’s start where we left off.” Lexa opened the book and started reading to her goufa. Like Madi, Reign loved to read and Lexa was happy to read to her, it gave them time together and she loved it.

Reign never last more than one chapter before she dozed off, snoring quietly in her bed. Lexa brushed her curls from her face before kissing her cheek softly.

“Rosh up ai hondes.” Lexa quietly snuck out of her room before heading to her own where Clarke was waiting.

With two kids they didn’t get much alone time especially when they were fighting over those two kids like today. Not that it was a big fight but enough to upset them both which Lexa hated.

She quietly took off her clothes before slipping into bed and wrapping herself around the blonde.

“I hate when you’re made at me.” Lexa murmured, placing kisses down the girls neck,

“I’m not mad I just hated seeing the look on Madi’s face today,” she sighed,

“I know and I’m sorry, you were right.”

“As long as you fixed it.”

“I did.” Lexa nodded,

“Good.” She turned around stealing a kiss from the brunette, “You think we’ll get a full night to ourselves?” For the last couple of weeks Reign had been waking up and sneaking into their bed, neither of them minded but alone time was always nice.

“I hope so because I’ve missed you a lot and I haven’t gotten to properly show you how much in a very long time.” Lexa smirked,

“I’m all yours heda.” She smiled, sitting up to straddle the girl feeling her bulge already hardening. She let out a soft moan as she pressed her center further into it. “I’ve missed feeling you, can I show you how much?”

“I would love nothing more ai hodnes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we will be skipping around in time bit before this ends! hope you guys enjoy thank you so much for reading


	39. Epilogue III: Flamekeepa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while! hello!

_**a few years later.............** _

“Good job little one.” Madi smiled

“I’m not little!” Reign corrected swinging her sword at the older girl who blocked it easily.

It had been a few months since Reign turned 6 and finally started her official Nightblood training. Yes, she had been practicing and learning from her mom’s and Madi, but they only taught her the little things like how to stand and how to read your opponent. Of course, those are useful things but now she got to fight with the other Natblida’s after years of waiting.

There were only a few other Natblida’s her age in Polis and they were nice, but she preferred to train with Madi, her mom’s or even Kas who was a rather good warrior so far.

“Let’s go again!” Reign said,

“That’s enough for the day.” Madi replied setting her sword down before laying in the grass, “It’s getting dark and we need to get home soon before mama and nomon kill us.”

“Mads, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Madi sat up looking at her sister,

“The older Natblida’s said you’re not really my sister, why would they say that?” Reign asked, Clarke and Lexa explained to her how Madi came to them, but Reign had not fully understood. To her Madi was her sister it did not matter how or why she just was.

“You know why they say that Rei.” Madi sighed, for the most part Madi was friends with the Natblida’s except for the occasional time like right now where they say something annoying. “Mama and nomon didn’t have me like they had you, they- well a long time ago I had parents who weren’t very nice to me. They did not treat me very well because back then it was dangerous to be a Natblida and they hated me for it. Something happened and they were no longer around, so I had to go polis where I met someone who I used to call Clarke.” She smiled as she remembered the first time her and Clarke talked. She was scared out of her mind because the commander of death was standing in front of her except, she was not scary at all.

“Mama?” Reign asked,

“Yes, that day everything changed, and Clarke and Lexa became my family and then came you. The day you were born I swore to protect you forever and I promise I always will. So, no matter what the Natblida’s say you are my sister, ok?”

“Ok.” She nodded,

Little did they know a smiling Lexa was listening behind them, she had not meant to spy but she came to get them for dinner when she heard the conversation.

“There you two are.” Lexa said as she walked from out of the trees making herself visible to the girls, “It’s dinner time.”

Madi and Reign nodded grabbing their swords and armor off the grass before walking towards their house. Over the years they added another room to the house for more space. The room was technically Clarke art space, but it doubled as a library as well which suited everyone.

Clarke still was not too fond on all the training the girls do but she managed, she made sure they did other things too like draw, read, swim or just hang out with friends. She did not want them to think training was the only thing they would spend their time doing.

When they got back home the house was lit and warm from the fire and the smell of deer and herbs filled the house making everyone’s stomachs growl.

“About time.” Clarke huffed as soon as the door opened, “What have I told you girls? I want you back here for dinner before the sunset, it’s after sunset!”

“Sorry we got distracted.” Madi said taking her seat at the table,

“Madi was helping me practice so I can be a good gona like her.” Reign added, “I have to practice if I want to be good!”

“You practice during training hours.” Clarke said, “You are already good Reign, and you will get better it doesn’t mean you have to overwork yourself.”

“Your mama is right.” Lexa added, “From now on everyone is on time for dinner ok?”

“Ok nomon.” Reign sighed,

After dinner Clarke was washing everything off when Lexa joined her drying all the wet items.

“If the citizens could see you now so….. domesticated.” Clarke smiled, “They would be shocked to know you do your own housework.”

“They would be shocked by many things I do here.”

“That is true.”

“I need to talk with you about something.”

“Oh?” Clarke stopped her task turning to her wife, she had no clue what to expect, “Ok.”

“Tomorrow morning I am leading a hunting party, with winter coming we need to gather enough food and supplies to last us.”

“You never join the hunting parties.” Clarke said questionably,

“No but I will be leading this one.” Lexa sighed, “There will be skilled hunters with me of course but a few Natblida’s will be joining me as well.”

“No!”

“Clarke-.”

“She could get hurt or bit by something! Anything could happen especially with Nia’s followers out there!” The peaceful years had been mostly calm, everyone was happy and thriving but there were still ex-Azgeda members who were not very happy.

“I would never let anything happen to her Clarke you know that!” Lexa replied, she knew she wouldn’t be happy with it but Madi would be safe.

“Of course, I know that, but anything could happen Lexa, she’s not ready.” She shook her head,

“She is, she’s trained for this and she’s the best in her class! It’s not just her Aden, Elena and Torin will be joining me as well. It’s only a day’s trip.”

“Why do you even bring this up with me if you’ve already decided she’s going?”

“Because we discuss everything, I wouldn’t just take her without you knowing.”

“I won’t go if it will make you fight.” Madi who neither of them noticed stood by the door listening to their back and forth.

“Madi.” Clarke sighed, “We’re not fighting I promise, everything’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.” Madi replied earning glares from her mom’s, “You guys always fight about our training so if you want, I will stop. I won’t train anymore if that’s what you want mom.”

“Madi!” Lexa looked her daughter questionably, “No one is asking you to do that.”

“If it will make things better than I will.”

“Madi listen to me, I would never ever ask you to quit training. I know how much it means to you and I am sorry if I made you feel like I was not supportive. I will support anything you do I just worry about you, all three of you! I just want you safe, that is always my biggest concern.” Clarke explained, “If going on this hunting trip is what you want then ok.”

“Really?” Madi asked,

“Yes.” Clarke was trying to be ok with this, but it was hard, she also hated that Madi and probably Reign noticed how hesitant she was about Natblida training. She worked hard to make sure they were safe from the conclave but there are other dangers out there that she cannot protect them from no matter how hard she tried. “I’m going to go get Reign ready for bed.”

“You should get your rest.” Lexa said to Madi who was watching Clarke walk through the house,

“She doesn’t want me to go.” Madi murmured,

“She wants you to be safe, if you can do that then she will be fine.”

Madi nodded before walking to her room.

Lexa peaked in Reigns room seeing her changing into her night clothes as Clarke folded all her training clothes. Reign was looking more and more like Clarke and Lexa loved it, she knew she would have a mini Clarke running around.

“Mama can we draw tomorrow?” Reign asked which surprised the blonde, neither her nor Madi had drawn anything with her in a while.

“Really?” Clarke asked looking into those big green eyes,

“I miss drawing, maybe I can draw like you when I’m older.”

“You don’t want to be a gona?”

“I’m not good enough to be commander like Madi so I have to be something else.”

“Why would you say that Reign?” Clarke asked, “Of course you’re good enough, you just started a few months ago it takes time to be like the big kids. You know how they got to be good?”

“Practice.”

“That’s right.” Clarke smiled, “So if you want to get better you have to practice and you can also do other things like draw if you want. There are no limitations ok?”

“Ok.” Reign nodded, “Can we still draw tomorrow?”

“I would love that; I miss drawing with you.” She smiled, “Now let’s go brush out your hair.” Clarke finished putting the girl’s clothes away.

“Sorry Nomon!” Reign said as she ran into her mom’s legs,

“It’s ok little one.” She smiled watching the little girl run into her and Clarkes room. “She’s a fast one.”

“She is.” Clarke agreed still focusing on her task,

“I don’t think she will take it well that Madi and Elena get to go with me tomorrow and not her.” Lexa sighed,

“No, she won’t but she will be fine.” Clarke replied finally facing her wife, “You should talk to her about it before you leave.”

“I will.”

Clarke nodded walking past her and into her room where the girl was waiting patiently with a wooden comb in her hands. Reigns hair was always a tangled mess, so Clarke had to brush it out almost every night then redo her braids.

The first couple of times she attempted to braid the girl’s hair it was a disaster but after a few lessons from Octavia she finally got it. She could not do anything intricate, but it was good enough for a 6-year-old.

“You brush too hard!” Reign screamed, the middle of her head was in knot making it hard to detangle,

“I’m sorry baby girl, I’m almost done.”

“I heard screaming.” Lexa said walking into the room,

“Mama is ripping my hair out!”

Lexa laughed, “Well maybe someone should take better care of their hair, yeah?”

“I try! It’s hard.” Reign sighed dramatically,

“Drama queen.” Clarke mumbled, “There, we’ll braid it tomorrow.”

“Nomon can you tuck me in?”

“Of course, little one, let’s go.”

Reign kissed Clarke goodnight before walking with Lexa to her room. The girl climbed under her fur covers waiting for Lexa to tuck the sides.

“Reign tomorrow me, Madi, Elena and a few others have to go and do something really important. It’s almost winter so we need lots of food and supplies, so we are going to go hunting.”

“I get to go too?” Reign asked excitedly,

“Not this time, but when you get older you get to go too.” Lexa tried to give her something to look forward too, but the disappointment was still there as she suspected. “When we get back me and you can do anything you want, ok?”

“ok.” She whispered before turning away from her nomon.

“Rosh op yongon.” Lexa waited for a reply but there wasn’t one, she sighed before leaving the room. She hated this but it’s how it had to be for the moment.

* * *

It was the next morning and the hunting party would be leaving soon for their day trip. Madi and Lexa were getting ready while Reign and Clarke tried to act like they were not bothered by them leaving. For Clarke it was about safety for Reign it was about envy, she wanted to go.

“Knock knock!” Raven yelled before walking into the house,

“You don’t have to scream knock knock just walk in.” Clarke said to the girl,

“Ouch, are we angry this morning?”

“No, what are you doing here this early?”

“I was hoping to catch Lexa before she left.” Raven answered, “It’s about the electricity situation.”

“She’s in the back.”

Raven made her way back to the bedroom where she finds Lexa applying face pant to Madi’s face.

“Commander, mini commander!”

“Raven.” Lexa said still applying the face paint, “I did not know you got up this early.”

“I don’t but I needed to talk to you.”

“You’re finished.” Lexa said to Madi, the paint wasn’t identical to Lexa’s, but it was similar, “You like it?”

“I do.” Madi smiled looking in a small mirror,

“Wait for me outside I won’t be long.”

Madi nodded before exiting,

“Is something wrong?” Lexa asked,

“No, the opposite actually.” Raven said, “Do you remember when I got you got drunk on Monty’s disgusting liquor a few weeks ago?”

“I wish I didn’t, what about it?” Lexa shuttered at the memory,

“Well while you were wasted off half a cup you confessed a few things to me.” She smiled, “Like for example how you wish you could retire.”

“Retire?”

“Stop being commander when you were ready, you said you wished you could retire so you and Clarke could spend a few years living the simple life.”

“Why are you bringing this up Raven?”

“Because I think I know a way yo-.”

“Raven, please stop.” Lexa sighed, “It was an idiotic thing of me to say but I know I will never get that and I’m ok with it. Being commander is my duty and I will see it through.”

“Are you done?”

“We’re done with this conversation.”

“No, we’re not because you need to hear what I have to say.” Raven huffed, she knew she was one of the few people who could talk to Lexa this way and live to tell the tale. “I’ve read all of Becca’s research about A.L.L.I.E and the flame, I know you can’t step down because you can’t remove the flame until you die but what if I said I found a way around that?”

Lexa didn’t know what to say, sure she would love nothing more than to give Clarke and herself a simple life, but her duty was to be commander until death. Not to mention what the ambassadors or the flamekeeper would never agree to it.

“Raven I appreciate that you even tried to do this for me-.”

“Of course, I would do this for you Lexa, you’re my best friend.”

Lexa smiled, “I appreciate it Raven, but the ambassadors have allowed a lot of leeway already this is pushing it. Thank you for trying but I have to see this through, to my death.”

“But what if there is a possibility that I could do this? What if it’s possible?”

“I don’t want it.” She lied; she could not want it.

Raven stared at her a second examining her facial features, she knew Lexa was lying but she also knew they would be talking in circles trying to get her to agree.

“Ok, sorry for bringing it up.”

“Don’t be sorry, you’re being a good friend.” Lexa smiled,

“Best friend.” The girl corrected,

“You are one of the best friends I ever had Raven.”

“I know.” She smiled, “What’s wrong with Clarke?”

“Madi and Elena are going hunting with me, she’s not too keen on the idea.”

“Oh, well I will keep her and Rei so busy they’ll forget you ever even left.” Raven smiled,

“Thank you.”

“Let’s get out there.”

When they got outside Elena and Madi were chatting by the river while Reign sat by Clarke quietly playing with her shirt sleeve.

“We are leaving now.” Lexa murmured to Clarke who stood up from her seat.

“Take care of them.”

“Always.”

“Take care of you.”

“I will.” Lexa nodded,

“I’m sorry.” Clarke mumbled, “I-.”

“We will talk when I return, everything will be ok. Trust me.”

Clarke nodded wrapping her arms around the brunette’s neck pulling their chests together. Pulling back slightly only to connect their lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you more sky girl.” Lexa smiled, “Do I get a hug from you little one?”

Reign looked up at her mom with big green eyes, nodding before walking over.

“I don’t want to put too much pressure on you, but you have the most important job today little one.” Lexa whispered making the young girl eyes go wide.

“I do?”

“Yes, since me and Madi will be gone you have to keep your mama and Aunty Raven safe. Do you think you can handle it?”

“Yes Heda.” The girl stuck her chest out, it took everything for Lexa not to smile because she was so cute.

“Good.” Lexa hugged the young girl,

“I love you nomon.” Reign whispered making Lexa’s smile cover her whole face.

“I love you more.”

When she stood up the hunting party was already heading towards the woods. She looked back at Clarke who just nodded. She knew this was hard on Clarke and even though they’ve been together for almost 7 years it never got easier. But this was her duty, this is what she was born for right?

As she walked through the woods, she allowed herself to think what life would be like if she were normal. If she weren’t born a night blood what kind of life could she have had? These were thoughts she never allowed herself to have because it was pointless. What ifs do nothing but haunt you and she didn’t live like that.

Plus, if she wasn’t a Nightblood she would have missed out on so much, including Clarke and their daughters and that was everything to her.

“Heda.”

Lexa turned her head to Madi who was now beside of her.

“Yes.”

“Are you ok?” Madi whispered.

“I’m fine, keep your eyes on the woods.”

Madi nodded returning to her spot with the other Nightblood’s, Lexa shook off any other thoughts that weren’t hunting. If Madi noticed she was off, then so did everyone else and that wasn’t acceptable.

They weren’t traveling far but the day would be long, the only thing she wanted was to get back home as fast as possible.

* * *

“You’ve been stirring that paint for 30 minutes.”

Clarke looked down at the well stirred red paint she had been making from berry’s and other things she could find around.

“They’re going to be fine.” Raven reassured.

“I know.” Clarke murmured, she poured some of the paint into a bowl and took it to Reign who was painting at the table.

Her thoughts had been on Lexa and the girls since they left, relatively speaking hunting trips are never too dangerous. Everyone typically comes back unharmed, but this trip included the commander and that meant caution in Clarkes eyes.

But she couldn’t sit here and worry, it wouldn’t be good for anyone but especially not her young daughter sitting 5 feet away from her.

“Take my mind off of it please.” Clarke sighed returning to her spot next to her friend.

“I spoke to Octavia last night, Gaia agreed to bond her and Lincoln in their ceremony.” Raven said, “So she’s excited about that.

A few weeks ago, Lincoln asked Octavia to bond with her and we were all thrilled. They were amazing together and they deserved to be as happy as they are.

“That’s good, is Indra still pissed Gaia is the new Flamekeppa?” Clarke asked, Over the years Titus had grown I’ll.

Abby suspected it was cancer, but they didn’t know for sure and Titus being the stubborn man he was didn’t want to sit through any test. To him his life was being the Flamekeppa until another one rose. Gaia finishing her training was a sign to him that his duty was done.

He didn’t want treatment; he didn’t want medicine he demanded to let everything happen naturally, _stubborn._ It’s no secret him and Clarke didn’t have the best relationship but over the years they learned to tolerate each other. That being said she wasn’t happy with his choice, she wished he would just take the damn treatment, but he wouldn’t. She couldn’t even convince Lexa to talk to him her saying it was his choice even though she knew the girl cared.

“What are you thinking about now?” Raven asked,

“Titus.” Clarke answered, “Have you seen him lately, he looks terrible.”

“I know, whenever I go see Abby, I see her fighting him to take some pain meds. He still refuses.”

“He’s too stuck in his ways.” Clarke sighed,

“A lot of people here are.”

“Even though so much has changed?”

“Some people don’t like change Clarke.”

That was something Clarke struggled with understanding over the years, she didn’t understand why people didn’t like good change. They’ve done nothing but try to better life for everyone and there is still the select few who didn’t want it. They wanted everything to remain the same forever. Titus was the epitome of that. And suddenly Clarke found her distraction.

“Reign we’re taking a little trip.”

* * *

It was 4 hours into the hunting trip, and they were doing good, a group was already heading back to Polis with enough meet to last the first month of winter, which they would be sending to the neighboring villages. They still had weeks to lead more hunting trips, but Lexa had to make sure all the clans had supplies to last them. Winters were harsh and the snow had been known to last weeks sometimes leaving people stuck in their homes. 

Luckily over the years with the help of Raven, Lexa has been able to supplies her people with heating systems for their homes. They still had many more to make but Raven assured her with the right supplies she could do it.

Winter this year wouldn’t be so bad because of the technical advances which she was grateful for.

“Heda, we have something up ahead.” Lexa slowly walked using a nearby tree as cover while she peaked through to see what they had, and she wasn’t disappointed.

She looked over to Madi signaling for her to take the shot, there was a huge black wolf 20 feet from where they stood. It honestly surprised her the wolf didn’t hear them coming and flee.

“It looks like it’s eating something.” Madi whispered, her bow in hand as she quietly trekked forward to get a better look.

The rest of the group watched anxiously as the girl aimed her bow at the wolf preparing to take the shot.

As she was lining up her arrow, she nodded to Elena who knew exactly what she needed. A second later she heard a branch break getting the wolfs attention, she stayed calm pulling back and letting the arrow fly right into the heart killing the beast instantly.

She allowed herself to smile slightly before walking up to the wolf her knife in hand just in case, but it was dead. As she was turning to signal the other, she heard as ruffling noise where the wolf was digging.

Slowly she made her way over moving the dirt and leaves soon revealing what had the wolfs full attention.

“Heda, you should see this.” She smiled,

* * *

“What exactly are we doing here Clarke?” Raven asked the girl,

Currently they were standing outside of Titus’ personal room in Polaris. Clarke would admit she hadn’t thought this completely through but here they were.

“Are we here to see Titus mama?” Reign asks gripping her sword which she demanded to bring since she is their protector.

“We are, you know he is sick but maybe seeing you will bring him some happiness today.” Clarke smiled at the child, although Titus didn’t like Clarke much in the beginning, he immediately took a liking to Reign.

Back before she was old enough to train Clarke often found the girl sitting with Titus who would teach her about being the flamekeeper and how important the role was for the commander. Even though he won’t admit he it he loves the little girl as she reminds him of a young Lexa.

After knocking and hearing a weak enter the three-girls walked into the room where Titus laid on his bed wrapped in furs. As a healer Clarke has had her fair share of weak patients but Titus barley looked alive, she almost immediately regretted bringing Reign here. That was until the young girl made her way over bowing at the man before sitting on the bed.

“What do I owe this pleasure strikon?” Titus lazily sat himself up the best he could so he could get a better vision of the child.

“I came for a lesson ticha.” Reign replied calmly taking in the sight of the man’s appearance.

Clarke and Raven stood by the door watching the exchange not wanting to interrupt.

“Gaia is your guide now strikon, she will pass on my knowledge to you.”

Reign nodded pausing for a moment looking like her mother. _Heda_

“Then a story.” She smiled, and for the first time in 7 years of knowing him Clarke actually seen Titus smile as well,

“I have just the one.” He replied allowing Reign to settle in her seat before continuing, “This will be an important story strikon, one you must always remember.”

Reign nodded,

“Do you know how Lexa kom trikru became our Heda?”

“She won the conclave.”

“Do you know why?” Titus asks,

“Because she was the best.”

“She was the best.” Titus nodded, “But she was the prophet of the Natblida’s, she had something they didn’t. Vision. She had determination to unite the clans and even in her darkest times when her heart was filled with sorrow, she led the clans to peace. Our Heda did the impossible and when I became her teacher when she was a goufa, I knew she was special. Years later I still see that same light in her and now I see it in you.”

“You think I could be Heda?”

“I know you could, but that is not what I mean strikon.” Titus broke off into a slight coughing fit and Clarke wanted nothing more than to call her mother for something. Medicine oxygen anything.

“The light you possess is rare and it must be guided, whether that path leads you to the flame is not up to me.” Titus lifted one of his fingers pointing to the child heart, “Only you know, train hard and always remember, Yo gada yo rein in kom yo Sheidjus.” **You are worthy of your Nightblood,**

“I thought there was no lesson.” Reign smiled,

“I’m honored my last lesson is with you strikon.”

“Clarke I really think you should get Abby.” Raven whispered; the man didn’t look well at all.

“Titus let me get my mother.” Clarke walked over to the bed where the man and Reign were seated,

“No.”

“Tit-“

“I allowed you so much over the years Wanheda, at least let me die my way.”

**_See stubborn_ **

Clarke nodded,

“Reign, let’s let him rest.” Clarke was certain he wouldn’t make it through the night and a child shouldn’t have to watch anyone die,

“I want to stay.” Reign replied calmly taking one of the man’s frail hands into her own, she couldn’t believe this was her 6-year-old daughter.

* * *

“Reign is going to love this.” Madi smiled, the hunting party had just arrived back to Polis with their wolf and another surprise, “But mama might hate it,”

“Clarke definitely won’t be happy.” Elena laughed,

“Clarke will be fine.” Lexa replied,

Lexa knew they were right but Madi talked her into it and she could never say no to her girls when it was something, she could give them. Clarke was going to be angry but perhaps it will pass and she’ll get over it…..

Right?

“Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.” Lexa said more to herself than the two girls walking next to her,

“The Heda fir raun her houmon.” Elena snickered, **_the commander is afraid of her wife,_**

“Lexa laik Heda ba Clarke is in charge.” Madi replied causing Lexa to roll her eyes, she didn’t deny it, **_lexa is commander but Clarke is in charge._**

“Heda.” Ryder approached the girls as they were walking,

“Ryder, what is it?” Lexa asked, clearly something was wrong, but she had no clue what

“It is the Flamekeppa.”

Lexa nodded, “Madi, Elena gather the Natblida’s and prepare TonDc’s rations from our hunt.

“Sha Heda.” They both bowed before heading off,

Lexa knew this day would come soon she just hoped it wouldn’t be this soon. Despite Clarke’s pleas for her to get Titus medical attention against his wishes, she allowed him to die his way. Change is among them, but faith can only be modified so much, and Titus’s faith was everything to him and Lexa refused to take that away.

When she arrived at the man’s room, she saw Raven standing by the door watching Reign and Clarke sit on the man’s bed.

“Clarke doesn’t think he’ll make it through the night.” Raven whispered to the brunette who was still staring at the scene in front of her. “He still won’t see Abby.”

Lexa nodded before walking over joining the trio her eyes planted on the frail old man in front of her. He barley looked like his self, but she knew she had to choose to see her teacher and not a sick man who was dying.

“Heda.” Titus looked to the women who placed her hand over Reigns who was still holding onto the man’s hand. “Ai gonplei ste odon.”

Lexa nodded sucking her breathe in trying to suppress her tears,

“Your spirit will live on within me Flamekeppa.”

“And me.” Reign nodded,

“Then I’ve done well.”

“Thank you, Titus.” Lexa breathed, “For everything.”

“Ste yuj.” Titus coughed, “All of you.”

The three girls nodded,

“It was an honor serving you Heda.”

“The honor is mine teacher.”

“Always remember what I told you strikon. Swega em klin.” **_Swear it,_**

“Ai swega em klin.” Reign said squeezing the man’s hand, **_I swear it_**

Titus nodded settling his head into the pillow his eyes were focused on the ceiling and his breathing slowly thinned out until there was nothing.

Clarke looked over to her wife and daughter their hands still pressed against their now dead advisor. They didn’t cry but Clarke knew how much this one man meant to them. Even if she didn’t always agree with his lessons she grew to understand and respect him.

They stayed there for a minute the room completely silent and Clarke was going to suggest they should go when Reign stood up and walked over to the dresser retrieving a small knife before walking back over.

She took the knife and pricked her finger drawing her black blood and traced the tattoo on the man’s head.

“Auda riskines, Fleimon-de kigon. Medo gyon klin, ba Keryon ste yuj.” Reign recited, ( ** _Through the dark, the Flame lives on. The body passes, but the Spirit is strong.)_**

“reshwe flamekeepa” **_rest in peace Flamekeepa_**

“reshwe.” Lexa repeated, kissing the man’s head before walking out of the room Reign, Clarke and Raven following close behind.

The next day the held a burning ceremony for Titus where all of the Natblida’s and the citizens of Polis honored the man. A lot of people showed and to Clarkes surprised a lot of people actually cried. She hadn’t realized the impact the man actually had until now and that saddened her that she didn’t have more time to explore a relationship with him.

On the other hand, she couldn’t believe how strong Reign had been, her 6-year-old daughter saw someone die, someone she knew and cared for and she hadn’t shed a tear. Its worried Clarke because she didn’t want the girl to internalize her grief and have to deal with it later so after the ceremony, she found the girl standing by the ashes, hand behind her back.

_The dead are gone Clarke, the living are hungry._

“You’ve been incredibly strong little one.” Clarke said, watching the girl.

“Titus says we have to stay strong.” Reign replies,

“I know but that doesn’t mean you can’t be sad.”

“I will miss Titus but I’m not sad mama.” Reign said looking up to her mom, “Death is not the end, Titus will live on through all of us. Through his teachings.”

Clarke nodded; she didn’t doubt their faith in fact after Allie she believed in it more than ever but after all the years of not having a faith, she still wasn’t used to it.

“Houmon, strikon Madi is waiting let’s go home.” Lexa said from behind the girls.

“We have to get back to Ash.” Reign said excitedly,

Ah yes Ash, not only did Clarke arrive home to the news that Madi killed a wolf but that they also brought a baby fox back as a pet for Reign. She didn’t even have time to be upset as Reign was elated to have a pet.

Clarke didn’t know much about foxes but according to Lexa they weren’t dangerous and usually stayed in Azgeda territory in the cold weather hence it’s gray fur.

“That fox better not have touched anything in my house.” Clarke murmured to her wife who chuckled,

“I’m sure everything’s fine, we left a guard for a reason.”

“The ceremony was nice.” Compared to Reign Lexa was also keeping it together pretty well, in public that is.

Lexa did allow herself to shed a few tears in the comfort of their home where Clarke was there to comfort her.

“It was.” Lexa agreed, “Our little one doesn’t seem so little ever since last night.”

“I know, I wanted to take her home before he passed but she wouldn’t let me.” Clarke sighed, “She’s strong like you.”

“She draws her strength from both of us.” Lexa smiled slightly, “How did we get so lucky to have two amazing goufa’s?”

“I ask myself that every day.”

“Hurry nomon and mama!” Reign yelled from in front of them,

“Don’t think this fox thing is over though, I’m still- “

“Wait up Reign.” Lexa yelled running to the girl scooping her up, “I think I’m in trouble little one.”

“Don’t worry Heda I’ll protect you.” Reign smiled sticking her tongue out at Clarke,

“Traitor.” The blonde yelled, watching the two run off into the woods full of laughs.

Nope, lucky doesn’t even describe it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration:  
> Reign with Ash  
> https://aliciasilvastuff.tumblr.com/post/185069154724/instagram-yourkidssmile


	40. Epilogue IV: Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reference:  
> Elena and Theo(twins)= 15  
> Madi=14  
> (Luna+Max's daughter)Ali-11  
> Reign=6  
> Kas=5  
> Lexa=27  
> Clarke=24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine! Thanks for reading

It had been a few months since Titus’s death and things were getting back to normal in Polis. Well normal for most people at least, for Clarke and Lexa not so much. Life in general had seemed normal, their kids were great and that’s all that mattered but not everything can always be good. Clarke and Lexa knew that, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less when something horrible happens.

They had a moment of happiness, but it was short lived and replaced with dread, dread no one else knew was there except them. After digesting and dealing with it they decided they wouldn’t tell anyone yet. They couldn’t… they needed to heal first.

And what better way to heal than to distract and busy yourself right? Wrong but that was Clarke’s coping mechanism and when Octavia decided she wanted to get married earlier than planned Clarke jumped at the opportunity to help. And by help, I mean plan the whole thing down to the very last detail.

On the outside it looked like she was giving her best friend the wedding of her dreams and she was, but Lexa saw it for what it was. She saw the blonde running around busying herself so she couldn’t think about it. About what happened…. So, Lexa let her do that but after the wedding they would have to deal with it. Properly.

“7 years ago, did you think we would be here? You married with kids and me almost married with a kid?” Octavia asked the blonde,

Today was the day of Octavia and Lincolns bonding ceremony and Clarke was doing the brunettes braids while Reign and Madi sat behind them playing with Ash.

“7 years ago, I didn’t think we would live past night 3 on the ground.” Clarke replied, “But we did and now after everything we get to be happy.” Right?

“And we deserve it.” Octavia said more to reassure herself,

“We do, now go get your dress on.” Clarke smiled, “Two amazing people are waiting to start forever with you.”

Unlike Clarke and Lexa’s ceremony all those years ago Octavia’s bonding ceremony is a small gathering. Only family and close friends and a dinner at Clarke and Lexa’s house afterwards.

As soon as she got Octavia off to get dressed, she dragged her daughters away from the damn fox and into their dresses as well.

Although Tara and Raven hadn’t worked out Clarke had remained friends with the girl and she volunteered to make the dresses for most of them which she appreciated.

“Girls?” Clarke heard a voice outside of the door,

“Come in.” Clarke replied,

“How’s my girl?” Abby asked walking into the room and a floor length marron dress.

“She seems good.”

Over the years Abby had taken it upon herself to be a surrogate mother of sorts to not only Lexa but all the important people in Clarkes life and that included Octavia.

The kids knew her as Gigi since she claimed grandma made her feel too old and the adults considered her their mom since unfortunately most of them didn’t have one anymore.

“I don’t know if black was the best choice.” Octavia said as she walked back into the room, her dress was black lace and flowed past her feet with a long train behind her. It was stunning.

“Oh honey!” Abby cried, “You’re beautiful.”

“Abby please don’t cry.” Octavia smiled and Clarke laughed,

“Lincoln is very lucky.”

“And he knows it.” Clarke adds, “You guys are a perfect match.”

“Thank guys for doing all of this.” Octavia said to Clarke, “For helping me put everything together and hosting dinner and just… being here.”

“We love you and we’re family, it’s we do.” Clarke smiled, “Now let’s get you married!”

The ceremony itself would take place at the waterfall beside Clarke and Lexa’s house, since they were already having dinner there it made sense plus it was a beautiful spot. Clarke even went as far as building a flower arch for them to stand under like in the old movies they had on the ark and it turned out well.

“I’ll be out in a second.” Octavia said, “I just have to pee.” She added after seeing the worried faces of Abby and Clarke.

They left the girl in the room joining the others in the Livingroom while they waited. Staring at the fullness of her house Clarke couldn’t believe she had this many people in her family. She’s had 8 years to get used to it, but it still surprised her every time they got together.

She watched quietly as Abby took her seat next to Kane, over the years their relationship continued, and they even married as well. They didn’t have a ceremony just the two of them, but everyone was happy for them including Clarke.

Did she wish her father could be here? Of course, she missed her dad like crazy especially when she was with her own kids. Every time they learned a new trick with their sword or drew something amazing, she wanted to show him. She could only hope he was out there somewhere watching over them and seeing it all.

“Is she ready?” Clarke jumped at the voice not realizing anyone was next to her. When she looked up, she saw a very nervous looking Lincoln.

“She is.” Clarke nodded, “Last minute hair adjustments, you won’t have to wait long.”

“I think I’ve been waiting for her my whole life.” Lincoln smiled, “Thank you for everything Clarke, only you can pull all of this off on your own.”

“I’m glad I could do this for both of you.” She smiled, “How about we get everyone outside, and I’ll drag O out of the mirror.”

Lincoln laughed and nodded, 

Clarke walked back into her room where she was getting the girl ready and found her sitting by the toilet sweaty and a mess.

“O?”

The girl jumped at hearing the blondes voice but soon went back to wiping her sweat and tears.

“Are you sick?”

“No!” She answered quickly, “I uhm, I think I’m more nervous than I led on.” She replied laughing nervously,

“If it’s any consolation, Lincoln was just gushing about you two seconds ago.” Clarke smiled, she didn’t know if she believed the girl or not. She has seen O nervous and she never through up or got sweaty and gross. Then again it is her wedding day so the benefit of the doubt can be given.

“He’s a softy.” Octavia smiled, “I just need to wash my face and I’ll be ready.”

“Here.” Clarke grabbed a towel off of her counter and handed to the girl.

She waited silently for her to clean herself up feeling the dread slowly creep back into her body. Soon there would be no wedding, nothing to plan or make decorations for. She would have to find something else to do, like draw? No draw with loud blaring music from one of the music radios Raven built. Will that be enough?

_What if it’s not enough?_

“Clarke?”

“Yes?” Once again, she hadn’t noticed someone standing right in front of her and by the look on Octavia’s face she had been standing there for a while.

“You ok?” she asked questionably,

“I’m fine, are you ready?” Clarke smiled, or tried to at least. Fake smiles are something she’s learned to perfect the last few weeks.

Octavia nodded not fully believing the blonde, but she made a mental note to take to her at dinner, something was wrong.

They quietly walked through the house and outside where Bellemy was waiting with a huge smile on his face.

“You ready for this little sister?” he asked, holding his arm out for her to take.

“I am.” She beamed; everything was perfect. The weather wasn’t too cold yet and the arch Clarke made was beautiful. All the kids were dressed up and not in there usual training clothes. And then there was her husband to be standing there waiting for her. Waiting for forever, with her. She was lucky.

“I’ll go take my seat.” Clarke said before walking towards the others stopping when she felt a hand on her arm,

“Wait.” Octavia grabbed the girl embracing her in a huge hug, Clarke knew it meant thank you but to her it was so much more. It was comfort, comfort that she needed but hadn’t allowed anyone to give her. She hadn’t even allowed anyone to know she needed it,

“I love you.” Octavia murmured,

“Me too.” Clarke smiled before walking to her seat where Lexa was waiting in her beautiful blood red dress that Clarke picked herself.

Lexa in red did things to her, amazing things so anytime she got to dress her red was her go to.

Everyone watched silently as Bellamy and Octavia walked down the makeshift isle and towards a smiling Lincoln. When she finally made it, she kissed Bell on the check before giving her man all the attention.

“Today we gather to celebrate the union of Lincoln kom Trigedakru and Octavia kom Skaikru. To solidify this union, we ask that you recite our oath do you except?” Gaia asked the pair.

“I do.” O smiled,

“I do.”

Gaia nodded,

“I Lincoln kom Trikru swear fealty to you, to always protect you and always love you. To always fight for your honor, and in sickness take care of you. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your feelings as my feelings. As we bond our love, I promise that my heart will always be yours.”

“I Octavia kum Skaikru-..”

Clarke listened with a smile as the two exchanged the oath reminding her of the day, she said the same words to her wife. She looks over to Lexa and knows she is thinking the same.

“Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun.” Octavia repeated staring loving into Lincolns eyes,

“Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun.” He smiles, ( ** _my life is your life.)_**

“Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun.” Lexa whispered into the blonde’s ear, “I love you.”

7 years and she still get butterfly’s, she leans over giving the brunettes plumps lips a peck before turning her attention back to the couple. This was the closet they have been in weeks.

The ceremony was beautiful, Gaia who was the new Flamekeppa did well to everyone’s delight even Indra who wasn’t so supportive of her daughters’ path.

Dinner was prepared by Abby and Kane who volunteered even though Clarke wanted to do it seeing as it would’ve given her something to do but alas her mother and stepfather took that task.

“Reign that fox is not eating at the table.” Clarke watched as the girl tried to sneak Ash under her chair with a plate of veggies.

“Nomon said she could.” Reign pouted, every time she made that face, she looked like a mini Lexa. It was so cute and so annoying at the same time.

“Well I said she can’t, please put her food by the kitchen.” Clarke never wanted this fox in her house, but she was overruled even when they all know she’s in charge!

_Damn puppy dog eyes_

“Reign listen to your mom.” Lexa said, her commander face on,

“Yes nomon.” The girl sighed,

“When she said at the table, I didn’t realize she meant under her seat I thought she meant behind us.” Lexa explained.

“I wish you never brought that thing in here.” Clarke murmured as she watched her daughter sulk back to her seat,

“You try saying no to puppy dog eyes,” Lexa replied,

_Damn cute kids_

“They get that from you.” Clarke smiles, even though Madi wasn’t biologically there’s she resembled Lexa. Both dark hair and both have big green eyes that bore into your soul and make you fall in love with them, “It’s three pairs of big green eyes against me.”

“I’m sure our next will have big blue eyes, so you’ll have one on your team.” Lexa smiled but Clarke went rigid,

_Did she really just say that?_

“Come on girls lets eat.” Abby called them over and Clarke jumped at the chance to run from this conversation.

She quickly grabbed her seat a quiet Lexa following close behind, she knew she shouldn’t have said that. But Clarke was finally saying more than five words to her and she was excited.

They had to talk this out, there was no more avoiding it after tonight.

The table was filled with light conversation, the kids at one end talking and laughing and the adults on the other. They often had family dinner most of them took place at Abby and Kane’s house. After the attack on Arkadia all those years ago Lexa gifted Kane land beside Polis so that Skaikru could rebuild. She also built Abby a nice house near town, so she was close.

Lexa and Abby’s relationship were probably the strongest out of all the adult’s and Clarke loved it. She knew how much it meant to Lexa having a mother and Abby filled the spot beautifully.

“Thank you for cooking nomon.” Lexa smiled to Abby,

“It’s the least I could do since Clarke wouldn’t let me help decorate or anything.” Abby replied glaring at her daughter quickly,

“I had it under control.” That’s all that Clarke could muster up to say, it’s true she did have it under control. She needed to have at least one thing around her under control but that’s ends after today.

Unexpectedly her brain is back to coming up with ideas on how to fill her time, she could train. Maybe training could be distracting but you can only do that for so long. When she’s done, she’ll need to find something else to do….

“Mom.” She hears a voice from behind her, she turns to see a confused Madi.

“Yes?” Clearly, she had been trying to get Clarke attention, but she didn’t notice, that’s been happening a lot.

“I said can I stay with Aunt Alix tonight?” Madi repeated still eyeing her mom with a confused face,

“That’s fine.” Clarke smiles before going back to moving her food around her plate.

God even her kids are noticing she’s off, she’ll need to do something to prove she’s ok like dance with them in the living room to whatever music the radio will play or draw pictures and laugh while they tell her about their day.

Suddenly she doesn’t remember the last time she did those things with them… On top of everything she’s been a terrible mother, maybe… maybe this is why-

“Ok, everyone we have an announcement.” Octavia and Lincoln stood up from the table, “We wanted to wait until after the ceremony so we would all be together.” Octavia smiled, no not smiled, more like beamed brighter than the sun and Clarke could feel her stomach tightening up,

“We haven’t known for long but after seeing Abby at the clinic she told us Octavia is pregnant!” Lincoln announced,

 _Silence_ , **dead** silence and maybe slow motion like when something terrible is happening in a movie and for some reason they slow-mo. it so you can sit through it longer than you need to. That’s what it felt like to Clarke because all though she could see the smiles and the laughing and hugs she felt like she was watching it through a screen. Like she wasn’t actually there.

* * *

**LEXA**

It had been a few weeks since everything happened, and Lexa knew Clarke wasn’t handling it well. Lexa wasn’t either but she couldn’t fall apart, not when thousands of people and her daughters are counting on her.

That being said she couldn’t bury her feelings either, she worked so hard to get to the place she’s in. To a place where she can be emotional and have relationships with people, to love and be loved. She couldn’t go back on that, not now.

But she also didn’t get that way on her own, she had a certain blonde helping her and right now they needed each other more than ever.

So, she let Clarke plan this wedding and she let Clarke wonder off on long walks and come home late because she wanted to give her space. Looking at the blonde now completely zoned out as Octavia announced her pregnancy, she knew that was a mistake.

She wanted to talk this out and she planned to after the wedding but staring at her wife right now she was actually scared. Thankfully, no one else noticed as they gathered around Octavia congratulating her.

“Clarke.” Lexa says quietly but the blonde didn’t move, so she grabbed her hand and pulled her into the empty kitchen where she finally seemed to snap out of it.

They didn’t say anything, Clarke just stared at big green eyes as she felt her own fill with tears, but she refused to let them fall. This wasn’t about her; it was about her best friend, so she pulled it together.

“Wait.” Lexa said as they blonde attempted to rejoin the others,

“Just… let’s get through this first.” Clarke murmured, “Please.”

“Come on.” Lexa grabbed her hand linking their fingers and they walked back to the dining room and up to Octavia who was talking to Raven and Luna.

“Congratulations, both of you.” Lexa smiled, “I can see Kas is excited to be a big brother.” They turned to the little boy who was talking excitedly with Reign.

“He is, I’m surprised he kept our secret.” Octavia laughed, while secretly eyeing Clarke who looked…... suffocated.?

“Clarke- “

“So, have you guys thought of names?” Lexa interrupted, noticing how the others were looking at the blonde,

“Not yet, I think we are both still shocked.” Lincoln answers,

“You’ll have time I mean we didn’t even name Reign until she was here.” Lexa said, she was rambling. She never rambles.

“You mean I named Reign.” Madi chimed in from behind them,

“Yes, all credit goes to Mads.” Lexa smiled grateful for the girls comment as she see’s Clarke smile at them,

“Maybe Kas will get lucky and get to name his baby brother or sister.” Clarke says, trying to add to the conversation,

“Really?!” Kas yelled clearly excited by that idea,

“Thanks Aunt Clarke look what you started.” Octavia quirks watching the boy list off all the names he can think of,

“Nine months is a long time, maybe he’ll forget.” Clarke added,

“Or come up with a really cool name.” Madi adds,

“How did you choose my name Mads?” Reign asked her big sister,

“It was raining a lot outside and I thought it was a cool name.” Madi shrugs,

“Oh.” Reign ponders for a second as if she trying to decide if she accepts that answer, “Maybe that’s why I like the rain so much!” she finally adds causing the adults to laugh,

“You could’ve had a cool name like Raven the second but blondie over there refused.” Raven says rolling her eyes,

“One Raven is enough for all of us.” Lexa replies,

“So true.” Octavia agrees,

“Whatever you all love me.” Raven scoffs,

They didn’t stand around talking for much longer as Octavia and Lincoln wanted to enjoy their night together since Lexa and Clarke offered to keep Kas for the night.

So, while Lexa tucked them in Clarke prepared herself for the talk she was about to get, the talk she’s been avoiding for weeks.

Maybe she can sneak off into the woods before she gets back…

* * *

“Ok little one, Kas is sleep so you need to be too.” Lexa whispered to Reign who for some reason did not want to settle down,

“Nomon I’m not tired.” Reign groaned,

Lexa couldn’t deny there similarities especially when the child did things like this,

“What will make you tired then?”

“A story.” She smiled,

“Ok pick which ever book you like.” She had hoped she could put the kids to bed quickly out of fear Clarke will have left the house so they couldn’t talk but she hadn’t heard any doors opening or closing yet,

“No.” She shook her head, “A story from your head.”

Lexa laughed, “From my head?” the little girl nodded,

“A story about you and mama, like how she defeated the mountain.”

Lexa flinched at the memory, there was no shielding Reign from their history it’s something everyone knows and shares stories about. Everyone except them, they didn’t talk about wars and battles with Reign and Madi but that didn’t mean others didn’t.

Lexa knows how Clarke feels about them knowing what she’s done, she wished they didn’t know at all. But Madi already knew and Reign became curious after hearing the citizens call her Wanheda.

“Your mom is a very strong leader, and her opponents underestimated her ability to lead which was there mistake.” Lexa smiled sadly, she never underestimated Clarke, but she did leave her on that mountain, “So that day your mom saved her people the only way she could and that’s how she defeated the mountain.”

From the look on Reigns face Lexa knew she knew there was more to the story, but she wouldn’t push,

“I’m so proud of her.” Reign yawned,

“So am I.” Lexa smiled,

“Can I know how you and mama met?”

Lexa nodded,

“Before we were at peace Trikru and Skaikru didn’t get along well, but that you know.” Lexa smiled, “And after something bad happened I met the sky people’s leader, and she was a force to be reckoned with but so was I.”

Reign laughed,

“So, when she marched in my tent, I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was. Her hair was like the sun and her eyes were blue like the sky, but she was my enemy so none of that mattered. Over time I grew to like your mama, but I still had the duty to my people and that comes first.” Lexa sighed, “So when we fought the mountain, I made a choice, a choice even after all these years I wish I could take back. Because even though it was the right choice for my people it also destroyed someone, I would grow to love so much.”

“Mama?”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded, “When I met your mama neither of us were ready to be loved, and we both had responsibilities to our people. It wasn’t until much later that we allowed ourselves to be a little selfish and love each other. Then came Madi and then you.”

“Mama doesn’t want me to know what she did.” Reign says quietly and Lexa had no clue what to say, it’s not like Clarke ever said those words to the girl but it was true. Clarke didn’t want their kids looking at her as Wanheda she just wanted them to look at _her_. “But Titus told me that she was brave and sometimes leaders have to make the decisions no one else can.”

“Titus was right.” She smiled, even though Titus passed a few months ago Reign kept his teachings very much alive. Like she promised. “And maybe one day your mama will talk to you about that, when she’s ready. Ok?”

“Ok nomon.”

“Now get your rest little one because in the morning I’ll be challenging you to a fight.”

“Really?” The little girl’s eyes went wide, and a smile spread across her face, she loved training with her nomon,

“I’ll even let you have Kas on your team.” Lexa smiled,

“I can beat you all on my own.” Reign replied confidently,

“I don’t doubt you for a second.” Lexa smiled kissing the girl on her for head, “Sleep, I love you little one.”

“I love you too nomon.”

After shutting the girl’s door, she slowly walked to her and Clarkes room, she didn’t know how this would go. She just knew it needed to happen. She held her breathe as she walked into the room half expecting the girl to be gone but she wasn’t.

“I thought you would leave.” Lexa mumbles as she walked over to the dresser grabbing her night clothes,

“I wanted to.” The blonde’s voice was barley audible,

“I know this is hard Clarke, it’s hard for me to and…” Lexa pauses trying to check her emotions, she needed to keep it together. Right?

“I’m hurting too Clarke.” Lexa finally says her voice cracking,

“I know.” She couldn’t look at Lexa so instead she chose to look at the floor,

“And you keep running away or taking on a hundred tasks just so you can’t talk to me and we can’t go on like this. I can’t.”

Clarke’s head snapped up finally meeting the green eyes desperately looking at her and what remained of her heart finally crumbled completely,

“Are you...” Clarke started, she couldn’t even say the words, “I- I’m sorry I know I haven’t handled this the best but I’m going to start trying I- please Lex. You can’t leave me. I know I deserve it but please.”

“Clarke!” Lexa almost died hearing those words, she rushed over to the blonde who was now crying uncontrollably. “I’m not leaving you ai hodnes, ever.” **_(my love)_**

“I’m sorry,” Lexa wrapped her arms around her wife who was now shaking, and she couldn’t handle this, she didn’t want to see Clarke like this, and she never should’ve let it get this far. “It’s all my fault Lex, it’s my fault and I can’t even look at you without feeling ashamed and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Clarke.” Lexa tried to control her own tears, but it was useless, this needed to happen,

“It is.” the girl tried to break free from Lexa’s hold but she wouldn’t let her, “It’s my fault, the baby was inside of me and I lost it, I failed before they even got here and I can’t-“

“It wasn’t your fault Clarke.” Lexa repeated firmly, they hadn’t told anyone in fact they were shocked themselves for a while but after seeing Jackson at the clinic he confirmed Clarke was pregnant.

Lexa couldn’t help but remember how excited she was as her as Clarke walked home that day.

_“I hope it’s a boy this time.” Clarke says excitedly, “With blue eyes! I need someone on my team.”_

_“A son.” Lexa pondered what that would be like, “What will his name be?” she asked already deciding it was a boy,_

_“Something different we have a Reign and a Madi which are great names.” Clarke says, “His has to be just as great.”_

_“We have to tell nomon.” Lexa smiles, “And the girls, maybe tell them together.”_

_“How about we enjoy this for a little while longer, just the two of us?” Clarke smirked; they hadn’t been trying to get pregnant, but they also weren’t against it. They wanted a big family now they had one more person, “Just until we enjoyed it a little more.”_

_Lexa nodded, “I’m so excited.” Those are words Lexa’s never really said out loud before, emotions were hard for her but around her family she can be anything she wanted. Which meant she could be physically happy and not think twice about it._

But alas the excitement didn’t last long, a few weeks after finding out about the pregnancy Clarke woke up in crippling pain but she didn’t think much of it. Her pregnancy with Reign wasn’t the easiest but she was fine and healthy, and this baby would be to. That’s what she told herself.

She went through her day as normal, teaching an art class and getting the girls to their training and that’s when she felt it. Her classroom wasn’t far from the clinic and she knew she needed to get there but her stomach was cramping so terribly walking was hard.

After struggling she finally made it and luckily Jackson was the doctor on duty and not Abby. It wasn’t until the bleeding started that she felt completely hopeless and Jackson only confirmed her fears.

Soon after she zoned out of everything, she remembers seeing Lexa talk with Jackson, but she didn’t hear a word they said. It didn’t matter, their baby was gone.

She does remember spending the day sobbing in Lexa’s arms and hiding in their room while Lexa took care of the kids. She couldn’t handle it.

They didn’t tell anyone and due to doctor confidentiality Jackson couldn’t tell Abby.

That was weeks ago, and Clarke has been spiraling ever since.

“Look at me Clarke.” Lexa demanded and the crying girl obliged, “This isn’t your fault, you know it’s not. Jackson said it could happen to anyone.”

“But why us?” Clarke croaked,

“I don’t know.” Lexa whispered, “I wish I knew; I just know we can’t get through this without each other. You can’t run from me anymore Clarke.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you and you know nothing can ever change that, right now we need to heal and in the future we can try again.”

“What if it happens again?” Clarke cries, “I can’t do this again Lexa.”

“We have to be positive Clarke; I can’t think about the what ifs.” Lexa sighed,

“I tried to do everything right, I didn’t train, I didn’t run or even walk long distances and it didn’t matter.”

“We are going to get through this Clarke and I’m going to remind everyday this wasn’t your fault.”

“What if we never get over the pain?”

“Over the years I learned I can get through anything with you.” Lexa smiled lightly, “I hope I’m the same for you.”

Clarke nodded, her tears still pouring from her face and Lexa held her. She held her as they both cried and neither of them heard the little feet walking into their room.

“Mama?”

Lexa quickly looked up at a sleepy Reign as Clarke quickly hid behind her not wanting the young girl to see her cry.

“Reign, let’s go back to bed.” Lexa quickly wiped her tears trying to pick up the child, but she wasn’t having it,

“No! I want mama!” Reign ran over to Clarke who was trying to pull herself together as quickly as she could. “Mama?”

“Why are you awake rainy?” Clarke smiled as the little girl wiped her face,

“I had a bad dream and I heard you cry.” Reign pouted, “Why are you sad?”

“I’m just having a bad day, and sometimes when you have a bad day you just need to cry.” Clarke smiled, “And a hug.”

Reign immediately jumped into her mom’s arms giving her a big bear hug,

“What was your dream about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Reign shook her head,

“That’s ok.” Clarke nodded,

“Can I sleep with you and nomon?”

“Of course.” Clarke kissed the little girls’ cheeks before laying her in their big bed, “Me and nomon have to get ready for bed ok?”

Reign nodded watching her mom’s disappear into the bathroom hand in hand which made her smile.

“I can take her back to bed.” Lexa whispered, she warmed a cloth carefully rubbing the blondes red eyes,

“No, it’s ok.” Clarke said, starring at her wife whose eyes were bloodshot as well, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” Clarke felt ashamed, she never wanted to let her own grieving over shine Lexa’s but that’s what she ended up doing,

“You’re here now, just promise me you won’t run.” Lexa said hesitantly,

“I promise.”

Lexa leaned down gently connecting their lips,

“Yucky.” Reign groaned having a perfect view of the bathroom from the bed,

Clarke and Lexa laughed making their way over to the girl,

“There’s nothing yucky about it.” Clarke smiled tickling the girl, she cherished moments like this where her six-year-old acted six and did childish things like scold her parents for kissing. Or have nightmares and sleep in their bed, sometimes Reign seemed so much older than she was, and Clarke needed her baby to stop growing!

“Oh, hell no!” Clarke exclaimed, she felt it before she saw the grey fur cuddling up on her legs, “No fox on the bed.”

“But mama what if ash had a nightmare too?” Reign pouted, puppy dog eyes in full effect,

“Yes Clarke, what if Ash had a nightmare.” Lexa smirked, mimicking the puppy dog eyes,

“Ugh!” Clarke groaned into the pillow, “She better stay over there.”

“Ash likes you mama.”

Well I don’t like Ash Reign, Clarke thought.

_Damn puppy dog eyes_

So that night she fell asleep with a with her wife and one of their daughters and also a damn fox who by the way is very clingy. But she also fell asleep with the dread she constantly felt for weeks a little bit lighter than it was. 


	41. Epilogue V: Growing Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: so the past few days i've been trying to write this chapter and i wrote it easily BUT the sex scenes were giving me hell. I just wasn't in the mood, everything i wrote i hated so the one in this chapter is very short but there is more to come sorryyy
> 
> all mistakes are mine bc i suck:)

“Are you sure this isn’t too much?” Lexa asked Raven who was fixing one of her tablets trying to get it to work.

“Relax commander heart eyes, she’ll love it.”

Today was Clarke and Lexa’s 8th anniversary and Lexa had big plans for the blonde, the last year hasn’t been the easiest for either of them so tonight would be exactly what they needed. Winter had come and gone, and they were still mourning the loss of their baby, but they were doing it together. It took a few months for them to tell their family and once they did everyone was overwhelmingly supportive.

They did talk about trying again but right now both of them were happy, they had their daughters and family and that’s all they needed. Reign was almost 8 and Madi 15 which was crazy. They had a teenager! Lucky for them Madi wasn’t the attitude talk back kind of teenage, so it made things easier.

“Do you think I need more candles?” Lexa asked insecurely looking at the room around her,

“God no!” Raven exclaimed, “You might burn this place down, stop being so nervous.”

“I just want her to love this.” Lexa sighed,

“She will Lex, now go get changed everyone’s waiting.”

Lexa quickly changed into her red silk dress and let her hair loose from the restricting braids. She used some of the lip balm Clarke made for them using berries to give her lips a tint then her medallion on her head. When she was ready, she went back into the Livingroom where an impatient Raven was waiting.

“About time.” Raven rolled her eyes, she herself had a dark red dress on. The first time she seen Lexa in her red dresses she claimed her style was rubbing off on her.

“You remember the plan, right?”

“Yes commander, we went over it like 20 times.” Raven groaned, “Come on.”

They made their way through the woods just as the sun was setting. It was a beautiful night especially for the festivities taking place.

The citizens of Polis demanded to throw Lexa and Clarke a feast and who was she to refuse them.

“This is crazy.” Raven commented,

The square was filled with decorations and people playing instruments, children running around and most important people smiling. They clearly spared no expense for this and its warmed Lexa’s heart that her people did all of this for them. In the beginning not everyone supported Clarke and Lexa being together so it’s refreshing to see them celebrating their union.

“There you are!” Clarke walked up to her wife, she was dressed in a short blue dress that hugged her curves perfectly, “When you said you had a meeting, I didn’t think it would mean you’d be late.”

“Moba, niron. It took longer than expected.” Lexa grabbed the blondes hand kissing it before bringing her in for a kiss, “Am I forgiven?”

“Maybe.” She smiled stealing a kiss,

“You look beautiful tonight.”

“So, do you.” Clarke smirked,

“Nomon!” Reign joined the group running up to her mom, the girl was only 7 but she was growing so fast “Can we dance?”

“I’d like that!” Lexa smiled allowing the girl to drag her onto the pavement with the other citizens.

Lexa was very good at dancing in fact most of the grounders where, Clarke was pretty surprised to learn how many traditional dances they had. Lexa had taught her a few but she felt silly each time she did them, Reign on the other hand loved to dance. It was something her and Lexa could do together that wasn’t training, and Clarke was happy about that.

She stood by with a smile as she watched her girls dance, she even caught Madi dancing with Aden. She didn’t know their situation and she didn’t ask, she figured she would tell them when she was ready. But it was very clear something romantic was brewing.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Raven asks the blonde,

“Why aren’t you?”

“I’m not the one they threw the party for.”

“Fair enough I guess.” Clarke shrugged, “I’d rather drink than dance.”

“I like how you think.” Raven smirked, “Let’s find the alcohol!”

* * *

“Thanks for the dance nomon.” Reign hugged her mom,

“It was a pleasure, maybe I can get your mama to dance tonight.” She smiled,

“Mama can’t dance she’s not very good!” Reign laughed,

“You’re right, then I’ll have to dance with you all night.”

“I can’t I’m going to be dancing with my boyfriend.”

“YOUR WHAT?” Lexa yelled, she was sure she almost had a heart attack,

“My boyfriend.” Reign repeated, “He’s right over there.” She smiled pointing to a little boy maybe one year older than her.

“Reign you don’t have a boyfriend; you are too young.”

“But Madi has a boyfriend.” She pouted,

“What?” what is happening tonight? “Madi does not have a boyfriend.”

“Aden is her boyfriend.”

This was too much, neither of them needed a boyfriend and she was sure she was going to kill someone. She scanned the area finally landing on Madi who was laughing at something Aden was saying. Could they really be dating and Madi didn’t tell her? Madi always tells her everything.

“Did Madi say Aden was her boyfriend?” Lexa asked calmly,

“No, but I saw him kiss her.” Reign smirked,

“I think I’m going to pass out.” Lexa murmured, “Listen Reign Madi is older than you and although I don’t think she should have a boyfriend she’s old enough to make that choice. You on the other shouldn’t be kissing anyone ok?”

“Kissing is gross nomon!”

“That’s right.” Lexa smiled, “Now who is this boy do I have to interrogate him?”

“No nomon!”

“Fine but tell him Heda said to be nice to you and if he kisses you, I’ll throw him in a cell.”

“Ok nomon.” Reign laughed before walking over to her ‘boyfriend’

Where the hell is Clarke, she thought

* * *

“Ok Griffin, one more shot!” Raven pushed the small glass to the blonde.

“I think one shot is enough.” She was still recovering from the first, “I want something sweet.”

“Fine.” Raven groaned pouring her a different drink, “Here.”

“This is better.” She could still taste the alcohol, but the fruit juice added flavor,

“Have you seen O and Lincoln?” Clarke asks,

“I think they’re still at home, the baby was probably being fussy.”

Octavia had given birth to a beautiful baby girl just a few months ago and she was the cutest thing ever. They decided to name her Aurora after her mom, but they all mostly called her Rori.

At first it was hard seeing Octavia pregnant because it had just reminded her of what she lost. But after a while the pain faded, and she remember all the amazing things she did have. Her wife and her two daughters and if that was all she was meant to have then it is enough.

“I’m sure they’ll be here soon though.” Raven reassured, “Meanwhile your wife looks pissed and I’m trying to figure out if I should run or not.”

Clarke turned around and Lexa indeed headed their way looking very upset, she can’t imagine what could’ve happened in the span of 15 minutes, but she was about to find out.

“Clarke.” Lexa said her name with urgency, and she could see Raven trying to sneak away,

“Lexa.” Clarke replied calmly

“You too.” Lexa said without even looking at Raven and the girl sighed,

“What did I do?” Raven whined,

“Did you know Madi had a boyfriend?” Lexa asks the two women,

“No?” Clarke said, I mean technically she didn’t know for a fact,

“I don’t know anything.” Raven held her hands up,

“Well Reign who by the way also apparently has a boyfriend just told me she saw Madi and Aden kiss!”

“Wait, Reign has a boyfriend?” Clarke asks, “She’s 7.”

“Madi had her first kiss!” Raven cheered earning glares from both women,

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.” Clarke murmurs,

“You? She didn’t tell me anything, she’s supposed to tell me everything!” Lexa sighs,

“She’s 15 Lexa, I know it’s not an ideal age to start dating but you were 15 when you met Costia.” Lexa shuddered at the name,

“That’s not the same.”

“Why?” Clarke asks,

“Because I said it’s not!”

“Do you really want to fight with me on our Anniversary?”

“No.” Lexa mumbles, “But I need to talk to Madi.”

“No.” Clarke grabbed the girl’s hand, “Let her be for the night and let’s enjoy our time together.”

Lexa couldn’t refuse, Clarke was giving her puppy dog eyes and it was a known weakness in their family.

“But-.”

“Nope.” Clarke interrupted the girl with a kiss, “Tomorrow’s problem.”

“Fine.” Lexa pouted,

“A shot?” Raven offered the girl the small glass,

“Absolutely not.” Lexa hated SkaiKru alcohol, it tasted like fuel and it made her do and say stupid things.

“Boring.”

“I’m up for a shot!” Elena grabbed the glass from Raven before Lexa could say anything,

“Elena!”

“This is awful.” The girl coughed, the taste catching her off guard

“You shouldn’t have drunk it.” Lexa scolded,

“I’m almost 17 Lexa.” The girl rolled her eyes, “I didn’t come over here to be scolded Heda, I came to hug my favorite person ever.” The girl wrapped her arms around Clarke who returned the sentiment.

The two had remained close over the years, Elena was growing into an amazing young women and Clarke was proud.

“I still remember walking with you down the isle of your ceremony.” Elena smiled, “I was so excited you were going to be my family.”

“You were so small back then.” Clarke could feel the tears, usually she wasn’t a very sentimental person but after having Reign she found herself crying at the little things. Like when Reign said her first word and took her first steps or when Madi won her first fight against one of the Natblida’s. She cried over everything!

“Now look at me! I’m practically your age when you met Lexa.”

“Not quite but 18 will sneak up on you.”

“Maybe I’ll find a mate then too.” She smirked,

“Why must everyone have a romantic relationship!” Lexa groaned, “You’re too young, Madi’s too young everyone is too young!”

They all stared at the commander before Elena and Raven busted out in a laugh,

“It’s too late for Mads.” Elena smirked, “Aden’s all-in love with her.”

“LOVE?” Lexa yelled,

“Ok, I think we should dance.” Clarke interrupted, “Dance with me heda.”

“You don’t like dancing.” Lexa mumbled,

“It’s a slow song we can sway.” Clarke pulled the girl onto the floor with the rest on the people, wrapping her arms around her wife’s neck.”

“talk to me.”

“Why do they have to do this to me.” Lexa groaned,

“They’re growing up Lex, soon enough they will all be adults who can make their own decisions.”

“I don’t want them to grow up.”

“Me either.” Clarke laughed, “But that’s life, just promise me something.”

“Of course.”

“Don’t attack Madi with questions about her and Aden, she’s probably expecting that. And it’s probably the reason she didn’t come to us about it.”

“I don’t want her to date, no one is good enough for her. For any of them.” Lexa confessed, “They deserve the best.”

“You once believed in Aden to lead our people, why not this?”

“Because this is my daughter, and it means more to me than being Heda. And I know I’m not supposed to put anything before that, but I don’t care.” she sighed, “I don’t trust anyone enough to take on protecting her heart.”

“We have to trust Madi, we can save her from many things, but heartbreak isn’t one of them.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try.” She smiled slightly,

“My mom tried to stop me from pursing someone once, someone she thought would break my heart.” Clarke started, “She didn’t think the person I loved was right for me and she couldn’t have been more wrong. Eight years later my mom loves her as much as I do, and she was glad to be wrong about her.”

Lexa knew she was right but that didn’t mean she was ok with it, her Madi was growing up but it was too soon. She just got her and now soon she wouldn’t need her anymore, it wasn’t fair.

“Let’s talk about something else tonight.” Lexa sighed,

“Good idea.” Clarke smiled, “You want to tell me why Reign is staying with Raven tonight?”

“I thought we could enjoy some alone time.” Lexa smiled, “Madi will be at Alix’s and I wanted you all to myself. Is that so bad?”

“Not at all, in fact I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good because it’s going to be a long night ai hodnes.”

“Mama, nomon!” Reign called out for them running full speed,

“Slow down before you fall.”

“I want to dance with you!”

“We’re not dancing at all Reign, we are swaying.” Lexa smiled, picking the girl up. “You’re welcome to sway with us.”

“Ok, look there’s Mads.” Reign pointed, “Madi come sway with us!”

Clarke gave her wife a pointed look before the other girl joined them.

“Sway?” Madi asked,

“Mama can’t dance so we have to sway.” Reign whispered yelled,

“Swaying is a form of dance I’ll have you know.” Clarke declared,

“Are you two having a nice time at tonight?” Lexa asks the girls as they swayed,

“It’s fun, Indra told one of the people to let me play their drums.” Reign said excitedly, “I made up a song.”

“We’ll have to hear it then.” Clarke smiled, “How about you Mads?”

“It’s nice, everyone seems very happy. Not that they usually aren’t but feasts always makes everyone happier.”

“We’ll have to have more then.” Lexa replied, she wanted to question her daughter about this boyfriend. But she promised Clarke she wouldn’t so all she can do is wait.

“Yay! More feasts!” the younger girl cheered, “Mama looked Kas is here!” Reign wormed her way out of Lexa’s arms and ran to her best friend.

“Sorry we’re late.” Octavia exclaimed, carrying her baby girl in blanket

“It’s ok, let me hold my girl.” Clarke excitedly reached for the baby,

“She’s being mean today so beware.” Octavia warned,

“She’s an angel.” The baby had beautiful curly dark hair with dark eyes and tanned skinned. She looked so much like Lincoln, but you could still see Octavia in her too. “I want to keep her.”

“Be my guest.” Octavia said,

“You know I’ll watch her anytime you want.” Clarke looked up at the girl, she looked tired and Clarke could sympathize with that. The first few months with Reign were hard and without Lexa she couldn’t have survived them.

“I know, as much as she drives me crazy, I still never want her to leave my arms.”

“Lexa was the same.” Clarke smiled, “She would never put Reign down, she always had to hold her.”

“I miss her being a baby.” Lexa confessed, “Now she doesn’t need me, none of them need me!”

“Don’t mind her she’s having mama bear issues.”

“They’ll always need you Lexa.”

Lexa turned around seeing Abby walking over to them,

“I know nomon, but they still need to stop growing.” Lexa sighed, this night was slowly turning into a mourning session for Lexa’s motherhood,

“I’ve learned that sometimes your kids will need you more as an adult.” Abby replied, “They’ll need your guidance and advice and you’ll be here to give it to them.”

Lexa had never thought of that, she always assumed once they were adults they would leave. It was like her brain had tricked her into thinking that, but she knows her daughters and even if they don’t need her, they will always be around.

Tonight, wasn’t the night to mourn anything or ruin the mood it was about Clarke and Lexa. It was about celebrating them as not only leaders but as mothers and a couple. So that’s what they did, they danced and ate and laughed, Lexa even met Reigns ‘boyfriend’ who turns out is just her friend who is a boy. But in Lexa’s defense she doesn’t call Kas her boyfriend, so she freaked out appropriately. Soon the feast was ending, and Lexa was excited to take Clarke home.

“Ready to go Reign?” Raven asked the little girl,

“Yes! Can we make fireworks tonight Aunty Raven?”

“Shh, kid.”

“Raven please don’t make explosives with my child.” Lexa sighed pinching the bridge of her nose,

“I would never.” Raven replied, “Come on Reign before you get me killed.”

Clarke and Lexa watched the two girls walk hand in hand to Raven’s house, it wasn’t a far walk she lived very close to them.

“Ok Commander, what now?” Clarke smiled,

“Now this!” Lexa pulled the blind fold from behind her back, it had become a thing for them years ago when Lexa blind folded Clarke whenever she wanted to surprise her,

“Of course, you have one of those handy.” The girl smirked, “So do I get a hint of what this surprise is?”

“No, you just have to wait and see.” Lexa snickered,

She led the girl through the trees carefully and back to their house, she slowly opened the door leading her in.

“Ok, ready?”

“Yes.”

Lexa untied the blind fold revealing their bedroom, it was filled with lit candles and rose pedals scattered everywhere. Clarke looked around in awe wondering when Lexa had time to do all of this.

“Lexa, this is beautiful.” The blonde almost wanted to cry,

“I had Raven come back and light the candles, I thought I probably shouldn’t burn our house down.”

“That’s a good idea.” She smiled leaning into the brunette, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Clarke.”

Lexa leaned down capturing the blonde’s soft lips in her own, she wanted to savor this moment. She was going to take her time kissing every inch of her wife’s body.

She delicately laid the blonde down on the bed never breaking their kiss, slowly she kissed her way down her neck. Relishing in the soft gasps and moans the girl was making.

“Do you remember the first time we did this?” Lexa asked before returning to marking the girl’s neck,

“Skaikru was being stupid and I had to leave.” Clarke smiled, “But before I left, I had to see you.”

“I remember feeling this inescapable dread when you said you were leaving. But then you kissed me, and I knew I never wanted to let you go.”

“I wanted to choose you.” Clarke confessed, “I know how selfish that sounds but I wanted to choose you over it all, but I couldn’t.”

“I know my love.” Lexa kissed her way up to the girl’s lips, “I spent endless nights thinking what our life could be like if we just left everything behind.”

“But now we have this and it’s better.”

“Now I can’t imagine life without my girls in it, so as hard as it was to get here, I’m so happy we did.”

“Me too.” The blonde smiled against her wife’s lips,

“Eight years and i feel like there’s still not enough ways to express how much I love you.”

“I know a few ways we can try.” The blonde smirked flipping them over so she was straddling her wife, pulling her into a heated kiss. There was no need to rush but Clarke needed her, she needed to feel her.

After getting the girls dress off, she made her way down to the growing erection her wife was sporting. She gave it a few strokes before taking the girls full length into her mouth hearing the girl’s moans encouraging her. Over the years she learned many different ways to make Lexa come undone. It made her laugh when she thought about it because she was the only person who knew this Lexa. She was the only one who will ever know what it’s like to fuck the commander and knowing that just made her wetter. She made her way back up to the brunette kissing every inch of her body she could, until she finally reached the girls lips giving her a taste of herself while running her length through her wet folds.

“You’re already so wet.” Lexa smiled against the blonde’s lips,

“Just for you.” The blonde gasps feeling Lexa fill her up, 8 years and she’ll never get used to her size,

Clarke set back and reveled in the pleasure her wife was giving her, kissing her favorite spots and hitting her favorite one’s too.

“Right there baby.” Clarke moaned and Lexa sped up her thrusts, “I’m so close.”

“Let go for me niron.” Lexa whispered practically lulling the orgasm out of the blonde,

“Fuckkkk.” Clarke felt herself unraveling and it was amazing Lexa was amazing and she was so in love with this woman, “That’s was amazing baby.” 

“I’m not done with you yet Skai princess.” Lexa smirked flipping them over,

“I hope not.”

* * *

The next morning Clarke woke up to kisses being peppered down her color bone and neck. A lazy smile soon replaced her sleepy face as her wife cam into view, her curls were wild and the bruises on her neck a dark purple.

“Good morning.” Lexa smiled kissing the girl’s lips, “I ran a bath for you.”

“You’re not joining me?” Clarke pouted,

“I would love nothing more, but Raven and Reign are on there way over and she probably hasn’t eaten so I’m going to make breakfast.”

“I suppose that’s a good reason, I’ll still wish you were there though.” She smirked sitting up in the bed, her legs were killing her she honestly wasn’t sure if she would make it to the bathroom.

“Need some help?”

“Don’t be smug.” Clarke rolled her eyes, “This is your fault.”

“I’m not,” Lexa tried to hide her smile, “Come on.”

Lexa picked the blonde up easily carrying her to the steamy tub that awaited her, she carefully placed her in the warm water a moan escaping her. A moan that almost made Lexa want to forget breakfast and lock all the doors.

“Thank you for this.”

“Anything for you.” Lexa leaned down giving the girl one last kiss before heading to the kitchen.

Over the years they have made a lot of adjustments to their home, the walls were now brick and insulated, the kitchen has a fire stove that Raven helped build after she established working electricity. It took a few years, but she successfully brought power to Polis and the near by villages. Their next step was to establish it in the other Clans which should be done by the end of the year.

They had come a long way mostly because of Skaikru tech but also largely because of Ravens mind. She did have help from others like Monty and Sinclair, but Raven was the visionary. Next was running water which was close to coming to fruition according to Raven all she needed to do was build a big enough filter and they could start trying.

Lexa liked all the improvements; she knew not all of trikru did, but she saw this as evolution. They deserved to have an easy life and that’s what she was striving for. She hopes people could see the good that can come out of change, but she also understood the fear that came with technology, it did end the world after all.

“We’re here!” Raven yelled as she busted through the door, Reign and Ash by her side. “And I smell food!”

“Good morning little one.” Lexa smiled picking up her daughter and setting her on the counter,

“Nomon I’m not little anymore.” The girl sighed,

“You’ll always be little to me even when you’re an adult. It’s a mom thing.” She shrugged, “Were you good for Aunt Raven?”

“Yes, we had fun.” Reign smiled,

“Doing what? Nothing dangerous I hope.” Lexa said eyeing Raven who smiled innocently,

“I helped Raven build her camera.” Reign said excitedly, “She says it can take pictures like in the old world book, isn't that cool?" 

“That does sound quite amazing.”

“I still have to work some kinks out like film and printing but it’s coming along.” Raven explained, “Where’s my second favorite blonde?”

“Bath.”

“Ohh, I bet she’s all sore from last night’s activities!” Raven smirked and Lexa through her a glare.

“What did you and mama do last night?” Reign asked and Raven laughed, “Why is she sore?”

“We- uh well I was helping her train and she pulled a muscle, so she is sore today.” This is not a conversation she planned on having with her 7-year-old daughter.

“Training, is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

“Enough Raven.” Lexa demanded,

“Ohh, you got the commander voice.” Reign snickered,

“Good morning.” Madi who Lexa didn’t hear come in said joining them in the kitchen, “What’s going on?”

“Raven got commandered.” Reign whispered,

“Ohh.” Madi laughed,

Commandered had become a common phrase in their house, when Lexa was disciplining the kids or was trying to be serious, she tended to use her commander voice. Over the years the kids secretly thought it was funny because in reality their nomon was a softy, everyone knew the ruthless commander, but they knew Lexa. 

“How was your night Madi?” Lexa asked in an attempt to change the subject, then she remembered this whole boyfriend fiasco.

“Fine.” The girl shrugged,

“Did you have fun with your boyfriend?” Reign smirked,

“Reign!” Madi yelled,

“What?”

“Why can’t you just keep your mouth shut sometimes!” Madi stormed off to her room closing the door behind her leaving a shocked Lexa and Raven and a sad Reign.

“I didn’t mean to make her mad.” Reign mumbled,

“What the hell was that?” Clarke asked, “I heard yelling.”

“Madi yelled at me.”

“What? Why?” That wasn’t like them, Reign and Madi never fought.

“Because I asked if she had fun with her boyfriend.”

Clarke looked at Lexa who sighed before turning off the fire stove,

“Let’s eat and give Mads some space, me and mama will talk to her later.” Lexa grabbed the food handing some to Reign and Raven to carry to the table. She left a few slices of meat and bread for Ash in her bowl before joining them.

Breakfast was quiet everyone ate their food not saying much, Reign looked like a sad puppy and it broke Lexa’s heart, Clarke looked confused and Raven just looked unsure.

“So, Clarke I’m making cameras.” Raven said as an attempt to turn this breakfast around, “Soon you’ll have pictures of your kids around here.”

“Really?” Clarke asked,

“Yep and Reign helped build my first one.”

“Did you?” Clarke smiled at the girl who nodded,

“Which means it’s only fair that my first picture be of her.” Raven said smiling, cheering the girl up proved to be harder than expected.

“That’s sound’s pretty cool, now I won’t have to draw portraits of you ever year I can just snap a picture.”

“I like the drawn pictures.” Reign mumbled,

“Then we’ll have both.” Lexa said,

After breakfast Reign and Raven went out to the river while Clarke and Lexa took Madi some breakfast.

“Can we come in?” Lexa asked and after hearing a soft yes, they opened the door, “We brought you food.”

“Thank you.”

“Can we talk about why you yelled at Reign?” Clarke asked joining the girl on her bed, “If you think we are mad you have a boyfriend we’re not Madi.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” Madi sighed, “Aden kissed me, but I can’t date him even if I wanted to. “

“Why not?” Clarke asked,

“Because how am I supposed to have my partner as my opponent in the Conclave?”

“Who says he will choose to compete?”

“He did. “Maid said, “It’s bad enough it’s possible I’ll have to fight my own sister one day I can’t fight him too.”

“Do you love him?” Lexa asked finally saying something,

“I- it doesn’t matter, love is weakness, right?”

Clarke could feel Lexa tensing up behind her, she had no doubt where Madi learned that lesson.

“Why would you say that?” Lexa asked,

“Because it’s true, you both have lost people you loved because you were leaders. If I want to lead well, I can’t have weaknesses.”

“So, you think I am weak?”

“Of course, not nomon but I know you’ve lost a lot and I want to avoid that if I can.”

Lexa sighed sitting down on the bed beside Clarke who grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

“You are right Madi, love is a weakness, and I did lose someone special because I loved them, but I also let myself fall into that saying so much so that I refused to care about anyone. If you don’t care you can’t be hurt but then I met someone who made me realize that isn’t the way. Being commander will never be easy, even if there are no wars decisions still need to be made, hard ones. You need people to fall back on, you need people who love you it’s the only way. As much as I believe in you there is also a chance you will never be commander, so you need to start thinking about what else you want in life. If you love Aden then you should let yourself, but you are also young, and first loves aren’t always your last. I met your mom five years into being commander, don’t close yourself off because you’re afraid to lose them. That’s no way to live.”

“I still don’t think I should be romantic with Aden.”

“It’s your choice, we just want you to know that we trust in whatever choice you choose to make.” Clarke smiled,

“But I do prefer you not having a boyfriend until your at least 30.” Lexa said seriously,

“Don’t listen to her.” Clarke smiled nudging her wife,

“Is Reign mad at me?” Madi asked sheepishly,

“I don’t think so, just sad you two never fight.”

“I know, I’ll talk to her.”

Lexa and Clarke nodded getting up from the girl’s bed,

“Remember what I said Mads.” Lexa said and the girl nodded,

“I will, I promise.”

A few days later Lexa noticed Madi distancing herself from Aden during training, as much as she didn’t want Madi to date she also didn’t want her to break her own heart. She understood her being weary because of the conclave but clearly, they both had feelings for each other. All she could do was hope they figured it out on their own and maybe that means they’ll be together or maybe they won’t. That’s up for them to decide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter coming either tonight or tomorrow!


	42. Epilogue VI: We are what we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference: Reign Is 12 Madi is 20
> 
> all mistakes are mine because i suck:)

When Reign was 12 Clarke felt her secure walls, she built around Wanheda being bull dozed down without much warning. It all started when Madi got sick, it wasn’t serious, most people got it at least once in their lives on the ground. Clarke being a healer and a mother she wanted to comfort her child the best she could and sometime that meant staying up all night while the girl coughs and vomits all over the place.

“Mom I’m fine please just go to bed.” Madi whined, she was in the middle of a coughing fit and Clarke felt useless. She wanted to do something, make the pain stop or give her a cure all medicine but she couldn’t, they just had to wait it out.

“I’m going to make more tea; I think it’s really helping.” Clarke smiled ignoring her daughter pleas for her to bed and headed to the kitchen.

Clarke could tell that it would only be a few hours before the sun rose and Lexa still hadn’t returned home; it wasn’t out of the norm especially with the nomads running loose. Whisperings had been going around of a group uprising against the coalition, no one new who started it or who was apart of it just that they called themselves nomads.

So far, their attacks hadn’t been too viscous just stealing supplies and ravaging villages, but it was still enough for Clarke to worry. Wanting to harm the coalition meant wanting to harm the commander and she refused to let that happen.

Lexa and the other ambassadors had been trying to find a way to catch the involved parties, but it wasn’t easy. In a way it reminded her of when they couldn’t find Ontari and that worried her more. She knew Lexa wouldn’t do anything rash if not for her then for their daughters but there was nothing, they couldn’t which worried her more.

It made her realize that there isn’t a world where everyone is happy, even though there was peace among the clans, and everyone seemed to be thriving people still found a way to feel like it wasn’t enough. There are people who don’t like change, who don’t want it, so they reap havoc and hope to ruin it.

Before Clarke could finish her downward spiral, she heard a noise from the front room, like something fell. Thinking it was Lexa she stopped making her tea and went to greet her.

“How did it go-.” Clarke stopping in her tracks, unlike she thought Lexa wasn’t the one who made the noise.

She stood silently staring a strange woman in her house, she was dressed in all black with dark hair and face paint applied intricately. She had a bloodied sword in her hand assumably used to kill the guards out front.

Clarke’s mind was on over drive trying to figure out her best move, her daughters were in their rooms 20 feet away and she had a stranger in her house. She needed a weapon; the woman was no bigger than her, but it was too risky attacking while she’s holding a sword. She carefully scanned the room hoping Reign or Madi left a sword laying around, but they never do. After hearing Clarke bitch about it every night they finally started storing their swords in their rooms.

_Damn it_

She had no weapon or no plan, but she needed to get this woman out of her house, and it was a very high chance it wouldn’t be alive.

“Who are you?” Clarke finally asked, catching the women off guard would give her an advantage. So, babbling it is.

Moments went by but it felt like years and all the woman did was smile at her, not an inviting smile. A I’m going to kill you smile and Clarke could feel her fists tightening up.

“The big bad commander left her family here all alone?” The woman smirked, clearly thinking this job would be easier than she thought. She even started picking up clothes and toys belonging to her kids which pissed her off even more.

“I can protect us just fine.” Clarke sneered, causing the woman to laugh.

“I’ve heard stories of the great Wanheda, and this- this is what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, well I get that a lot. So, if you’ve come to kill me let’s get this over with.” As the woman continued to look around her house Clarke noticed a blinking red light beside her. A radio. The one she typically used to talk to Lexa if she was at the tower or in meetings for the day.

She quickly took her ponytail holder from her wrists and wrapped it around the button so Lexa would hopefully hear.

“I’ve never seen someone so eager to die.” She smiled, examining one of Reigns drawings.

“And I’ve never seen someone stupid enough to attempt what you are alone but here we are.” Clarke decided to give the girl a smile of her own which seemed to make the girl laugh even more.

“I’ve trained for this; I don’t need an army to kill you or your pathetic commander.” The girl spat,

“So, is this the part where you give me your villain monologue as to why you hate the commander so much?”

“She took something from me, and I plan to do the same to her.” She smiled, finally rushing toward the blonde who dodged her sword in time.

Clarke had become quite the fighter over the years, she trained with Luna mostly, but the girl taught her a lot. How to intimate your opponents and thankfully how to defend yourself without a weapon.

This woman currently attacking her couldn’t be much younger than her maybe by a couple of years which probably means she been training most of her life. That didn’t matter, Clarke wasn’t losing this fight, but she also didn’t want to kill her.

She had successfully dodged all the girls swings and hits but eventually she would have to do something. Waiting for Lexa wasn’t an option anymore as much as she didn’t want to kill her, the woman was showing no signs of giving up.

“You don’t have to do this.” Clarke said, trying to keep the woman towards the door, “I don’t want to hurt you so if you leave now you can make it out of this alive.”

“That’s funny.” She laughed, “Wanheda, the commander of death, mountain slayer doesn’t want to hurt me? You’re just as weak as I thought you were!”

“Mom?” a small said from behind Clarke,

‘No.’ Clarke thought, turning around seeing her 12-year-old in her pajamas with one of her spears in her hand.

“Go back to your room Reign.” Clarke demanded, “NOW!”

Clarke could see the women rushing toward Reign and she knew she had no choice now. She grabbed smaller girls spear throwing it through the air piercing the woman in the stomach before she could block it with her sword. She fell instantly, blood pouring from her wound and her mouth and all Clarke could think about was how she just killed someone in front of her daughter.

What happened next was a blur she heard the door open, Lexa and several guards rushing in behind her. All she could do was stare at the lifeless body in the middle of her living room, a place where her kids play and eat and laugh. A place where she may never be able to do those things anymore because all she’ll see is this woman dead with blood gushing from her body.

“Clarke!” Lexa shook the blonde, “Are you hurt?” the brunette checked the girl’s clothes and body for cuts or blood, but she was untouched, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“It’s not your fault.” The blonde whispered, “Is she- did she see?”

Lexa looked behind the blonde at a sleepy Reign who was looking right at them,

“Reign go check on Madi please.” Lexa looked at the little girl who nodded before walking off, “Clarke-.”

“She saw me.” The girl sighed putting her head in her hands trying to control herself, “My daughter just saw me kill someone.” If the beginning of a downward spiral had a feeling this would be it, like Alice falling down the rabbit hole aimlessly not knowing what’s waiting for her at the end. Clarke could feel herself breaking down because for the past 12 years she been trying to hide that part of who she is from her kids. She’s been trying to prove to them that she’s not the commander of death that she’s not a killer, but she is.

“Clarke listen me; she understands why you had to do this.”

“How do you know that?” Clarke yelled, “She- I never wanted this.”

“I know, and I should’ve been here.”

“You can’t always be here Lexa, she wanted to kill you she wanted to kill all of us, and I would never let that happen ever. But I didn’t- I asked her leave so I wouldn’t have to.” Clarke sighed staring at the guards as they removed the body, “It was silly of me to think I could forget who I really am.”

“Clarke you’re not a killer, you are someone who has sacrificed and carried burdens so our people could live. Have you killed? Yes. Have you ever killed someone for fun or for no reason? No. So you are not a killer, you protected our kids today and I won’t ever ask you to feel bad about that and you shouldn’t ask yourself to either.”

Clarke looked out the window trying to focus on anything else, the sun was rising but she wanted nothing more than for this day to end.

“I need some air.” She finally said removing herself from her wife’s arms before walking outside into the cool heat.

Sun rise on the ground was a beautiful sight one she always thought she could enjoy but today she couldn’t, she refused to. She shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy anything after she just killed someone.

She sat by the river watching the water trying to clear her head, trying to figure how she was going to face her daughter. Because even if Reign understands she still never wanted any of her kids to see that side of her. Is it so bad that she just wanted to be mom? No Wanheda or mountain slayer or even sky girl, for them she just wanted to be mom. And that was ripped away by some stranger on a revenge tour that apparently started and ended with her family.

“Mom?”

The voice made her wince and she wanted to run so she wouldn’t have to face her but here she was.

“Please go inside Reign.” She could hear the girl sigh before she sat down beside her,

They both sat in silence for a few minutes watching the water and listening to the birds’ chirp.

“I’m sorry that I came out of my room.” The younger girl finally said,

“Please don’t apologize.” Clarke wiped her silent tears trying to get herself under control,

“I heard you and I knew that nomon wasn’t here and Madi is sick and I wanted to help you.” Reign looked over to her mom, “I remember the first time I heard someone call you Wanheda, it confused me because you’re my mom and I know you aren’t the commander of death. You aren’t someone who likes killing and I know that everything you did in the past you did for a reason. I know you never wanted me to know any of it, but I know everything, and it doesn’t change anything.” The girl reached over grabbing her moms’ hand, “I know about the dropship and the mountain and you want to know what I think of you? I think you’re an amazing leader who sacrificed a lot to save everyone even when you thought you couldn’t save anyone, and I know it’s why you don’t want me or Madi to be heda. I know you don’t want us to have to carry that burden but in the end it’s our choice and I know you didn’t have one. So, to me you aren’t the commander of death, you’re my mom and you’re a leader and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Some people don’t get good parents, but I got two amazing one’s and I hope one day you can see yourself how we all see you.”

Clarke sighed wiping her tears looking over at her daughter, she had white blonde curls and big green eyes and in her voice all she could hear was Lexa. The voice of reason, the voice that has dug her out of every hole she was in and reminded her who she was.

She was growing up so fast and at twelve she was wiser than Clarke would ever be able to understand.

“Before you were born your nomon told me you would see me for who I really am, but I didn’t believe her.” She smiled sadly, “Even though I knew you’d be a mini Lexa I never imagined you would be just as wise and amazing as her and I’m proud to have you as my daughter. But my biggest sin isn’t regretting what I’ve done because I don’t, I would do it again if it meant saving the people who depended on me. I wasn’t scared for you to know I was killer Reign I was scared you would you know that I don’t regret it. I didn’t want you to see me that way.”

“I don’t.”

“Even so, it’s not an easy burden for me to carry and I’m sorry that I can’t be stronger for you and Madi.”

“You are strong!” Reign said quickly,

Clarke wanted to say more, she wanted to explain but it didn’t matter. She knew her daughter loved her no matter what and that was enough for now. She doesn’t need to know the battles she has to face with herself, that was for Clarke to handle.

“I love you so much, you and Madi are the best things to ever happen to me and I want you to know that your words mean everything to me.” Clarke smiled wiping her tears, pulling the girl into a hug,

“I love you too mom.”

She bit her lip fighting back the tears threatening to escape her eyes, her daughter has seen her cry enough for one day.

“Come inside.” Reign stood up extending her hand,

“You go, I’m going to sit for a little while. Try and get some rest.” She could see she was hesitant, “I promise I’m fine I just need to get some air.”

Reign nodded slowly before walking back to the house and when Clarke knew she was gone she let go. Her tears streamed down her face silently as she rested her face in her hands. It had been 12 years since she felt this way, since she’s had to actually kill someone and even now, she can’t handle it. She would never apologize for saving her family, but she still felt it.

Her silent crying was interrupted by a hand on her back and she instantly knew it was Lexa’s. Twelve years of feeling those hands all over her body whether that was for comfort or something else she knew her wife. And she knew she didn’t have to tell her what was wrong she already knew. Their demons were one and the same and they tried to fight them together when they could.

Lexa silently held the blonde as she cried and she never felt so useless, she felt this was her doing. That if she could’ve done one thing differently her wife, her love the mother to her kids wouldn’t have to live with this. She wouldn’t have to feel this inner pain every time someone called her Wanheda or mentions the mountain. She could just be Clarke and a mom like she wanted.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa murmured, “I’m so sorry that I did this to you.” 

Clarke jumped her at her words completely shocked,

“No.” was all she could get out, “No, no please don’t do that.”

“I shouldn’t have left you there.” Lexa continued, “I should’ve been stronger and made the decision with my heart instead.”

“No!” Clarke didn’t want to hear this, she tried to get up and Lexa let her, “I won’t hear this.”

“The biggest mistake of my life and you have to live it, it’s not fair.” Lexa stood up walking towards the blonde, “Those deaths are on me too Clarke like you said, I had no honor, and I gave no choice. I should’ve been by your side and if it came down to it, I should’ve been the one to pull that lever.”

“Lexa stop!”

“I can’t stand to see you like this.” The brunettes carefully caressed the girls face,

“This isn’t your fault, and I don’t blame you.” She replied looking back into the cloudy green eyes in front of her, “I don’t blame you for any of it and I never will. Ever.”

“I’ll always blame myself, and now I know I would easily choose you.” Lexa said, “Without a second thought I would choose you over being Heda.”

“I know.”

“I want to.” She whispered, “Even now.”

“I know.” The blonde repeated,

“What can I do?”

“Hold me and never let go?” the blonde smiled slightly,

“Easy.” Lexa wrapping her arms around the girl wondering if she could ever have that. Life with Clarke without being Heda, maybe in another life they get to live peacefully with no responsibility just each other. Maybe.

They stayed by the water for another hour watching the water and enjoying the silence before going back inside. Clarke practically ran through the living area so she wouldn’t have to see the dried blood on the floor from her latest victim. She still had a lot to sort through but right now she had a sick daughter and another daughter who needed her.

When she got to Madi’s room she paused for a second watching Reign and her talk in bed. They were amazing sisters to each other, and Clarke admired their bond, they never fought, and they took care of each other always.

“Hi.”

“Mom I-.”

“I’m sorry about your tea.” Clarke interrupted,

“It wasn’t helping anyway.” Madi smiled,

“I know.” The blonde laughed, “Nomon’s going to get some soup at the posts and I was hoping you two would come lay with me while we wait?”

“I’d like that.” Madi smiled and Reign nodded, 

The trio headed to the bigger room spreading out the furs and before getting comfortable in the big bed. Clarke was in the middle cuddled by her girls on each side and she never wanted to leave this spot.

Meanwhile Lexa watched by the door as the trio quickly fell asleep not long after hitting the bed. Lexa grabbed her swords and jacket before heading towards Polaris. She knew what she needed to do she just didn’t know how it would turn out, it was either yes or no both answers she would have to accept.

When she reached the building, heading towards the catacombs where the Flamekeeper resides. She knocked and waited for an answer, it was early, but she knew Gaia would be up.

“Heda.” Gaia bowed before letting her in and closing the door, “How can I help you today?”

“I want to retire.” Lexa said bluntly,

“Retire?”

“I want to hold a conclave to find my replacement and I want to live out the rest of my days without my title.”

Lexa watched the girl silently absorbing her words,

“Say something.” Lexa demanded,

“I’m not surprised.” Gaia replied,

“It won’t be for at least 5 years; I plan to eliminate the threat of the nomads then secure trades and peace between the clans. Once those things are settled, I will start training the most promising night bloods while the others train with the guard. Once the five years is over, we’ll hold a conclave here in polis where the night bloods will not only be tested in combat but leadership skills as well.” Lexa hoped she covered everything, she had thought this through a million times, but she never planned on actually going to Gaia about it who was now just staring at her. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” Lexa said quite annoyed,

“Come with me.” Gaia nodded toward the hallway leading to the back room, Lexa didn’t know what was going on, she expected a straight answer not this.

When they got to the back-room Gaia flipped the switch turning on the light which they newly had thanks to Raven who got the electricity running throughout the city.

Lexa looked around seeing the small ship still in the middle of the room as Titus had it but behind it was something she didn’t recognize.

“What is that?” Lexa asked, it looked like Skai kru technology, but she’d never seen it before.

“This is the flame carrier.” Gaia said, “We’re still working on a name but when it’s finished it will hold the spirit of the commanders. Essentially, it is a way for commanders to step down if they choose without worrying about passing on the flame. When we finish the commander will be able to come here and seek council from the previous commanders.”

“We?” Lexa asked even though she already knew.

“Raven, this was her idea. At first, I was hesitant, but it makes sense, without wars or threats commanders can live for decades. They should be given the choice to step down if they want.”

She should’ve known Raven wouldn’t give up; the girl hadn’t brought the idea of retiring up since the one time 4 years ago. So, to know she’s been working on this since makes her smile.

“Your five-year plan is good but unfortunately it takes more than just me to agree to this.”

“If the Flamekeeper is on my side the ambassadors will have no reason to decline.”

“Maybe so but we have to think of every potential problem, I’ll have Raven join us for the meeting. She has gained respect with the leaders after establishing electricity and running water, having her there to explain The Flame Carrier will help.”

“After we’ve dealt with the nomads, we will call a meeting.”

Gaia nodded,

“And thank you for understanding.” Lexa smiled; she knew if this were Titus, they’d be having a whole other conversation. He was strict and stuck in his ways not that Lexa would hold that against him, but he wouldn’t haven’t even entertained this idea. So, having Gaia understand made all the difference.

“It’s my job to keep the commander’s best interest.” She smiled, “You should get some rest, the ambassadors will want to know about the attack on your home and you should have a clear head.”

Lexa nodded before exiting the cave, never in a million years did she expect this outcome. No was the answer she was expecting but even then, she knew she owed it to herself and Clarke to try.

She happily walked to the post to get Madi’s soup before she went back home, there weren’t many people out yet so walking around was quite easy.

“Hey Heda, looking good!”

Lexa smiled to herself turning around to her crazy friend, her crazy amazing caring best friend. One of the only people who even dared speak to her in that manner in public.

“You’re up early.”

“A mechanic’s job is never done Lexa” Raven smiled,

“I’m glad I seen you, i-.” When it comes to emotion Lexa usually saved that for Clarke and her daughters but what Raven did for her she could never repay her for that.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I know I’m not the easiest to be friends with but I’m thankful to have you as my best friend even when you’re a pain.” Lexa smiled,

“Not that I don’t love the sudden burst of love but where is this coming from?”

“Gaia showed me what you’ve been working on.”

“Lexa-.”

“And I’m not mad, I was going down there ask to abnegate and she showed me what you’ve been doing so thank you. I don’t know if this would be possible without you.” Lexa wrapped her arms around the girl who tenses up,

“Lexa you’re hugging me.” Raven said shocked,

“I know.”

“You’ve never hugged me before.” She smiled,

“I know so are you going to hug me back because if not this is quite awkward.” Raven instantly squeezed the girl in her arms, she loved Lexa like a sister, so she was happy help her.

“This is twelve years in the making, I might cry.”

“Please don’t.” Lexa giggled pulling out of the hug.

“Why are you out this early? Another late night?”

“Very.” Lexa explained everything that happened while the rest of Polis slept including Clarke’s breakdown.

“I should go see her.” Raven said rushing off towards the house,

“She’s sleeping with Madi and Reign, but you should come by later, you’re good at cheering her up.”

“I will.” Raven nodded,

After talking to the girl Lexa finally got the soup she needed and went back home, she had been gone for close to an hour and the girls were still sleep. She took off her swords and knives before climbing in bed with them. She cuddled up next to Reign who instantly wrapped her arms around her.

“Nomon?” The girl mumbled still half asleep,

“Yes, my love?”

“Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.” Lexa ran her fingers through the blonde curls, “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

“Ok.”


	43. Epilogue VII: I am not Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi and Reigns relationship becomes strained with the upcoming conclave looming over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was very long so i decided to split it up! 
> 
> ages:  
> Reign-14  
> Madi -22

Two years into Lexa’s five-year plan she decided to visit her closet ally and friend King Roan in Azgeda. If she wanted her retirement to go smoothly, she needed the support of another leader and next to Trikru, Azgeda was the biggest delegation.

It wasn’t that she needed the support since the ambassadors agreed to let her step down thanks to Raven and Gaia’s help, but she wanted to assure her people that they would be in good hands.

It was nearing summertime which was the perfect time to visit the cold lands, but Lexa was also hesitant to go. In the past two years she barley did any travel out of fear of another attack on her home. They had caught the nomads not long after, but she was still cautious.

She was heda after all and she enemies everywhere, silent ones and others who made their selves known. People out for revenge like the woman Clarke had to kill that night two years ago. They found out she was the daughter of one of Ontari’s guards, he was executed leaving her an orphan.

Although Lexa can sympathize, she also didn’t feel guilty, Ontari’s followers chose their path and when they had the chance to help, they refused. As far she was concerned, they earned their deaths. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone targeting her family over revenge which is why she was hesitant to leave.

“Lexa, I know you are worried but there is no need to be.” It was two days before the trip and Clarke was still trying to assure Lexa, they would be fine.

“What if it happens again and I’m not here?”

“I can handle it.” Clarke replied, it took her a minute to bounce back from the attack, but she was in a better state of mind. She was working out her issues and she would never hesitate to protect her family, “Trust me.”

“You know I do I just-.” Lexa sighed slumping down on their bed,

“I know my love, but you need to do this, and Roan is already expecting you.” The blonde caressed the girl face lightly,

“You’re right.”

“Aren’t I always.” She smiled,

“There’s one more thing.” Lexa said hesitantly, Clarke nodding for her to continue “I want to take Reign.”

“Really?”

“Roan has a daughter around her age, and I know she is struggling with everything I think it would be good for her to get away.”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Clarke nodded; Reign has been going through a lot even though she would never admit it.

After Lexa announced her retirement to them, they were all shocked but happy, then the realization set in of the conclave and who would participate. Gaia chose the five best Natblida’s to start training with Lexa for the next couple of years and the chosen ones surprised no one. Madi of course was one of them along with Elena, Torin, Aden and Reign, and even though they were chosen doesn’t necessarily mean they have to participate but if there are no volunteers they must.

For years Madi was the best fighter of the bunch and to a degree she still in but Reign is a close second. She grew to be an incredible warrior and she trained hard for it. Everyone joked that it would be her and Madi in the final round but that was a possibility, and it was starting to affect the sisters in a way Clarke hoped would never happen.

They weren’t hateful to each other, but they were becoming distant, instead of the usual laughing and joking there is mostly just silence. Deafening silence. Whenever they had family dinner or did anything that required them to be together it wasn’t the same. It was off and everyone felt it.

“Let’s talk to her about it.” Clarke suggested and Lexa nodded,

When they got to Reign’s room, the girl was there sitting at the small desk drawing which made them smile.

“Rainy?” Clarke knocked, “Can we come in?”

“Yes.” The girl nodded before standing facing her mom’s.

“As you know Nomon is going to Azgeda to visit the King and we were hoping you would join her.” Clarke watched as the young girl inspected Lexa who just smiled,

“You want me to go?” She finally said, asking Lexa directly

“Having you as company will likely make the journey not seem so long.” Lexa smiled,

“Is Madi going to?”

“No, it will just be you, me, my guards and I think Raven will join us.”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course, I’m not forcing you. Roan has a daughter your age so I thought it would be nice for you to meet new people outside of your clan.”

The room was silent while the two adults watched their daughter contemplate the decision.

“Ok.” She mumbled,

“Great! We leave in two days; I’ll have your warmer clothes brought from the tower.”

“Don’t I’ll just go get them.” Reign said before exiting the room, 

“She seems excited to go.” Clarke said sarcastically, “I’m really worried about her Lex, she’s not herself these days.

“I know but I’m hoping some alone time with her will get her to open up.”

“I hope.”

The day of the trip Lexa, Reign, Raven and the guard gathered by their horses near the Polis gates saying goodbye before their departure. They knew the Rover would be quicker but neither Reign nor Lexa cared for the cars much so horses it was. The journey to Azgeda would be a day and a half so decided to leave as early as possible.

“How long will you be gone?” Abby asked her daughter in law,

“Just a week nomon.” Lexa smiled, “In time for the start of summer.”

“We’ll have a picnic when you return at your favorite spot.” Abby said before hugging the woman,

“I’ll be looking forward to it.”

“And you.” Abby pointed to Reign, “I expect you to radio me at least one a day.”

“I will Gigi I promise.” The girl smiled hugging the women,

“And make sure Raven doesn’t get into too much trouble.”

“I won’t.” Reign said,

“I heard that, I am the adult here.” Raven pointed out,

“No really believes that Aunty Rae.” Reign replied,

“Whatever.”

“I have to get to the clinic; I love you girls be safe and get back soon.”

“We love you too nomon.”

Once Abby was gone all that was left was Clarke and Madi,

“I made this for you.” Clarke handed her daughter a small, folded paper, “When me and your nomon travel it helps to have a picture of you girls with me so I can look at it when I miss you.”

Reign unfolded the paper revealing a drawing of her, Clarke and Madi and under it the same photo but taken with Raven’s camera. She remembers the night the photo was taken, she was 10 and there was a storm, so they were stuck inside. They made up games and danced to the music box before they all fell asleep in Clarke and Lexa’s room. It was a good night.

“Thank you, mom.” She carefully put the photo’s in her bag,

“I’m going to miss you.”

“It’s just a week, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Still.” Clarke smiled wrapping her arms around the girl, she was only 14 but she was Clarkes height if not an inch taller, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too mom.”

Reign watched silently as Clarke and Lexa said goodbye, she hadn’t even looked in Madi’s direction. She was sure she was only here to say bye to their nomon and Raven and that was fine she actually preferred that. They hadn’t talked in a while, not like they used to at least. Now a days all Madi will spare her is a hi or bye and at first Reign didn’t understand why her big sister was shutting her out. Then at training one day she managed to beat her, and she finally got it.

Madi was scared Reign would actually beat her, she didn’t admit it, but it was possible, and everyone knew it. Some people even wanted Reign to win since as they said she is the commander’s true heir. But this isn’t a monarchy, and it didn’t matter what they thought it only mattered who won.

When they finally mounted their horses, Reign waved one last time at her mom before following the guard. She had no plans to ride next to her nomon because she knew what was coming, instead she stayed to the back and hoped Raven and her nomon would talk amongst themselves.

She didn’t really know why she agreed to go on this trip, whether it was to get out of Polis or get away from everything Natblida. Perhaps it was both, Polis was suffocating her and when they left the gates the air was already lighter, and she could breathe.

They rode for a few hours in silence which was surprising because Raven was always talking but today not so much.

“Hod op!” she heard Lexa yell, “Gather water from the stream, we’ll break here before we continue.”

Reign got off her horse leaving by her a tree while she walked toward the stream sitting on one of the dry logs nearby. She knew it was coming,

“Here.” Lexa held out a container of food to her daughter,

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then eat it later.” Lexa handed her the bowl to put in her bag before sitting next to her, “Your mom is worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“I’m worried too.” Lexa added

“You worry for nothing.”

“I didn’t know that we lied to each other Reign.” Lexa sighed trying to get her daughter to meet her eyes.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever you feel even if you think I won’t like it.”

Reign huffed staring sun reflected stream, she didn’t know what to say. Even if she knew exactly how she felt she didn’t know how to say it because if she did, she knew how much it would hurt Lexa and she didn’t want to do that.

“I’m sorry you feel like you can’t come to me.” Lexa murmured her voice shaky, “Clearly I failed somewhere along the way.”

She closed her eyes as she felt Lexa leave her side and walk back towards the horses, the place wasn’t free long as she felt another body occupy the spot.

“Talk to me kid.” Raven said pulling the girl into her arms, “What’s wrong?”

“Everything is wrong Raven.” The girl sighed, “Is it selfish of me to wish she wasn’t retiring?”

“Yes.” Raven smiled, “But that doesn’t mean it’s not ok to feel that way. Is this about the conclave or Madi?”

“At this point it’s one and the same.” Reign rolled her eyes, “She won’t even look at me Raven and I don’t even want to look at her. This isn’t right.”

“Neither of you should let this interfere with your relationship, family is first always.”

“Not to her.” She said wiping her tears, “It’s like as soon as she realized I could actually be better than her at something I turned into her enemy.”

“Do you want to be Commander?” Raven asked and Reign laughed,

“You’re the first one to ever ask me that.” She sighed, “I don’t even know, it’s like she claimed it before I could even understand and now, I don’t even know if I’m allowed to want it without my sister hating me.”

“I don’t know everything Reign and even though it’s been almost 15 years grounder culture still confuses me.” The girl laughed, “But I do know being Heda is not a trophy or just about being the greatest warrior, it’s a position that should be filled by someone who is passionate and brave and cares about our people. If that’s you and you do want to be Heda then go for it. Madi is not the only Natblida and no one promised her she would be commander. You have as much right to that as she does, all you need to do is choose if you want to fight for it. And if don’t then you choose what you want your life to be, but I hope you don’t give up something you want because she wants it too.”

“And if I win and she hates me?”

“Despite everything you are sisters, you will work this out.” Raven said, “You also have to talk to Lexa eventually, I know it’s not easy but she’s your mom and she’s worried.”

Reign nodded even though she had no plans to talk to her nomon about this and she knew Raven wouldn’t. Her feelings ran deeper than being pitted against Madi in the conclave, but she didn’t want them to know that. She could handle her own feelings.

Unknown to Reign and Raven a sad Lexa watched from a distance as the two hugged by the water and walked back to their horses.

They continued riding and Reign once again stayed towards the back, she could hear her mom and Raven having light conversation, but she tuned it out. Instead she listened to the trees and the birds and any other noises that caught her ear.

It was a technique she learned from hunting, she had a good skill of tuning things out and it helped when catching her pray. She didn’t hunt often but sometimes Octavia would take her behind her moms’ backs and she enjoyed it. The woods felt like home and she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. There were times she imagined being born on the ark and what that would be like, but she concluded the only thing good about the ark was the view. Life on the ground is much more exciting.

They set up camp for the night Reign choosing to sleep by Raven to Lexa’s disappointment. She didn’t talk much just ate her food an went to sleep. The next morning, they were up and moving again with just a few hours left of the journey.

Reign spent most of that listening to music on a small music box that Raven gave her, it had earpieces so she was the only one who could hear the music. When she first got it there wasn’t much good music, but Raven helped her with that too. Now she has a plethora of different bands and singers on the device. So far, her favorite was a band called Imagine Dragons from the old world. She liked their sound and would often sing the song to herself.

When they finally arrived at Azgeda King Roan his wife Astrid were waiting with a younger girl maybe Reigns age. She had fiery red hair and pale skin that was decorated with a litter of freckles. At first glance Reign thought she didn’t look very Azgeda but Reign didn’t look very Trikru so who was she to judge?

“King Roan, Astrid it’s good to see you again.” Lexa smiled greeting the man,

“You as well, we were glad to hear you could come.” Roan smiled back, they had formed a friendship over the years and often visited each other’s lands,

“Freya it is good to see you again as well.” Lexa gestured to the girl, “This is Raven and my daughter Reign.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Reign smiled at the girl who gave her a look she couldn’t describe,

“You as well.” She said bowing to Lexa, “It a pleasure Heda.”

“The pleasure is mine hainofi.” Lexa smiled, (princess)

“Follow me and I’ll escort you to your home for the week then we’ll have dinner.”

They followed Roan to a huge white building which Reign assumed was where the King lived. They were given their own wing of the home and left to settle in.

Reign put her bags down undressed from of riding clothes and sat on the bed, she stared at the photo her mom gave her for what felt like hours before she heard a knock on the door.

“Enter.”

“You sound like Lexa.” Raven laughed coming into the room,

“She is my nomon.” Reign pointed out, “What’s up?”

“We’re having dinner with the King and his family in 10.”

“Ok, I’ll be out.”

“I’m here to help.” Raven got up and went into the girls’ bags which didn’t surprise Reign at all, this was Raven after all, “Lexa said it’s formal.”

“Great.” Usually Reign would never pass up a chance to dress up, she loved the dresses and the jewels but today she couldn’t care less.

“It’s not as cold as I thought it would be.” Raven commented pulling out a black dress

“Summer is the one time it’s a little bit warm here.” Reign said taking the dress from the girl and slipping it on, it was comfortable and not too dressy

“Beautiful now let’s tame the beast.”

“You’re not touching my hair; you always tangle it then leave me to deal with it.”

“Fine.” Raven huffed, flopping down on the bed “I wonder if they have any bars here.”

“I’m sure they have taverns like the one back home.” She replied, her braids were out, and her curls were messy but a cute messy and she didn’t feel like putting more effort into it.

“Will you come with me tomorrow?” Raven asked, Reign always appreciated that her aunt never treated her like a child. Even when she was young, she never dumbed herself down to have a conversation with her and that’s why they got along so well.

“Of course, although I can’t drink obviously so I won’t be any fun.”

“It’s ok, I need you sober to carry me home.” Raven smiled,

“Great.”

“I’m joking, we’ll eat and talk it’ll be nice. Plus, we need to figure out how to fill a week here while your mom is doing boring stuff.”

“I’m sure we’ll find something.”

“Frey’s seems nice, you should try and talk to her.”

“Maybe” Reign said,

“You’re usually more fun you know.”

It was true, Reign had a fun carefree attitude most of the time, she loved adventure and loved exploring. But lately it felt like that part of herself died.

“We should go.” She checked over her hair one more time before dragging Raven out of the room.

Roans home was nice it reminded her of the fancy palaces she has seen in books back in Polis, there were paintings and so many sculptures decorating the place. She almost wished she’d brought her camera to take pictures, she’ll just have to draw it later.

“There you two are.” Lexa walked up to the girls, “Reign you look beautiful as always.”

“Thanks.” The girl said plainly before walking into the dining area,

“Give her time.” Raven said grabbing Lexa’s hand giving it a squeeze, “She’ll come to you.”

“She seems to have no problem coming to you!” Lexa said yanking her hand away,

“And?

“And she’s my daughter she should come to me first not you!” Lexa said as if it was obvious,

“Well I’m sorry commander I’m sure if it was Madi you’d have made a better effort to actually talk to her!” Raven said before walking off,

Lexa stood there she’ll shocked at her friend’s words, what does she mean if it was Madi? Does Reign feel that way too? Of course, she does it’s why she hadn’t opened up to her about anything.

That ends tonight, tonight they were going to talk whether Reign wanted to or not. She needed her daughter to know she cared and apparently, she wasn’t doing enough.

After getting her emotions in check she joined the others in the dining room for the meal.

“Lexa how are the preparations for the conclave coming?” Roan asked,

“Well so far, the Natblida’s are training but I plan on visiting the other clans through the summer to make sure there isn’t unrest.”

“Well it goes without saying but you have Azgeda’s full support.”

“Thank you, Roan it means a lot.”

“I myself have been think of passing down the torch.” Roan smiled, “In 4 years when Freya is 18, she will become queen.”

“A great queen she will be.” Astrid beamed, clearly proud of her daughter

“I have no doubt.” Lexa replied

Reign listened as they continued talking politics blah queens and king’s blah blah, I can’t wait for summer blah blah blah. She imagined she could make the conversation more interesting by not listening at all, but that wasn’t in the cards for her unfortunately.

“Reign, I hear you’re quite the warrior.” Roan said to the girl,

“One of our best.” Lexa beamed and all Reign heard was _one of our best after Madi,_

“Before you leave you and Freya must spar.” Astrid suggested,

“Sure, sounds fun.” Reign said trying to smile,

“I’m sure we can find time.” Freya adds,

The rest of the dinner went by slow and when it was over Reign practically ran to her room.

“Hey tri girl.” A voice called

Reign turned around seeing Freya following her, her fire red hair was flowing down her shoulders and she was wearing a dark red dress. She was very beautiful, but Reign hadn’t formed and analysis on her yet since they haven’t really talked.

“Hey Ice princess.” Reign said back,

“Want to take a walk with me?”

Reign was ready to say no but she saw Lexa eyeing her and she couldn’t chance having to talk to her.

“Lead the way.” Reign smiled following the girl out the door.

The sun was setting but it was still light enough to see and there were a lot of people still out. When it came to visiting clans, Reign didn’t have much experience, she’d been to TonDC and the glowing Forrest but usually she stayed in the walls of Polis.

“So where exactly are we going?” Reign asked,

“My favorite place, it’s just up here.” Freya pointed to a hill,

They climbed silently until they reached the top, the view was incredible and showed most of the Azgeda territory. She silently admired the architecture wishing again that she had her camera.

“I see why it’s your favorite, it’s a nice view.” Reign sat by the girl who was laying down looking at the stars,

“It’s a good escape.” Freya said, “You know I’ve been trying to figure you out since you arrived.”

“No luck?” Reign quirked her brow,

“I’m usually good at reading people, you’re more difficult.”

“Difficult about sums me up I suppose.” She shrugged,

“I’m quite difficult as well.” She smiled,

“Maybe it’s a trait only the offspring of leaders get.”

“Maybe, your nomon seems nice enough.”

“I never said she wasn’t.” Reign replied,

“No you didn’t but you’ve also barely said two word to her since you arrived and if looks could kill she would be dead when she said you were a great warrior.

“You really are watching me then.”

“Observing.” The girl corrected, “Do you hate her?”

“I love my nomon.”

“But?”

“Do you have siblings?” Reign asked, seeing as she hadn’t met them today, she figured not,

“No, it’s just me”

“Well I have a sister, she’s older than me and she’s a nightblood.”

“You have to compete against her?” Freya asked, “Trikru law is not really something I’m familiar with but it is something I’ll have to learn soon enough.”

“The way the law is no, I can choose not to compete.” Reign sighed,

“Do you want to then?” Freya asks, it was the second time in her life someone’s asked her that and she didn’t have an answer,

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do.” Freya says, “Maybe you’re just scared to admit it to yourself.”

“You’re going to be Queen, is that something you want?” Reign asks trying to change the subject,

“I’m proud to be Azgeda and I plan to be the best queen this this clan has ever had.” She smiled,

“I’m sure you’ll be better than the last one.” Reign said, “no offense.”

“None taken.” She laughed, “Nia is not liked or talked about here, your mom liberated us of a dictator.”

“Yeah.”

“So, are you going to tell me what issues your having with your mom?”

“I don’t know we just met maybe you’re trying to get information out of me as a ploy.” Reign joked,

“Trust me if I was a spy you wouldn’t know it.” She winked, “But I understand, we have a week to become friends. We may both be leaders some day why not form a bond now?”

“The leader could also be my sister.” She pointed out, “Or any other Natblida.”

“Nah, I’m counting on it being you.” She smiled, “Come on.” She held out her hand and Reign took it. “It’s getting late the wolves will be out soon.”

“I’ve never seen one.”

“They’re big and ferocious but there are kind ones, like bear.”

“Bear?” Reign asked,

“My wolf his name is bear, and before you say anything in my defense, I was six and he did look like a bear at the time.”

Reign laughed, “You have a pet wolf?”

“Yeah, his family was killed by hunters and he was left to die. He had a broken leg and limp, but we fixed him up and he’s been with me ever since. Do you have any pets?”

“I have a fox; her name is ash. My mom loves to hate her but she’s a very friendly fox.”

“We get a lot of foxes here; the wolves usually eat them though.”

“It’s safe to safe Bear and Ash will never meet then.”

Freya laughed, “Yes it’s probably for the best.”

They walked back to the palace just as the darkness started to settle in, when they got to Reign’s door, she thanks her for the mini adventure.

“Thanks for taking me to your favorite spot.” Reign smiled,

“It was a pleasure.”

“Do you guys have any taverns around here? My Aunt Raven wants to go to one tomorrow.”

“We have one, it’s a couple minutes’ walk from here. I’ll take you guys.”

“You don’t have to we should be fine with directions.”

“I want to.” Freya smiled,

“Cool, then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow Reign.”

Reign entered her room seeing the light already on and an angry Lexa sitting in a chair.

“It’s late Reign.”

“I was with Freya, she wanted to show me around.” She tried to ignore the women and get ready for bed, but she knew that wouldn’t work. It seems they were actually going to have to talk this time.

“Look at me when you’re talking.” Lexa demanded and Reign knew better than to sass her back, “Sit down.”

“Nomon I’m really tired.”

“Now.” Lexa said and Reign did as she was told,

“I want to understand Reign, I want to know what’s going on so I can help.” Lexa said and Reign scoffed,

“I don’t need your help.”

“Raven said something to me today. She said that if you were Madi I would care more. Do you think that too?” Reign couldn’t believe Raven actually said that, “Do you?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say nomon.”

“The truth.”

“Why do you care all of a sudden? Because mom said she was worried and now you are too? You didn’t care then so don’t care now!”

“Reign you’re my daughter I love you and I care always, please-.” Lexa paused, “I know this is about the conclave, it is why you won’t talk to Madi?”

“Why I won’t talk to Madi?” Reign yelled, “She won’t talk to me! Maybe if you paid the slightest bit of attention, you’d know that. You’d know that I beat her in a fight, and she stopped talking to me because she scared, I’ll be the next commander and not her.”

“She knows you don’t want to be commander-.”

“How would she know that?” Reign interrupted, “No one has asked me everyone just assumed because everyone prefers Madi. No cared if I wanted to it too and I never wanted it to be a competition I never wanted to lose my sister but she barely even looks at me and you barely look at me and the only person who ever believed in me is dead.

The only person that ever said I could be the next commander was Titus and he’s gone. Then there’s mom who honestly has encouraged me the most, she doesn’t care whether I become a healer or a painter she always taught me I could do anything. Then there’s you, I remember being so jealous that I couldn’t train with you and Madi when I was young and then I finally could and I felt like I finally had something we could do together but I was never good enough for you.”

“Reign that’s not true-.”

“I remember there was one day when I finished training and I was going home, and I saw you training Madi and I was jealous again. I went home and I went to my room and mom came in and asked me what was wrong, and she gave me the advice that made me the warrior I am today. She told me that I couldn’t fight for you, that if I wanted to be a good warrior, I had to do it for me so that’s what I did. I stopped worrying about if you had time in your day to train me and I started training myself or with Aunt Luna or mom or anyone who would give me the time of day and it was enough. I wasn’t jealous anymore and me and you found other things to bond over. Now here we are the favorite child is upset that I could actually be better than her and you didn’t even train me. She’s icing me out because she feels that being heda belongs to her, but it doesn’t. And I know no one asked and that’s fine but If I want it then I’m going to fight too, and I don’t need your support I’ve been doing fine without it. And before you say anything I know your weren’t intentionally leaving me out I know how much you love me and I love you too nomon I love all of you guys but if your wondering what’s wrong with me that is it.”

Lexa was shocked she felt disgusted and disappointed in herself that she made her own daughter this way. She made her daughter feel this way all for what? Sure, she had moments with Reign where they trained but not like her an Madi but that wasn’t on purpose. She genuinely thought the girl enjoyed doing other things with her.

“I’m sorry I never asked you what you wanted and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I failed you.” Lexa replied, “And I’ll never forgive myself for it, if you decide you want to be heda of course I will support you 100% that goes for anything you do. I do believe in you Reign and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Seeing you everyday and seeing how amazing you turned out couldn’t make me prouder. You remind me so much of Clarke, you’re smart just like her and you would make a great Heda.”

“She says I’m just like you.”

Lexa laughed wiping her tears, “You are in many ways, do you- will you be able to forgive me?”

“I was never mad at you nomon, even when I was jealous, I was never mad. I wanted you to have time with Madi I just wished we could have had that time too. Now Madi hates me and I don’t need you hating me too for saying all of this.”

“I’ll never hate you I can’t, I’ll talk to Madi she should be supporting you as much as you support her. Same goes for me, and Reign I really do think you’d be an amazing Heda. Titus isn’t the only one who sees your potential.”

“Thank you nomon.” Reign could see how deeply her words hurt Lexa and it made her feel worse. This is why she wanted to keep her mouth shut. “I’m so- .”

“No Reign don’t apologize, I asked you to tell me the truth and you did. We’ll talk more with your mom once we return.” Lexa interrupted, “She radioed, call her back before you got to sleep.”

“Ok.”

“Goodnight little one.”

“Goodnight.”

Reign picked up the radio and set it to the correct setting before calling for her mom.

“Rainy! Your nomon says you were out.” Clarke said on the other end.

“Freya, Roans daughter showed me around.”

“I’m glad you’re exploring; I know it’s late and you’re probably tired I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“What have you done today?” Reign asked and listened to Clarke’s story about the kids in her class and how the ambassadors annoyed her which was nothing new. Her and Clarke were close, they understood each other most time without words but she knew her mom was worried about her and she wanted to confide in her, but she didn’t know how.

“Reign if something was wrong you would tell me, right? I’m sorry if I haven’t felt approachable but you can always come to me.”

“I know mom and when I get back, I promise we will talk, for now I just want to forget all my problems.”

Clarke sighed, “Vacations are good for that, Madi says hi.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Reign replied and she heard Clarke sigh again, “How’s Kas doing without me?”

“He misses you; this is the longest you’ve been apart in a long time.”

“Tell him I miss him too” Reign smiled thinking of her best friend,

“I will, any plans tomorrow?”

“Freya is going to take me and Raven to the local tavern for lunch.”

“Don’t let Raven drink.”

“I’ll keep her on a short leash I promise.” Reign laughed, “They have amazing art here, it made me think of you.”

“I’ll have to come see it one day, maybe you can draw it for me.”

“I already took a picture in my mind to sketch it!”

“That’s why I love you so much!”

“I’ll call you in the morning we can get ready together.”

“I’ll be waiting, goodnight baby girl I love you!”

“I love you too mom.”

She sighed finally laying back on her bed, this is not how she expected the night to go. Talking with her nomon did help but now that her feelings were out there, she didn’t know what would happen. A problem for tomorrow, tonight sleep.

LEXA

Lexa quietly left her daughters room letting her wife and daughter have their moment. This is what she wanted for the last few months, she wanted Reign to open up, but she never imagined this. Never did she think her daughter was feeling neglected even in the slightest by her. How did she let this happen?

“Lex?”

She snapped her head up noticing Raven standing in front of her not noticing the tears running down her own cheeks.

“Come on.” Raven wrapped her arm around the women leading them to her room, when they got there Raven sat her on the bed waiting for her to say something. Anything. “Look I know you’re mad at me but you’re still my best friend so tell me why you’re crying.”

“I told Clarke I wouldn’t be a good mom.” Lexa sighed, “I told her before Reign was born, I wouldn’t be, and I was right.”

“Lexa you’re an amazing mom, please tell me this isn’t because of what I said.”

“You were right, Reign said it to me herself, she thinks I favorite Madi over her but that’s not true. I love them both so much and I thought I shared my attention between them, but I didn’t and now my own daughter-.” She sighed, “I failed Raven.”

“You didn’t, look I love Madi but me and Reign always had this connection.” Raven smiled, “She’s like this little firecracker and as you know I love my explosives, so I gravitated towards her. I know her and she loves you more than I can ever say, the way she looks at you is like you’re a god. She idolizes you and she understands that maybe Madi needed more attention than her and she’s not upset about that. She is upset because no one’s ever asked her what she wanted they just assumed. I asked her yesterday if she wanted to be commander and she said it was the first time anyone’s ever asked her. Now there is pressure because in 3 years one of them could be commander and she feels like she can’t want it without losing her sister. Maybe there are issues between you and her, but this is about her and Madi and we all need to support both of them.”

“I wish neither of them were Nightblood’s.” Lexa mumbled,

“Me too.” She sighed, “But they are, if I can give you any advice. Use this trip to bond with Reign, she loves spending time with you and I’m sure deep down she’s excited to have you to herself for a week.”

“I will, thank you Raven.” Lexa hugged the girl,

“Never thank me, we’re family and this is what we do.”

REIGN

The next morning Reign woke and radioed her mom as she got ready for her day, they didn’t talk about anything in particular just talked and laughed until Clarke had to go teach her class. They made promises to talk later before they ended the call.

Soon Raven joined her in her room as they waited for Freya to show them to the tavern. She hadn’t talked to her nomon since last night and a part of her didn’t want to. All her feelings were out on the table and she didn’t know what to do next.

Bury her thoughts about it?

For now, yes, but she always dealt with her problems and she was never one to run away from them, but this was different.

“Here let me.” Raven said motioning to the girl’s braids, “I promise I won’t tangle it.”

“Fine.” Reign relented letting the women brush out her curls the braid left,

“Clips?”

She silently handed her the clips and watch her style her hair in a half up half down style. Seeing as she usually loses a comb in her hair by now, she was doing good.

“So is Freya nice?” Raven asks,

“She is, nicer than I expected.”

“That’s good.”

“Did you talk to my nomon?” Reign asked hesitantly,

“I did.”

“Does she- is she ok?”

“I think she just wants you to know how much she cares about you.” She smiled,

“I do know.” She sighed,

“I told her, and if she comes to you and asks to spend time on this trip say yes.”

“I don’t think she will, I haven’t even seen her all morning.”

“She’s meeting with Roan I think.” Raven placed the last clip in the girl’s hair, “All done, and I actually did good!”

Reign looked in the small mirror admiring the style,

“This is good, it’s a miracle.” She smirked and Raven smacked her in the arm with the brush. “Ow.”

“It’s what you get.” She smiled hearing the door knock, “Maybe it’s Lexa?”

Reign quickly went to the door secretly hoping it was her nomon, but it was Freya. The girl had a long red hair in two braids, black training pants and a tight red shirt.

“Hi.” She smiled,

“Hey.”

“You guys ready? This is the best time of day to go to the Tavern.”

“We are.” Reign nodded motioning for Raven to follow, “Thanks for doing this by the way.”

“I want to, we don’t get many guests so it’s nice to have new people around.”

“Well lead the way Ice Princess.”

“Reign?”

Reign turned around seeing Lexa with a small smile on her face, she looks awkward and it’s not something she’s ever seen from her nomon.

“Are you going out?” Lexa asked,

“Freya is showing me and Raven to a tavern for food, if that’s ok.”

“Of course, Maybe when you get back, we can go for a ride, there is a place I would like to show you.”

“I would like that.” She smiled,

“Ok, have a nice time.” Lexa smiled before walking off,

“Everything ok?” Raven mumbled to her,

“Fine.” She nodded,

When they got the Tavern it was pretty busy, there were a lot of warriors drinking and women dancing. It wasn’t like the taverns they have back home, it was livelier.

“This definitely beats Jaspers bar.” Raven comments as they find a booth in the back, Jasper had made quite the turn around over the years. He sought out grief counselling and even met a woman now he’s married and happy. Not long ago they opened a bar in Polis, he wanted it to look like an old-world bar and it almost does.

“Is it always this crowded?” Reign asks the red head,

“Usually yes, people love to drink and with no wars or conflict there isn’t much else to do in the free time.”

“I’m sure you know a lot of people here.” Raven said to the girl,

“I would say most of the people in here I do know yes.”

“Good so you can tell me which one I could take to bed tonight.”

“Raven!” Reign sighed and Freya laughed,

“Who do you have in mind?” Freya asks,

“How about.” Raven scanned the room until she came across a dark-haired women sitting at the bar, “Her.”

“That’s Dani she’s married with two kids but if you don’t mind infidelity she’d be down for a good time.”

“Really?” Reign asked,

“Yes.” Freya laughed,

“Hm, maybe I can push my morals aside as a last resort.” Raven smirked, “How about her.” Freya’s eyes landed on a pretty blonde with ice hair standing near the bar talking to another woman.

“That’s Klara she is one of our best warriors in Azgeda, she has a very tough exterior but secretly she’s a sweetheart.”

“Married?” Raven asks,

“Nope.”

“Kids?”

“Nope.” The girl repeated,

“Then I guess I found the one.”

They ate there food and Raven drank her alcohol that Reign allowed since apparently, she’s the adult. The conversation was fun and lighthearted, Freya adored Raven she thought she was the funniest person she’s ever met. Which Raven is pretty fun, so she didn’t fault her for that.

“Ok be honest, do you think I’ll get rejected? She looks pretty badass.” Raven peaked over at the woman.

“She tough like I said but something tells me she will like you.”

“I guess this is it ladies, I’m going in.” Raven chugged the rest of her drink before walking over to the woman.

The duo watched as Raven started talking to the blonde flirting elegantly, even touching the woman’s hair. They couldn’t hear what was happening, but Klara looked to be enjoying Raven’s attention even laughing at something the brunette said.

“Looks like it’s going well.” Freya points out, “Raven is very pretty I’m surprised she isn’t unavailable.”

“Raven is very hard to tame.”

“I believe that.” She smiled, they watched as Raven walked back over to their table a grin on her face.

“Klara’s going to show me around a bit, will you be ok?” she asked Reign,

“I’ll make sure she get’s home.” Freya answers,

“Thanks, you’re the best wing woman ever kid.” Raven winks before joining the blonde,

“Wing woman?” Freya asks,

“It’s like helping someone romantic.” Reign answers, “It’s a SkaiKru term.”

“Interesting.”

When they decided to walk home it was already mid-day and the weather was amazing. Perfect for riding and she was excited to do it with her nomon.

“Things seem better with you and Lexa.” Freya said as they walked side by side,

“I think it will be better with time.”

“I’m glad.”

Back home Reign was well known, she was the daughter of Wanheda and Heda born from the ground and sky and that got her a lot of attention. She didn’t mind it, but it also brought along many people who pretended to want to be her friend just because of her parents. That made it hard to make friends so in truth Kas and Ali are her only real friends and they’re her family.

Looking at the girl walking beside her who has been nothing but nice she wonders if they can be friends too. Freya is the daughter of the King, to her being the daughter of the commander isn’t that big of a deal. She doesn’t care about that so what they have could be genuine, usually she wouldn’t take the chance to find out, but she had a good feeling about her. So why not let her in?

“To answer your question last night my sister Madi has wanted to be the commander since she was young, being born I grew seeing her and my nomon train and I couldn’t wait to do that.” Reign explained, “When I got older me and my nomon never really trained together separately like her and Madi but saying that there were a few times when we did. As I got older, I realized maybe Madi needs it more than I do, not the training but the attention. She’s adopted and there are many people in Polis who never let her forget it and I didn’t want her to feel that way because she’s my sister. So, I never complained about nomon not training me because I knew it would take time from her. Instead I worked heard and trained with others in hoped she would notice that I was a good warrior too. You wondered why I was being distant with her when we got here, and I guess it’s because she’s retiring, and my sister hates me because I could beat her and in way, I was blaming her for that. If she wasn’t giving up her title this wouldn’t be happening or if she showed me the same attention, we would be closer but I’m realizing neither of those things are true.”

“Are you and your sister close?”

“We are, she was 8 when I was born but she’s always looked out for me. She taught me how to hold a sword and how to swim. She’s my best friend.” She smiled, “But right now it doesn’t even feel like we’re sisters.”

“Maybe you need to have conversation with her, a real conversation. If you’re as close as you say you will be able to fix this. I know it may be scary but talking is the first step.”

“For someone who doesn’t have siblings you’re very good at giving advice.” Reign smiled at the girl,

“I’m very intuitive Reign, my mind races to fix every problem.”

“My mom is like that.”

“Wanheda?” Freya asks and she nods,

“Her name is Clarke; you remind me of her a little. You’re very outspoken like her.”

“I’ve made It a point to idolize all great female leaders and your moms are on that list. I love my dad and he’s a great king, but women can be great leaders too.”

“I agree.”

They arrived at the house and were once again in front of Reigns room.

“Thank you for everything today, most of all for listening to my familial problems.”

“I meant what I said Reign I think we could be good friends.” She smiled,

“I’d like that.”

“Tomorrow we are holding a feast, I hear you’re quite the dancer.”

“Have you been talking to my nomon?” she asked,

“Maybe, she’s visited here many times and talks of you a lot.” She smiled, “Perhaps I’ll see you there.”

“I’m sure I’ll make an appearance.”

“Good.” She smiled, “See you later.”

“Bye.”

Reign quickly changed into her riding clothes and boots and headed to her nomon’s room. She didn’t know what she wanted to show her or how this would go but she hoped it wouldn’t be awkward. Regardless of Reigns feelings her and Lexa are very close, even if they didn’t train together, they did many other things like dancing, reading, riding and so much more.

If anything, she wanted to reassure her that she was an amazing nomon to her, that despite how she feels Lexa never neglected her in the way she might think.

So that was her goal during this hangout she just didn’t know what Lexa’s was.

After she was dressed, she made her way to her room

Meanwhile back in Polis Clarke was leaving the school after her last class when she noticed Madi sitting by the training grounds. Under further inspection she realized the girl was watching Aden who was talking to a girl.

Madi hadn’t discussed her relationship with Aden just that she didn’t want to be romantic with him and staring at her now Clarke wasn’t sure if that was true.

“I know that look.” Madi looked up seeing her mom and took a deep breathe,

“There is no look.” She sighed,

“Then tell me, what is it that your doing?” Clarke asked as she sat next to the girl,

“I’m sitting here thinking.”

“Thinking about?”

“Everything, my life, the conclave, Aden, Reign, nomon you.”

“Let’s start with your life, what in particular are you thinking?”

“That I have no purpose, that maybe I’ve been too focused on wanting to be commander that I haven’t thought of what else I could do with my life.”

“It’s not too late.” Clarke pointed out, “3 years may not seem like a long time and in a sense it’s not but it’s still enough time.”

“What if I’m not good at anything else?”

“You have to try first Madi, you’re amazing at so many things.”

“I’m only good at fighting.”

“I know that’s not true, but you could always join the guard. Now let’s talk about Aden, what happened?”

The girl sighed looking back over at the boy who was now laughing with this girl who she didn’t know.

“Nothing really happened, I made a decision, and I don’t regret it. I liked Aden I have since I was 9, I might’ve even loved him, but I don’t want a relationship with him. I want to be with someone who isn’t a Nightblood, someone I can vent to who doesn’t view me as their biggest competition. I want normalcy as weird as that may seem.”

“It’s not weird at all.” Clarke smiled, “I understand, luckily you’re only 22 and there is plenty of time to find someone just like how you described.”

“Maybe.”

“Now something I’ve been wanting to talk about for months but we’ve all been avoiding. You and Reign.”

“What did she say?” Madi asked,

“Nothing, she won’t talk to me or nomon and I’m worried, I’m worried about both of you.”

“I messed up.” Madi sighed, “I knew there was a chance we could end up fighting against each other during the conclave but now its real. Now we’re the two best fighters and things aren’t good. She’s better than me and that scared me so I pushed her away and then I kept pushing until we could barely look at each other and now she hates me.”

“You’re her big sister Madi, she could never hate you. I worried this would happen, I worried you both would want to fight but after years of seeing you two together I knew you wouldn’t let it come between you.”

“You were wrong.”

“There’s still time for me to be right.” She smiled, “I love you both and I know how much you two love each other, if you don’t fix it now both of you will regret it in the future.”

“I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I’ve learned that having an honest conversation with someone can make a world of a difference.”

Madi nodded at her mom’s words wondering if a conversation was enough to save her relationship with Reign. She hoped it would be words couldn’t describe how much she misses her little sister.


	44. Epilogue VII: I am enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the mistakes!

**_AZGEDA_ **

Reign sat on her horse silently as her nomon rode next to her sneaking glances every so often. They had been riding for twenty minutes before they stopped at Lexa’s request.

“This is it.” Lexa beamed, getting off her horse and Reign did the same. “The glass river.”

“Just like from your stories.” Reign said,

“That’s right, when you were younger.” Lexa smiled remembering all the times she’s lulled Reign to sleep with what the young girl used to call ‘stories from her head’. “The lake that never melts.”

The glass river was legend amongst all the clans, no one knew why or how but the river hadn’t melted in over fifty years. Some think it’s from radiation from the world ending others think it’s cursed.

“It’s beautiful during sunset, I thought we could enjoy it together.” Lexa went to her horse grabbing her bag where she packed blankets and warm drinks for them to sip on.

They sat in a comfortable silence as the sun started setting above them and Reign had to admit it was one of the best sights she’s ever seen. She leaned into Lexa’s arms who was surprised at first but then she wrapped her arms around her tightly.

“Thank you for bringing me here nomon.”

“Of course, my love, I did say I would.”

“When I was 5.” She smiled,

“I kept my promise didn’t i?”

“You did, you always keep your promises nomon.” Reign replied,

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa asked and Reign nodded against her chest, “Why do you feel more comfortable talking to Raven or even your mom when something is wrong? Did I do something to make you feel like you couldn’t come to me?” 

“No!” Reign said quickly, “I know I can come to you nomon but sometimes it’s easier to talk to Raven because she not you or mom and what I say can’t hurt her the way it will hurt you. Like yesterday I could see how bad my words hurt you and I didn’t want that. I wanted to tell you what was wrong, but I also didn’t want to hurt you either.”

“I understand but I need you to know that I always want to know how you feel no matter what. You’re my daughter and I love you more than I can describe and seeing you the past few months struggling with all of this in silence hurt me. Knowing you weren’t ok hurt me your words didn’t, I needed to hear them so we can work on it together. Do you understand?”

“I do.” She nodded,

“From now on you will come to me, no matter what?”

“I will, I promise.” Promising in their family was a very serious statement, they never broke promises ever, and no matter the circumstance they always follow through.

“Now what’s going on with Freya, you two seemed to be getting along well.” Lexa said suspiciously secretly hoping her daughter wasn’t about to confess any romantic feelings. It was too soon!

“She’s nice, I think we could be friends.” Reign said honestly, “Raven even likes her but that may be cause she hooked her up with some Azgeda warrior.”

“What? Hooked up?” Lexa turned to her daughter,

“Hooked up means sleep with.” Reign said as if it were obvious,

“I know that Reign but why do you know that?”

“Nomon I’m 14, I’m not a kid anymore.” She laughed,

“I knew it was a bad idea allowing Raven around you.” Lexa sighed, “I should’ve put it to an end after you made your first explosive together.”

“It was a fire work and she’s my favorite aunt.”

“That’s the point.” Lexa said, “Hooking up? Never say that again!”

“It does sound lame, next time I’ll say something like getting busy or having sex, maybe the devils tango?”

“It’s official no more Raven.” Lexa says ignoring Reign laughs, this girl was going to give her a heart attack one day.

“I’m teasing you nomon.” She laughed,

“I know and I hate it please stop.”

“Fine, fine.” She surrendered, “But I’m really not a kid anymore.”

“You’ll always be my little baby Reign I don’t care how old you get.” Lexa smiled, she hadn’t seen Reign joke or laugh much in months so even if it was at her expense she didn’t care. “I still remember when you were scared to ride on your own and would only ride with me. I miss that.”

Reign smiled remembering her old fear, at a young age the horses did frighten her, but Lexa would never let her give up on learning to ride. It wasn’t until a pearl white horse with a grey and black mane was born that she would even get within two feet of one by herself.

She didn’t know what it was about the horse, but she wasn’t scared and eventually she learned to ride but only on that horse.

“Thank the heavens for Skaikrasha or you would’ve probably never got over that.” Lexa smiled looking over at the horse,

Like her Skaikrasha was born during a week of rain and storms and Reign was sure it was fate, that this horse was born for her. So, on the last day it stormed Reign snuck out of her house with a bowl of carrots and apples making her way to the stables. None of the horses liked the storm but Skaikrasha wasn’t bothered at all hence the name. From that day forward Reign claimed her, and they’ve been together ever since.

“You helped too.” Reign said, “And Madi.” When she was younger Madi was responsible for teaching her a lot of tasks and she was thankful for it. Thinking about it now only made think about the rift between them. “I miss her.”

“You two will work this out, family always does.” Lexa reassured pulling her daughter close, “Until then enjoy your time away from it all, Azgeda can be a nice getaway only if you allow it.”

Reign nodded, she would put her issues with Madi aside until they returned to Polis for now, she would do as her moms have told her, enjoy the time away.

By the time they got back to their rooms it was passed dark and Reign was tired, so it didn’t take long for her to pass out. But unlike other days tonight she would fall asleep with a smile because for the first time in months she had a good day and most importantly it was with her nomon.

* * *

* * *

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too ai hodnes.” Lexa sighed, it was the morning after her ride with Reign and she was talking to Clarke via radio. Hearing her voice made her want to get on her horse and ride back to Polis but they had a few more days.

“How’s my baby?” Clarke asked,

“I think she’s better; I took her to the glass river yesterday and we had a good time.” Lexa smiled, “I failed Clarke, I went wrong somewhere.”

“Don’t say that!” the blonde scolded, “We knew both of them being Nightblood’s would be a challenge.”

“It’s not just about that, its about my parenting it’s about my child not feeling like she can come to me.”

“Reign has always been the type to keep things to herself and we let her for too long, but we won’t let that happen again Lex. We have a lot to work on with both of our girls but for now while we’re apart try and focus on spending time with her.”

“I know I am, I just- you’re right, we’ll all talk about it when we get home.” Lexa sighed,

“Don’t worry yourself my love, I was talking to Reign this morning and she was telling me about a dance?”

“Roan is hosting a feast for the start of summer, it’s traditional.”

“Hm, she was also telling me about Freya the princess.” Clarke smirked, “Does my baby girl have a crush.”

“She says they are just friends Clarke.” Lexa hoped that was true, she wasn’t ready for her baby to be dating,

“Don’t be a mama bear! Our baby could have her first crush!”

“I’d rather not jump to conclusions.”

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t gossip with me; I’ll have to get all the details from Raven.”

“Speaking of she has my daughter saying things like hooking up and probably other stuff I don’t even want to know.”

“She’s 14 not 4 Lex.” The blonde giggled, “When I was 14, I knew far worse words.”

“You sky people are corrupting my daughter.” She smiled,

“She’s the best of both worlds my love.”

* * *

* * *

“This is why I don’t ask for your opinion.” Reign huffed, ripping the disastrous dress from her body, and digging through her bag for a new option. The feast started an hour ago and Reign had nothing to wear and an opinionated Raven was only adding to the dress.

“All I said was it’s a little granny-ish.” Raven defended,

“Just leave please, I’d like to get ready without the commentary.”

“Fine, lucky me I have blonde goddess waiting to dance with me.” Raven smirked, “Am I sensing you have a red haired one waiting for you as well?”

“Freya’s a friend and that’s all.” Reign said not giving the older woman another look,

“Whatever you say little one.” She smiled before leaving the room.

Once the nagging woman was gone the girl pulled some tight pants and a cropped long sleeve from her bag and threw it on. At this point fashion was her last concern now she just wanted to get out of her room. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in braids from her training this morning, so she unraveled them letting her wild curls flow down her back. A few looks in the mirror later and she was ready to go.

By the time she arrived the feast everything was in full swing, people were everywhere, and music was filling the air. Her whole life Reign had always enjoyed feasts, it was nice seeing everyone out and carefree instead of usual busy mess that Polis usually is.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”

Reign looked up seeing a very smiley Freya walking towards her, she couldn’t deny the girls beauty if she was being honest, she was probably the one of the most beautiful girls she’s ever seen. Her hair is fire red and her skin pale and those bright light hazel eyes were amazing, she was a vision and Reign knew it, but she also knew a crush on her would be a very bad idea.

“I was debating it.” The blonde shrugged,

“Well not that you are here what do you think? Is it up to your standards Tri girl?” she smirked,

“Everything looks amazing, although if I were in Polis someone would have asked me to dance by now.” She smiled,

“Maybe I was waiting for an invite.” Freya said moving closer to the blonde,

“What do you say Ice Princess, is a simple trikru citizen like me worthy enough to ask you for a dance?”

“There is absolutely nothing simple about you Reign.” Freya said seriously before grabbing the girl’s hand, “But I would love a dance.”

Of course, the music took this opportunity to slow down to Reigns dismay, not because she didn’t like slow dancing but because it meant they would have to be closer.

Freya wrapped her arms around the taller girl’s neck as they swayed to the slow beat that surrounded them.

Reign didn’t have a crush that much she knew; Freya was nice and had shown her a kindness no one her age ever has. For once she was around a peer that she didn’t feel like she needed to dumb herself down for or pretend she didn’t know they only wanted to be friends with her because she was the commander’s daughter.

Her developing friendship with Freya was genuine and mixing personal feelings would only ruin it and she didn’t want that. So even if she didn’t have a crush at the moment it wasn’t a far-fetched notion that one day she could. It didn’t make it better that literally everyone was asking her about her and Freya. They were friends and that is all.

“People are staring at us.” Reign mumbled; her hands were wrapped tightly around the other girl’s waist as they moved through the music.

“Maybe because you’re such a great dancer.” Freya smiled, “Or because the king’s daughter and the commander’s daughter are dancing and they no doubt think this is some sort of political stunt.” 

“Is that something you do often here?” Reign asks looking into hazel eyes as the girl shrugs,

“My father isn’t above forming political connections through me if that’s what you mean.”

“What does he make you do?”

“He doesn’t make me do anything I just mean if there is a clan who’s leader has kids my age or close, he’ll suggest I befriend them.”

Reign couldn’t help but step back at that information, was this a lie was Freya only being nice to her because Roan asked her too?

“Reign there you are.” Lexa smiled hugging her daughter, “Princess.”

“Heda.” Freya bowed,

“Sorry to interrupt but I have run into Marcella, she’s here with her father.” Marcella was the daughter of the closet trade partner Shadow Valley. Reign met her a few years ago while she was dropping off supplies and they became fast friends even with Marcella being a few years older, unfortunately they didn’t see each other too often since Marcella was always traveling.

“I should go say hi.” Reign said, happy for the escape, “Thanks for the dance.”

“Anytime.” Freya said before watching the girl walk off, she could sense that she may have did something wrong she just didn’t know what.

* * *

* * *

Marcella could be spotted a mile away with her huge dark curls and glowing beautiful dark skin. People flocked to her because of her beauty and the girl loved every minute of it.

“If it isn’t the elusive Marcella kom Louwoda Kliron Kru.” Reign smiled giving the girl a big hug.

“There’s my favorite warrior.” She smiled, “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Last minute thing, I joined my nomon.”

“Well, I’m glad you did, now I have a friend to dance with.” The girl smiled before dragging Reign onto the floor with her. The song was upbeat, and they swayed and moved together laughing and it was fun.

Fun wasn’t something Reign had much of lately, but she was glad to be having it now, dancing where nothing really matters.

A few danced later and the pair was sitting at a table where Marcella was catching Reign up on her life.

“My nontu has be doing more trade runs than usual so this two weeks off is the only down time I’ll get for a few months.” Marcella sighed, “But the traveling is always a plus, anyways enough about me what’s going on with you?”

“Same things as always I guess, training and more training.” Reign answered, truthfully her life the past two years especially has been tons of training for the conclave.

“You really need to take a break Rei, I saw you dancing with the princess what’s that about?” she asked smirking,

“God not you too.” Reign groaned, “We just met a few days ago she’s been friendly. You know just because I’m talking or hanging out with someone doesn’t mean it’s romantic.”

“Alright chill it was just a question, how about Cas still just friends?”

“He’s practically my brother, I’m 14 Marcie do you really think romance is on my brain?”

“If I didn’t know you Reign, I’d think you were 16, you’ve always been well above your age.” She shrugged, “Plus I’m saying you have to like anyone I was just wondering if you did but if you don’t that’s fine too.”

“I’m sure you have some romantic exploits to share with me.”

“See, no 14 year-old would ever say romantic exploits.” She laughed, “But if you must know I did recently meet someone, and you’ll never guess what clan he is from.”

“Azgeda?” Reign guessed,

“Skaikru.”

“Wow, who?”

“His name is Luke, we met while I was delivering supplies and we just started talking and the rest is history.”

“Luke.” Reign said trying to think if she knew a Luke, “Is he a farmer?”

“Yes! Do you know him?”

“Not really but I have seen him around, he seems nice I’m happy for you Marcie.”

“Thank you, after we leave here, I’m going to spend the rest of my break with him.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Oh, it will be.” She smirked,

“Too much information talk about something else.” Reign cringed,

“Fine, the princess isn’t looking too thrilled over there.” She said nodding her head towards Freya who was sitting across the courtyard with watching the festivities take place around them. She did in fact look upset about something.

A second later Roan came and sat beside of her and they talked for a few minutes. Reign couldn’t hear but she knew whatever it was Freya wasn’t happy about it. Reign wanted to ask if she was ok, but she also didn’t want to overstep. Finally, Freya stood from her seat leaving the King at his table alone.

“You should go.” Marcella said interrupting her thoughts, “She looked like she could use a friend and I could use a drink. I’ll find you before I leave to say goodbye.”

Reign only nodded giving the girl a hug before walking in the direction Freya fled off to moments before. It didn’t take but a few minutes to spot fiery red hair in a small clearing filled with huge rocks and boulders.

Quietly Reign sat beside the girl on one of the rocks as they gazed up at the stars,

“Did I do something?” Freya asked breaking their silence, “It’s just something seemed off before Lexa came over, did I do something to upset you?”

Reign sighed running her fingers through her long blonde hair,

“When I got here and you were being friendly with me, I assumed it was because you wanted to be, but when we were dancing you said Roan would suggest you make friends with the leaders’ children and I guess that kind of upset me.”

“I didn’t mean you Reign.” Freya sighed taking the girls hand, “My dad never asked me to befriend you I did that because I wanted to. Your mom has visited here many times and she speaks of you a lot. For years I’ve heard of Reign kom trikru and Skaikru one of Polis’s best warriors and apparently an amazing artist. I wanted to know you and when I learned you would be traveling here, I was excited. I don’t know if you noticed but I don’t exactly have many friends here. Being friends with the future Queen isn’t something people line up for and I knew you would be able to relate. I’m sorry that I upset you, but I genuinely like you Reign, and I want to be friends.”

“I want that too.” She smiled, “I appreciate your honesty and I’m happy for the clarity, but I didn’t follow you for an explanation. I came to see if you were ok, I saw you talking with your dad and you looked upset.”

“Yeah, my dad can be a real branwoda sometimes.” She huffed before turning to the blonde, “The chief of the Azgeda army has a son, his name is Micha he’s a few years older than me and a well-respected warrior within our clan. Since my father has decided to pass the crown to me with, I come of age some are worried I can’t lead properly without a man by my side.”

“That’s ridiculous, Azgeda has had many queens.”

“And none of them have been very good, I know within the other clan’s gender is nothing but here is means everything. To them men can lead better than woman and woman can lead better with a man by their side.”

“So then what does this Micha person have to do with it?” Reign asked,

“Essentially they want me to marry him.”

“What?”

“My father doesn’t but he also doesn’t think it would hurt to get to know Micha.”

“But you don’t want to?”

“I don’t need to, he’s as cocky and self-absorbed as most Azgeda warriors. I do not plan to entertain the mention of a marriage with him. When I’m their Queen they will bow to me and I will show them I can handle the crown on my own.”

Reign was perplexed by this information; she didn’t know much about ice nation politics, but she also assumed they were close to Trikru’s.

Growing up being a girl or a boy didn’t really mean much to Reign, both could be warriors both could be leaders it didn’t matter but here it did. She didn’t like that people were trying to force Freya into something she clearly didn’t want but it was nice knowing Freya didn’t plan on letting them take her choice away.

“I know you’ll be an amazing Queen.” She said finally, giving her pale hand a squeeze,

“And you’ll be a great Commander.”

“Only if I win.”

“We went over this; something tells me you will.” She smiled, “Now come, we have a feast to enjoy.”

* * *

* * *

The next day Reign woke early for a training session with Lexa. She knew her nomon as trying, so she didn’t want to turn her down plus she loved spending time with her. Quickly she got dressed and braided her hair before heading to the training yards where Lexa awaited,

“Good morning little one.” She smiled kissing her forehead before handing her a staff,

“Can we say good morning if the sun is barely out?”

“Yes.” Lexa laughed, “It’s be out soon for now how about some warmups.”

Reign did her normal stretches making sure to really warmup her body so it wouldn't hate her later for everything she was about to do to it. Once she was done, she picked up her staff and walked back over to her nomon.

“If we’re going to do this you can’t hold back.” Reign told her, both taking their stance’s,

“As if I would just let you win.” Lexa smiled before swinging her staff expertly, but Reign was quick and blocked it with her own, “Very good.”

“No praising either.” Reign said blocking another blow with her stick,

She wasn’t as good as her nomon, but she could keep up which seemed to surprise the older woman. When it came to fighting Reign was a natural, at 6 she could disarm some of the older kids without a second thought and Lexa had always been impressed. But seeing her here today blocking every hit and even getting a few of her own, Lexa was ecstatic with her progress.

The first few rounds were won by Lexa but that never deterred Reign, if she got knocked down, she got right back up and continued fighting. Then finally on the last round Reign could see she was tiring the older woman out which she used to her advantage. She swung her staff a few times as hard she could forcing Lexa to use extra strength until she saw and opening and swung the stick under her legs knocking her to the ground.

Lexa knew she would feel that in the morning, but it didn’t even matter, her heart was swelling with pride because her little girl just beat her.

“That was very good Reign.” Lexa smiled still laying on the ground,

“It was only one fight out of six.” Reign replied holding her hand out for her nomon to take which she did but only to pull the young girl down into her arms. “Nomon!”

“It doesn’t matter if it was only one fight you kept up with me the whole time and you can say something the other Natblida’s can’t.”

“That I put the commander on her ass?” Reign said laughing at her nomon shaking her head,

“What am I going to do with you?” Lexa laughed, “I was going to say beat the commander in a fight, but I guess what you said works too.”

“You’re old age is slowing you down Heda.”

“How dare you.” Lexa gasped, “35 is still very young, and I can keep up.”

“Sure.”

“I’m telling your mom that you think we’re old, she’ll be offended as well.”

“You guys are very fit old people.”

“Enough insults, we leave tomorrow so we should go pack our things.”

It completely blanked on her that this would be their last full day in Azgeda before they went home.

Home where she would have to confront her problems head on and lose the bliss escape of the cool air and beautiful sunsets.

When she got back to her room it didn’t take long to pack her things since it was just clothes. Once she was done, she figured she could spend her last few hours with Freya since Raven was still off with Klara somewhere.

Freya decided to take her around the city for a proper tour and everything was beautiful. The buildings were well persevered, the posts were flooded with people and Reign even managed to find a few things to take back to Polis with her. When the night was over Freya walked her back to her room before they parted ways.

She had a nice day spending it with her nomon and her friend and she was truly glad she decided to come on this trip. And in the future, she hoped to come back.

* * *

* * *

The horses were ready as Lexa, Raven and Reign said their goodbyes to the royal family.

“I want you to have something.” Reign said to Freya who was there to see her off, she dug in her bag before pulling out her polaroid camera. On their journey last night Reign brought it to take pictures for her mom and Freya was beyond impressed, “I put new film in it so it’s full and also here is a radio so we can still talk.”

“Thank you Reign!” the girl looked at her items excitedly, they didn’t use much technology here, so she was happy to have them.

“Here, I take a photo of you two.” Raven suggested grabbing the camera waiting for the two girls to pose. They both smiled as Raven took two pictures one for each of them.

“Now you’ll have something to remember me by.” Reign smiled looking down at the photo,

“I’ll remember you regardless.” Freya replied clutching her picture closely.

Reign could see that it was time for them to leave so she gave the red head a hug,

“I’ll be waiting for your call.” She pointed to the radio,

“I can call whenever?”

“How about any time after sundown then we’ll go from there.”

“Ok.” She nodded, “May we meet again Tri girl.”

“We will Ice Princess.” She smiled giving her one last hug before walking over to Skaikrasha and mounting up.

She couldn’t help but think about the stark contrast of how she felt traveling her versus what she felt leaving. Now she felt some sense of hope rather than dread, now she road by her nomon’s side as they talked and laughed about nothing. Everything felt different and she liked it.

* * *

* * *

The gates of Polis were in view and Reign could feel the pit in her stomach growing. She was excited to see her mom and she knew her and Madi needed to talk she just wasn’t sure what that talk would amount to.

“Home sweet home.” Raven said hoping off her horse, she hadn’t been to happy to leave Klara claiming she met her match but the blonde goddess promised to visit her so that was good enough for now.

Reign followed suit getting of her horse giving him a pat before handing him over to the guard. The closer she walked to the entrance of the city the more nervous she got; she could see everyone waiting for them.

“Thank you for coming on this trip with me Rainy.” Lexa smiled wrapping her arm around the girl’s shoulder, “I love you so much, I hope you know that.”

“I do.” She nodded looking up at green eyes that mimicked her own, “I love you too.”

“My babies!”

Reign looked up seeing her mom practically running towards them and into her arms,

“Hi mom.” She smiled leaning into the hug,

“You’re never allowed to leave me again, you got it?” she asked her big blue eyes hard and serious,

“I got it, I missed you.”

“I missed you too baby girl. “she smiled; she could tell the difference in her already maybe the trip was good for her. “And I missed you.” Clarke moved to hug her wife who happily enveloped her in a hug, “Never leave me again either.”

“I missed you my love.” Lexa smiled, “Next time you’ll just have to come with me.”

“No more traveling, not for a while.” Clarke replied,

“Not for a while.”

Reign watched silently as her parents greeted each other, she could help but smile at how much they visible love each other.

“Hey.”

Reign looked up seeing Madi beside her, not only was she speaking to her something that hasn’t happened in a while, but her hair was shorter.

“Hi.’ Reign replied hating how awkward this was,

“Can we talk, at our spot?” Madi asks hoping for a yes,

“Sure.”

Clarke and Lexa watched silently as the pair walked off together and into the woods,

“Should we follow them, maybe talk together first?” Clarke asked worriedly,

“No, they need this but later all of us should talk.”

“Ok.” Clarke nodded, “Take my mind off it then or I’ll be worried until they return.”

“Reign called us old.”

“What?” Clarke yelled,

* * *

* * *

When Reign was four something her and Madi would do was pick flowers from their favorite field. In he winter it became their favorite place for snowball fights and in the spring their favorite place to watch the flowers bloom soon enough the field just became their favorite place to go together and just sit and talk for as long as they could.

Today it would be the place where they either made up or continued to ruin their relationship, both hoping for the first.

Reign sat on a dull patch of grass as Madi did the same both of them watching the flowers blow in the wind. She wondered if she was supposed to start even though she was asked to come here.

“Do you remember when I told you about ALLIE?” Madi asked her eyes still on the flowers,

“The one who ended the world and tried to mind control everyone but nomon defeated her.” Reign replied, she grew up on these stories,

“Yes, she did but I never told you how or why she had to defeat her.” Madi sighed, “It had only been a couple weeks since mom and nomon had taken me in. Mom was still pregnant with you and nomon was focused on defeating ALLIE and making Polis safe. The day she defeated ALLIE I was in the tower with Aunt Raven and Monty while they were trying to figure out what the chips people were taking did. I remember sitting their drawing and they were both getting upset because they couldn’t figure it out. I wanted to help but I was eight with no clue about any of that stuff so there wasn’t much I could do. Then finally I thought maybe they just needed someone to take the chip it figure it out, so I did.”

“You went to the city of light?” Reign asked,

“No, where I went was nothing like paradise or a pain free world. When I took the chip there was nothing, just darkness. I couldn’t move or think I could just be there. The whole time I just remember feeling this emptiness almost like I was dead, and I tried to scream but nothing came out. I don’t know how long I was there, but I started losing hope I would ever even get out of there until I did because of nomon. She took the chip and shut down the city of light and I remember waking up to mom crying. Nomon still hadn’t woken up and I knew that if she didn’t it would’ve been my fault because she did it to save me. But finally, a few minutes later she woke up and everything was ok. Then weeks passed and I could still feel that emptiness inside of me even though the chip was gone. It didn’t go away, and I didn’t want to feel it anymore, that’s when I started training. Nomon taught me and trained with me and for the first time I couldn’t feel that emptiness anymore. Then mom changed the rules of the conclave which meant I got to train with the other Natblida’s, and it was a bigger distraction. Not long after that you were born.” She smiled, “It was storming and me and mom were stuck inside all day. I remember when I first got to hold you, it was like instant love and I’ve never felt that before. I swore to protect you but as we both got older, I noticed you didn’t need me too. Everyone in Polis loved you, they saw everything that nomon is in you, especially Titus. He would never fail to remind me how much like the commander you are. It wasn’t until you were seven that I seriously decided I wanted to be commander. You were becoming one of the best warriors in Polis and that scared me.”

“Madi.”

“I know it’s stupid, but I was jealous, I’m not blind I can see clear as day how similar you are to mom and nomon. Every amazing quality they have you have it and everyone in Polis can see it too. My whole life I have wished that I had been born as mom and nomon’s daughter, I wished I could look like them and share traits with them and when I realizing I never could was hard. But then I realized my blood is the only thing link I have in this family. So, I focused hard on training and towards becoming the commander. I pushed people away and barely focused on anything else but pushing you away was when I realized all of this had gone too far. I broke my promise to protect you and instead I ruined us all because of my jealousy and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Reign because after all of this after the training and the fighting and losing you I’m not even sure if I truly ever wanted to be commander. But you.” She smiled looking over at her sister, “It’s so clear that you do, everyday we walk through town and you list off all of the things you would change and improve or all the possible ways to bring the clans together more often for events and celebrations. You were born for this, it’s practically in your blood.”

“You are my blood Madi, the biology doesn’t matter you’re my sister and you were born to be my sister. You may not think you share similarities with our parents, but you do. Like mom you only draw left-handed but fight right-handed with your sword and also like her you don’t like tomatoes or cold weather along with many other things. Don’t even get me started on how similar you and nomon are because it’s ridiculous.” She laughed, “I’m sorry that happened to you when you took the chip, but you will never be alone again, and you will never have to feel that way. My whole life I have wanted to be just like you, I wanted to be a good gona like you I wanted to be beautiful just like you. Everything you are I wanted to be, you’re my hero Madi and I don’t want to know what my life would be like without you in it. You never broke your promise to protect me you always have. I need my big sister whether you’re the commander or I am or Elena Is it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to ever let this come between us again because I don’t think my heart can take that. So, let’s make a promise from this day on we leave training and anything commander related at the courtyard. We don’t take it home with us and when the time comes for the conclave and we support each other even if we both choose to compete. Swear it.”

“I swear it.” Madi said wrapping her arms around the smaller girl, both of their faces covered in tears, but they needed this, “I missed you so much.

“I missed you too Mads.”

“You know their going to be waiting for us as soon as we walk through the door, right?”

“I know.” Reign giggled, “Can we stay here a little longer.”

“I’d like that.”

“I love you Mads,”

“I love you too Rainy.”


End file.
